If Anything Should Happen

by Bonnie Hearn Hill

  ‘Sorry, ma’am,’ one of them said, his face so red that he looked as if he’d been scalded. ‘We thought—’

  Kendra chuckled and glanced down at her long, tan legs. ‘No problem, guys. We’ll take it as a compliment.’

  ‘Oh, I know who you are,’ the other one said. ‘My girlfriend buys herbs at your store, Ms Kendra. We didn’t intend any disrespect.’

  ‘No disrespect taken,’ she said. ‘Have a good day.’

  The kids took off down the closest aisle.

  ‘We must look younger from behind,’ Rena said to her. ‘Dale told me these jeans were too tight. Guess I should have listened.’

  Kendra laughed and pulled her ponytail tighter. ‘You look young coming and going, girlfriend.’

  ‘Don’t lie to me. I can see it in the mirror. Not the age, so much. I just look tired all the time.’

  ‘Probably because you are tired all the time. You need to take a vacation, get away from Dale for a few days.’

  ‘I wish.’ Rena stood before the meat case. She didn’t want to talk about Dale right then. She just wanted to find a decent pork butt for Daniel’s chalupas. She picked up a plastic-sealed package, stared at it, and tried to figure out ounces from pounds.

  ‘Wishing won’t make it so,’ Kendra said, ‘but you can. Why don’t you come stay at my place after Daniel goes back to school? I could use the help.’

  ‘And leave Dale and Bryn alone together? No way.’

  ‘They’re going to do what they’re going to do, with or without you. Besides, Leighton’s going to keep his eye on Bryn. Rena, you can’t blame yourself for things that are out of your control.’

  ‘I’m not blaming myself, but I’m no fool, either.’ She put the package of pork back into the cooler. No way to concentrate on how many pounds she needed with Kendra harping at her like this. ‘That Bryn is a crafty little thing. It’s hard to believe she’s Leighton’s daughter. Must be the Debby Lynn influence.’

  Kendra gave her the look that others would say was witchy – the look that saw straight through you. ‘Why in the world did you let his daughter come to work for you, anyway?’

  ‘Leighton asked me to,’ she said. ‘It was right after Daddy died last winter. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I hadn’t talked to Leighton in a long time.’ Make that a long, long time. She still couldn’t believe they’d spoken again, couldn’t believe she’d actually been able to see him.

  ‘And?’ Kendra asked.

  ‘And that was that. He just called out of the blue. Said Bryn was having some trouble in the city college and would it be all right if she worked for us for a while to find out the value of an education. I said yes before I thought about it. Of course, I didn’t know her. Now that I do, I don’t like having her around. I just liked the idea of it, I guess, her being Leighton’s daughter and all.’

  Kendra picked up a bundle of red chilies. She didn’t seem satisfied, turned back, and lowered her voice. ‘So, how’d that braid work out? Did you use it?’

  ‘Oh, yes. I can’t say it brought me the best luck, though.’

  ‘It’s not about luck. It’s about cleansing.’

  ‘Right,’ she said. ‘And the house does smell fresher, just like it does after a rainfall.’ She wanted to ask Kendra what had been bothering her, but she didn’t know how. Maybe once they were out of the store, she could get Kendra alone and demand that she tell her the truth. There wouldn’t be another chance today, once they got back to the house and started cooking.

  The checkout line snaked down the aisle, with too much traffic and too few checkers. Displays of chocolates reminded her that it was almost Mother’s Day. The holiday never seemed for her. Looking at the foil-wrapped boxes, she thought of her own mother and missed her.

  The two young men – boys, really – stood in front of them, no cart. The one in cut-offs carried a twelve-pack of Rolling Rock. Neither turned around.

  ‘Bet that blond guy has a fake ID,’ Rena whispered.

  ‘He’s got a nice butt.’ Kendra stared openly. ‘Not like those sorry pancake asses on most the guys our age.’

  ‘Hush,’ Rena said. ‘They’ll hear you.’

  ‘Next time, I might just get me one of those,’ Kendra continued in the same tone. ‘Lots of women are going for younger guys, you know.’

  ‘I already raised one son,’ Rena said, and then bit her lip again.

  ‘Nobody said anything about raising.’ Kendra shoved her sunglasses into her hair. ‘That’s way too long term for what I have in mind.’

  ‘Kendra, stop it.’

  ‘Come on.’ She nudged Rena. ‘Tell me you don’t fantasize about something young and fine now and again.’ Then, shaking her head, ‘You really don’t, do you? Can’t you even let yourself have a silly little fantasy?’

  ‘Wouldn’t be a fantasy to me. It’d be more like a nightmare.’

  ‘What’s wrong with you, anyway?’ Kendra gave her that look once more.

  Rena didn’t answer. They walked out into the blast of heat, the sunlight, and Kendra opened her trunk.

  Rena planted herself in front of it. ‘Do I look any different to you?’

  ‘Different, how?’ Kendra squinted at her.

  Rena’s arm froze and prickled, as if a cricket had landed on it. She didn’t know how to put her feelings into words without sounding like a total nutcase. ‘Dale’s been saying some stuff. I don’t believe it, but I need to hear it from you. You’re the only person I can trust to tell me the truth.’

  ‘What’s he been saying now?’ she asked.

  She said it the only way she could, standing there in the honesty of that hot, dusty sun. ‘That it’s happening again. That I’m losing it.’

  ‘Oh, Rena.’ Kendra put down her bags and gave her a hug. ‘The only thing crazy about you is the fact that you stay with that man.’

  ‘It’s only lately that it’s gotten bad.’

  ‘That it’s gotten worse, you mean. It’s been bad as long as I’ve known you two, and that’s most of my life. Why can’t you just leave him, Rena? I’ll help. You won’t be alone.’

  The possibility seemed almost real as they stood out there in the sunlight, the way a lot of plans seemed possible when Kendra spoke them.

  ‘Where would I go?’ she asked in a voice that shamed her with its hopelessness.

  ‘Rena, you don’t have to go anywhere. Your daddy left the gas and convenience store to you. You could stay with me until you figure out what to do with it. And I’m sure you could find someone to give you legal advice, if you know what I mean.’

  Rena’s face burned, as if she’d been slapped. ‘You really think all this trouble we’re having is because of Dale? Tell me the truth, Kendra. Do you think he’s the problem, and not me?’

  ‘Of course he’s the problem. He just says it’s you making him mean. He was mean before you, and he’ll be mean after you.’

  ‘You think so?’ The words were freeing, yet the dark memories tugged at her, pulling her back.

  ‘Just leave the abusive creep, Rena. It’s time.’

  They got in the car. ‘I don’t know,’ Rena said. ‘I just don’t know.’

  Kendra eyes gleamed. She looked like a little kid, with her dark glasses tucked into her hair like a headband. ‘You don’t believe you’re strong, but you’re like the sphinx. A woman’s head and the body of a lioness.’

  ‘Where do you come up with this stuff?’ Rena shook her head. ‘I never saw any sphinx that looked like a woman.’

  ‘The Egyptian one did,’ she insisted. ‘And that’s you. Want to stop for some coffee?’

  ‘Daniel might be home by now. I’d better not.’ On the dry fields on either side of them, one cactus after another flashed by, the landscape of her life. ‘Sometimes, I forget things,’ she said.

  Kendra turned with a frown that made her eyes seem harsher than they were. ‘What kind of things?’

  ‘Nothing important. Just sometimes I do. And when I was smudging the house the other d
ay, I had the strangest feeling.’

  ‘What kind of feeling?’

  ‘Like I wanted to do more than just smudge, more than just smoke out whatever was in there.’

  ‘What do you think was in there?’ Kendra asked, her voice almost too careful.

  ‘I don’t know.’ She turned in the seat so she could see Kendra’s face better. ‘When you smudge, it’s about intent, as you said. Is it normal to think burn away? Is it normal to just want to burn away every trace of evil in your life?’

  ‘I don’t know, Rena. I’m not on close terms with normal.’

  ‘But you don’t think I’m weird because I was thinking those thoughts?’

  ‘Of course not.’ Kendra pulled down her glasses, and Rena could no longer see her eyes. ‘Just don’t say anything about them to anyone else, all right?’

  That meant Kendra thought Rena’s feelings weren’t the kind regular people had. If she didn’t hide them, her life could crash down around her the way it had before. She would do anything to keep that from happening.

  ‘Don’t look so worried.’ Kendra reached over and patted her hand.

  ‘Just thinking about those chalupas.’

  Rena tried to force herself to picture that big old platter full of meat and beans, the smell of garlic, and everyone gathered around. Instead, she thought about how much heat and pressure it took to reduce a solid roast to shreds that you could scoop up with a single tortilla chip.

  As they pulled in front of the store, Rena spotted Daniel’s little car in the driveway. ‘He’s here,’ she said, and prayed that she could make this a good day for him. There’d been enough bad ones. She owed him this, and she had to be strong. Face of a woman, body of a lion, she thought.

  A suitcase lay propped against his car. As he walked up to it, he spotted them pulling in and broke into a grin. ‘Hey. Hi, Mom.’ She couldn’t hear the words, but watching him mouth them was enough. ‘Mom!’

  ‘He’s gorgeous.’ Kendra screeched to a stop. ‘Oh, Rena, he’s looking more and more like you.’

  Kendra dashed out of the car and was the first to hug him. Second was just fine for Rena. He smelled like damp grass and some kind of aftershave straight out of the sixties – patchouli, maybe.

  ‘You’re going to be as tall as your grandpa,’ Rena said, and stepped back to look him over. ‘Sorry we’re late, baby. We’ve been shopping for supper. Kendra’s fixing chalupas and chile relleños with fresh Anaheim peppers.’

  ‘Awesome.’ Daniel hugged her again. Her son. He just got more and more handsome.

  ‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ Rena said. ‘I was afraid—’

  Before she could finish speaking, he reached for the handle of his bag. ‘So, tell me about the babe behind the counter.’

  ‘The counter?’ She hoped she was wrong, but the look in his eyes made it clear.

  ‘In the store. You, know. Bryn. Is she hooking up with anyone?’

  ‘Is that what you kids are calling it now?’ Rena felt as if he’d struck her. ‘Forget about it, and let’s start supper.’

  ‘In a minute.’ For the first time, she could see his resemblance to Dale in the obstinate set of his chin, his narrow eyes, the color of hers but the shape of his father’s. ‘I’m telling you that girl is hot. And I think she kind of likes me too.’

  ‘Do not talk to that girl.’ Rena realized her voice was out of control, but she couldn’t stop it.

  ‘Mom, calm down.’

  ‘No, Daniel. No, you calm down. You calm down right now. I mean it. That girl is trouble.’

  The sky turned black. Somewhere beyond her vision, she heard the rattle of a snake. She was slipping. Please don’t let this happen again, not in front of Daniel.

  ‘Rena?’ Kendra asked, with a strong grip on her arm. ‘Leave this fool kid to his fantasies, and let’s get in there and kick ass in the kitchen.’

  It was as if Kendra had passed a magic wand over her. She felt safe again. ‘Absolutely,’ she said, her cheeks still burning. ‘Let’s get started. Son, I’ll bet you haven’t had food like Kendra’s chalupas since you were here last winter. Let’s go inside, all right?’

  ‘Sure.’ He pulled the bag behind him, its tiny black wheels clattering through the pebbles. Rena was afraid he’d mention Bryn again, but he didn’t. Still, his face had changed. He no longer looked happy to see her.

  ‘Let me take care of that, son.’ Dale appeared from the side yard.

  Rena gasped, and she knew they all heard it. He’d dressed up, in a clean T-shirt and slacks the color of the land around them. Daniel’s face filled with something that looked too much like relief.

  ‘Hiya, Dad.’ He put out his hand.

  Dale pulled him into a bear hug. That had to be a first. As she walked past them, following Kendra into the house, she heard Dale’s voice. ‘Now you know what I’ve been telling you about, son. This is the kind of stuff I have to deal with every day.’

  Rena turned back to the car as if she’d forgotten something, embarrassed that they might know that she’d overheard. And, yes, embarrassed that her son suspected the truth about her.

  TWELVE

  Bert the Troll no longer called the station. Carla Brantingham congratulated me on the fact, as if I had somehow made him disappear.

  Farley and I had been invited – make that coerced – to a fund-raiser for her next election. ‘Not that you’re expected to contribute,’ Ray, her secretary, had said. ‘The mayor will be honored just having you there.’

  ‘Especially since she’s the hand that feeds us,’ Farley said as we drove to the event.

  ‘At least she didn’t ask us for money.’

  ‘She’s asking for more than that. Did you actually vote for her?’ He swung his car into one of the few remaining spaces on the street.

  ‘What do you do?’ I asked. ‘Smell these things? No one finds a parking place around here.’

  He leaned close to me and fixed those pale-green eyes on me. ‘I asked you a question, Kit.’

  ‘No, I did not vote for Mayor Carla. Are you happy?’

  ‘I didn’t either. Yet if we show up here, we’re endorsing her in a way.’

  ‘We work for her,’ I said. ‘Besides, she’s going to be re-elected with or without our votes.’

  He started to get out of the car, and then paused. ‘There’s something else going on, isn’t there? Another reason why you wanted to come tonight.’

  ‘To keep my job?’ I asked.

  He shook his head. ‘I don’t think so. I’m not going far away from you inside there, though. I want to see what you really have in mind.’

  ‘I’m not so sure,’ I told him. ‘Playing it by ear, I think.’

  That was the truth. I did know I needed to talk to Carla Brantingham and maybe even catch her unguarded. The best way to do that would be in the safest environment she knew – a ballroom full of supporters her family’s money had paid for.

  When we entered, I could see that Carla was surrounded by several hundred thousand dollars of supporters, so Farley and I walked around the ballroom trying not to look obvious. Farley had cleaned up nicely in a black suit and khaki tie a shade darker than his eyes. I wore a deep-green dress covered with hot-pink scribble-print roses. The clingy fabric was more Tamera’s style than mine, but when she tried it on, she said it looked more like me and insisted that I buy it. I had to admit Farley and I looked as well-heeled as the room of donors. True, some of the women, including Carla, had more cleavage than I, and some of the men wore more diamonds on their fingers than their dates did. But Farley and I blended in, and that was all I wanted.

  Joseph and Bette, Carla’s parents, entertained an entourage almost as large as Carla’s. It figured, I guess, since their money had launched their daughter’s career. Bette spotted us through the crowd and waved that palms-forward, fingers-up-and-down way some people do to let you know that even though they’re too busy to actually say hello, you really do matter.

  I waved back. Bette Brantingh
am was a tiny pastel woman. Her platinum hair, rose-tinted cheeks, chalk-blue knit suit and matching eyes took understatement to an art form. Even the alcohol she sipped was as clear as the stemmed glass that held it.

  ‘Is it my imagination,’ Farley asked, ‘or does Carla’s mom look a little tipsy?’

  ‘Not tipsy. Just vague. And she’s always that way,’ I told him. ‘The poor woman lost her only son. At least she’s trying.’

  ‘She does look happy to see you.’

  ‘As happy as royalty can. Make that ag royalty. They’re surrounded by rich farmers.’

  ‘I’m not going to ask how you can tell that.’ He nudged me. ‘You probably ought to go over and say hello to her.’

  ‘Can’t you see she’s involved up to her eyeballs?’

  ‘With old Joseph’s friends, maybe. But I saw the way she looked at you. Maybe she needs a friend of her own.’

  As much as I liked that decent part of him, I had no desire to dive into that murky pool of politics just across the room from us. ‘You’re the one who didn’t even want to come,’ I said. ‘And now you want me to go pay homage to the sponsor.’

  ‘The poor woman, as you call her, looks lost.’

  I glanced up at him and realized he was serious.

  ‘Besides,’ he added, ‘saying hello is not exactly paying homage.’

  ‘Just for the record,’ I told him, ‘Bette is the mother of Carla, remember? I’m not sure how far the metaphorical apple falls from the tree there.’

  ‘Speaking of metaphors.’ He grinned, as if to remind me I’d better think twice before trying to talk over his head. ‘Bette wasn’t born with a silver spoon, was she?’

  ‘Far from it,’ I admitted. ‘But she’s been married to privilege for a very long time.’

  ‘But, as you pointed out, she also lost her only son.’

  ‘That’s true.’ I glanced over at Bette again and got what looked like a hopeful smile.

  ‘You liked Alex, didn’t you?’ Farley asked.

  ‘As much as one intern can like another in a month,’ I said. ‘From what I remember, he was polite and sweet.’