Bulky & Beauteous

by Mary E Thompson

  Aw, damn, did I just learn something about life from a fifteen year old?

  “It sounds like you did a lot of good thinking. Braden was really worried about you. He felt bad that you got hurt, and that you were trying to impress him. I get the feeling he would have been happy to ski one of the smaller slopes with you, if you’d asked.”

  Kendall nodded and cradled her arm. She wore a blue sling to support it, but I was sure it was still uncomfortable. “He came to see me in the hospital and at home. Every day after school. He sat with me and we talked. I really do like him, Miss James.”

  “I’m happy for you, Kendall. I still think you should wait until you’re sure before you have sex. Your first time is something you’ll always remember and it should be a good memory. I really hope it is for you. One day.”

  Kendall snickered and nodded in agreement. “One day. Thanks Miss James. Oh, and I really appreciate you coming by to see me so much. I know you’re busy, but it was nice to see you. My parents said they understand why you’re my favorite teacher.”

  Aw, how sweet. I blushed and thanked her, giving Kendall a gentle hug before she left to get to class.

  Could she be right? I wondered the rest of the day. Was it possible to fall for someone that you weren’t ever yourself around? Could we get to know each other in a different way and make it work?

  The bus to Winter Ridge was quiet. Everyone was a little on edge after the excitement last week, and with Braden and Kendall missing, it was a reminder of what happened. I heard a few whispers about other people getting kicked out of ski club, but nothing that was true.

  When the bus arrived I found myself searching the area for Joey. I’d gotten used to him helping me unload the bus, but he was nowhere in sight. “Need some help?” Rich asked when he made it off the bus.

  I smiled, “Sure.”

  Rich and I handed out skis and snowboards and sent them all on their way. I wanted to find Joey. To see him. To talk to him. To find out if there could be more between us than sex.

  But I was scared.

  He was pissed on Saturday night when he realized I’d been dating other men. And he was right. I spent all this time telling myself I didn’t have time to date, I wasn’t interested in dating, and the whole time the guy I should have been dating, the one I wanted to date, was the only one I refused to see.

  I was a fool of epic proportions.

  Joey wasn’t at the lodge when I went to get my skis. He wasn’t on the chair lift when I went up. He wasn’t at the top of the slope when I got there. I knew he could avoid me easily by hanging out on runs that I wasn’t comfortable being on. I was sure he knew it too.

  After searching for nearly the first hour I went down for check in to make sure all the students were there. Everyone stopped by, allowing Amber, Rich, and I to mark them all safe. As we were about to leave Amber grinned like the Cheshire Cat and cooed, “Hi Joey. Glad you could join us today. Thanks for the lesson.”

  Bile rose up in my gut. He’d already moved on. It wasn’t going to matter what I had to say, or what I wanted to say. Joey was done with me already. And he was making sure I knew it.

  “It was just a few tips, Ms. Wyatt. Not really a lesson,” Joey glanced toward me, his sad eyes meeting mine.

  Dear God, I was an idiot. He wasn’t a jerk. He wasn’t screwing someone else. He wasn’t the one going out on dates with other people. He wanted me to meet his grandmother. He wanted to take me out. He wanted to get to know me. I was the one who always said no. I was the one who’d messed everything up.

  “Hi,” I said softly.

  “Ms. James,” he said with a nod, then left.

  “Go after him,” Rich whispered. “I’ll distract Amber.”

  I smiled at my friend and heard him asking Amber about her latest test results. She loved to brag about how smart her students were, like she alone was responsible for them making it through high school.

  I pushed out of the lodge and saw Joey headed for the ski lift. I ran over there as quickly as I could, dragging my skis behind me. The attendant wouldn’t let me on unless my skis were fastened so I stepped out of line, watching Joey climb further and further away from me, and snapped my skis into place. I jumped on the lift and kept watching for him, waiting for him to get off and praying I would be able to catch up to him.

  His bright red jacket appeared ahead of me. He was standing at the top of the slope, looking out. I wanted to be there with him, by his side, ready to ski together.

  Hopefully I would have that chance again.

  I lost sight of him as the lift carried me to the end and I got off. I searched the top of the hill but couldn’t find him. I knew I was going to have to start over. Lining up at the top of the hill I started slowly down. When I got to our normal turn off, I took it, needing to feel close to Joey for just a minute. I knew he wouldn’t be there, but I wanted to go somewhere that was ours. Somewhere I could let myself remember how great things were.

  The space was deserted when I skied in. My heart sunk, admitting that a part of me hoped to find him there. Hoped he was doing the same thing I was doing. I leaned against the tree and sank down into the soft snow at my feet, not caring at all that my pants would be soaked through within minutes.

  I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Sam. She always knew what to do. Maybe her magic would work for me too.

  “Hey, Ads. Aren’t you at ski club?”

  “Yeah. I’m trying to find a way to talk to Joey. Sam, I’ve been such an idiot. What the hell was I thinking these last few months?”

  Sam laughed. “I’ve been trying to tell you that. You never needed to be like Cass in order to have fun. You also never needed to change who you were in order to have fun. Just because fun didn’t involve sleeping with a different guy every weekend, didn’t mean you were boring. I just wanted you to be happy.”

  I snorted. “Happy. It’s such a small word for such a huge thing. My mom was talking about being happy the other night too. She said she’s happier now because she’s not killing herself to make my dad happy. The problem I have is I like making others happy.”

  Sam sighed. “There’s a difference between making others happy and draining yourself to do everything for them. Your mom was putting everything she wanted aside so she could make your dad happy. Now, she’s able to do what she wants. She’s able to find herself again. With you, you bring happiness into other people’s lives, but I see you drained from it at times. You need to learn to say no once in a while. Tell your mom to pick Cass up when you have school the next day. Tell the school you need a couple days that you can go home and grade papers instead of being up until midnight. Tell us to back the hell off when we tell you you need to go do something. Put yourself first once in a while.”

  I dropped my head back against the tree and closed my eyes. “How do I put myself first and not end up a selfish bitch like Cass? I feel like I was putting myself first and it got Kendall hurt. Oh, you know what she told me today? She said she liked who she was around Braden. She didn’t need to change everything about herself, but she liked exploring different parts about herself.”

  “She sounds pretty wise,” Sam admitted. “And someone you could learn a lot from.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. I fucked up didn’t I?”

  “I don’t know, hun. I guess that’s up to him. And you, if you decide you want him.”

  I took a deep breath, the scent of pine trees and fresh air making me miss him that much more. “I do want him, Sam. I was stupid. I should have never tried to be like Cass.”

  “Well, then you might not have met him. You have to admit, letting go and having fun was good for you.”

  I smiled, thinking back to the first day of ski club. “You’re right. I need to let go. I need to have fun. I need to say no once in a while. But I need to always say yes to myself. Jesus, I sound like an infomercial.”

  Sam laughed. I could picture her sliding her red glasses up her nose, her long hair
dancing behind her. “Well, you’d make a good infomercial because you’re right. Where are you right now?”

  “I’m sitting in the woods, wishing Joey was here. I want to talk to him, Sam. I want to get to know him. I want to do all the things he’s been telling me he wants to do. I’m falling for him Sam. No, that’s not true. I already fell in love with him. Every moment we had together I fell for him a little more. I just want the chance to tell him how wrong I was.”

  “About what?” Joey said from behind me.

  “Sam,” I whispered, “I gotta go. Joey’s here.”

  “Woohoo!” she shouted as I hung up the phone.

  “How long have you been standing there?” I asked, self-conscious about what he might have heard me telling Sam.

  “A few minutes. What were you wrong about?” he asked, stepping closer.

  I looked up at him from my spot on the ground. He looked so beautiful, beauteous as he would say, surrounded by the sunshine with the trees behind him. His cheeks and the tip of his nose were red.

  “I was wrong about everything with you. I was wrong about pushing you away. I was wrong about going out with other guys. I was wrong about not getting to know you. I was wrong about thinking I couldn’t be myself with you, or thinking I wasn’t myself with you. I was wrong about everything Joey. I’m sorry.”

  He stepped closer and dropped down next to me in the snow, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I didn’t want to see you today. I was pissed and hurt after I saw you out Saturday night. I sort of figured you just didn’t have time to date or were coming off a bad relationship or something. But when I saw you out with that guy…” He balled his fists and punched the snow next to his legs. I jumped, but I knew Joey would never hurt me.

  “It made me feel like you were choosing someone else over me. I know you said you don’t want to get to know me, but I have to tell you a few things. I’m not a casual kind of guy. I’m not someone who plays around with women. My grandmother raised me to treat women well. The first time I asked you out was because I wanted to get to know you. Yeah, there was a part of me that felt bad that we were sleeping together and not going out, but I couldn’t fucking resist you. After that though, I wanted to know everything about you. What you sounded like when you ate dinner. What kind of food you liked. What your legs looked like in a dress. Everything. And it fucking killed me that I found out those answers when I caught you out with another guy.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ever gone out with him, or the others. I didn’t even like them. I was just going because my mom and my sister thought I needed to get a life. It was one of those things I couldn’t say no to.”

  Joey laughed mirthlessly. “You had no problem saying no to me. I think you’re getting better.”

  He nudged me with his shoulder and laughed. I laughed too and rested my head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head. “You’re the one thing I shouldn’t have said no to.”

  “You don’t have to say no now. Well, I don’t share, so you’ll have to say no to more double dates with your sister. Oh, and by the way, she’s not my type.”

  I scoffed. “She’s everyone’s type.”

  Joey shook his head. “Nah, I prefer the beauteous sister. The one with the long dark hair, the smiling brown eyes, and the infectious laugh. She’s the one I’m in love with.”

  My heart skipped a beat. I sucked in a breath. Was he toying with me? No, he wouldn’t do that. I glanced up at him. “Are you kidding?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve been in love with you for weeks. I knew you weren’t ready to hear it though. But when I heard you tell Sam you were in love with me I figured maybe you could take the news.”

  I buried my face in my hands. “You weren’t supposed to hear all that.”

  He pulled my hands away and framed my face with his hands. “I’m glad I did. I came here to think about you. I come here every day just so I can relive the moments I’m with you. I didn’t want to see you today because I knew I’d go along with whatever you said. If you said jump, I’d jump without asking anything. So I wanted to avoid you. I saw you when you first got here and knew I wouldn’t be able to resist you. But when I heard you talking to Sam, I didn’t want to anymore. I love you, Addi James. And I’m not letting you push me away this time.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not pushing anymore. I love you, too. And I think it’s time for some pulling.”

  With that I pulled him down on top of me. The chill of the snow balanced the heat of the man I loved and I felt perfect, right in between. And then he kissed me, sealing our words of love, and reminding me how right it is with him in my life.

  And how wrong it is when I try to say no to him.

  So I said yes. Over and over again.

  Epilogue

  Sam

  “Is that the last one?” I asked as I carried the box to the truck.

  “Yep, that’s it. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your help. I’m gonna miss you,” Addi said as she hugged me.

  Tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them away. Addi didn’t need to see me fall apart. She was happy. Things with Joey were going well and he’d asked her to move in with him. Of course she said yes. It’d be hard losing my best friend, but I wanted her happy.

  I guess if I was honest with myself I was looking forward to having the place to myself too. I’d lived with Addi for so long that I was starting to wonder if I could actually make it on my own. I was a successful business woman, but I’d never lived alone. It was intimidating.

  And exhilarating.

  “Okay, so I’ll follow you up to Winter Ridge and get you unloaded?”

  Addi nodded and turned to climb in the truck. Joey was already in the driver’s seat. She’d been staying with him more nights than not over the past few weeks, but she wanted to wait until spring break to actually move. Then she would have the whole week to get settled. Knowing Addi she’d be done in a day.

  I followed them down the driveway and through Winterville. Our little town was sleepy on a Saturday morning, but before long people would be up and about. That afternoon I had a wedding, which I was dreading, and I had a photo shoot schedule for the next day, Easter pictures for a new family. I loved that part of my job and couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

  And in a week Lexi and Mike were finally getting married. It was going to be a fun spring.

  Up at Winter Ridge Joey led me to a little cabin tucked in near the main lodge. You could easily overlook it if you weren’t trying to find it. Addi said he lived there year round and took care of hiking and camping in the summer, skiing in the winter. He didn’t own the place, but he managed it for the man that did own it, a man who was rarely around.

  Joey helped unload my SUV, letting Addi guide us to where she wanted all her stuff. When the vehicles were empty we all stood there looking at each other.

  “Well, I should head out,” I finally said.

  “You should stay,” Addi protested.

  “Do you want a drink or something?” Joey asked.

  I shook my head. “I’ve got a wedding later, but thanks. We’ll get together soon,” I said.

  Addi nodded then hugged me tight. Joey and I shared an awkward hug. I knew he was a good guy, but I struggled with him stealing my best friend. She and I had shared everything for years, and now she was gone. I knew it would happen eventually, but I figured I’d have someone in my life too.

  I drove home feeling more alone than I had in a very long time. I got dressed for the wedding automatically, pulling on black dress pants, a black button down shirt, and my favorite black boots. At weddings I had to blend into the background so even though I hated wearing black, especially head to toe, I did it to make the brides happy.

  Too bad I couldn’t make myself happy. I would be happy if I could avoid shooting anymore weddings. Except for my friends. I’d do anything for my friends. But the brides like I was facing that afternoon, the ones who thought I was their servant and would do ever
ything for them, I could do without.

  When I was dressed and had lunch, I packed my bag and headed over to the groom’s parents house where the men were getting dressed. I knocked on the door and waited for someone to let me in.

  “Can I help you?” asked the woman who opened the door.

  I held up my bag. “I’m the photographer. I’m here to get a few pictures of the guys and then I’m heading over to the church.”

  “Oh, wonderful,” she exclaimed. “They’re almost all dressed so you can get a few shots of them. I’ll show you the way. I’m Brad’s mom, by the way, Diane.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Sam.”

  Diane nodded and guided me up the stairs to a bedroom full of gorgeous men. If I wasn’t so ready for the day to be over I might have noticed one in the corner checking me out.

  I took picture after picture of the guys, Brad with his father, with both of his parents. A few shots of all the groomsmen together. When I’d gotten enough I said goodbye to them all and went to the church. Amanda was finishing up her make-up when I arrived so I took a few pictures of her with her family and friends then scouted out the church.

  Thankfully the wedding was a quick one. I couldn’t stop myself from wondering when Addi and Joey would join the ranks of our friends, getting engaged then quickly married. In a year we’d gone from four single women to six women, four of whom were either married, engaged, or, now, living with their boyfriend. Charlie and I were the only single ones left.

  It felt lonely.

  The reception was a huge party. I’d managed to get through the day relatively easily. Amanda had a few friends who were taking care of everything so I wasn’t asked to do things that were completely outside my scope, like getting her a drink or telling guests they were sitting at the wrong table. It was amazing what some brides asked of me just because I was there.

  Just one more reason I hated shooting weddings.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. I normally didn’t answer during weddings, but the guests were having dinner so I dug it out and answered the call.