Bonded Love

by Renee Roman

  “Oh. Has it really come to that?”

  “I can still see.”

  “That’s a relief. I think.”

  A few minutes later, they hung up after she promised to keep DJ informed regarding her dating prospects. Laughing had been cathartic, but a temporary solution to her situation.

  She went to the table saw and stared at it. The smell of fresh cut wood would center her. She pulled on her compression sleeve, then picked out a board and carried it to the saw. The familiar noise from the whirling blade brought a comfort only a carpenter could identify with. She set the blade for the correct depth, then began to feed the wood lengthwise against the rail. Once there was enough wood sticking past the blade, she guided the end with her left hand, smiling as the scent of warm wood filled her with the familiar joy of doing what she’d been doing for decades. Her right hand moved the wood along until there were only a few inches left.

  That’s when it kicked back, whacking her just above the wrist. Stars filled her vision as she hit the emergency kill switch and crumpled to the floor cradling her arm. Stupid, stupid. Pain brought tears to her eyes. Blaze cradled her throbbing arm against her, sure that whatever lay beneath the compression sleeve she wore would be horrible. Once she was able to breathe and her vision cleared, she got to her feet and, cradling her arm against her, went for her phone.

  She knew she had to call someone, but who? DJ would overreact and only add to her mounting anxiety. Her brother was out of town and in no way qualified to give sound medical advice. Her parents were usually home, but she didn’t want to worry them, and she didn’t want to wait three hours for them to get to her. There was only one person she could trust to know what she needed to do. Cassie, her physical therapist, was her best option. Trinity would have been a good option too, but with Cassie there were no emotions at play, and she definitely didn’t want to deal with more emotions right now.

  * * *

  As fate would have it, Dr. Jonas was on call and had met them in the ED.

  “I didn’t expect to see you anytime soon.”

  Blaze figured she looked as embarrassed as she felt. “Neither did I, Dr. Jonas.”

  He removed her sleeve and sighed. He palpated the freshly formed angry bruise and Blaze hissed. “Kelly, let’s get some fresh ice on this and set her up for X-rays and a possible MRI.”

  Kelly went to a cabinet and pulled out an ice bag, breaking the inner sac before shaking it to mix the contents. She placed a washcloth over Blaze’s arm. “An X-ray tech will be in soon. Just keep this in place till then.” She gave her a quick smile before leaving the room.

  She wanted to ask Kelly about Trinity. As much as she wished she didn’t, Blaze cared. She didn’t have the full story as to why Trinity was so adamant about the promotion and how nothing and no one was going to become a distraction. That’s what had hurt the most—being considered a distraction. Trinity’s obvious summation that Blaze wasn’t worth the risk of letting her into her life should have warned her off, but it hadn’t.

  The fate of her arm was a top priority at the moment. Trinity wasn’t going anywhere. To their credit, neither her doctor nor Cassie had given her the riot act for reinjuring her still healing arm, though she obviously needed a reminder to pay better attention to what she was doing.

  Cassie patted her thigh. “Stop feeling like you deserved this. It was an accident, just like the first one.”

  She pursed her lips. “I had no control over the first one, but this…” She nudged her chin at her arm as it lay on a small table with a new ice bag over it. “This could have been avoided.”

  “True, but I’m sure you had no intention of hurting yourself.”

  Blaze considered what she’d been feeling prior to everything going sideways. “No, but I was preoccupied, and I know better.” Her father had cautioned her to always be aware of what she was doing when working around the tools of the trade because they were unforgiving if she wasn’t paying attention. “What if there’s no way to fix it this time?”

  Cassie shrugged. “We won’t know that until we hear from the doctor. Until then, all you can do is wait. And if you’re a believer, pray.” Cassie checked her pockets and pulled out some money. “I need coffee. You want to brave a cup?”

  She smiled at her attempt at levity. And really, what else could she do but wait? “That would be great. Cream and a packet of brown sugar.” Alone again, she hung her head and wiped at her forehead. She was sick of all the waiting; waiting to hear about surgery, then waiting to get back to work. More recently, waiting to see if her heart was beyond repair. That hurt, too, had been her own doing. She wished she’d never met…Blaze sucked in a breath. It would be a lie to say she wished she’d never met Trinity. The times they’d been together she’d been on cloud nine. The feeling of meeting someone she wanted in her life for more than a few hours was one she’d hold on to even if there was no reason to hope.

  The curtain shifted and she looked up to find Trinity standing there, and the look of worry tugged at her heart.

  “Kelly told me you were here. What happened?” Her voice was soft and gentle.

  Blaze held her breath. Trinity was the last person she thought she’d want to see, but she was wrong. She wanted to hug her. Hold her. Convince Trinity to give them a try. That’s what she wanted to do. Instead, she stared at her arm.

  “I lost concentration and…” What could she say? I was thinking of you, not what I was doing? I was wondering why you’d texted me. The words stuck in her throat.

  “Do you need anything? Are you in pain?” Trinity’s concern touched her more than she could say. A bit of hope snaked through her.

  “Blaze?” The technician stood in the doorway.

  She got up and the forgotten icepack fell from her arm. She raised her unaffected hand to touch Trinity’s cheek. At the last second, she let it fall away. “I have to go.”

  As she started to walk away, Trinity reached for her. “I’ll come back if I can.”

  “It’s okay. I understand. Your job…” She was about to say comes first, but she wasn’t the type of person who gave cheap shots, and she didn’t want to become one.

  Trinity’s eyes glistened. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”

  She followed the technician through the swinging door and swallowed the lump in her throat. Her heart still ached. Still hoped. There were things in life she couldn’t control and Trinity’s feelings for her were one, though she wished otherwise.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  “You’re no sooner back to work and what do you do?” DJ glared at her from the driver’s seat. “You…” DJ stabbed a quick finger at her before continuing. “Are so grounded.”

  Blaze sat stoically. The pain in her arm had subsided to a dull throb. Her doctor said to ice it twenty minutes every hour until tomorrow and call him if anything changed.

  “Hey, is it bad? Because if it’s bad, I totally understand your mummy impersonation but, really, you’re freaking me out.”

  She glanced at her, then let her head drop to the headrest. “No. It’s only a deep bruise. I didn’t reinjure or rebreak it.”

  “Then why the long face, aside from the fact that you’re grounded? Doctor’s orders and all.”

  “I saw Trinity.”

  “Oh.”

  “Kelly was in the ED when I showed, and she must have told her. She came to radiology and waited while I had a scan.”

  “What did she say?”

  “That she was glad my arm would be okay and she offered to give me a ride home, but then she had to go, so I called you.” Blaze remembered every word they exchanged. “She also said she wanted to explain about the text she’d sent, so I guess that means we’ll see each other again.” She didn’t think Trinity had changed her mind about seeing more of each other. Honestly, Blaze didn’t care what excuse she used if she got to spend time with Trinity. She’d battle with the disappointment she was sure to feel later when it came to that.

  “I think she’s jus
t jerking you around. Maybe I wasn’t so far off base after all.” DJ pulled the car around and parked in front of the house.

  Blaze faced her. “What is it about Trinity that has you acting like a mother hen?”

  DJ hesitated. “You know how I sometimes get very emotional when I think someone is fucking with you?”

  “Go on.” Blaze focused on keeping her temper under control. DJ had always been able to push her buttons when no one else could.

  “It started when she answered your phone and didn’t tell me you were hurt. Then she kept coming around at the hospital after surgery and I got the distinct feeling she had ulterior motives.”

  “Like what? She’s a nurse for Christ’s sake. She’s supposed to care. So what if she dropped in a few times to check on me?”

  DJ eye rolled. “I don’t know. Every time I came to see you she was there, and I got pissed, like we didn’t have any time alone.”

  “That’s a bit melodramatic, even for you,” Blaze said. “What ulterior motive?”

  “I thought she was looking for an opportunity to hit on you.”

  Blaze couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “And what if she had? Wouldn’t it have been up to me to tell her I wasn’t interested?”

  “Yes. Of course, but you only see the good in people and I wasn’t sure her motives were altruistic.” DJ rushed on. “You were already dealing with so much, and I didn’t want her fucking with your head like all the other women who only want one thing.”

  Blaze’s jaw bunched. “What do they want?”

  “Sex. Everyone wants a night with the infamous Blaze Carter. But no one sticks around, right? And it’s not like you want them to. Trinity seemed like just another hungry woman who wanted to feed on you. And I was right. She used you and threw you away, just like all the others have.”

  She was beyond angry. Blaze was hurt. “Is that the only thing women want from me? Is that what drives you to interfere even when I haven’t asked for your help?”

  “No…I—” DJ turned off the car.

  “Let me spell it out for you. She was there when I talked to the surgeon. When she found out what I did for a living, she was worried I wouldn’t…” Her voice caught and she turned away. She couldn’t say out loud what she’d feared most in those first few hours, that her livelihood could go up in smoke.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  After running her hand over her face, Blaze turned back to her. “Maybe your sticking your nose in my business is why she couldn’t consider anything more. I could imagine her wondering if we hit a rough patch that she’d have you to contend with.” She looked across the space between them. “I need to see her.”

  “That’s a bad idea. She’s not right for you—”

  DJ reached out, but Blaze stopped her.

  “No. This time you’ve gone too far. We’re best friends, DJ. That’s not going to change, but you have no right to decide who I’m interested in or who I date. If you can’t understand that, then I’m the one who’s sorry.” She got out and quietly closed the passenger door.

  DJ ran around the front of the car. “Blaze. Please.” Tears streaked her face. “Tell me how to fix this. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do. Please.”

  Blaze shook her head. “Go home.” So many words were on her lips, but she refused to say anything when she was this angry. She went inside without another word.

  After fixing herself a drink, she went and sat on the porch. Was it true? Did everyone see her as a conquest, someone to say they’d been under? Was she seen as a sex toy, an urban bar legend? Granted, she’d always kept things casual and had no problem with a night of role-play, but she’d never considered how that made her look in other people’s eyes.

  The one thing she did know was that Trinity was different. There was no denying the worry in her eyes when they’d talked at the hospital. The way Blaze’s heart ached and her breath caught the moment she saw her spoke volumes. DJ was wrong, at least in that area. Trinity had her reasons, and Blaze knew what it was like to worry about getting hurt. She was convinced something in Trinity’s past was in play, things Trinity hadn’t shared with her. Things keeping her from giving her heart away. But there was always a way to fix things, all she had to do was find a way beneath the armor Trinity had surrounded herself with. Because there was no question Trinity was the one Blaze wanted. She just had to figure out how to show her she wasn’t going away.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Trinity’s heart had pounded in her chest when she’d raced down the hall to find Blaze. When she didn’t see blood there was a sense of relief, but the worry on Blaze’s face wasn’t as easily dismissed. At least she had a few minutes to talk to her before and after her scan. Once reassured the new injury was superficial, she’d taken the opportunity to mention they had a few things to clear up before she’d had to rush off to meet an ambulance.

  Thankfully, Blaze had agreed. Maybe after they talked she’d be in a better place to deal with the roller coaster of emotions keeping her awake every night. She shoved her work shoes into the bag at the bottom of her locker and yanked her purse off the shelf. Unfortunately, she hadn’t closed the zipper all the way before stowing it, and the contents sprayed across the floor as she fumbled to keep it upright.

  “Great. Just great.” She sighed and bent down, gathering an array of items she didn’t even recognize. Mascara, business cards, a few pens, old grocery lists. Then she saw the gala announcement that had arrived with the invitation, and she froze. As she reached for it the air vent overhead came on and blew it out of reach. Trinity collapsed in a heap on the floor. The significance wasn’t lost on her. Had Blaze slipped from her reach? The look of relief in her eyes was unmistakable when Trinity had come into the room. Did that mean there was still a slim chance she hadn’t totally blown it? She had no idea where they stood, except Blaze was still willing to talk. That was good. More than good. She’d thought their situation had become hopeless. She fought the stinging behind her eyes as the door opened and several of the ED staff for the next shift shuffled in, their jovial voices lifting the darkness surrounding her when all she could think of was losing Blaze.

  “Hi, Trinity. How was last night?”

  She picked up the last of her scattered items and stuffed them in her bag, glad for the extra minute to gather herself. “Kind of quiet for a Thursday night.” She slammed her locker closed and spun the dial. “Have a good one.” Trinity called over her shoulder, not wanting anyone to witness her emotional breakdown. Escaping through empty hallways and rarely used exits, she made it to her car before letting go of the fragile control she’d had on her tears. After the stream slowed, she had a conversation with herself. There was still hope. She had to take Blaze at her word and trust they’d talk.

  As much as she wanted to air her feelings, anxiety clawed at her. She wasn’t good at off-the-cuff stuff. She was used to standards of procedure. Steps to follow in an orderly method. Nothing was orderly in her thinking pattern these days. Kelly wasn’t going to be home until much later, so she had the place to herself, which was good because she wasn’t sure she could concentrate enough for a logical conversation. The only therapy for her current state would be a massive cleaning.

  Trinity stripped down and pulled on an old T-shirt and shorts. She attacked the kitchen floor with a mop, and the water containing pine scented cleaner tickled her nose. While the floor dried, the dust bunnies under the furniture and hanging out behind knickknacks were next to go. Two hours later, she flopped onto the papasan chair and flipped the top of her soda can. The frenzy she’d lost herself in had been cathartic and she could begin to focus her energy on how to handle the situation with Blaze because no matter what she thought, or felt, or pretended, she wanted to see this through.

  Trinity sighed, no closer to the answers she was looking for than she had been before she’d raced through the house declaring war on dirt. A shower would help her relax and she’d contact Blaze after she’d gotten
some much needed sleep. Hopefully by then her head would be clearer and she’d be able to tell her how she was feeling. Sharing her innermost thoughts with anyone except Kelly wasn’t something she did, but Blaze was the one person who deserved to know.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Blaze stared at the ceiling. She hadn’t felt good about sending DJ away. Though lately DJ pushed her buttons more than she ever had. Still, Blaze couldn’t fathom their friendship ending. No matter what, they would get through this situation. It wasn’t the first one they’d had, and she was fairly certain it wouldn’t be the last, but they were good at weathering the rough storms life threw at them.

  She wasn’t able to rationalize if the fixation on Trinity was good or bad, yet the yearning remained. Her arm throbbed, the feeling akin to how her heart hammered when Trinity was near, though the two were opposite types of pain.

  Trinity’s dreams came first, and Blaze could understand dreams. She had a few of her own. She hadn’t expected Trinity to show up at the ED. Her heart had beat a little faster knowing she cared, and this time she was certain Trinity wasn’t there out of a sense of duty. Her desire to talk gave Blaze a sliver of hope, and she planned on hanging on. Today was that day. All she had to do was keep busy until she was sure Trinity was awake.

  The sinking sun shone through the big front window. Blaze sat on the couch with the phone cradled on her thigh, her palms sweaty. She hadn’t been this nervous since high school, which wasn’t typical since she’d been popular with both the boys and girls and had never been shy. Still, when she asked the first girl she’d ever crushed on out to a movie, she’d nearly peed her pants. That was a long time ago. She was an adult now, and she could handle the pressure of any situation. Christ. She sounded like her father, though that wasn’t a bad thing.

  Her finger hung in midair as she decided between her two options. Text or call. Both had pros and cons. Both were viable. A text would give Trinity an out if she was having second thoughts, but Blaze wasn’t sure she wanted to give her one. No matter what the outcome, one way or another she needed to get on with her life. She hoped Trinity would be in it, but if not, maybe she’d actually use one of those dating services DJ had mentioned. The idea of putting her future in some random hit-or-miss website motivated her. She pushed a button and took a breath.