The girl in the blue dress

by Mary Burchell

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  "YOU told Franklin?" . �I Beverley stared back at Toni in such glassy horror - that the little girl blenched slightly. : "Well, I didn't exac-Uy tell him, Miss Farman, cause he knew already, didn't he? I just told him I very glad to hear he was going to marry you, as as all the fuss about Sara and Geoffrey had died But that wasn't telling him anything, because he "But he didn't." said Beverley helplessly, unable let Toni repeat yet again that Franklin knew all :'"Didn't what?" enquired Toni, looking "Didn't know about marrying you? But he must have. Because if he asked you " . "But he didn't," said Beverley again. -Ig "I don't understand." Toni stared at her. ' "No How should you? It's all right. You couldn�t t know. But oh, dear, what am I to do?" And Beverley - put her face in her hands for a moment. . "Oh Miss Farman, aren't you feeling well? asked , Toni anxiously. "Do you feel sick or something? "A little " said Beverley, who did. "But it will pass. - Don't worry, Toni. And don't say a word more about this to anyone. Not anyone, please." H "I wouldn't think of it," Toni assured herewith dig- g nitv "I only said it to Franklin because " _ "Yes I know," interrupted Beverley, suppressing a t desire to scream. "But you spoke a trifle too soon Tom. . Don't even think about it anymore. Except she sup- pressed a violent shiver " just tell me what he said in " ' Well' he said, 'Who told you that?' And I said, 'Mr Revian did, only he said it was a secret because - he had only just heard it from you and- Oh, Miss Farman, you really do look U1! Would you like some smelling salts or something?" 174 - "No, thank you," replied Beverley distractedly. "But I think I must go and catch my bus now." And with shaking fingers she began to put her work together. "You're sure you're all right?" "Yes, thank you I'm all right," "You wouldn't like some tea or anything?" "No, thank you," said Beverley, who felt she would never want to eat or drink again. "I just want to make sure that I catch the bus." "You've plenty of time," Toni assured her. But she obligingly helped to clear the sewing table and tidy the room. "And I won't say a word to anyone," she added as she bade Beverley goodnight. Her piquant face beamed with such evident friendliness and good intention that it was impossible to say anything nasty about shutting the stable door after the horse had gone. Instead, Beverley managed to smile, in a rather wan way, and say, "That's a good girl." Then she made her escape at last, and found herself walking down the lane to the bus-stop in such a state of agitation that she actually talked aloud to herself as she went. "What am I to do? What must he think? I can't even pretend that Mr. Revian made a mistake, for Toni said told him the news. I must have been mad ever to invent that story! I can't ever look him in the face again. He must think me so cheap, so presumptuous. Oh, this is much worse than losing Geoffrey_ much!" Some sense of proportion forced her to remind herself that this could hardly be the case, since only pride was involved on this occasion, whereas in the loss of Geoffrey her deepest feelings were involved. But somehow the argument lacked weight. "I must have lost Franklin's good opinion of me for ever and ever," she thought, with a despair which was worse than anything she had felt in the deepest depression of the Geoffrey episode. "He'll never think of me again as 'his' little girl in the blue and white dress, grown-up. He liked to think about me before. I know he did. He liked to meet me unexpectedly and to talk 175 to me about things, and to watch my reactions. And now he'll never be able to think about me again without embarrassment and annoyance. He may even sell my picture " And at this thought, she actually wept a little, standing still there in the lane, sniffing childishly and wiping her eyes, while a small, inquisitive squirrel flicked his tail and watched her from a nearby-y tree. After a minute or two she went on slowly again, trying to tell herself that the situation was not really quite so desperate as she had at first supposed. "I must just find the courage to explain to him," she thought. "After all, he is about the most understanding person I know." Her heart warmed a little at the thought of Franklin's powers of understanding. LET explain exactly how it really happened. He'll recognize the truth when he hears it. He's -so straightforward and fine himself that he knows when one is being honest. And he's so generous that he will make allowances for my nervousness when I was speaking to Mr. Revian." This cataloguing of Franklin's good points served to raise her spirits considerably, and all the way home in the bus she thought hard about how gay and kind and generous Franklin Lowell was, because this made her feel just a little less awful about the explanations which she felt she must make to him. "When next I see him " she began to herself. But at once the sober reflection came to her that she simply could not leave this business to the hazard of a chance meeting. She must seek him out, to apologize and explain, before time confirmed the unpleasant impression which Toni's disclosure must have made. "I ought to go this very evening," she thought, and her heart gave an uncomfortable downward lurch. "I ought really to have taken the bus in the other direction, right away, and gone to Eithorpe Hall. But Mother would have wondered why I was late. Perhaps tomorrow " But she found that the idea of putting off the evil day involved more misery than relief. And, as she 176 walked the short distance from the bus to her home, her thoughts were still in great confusion. They sorted themselves out with frightening clarity, however, when Aunt Ellen greeted her with, "You've just missed Franklin Lowell. He was here less than an hour ago." "W-was he?" Beverley looked aghast, so that Aunt Ellen stared at her and said, "Well, there's nothing very terrible about that, surely. He does come here sometimes, doesn't he?" "Yes, I know. B-but why did he come today?" "To see how your mother is, I suppose. He brought her some flowers and fruit, anyway." "He didn't come for for any other reason?" "Well, he did say he thought he might find you here. He seemed surprised when I told him that you were still working at Huntingford Grange. So I suppose he's heard Something." "I suppose so," agreed Beverley lamely, and she went in to see her mother. "Hello, darling." Her mother looked up and smiled. "You've just missed Franklin Lowell. And he specially wanted to-see you." "Did he?" Beverley moistened her dry lips. "Why?" "I don't know, exactly. But he seemed disappointed you were not here. He stayed and talked for a while, however He really is a nice fellow." "Yes," said Beverley sadly. "Nearly the nicest person I've ever known." Her mother regarded her consideringly. _ "Why does that thought depress you, darling? It's usually very exhilarating to reflect on the niceness of one's friends." Beverley swallowed. "Not if you've done something that makes you think you might lose them," she burst out. Then she sat down on the end of the bed and, taking out her handkerchief, blew her nose rather unnecessarily. Again her mother regarded her in silence, while Beverley thought, "That was a stupid thing to say. It 177 sounds as though we have quarrelled, and now Mother will want to ask all about it." But her mother did not ask anything about a quarrel. Instead, she asked in a deceptively mild tone, "Are you in love with Franklin Lowell, Beverley? "In love with him? In love with Franklin? Why, Mother, what are you thinking of? You can't be in love with two people at once. And I'm I mean, I was I am in love with Geoffrey. That's clear enough, surely?" "It didn't sound a bit clear, the way you put it, her mother replied, still in that mild tone. "And, though I think it was very brave of you, I couldn't help noticing that you didn't shed a tear over losing Geoffrey, whereas you're crying now about a quarrel with Franklin." "I'm not crying," said Beverley in a choked sort of voice. "And I haven't quarrelled with him." "Then what," asked Mrs. Farman, not unnaturally, "is all the fuss about?" "Oh, Mother, it's the most dreadful misunderstanding!" Beverley buried her face in her hands. "I wouldn't have lost his good opinion for the world. Not for the whole world! But something so stupid and inexplicable has happened and it's my own fault, only how could I know?" ,..Mrs. Farman made no attempt to disentangle this incoherent outburst. She merely stroked Beverley's hair with one of her poor, misshapen hands and said, "I don't think Franklin would make it difficult, if one wanted to explain something.""No_nor do I he's such a darling. But now I ve missed him, and I'll have to wait, and all the time he's thinking badly of me ""He didn't give that impression," her mother said consolingly. "Oh he wouldn't to you. He wou
ldn't want to make you unhappy. But I wish I could have seen him." ' "He said he was going straight home," remarked her mother, with apparent irrelevance. ' "Did he?" Beverley glanced at her watch. But I�ve missed the six-o'clock bus and there isn't another one 178 until eight. And even then I'd have to walk nearly twenty minutes from "the stop." "You could have Barton the taxi," said Mrs. Farman, proposing this unnecessary extravagance without hesitation. "Oh Mother- I suppose I could." A gleam of relief began to show in Beverley's face. "It's ridiculously extravagant, when I could go quite easily by bus tomorrow, but " "Sometimes extravagance is not only justified, it's called for," declared her mother firmly. At which Beverley actually managed to laugh faintly. "You know I think I'll do it." She got up, looking suddenly eager. "You had better have something to eat before you go." "No, no. I couldn't eat anything until this is settled," Beverley declared. And her mother had the good sense not to press the point. Though Aunt Ellen exclaimed in disapproval and astonishment when presented with the fact that Beverley was going out again without having her evening meal. "How long will you be?" she wanted to know. "I couldn't say," replied Beverley. Then she gave her mother a nervously eager hug and kiss, and went off, leaving Aunt Ellen staring after her, divided almost equally between astonishment and offence. By the most extraordinary good fortune, Barton the taxi was free, and when he heard he was to drive Beverley up to Eithorpe Hall, he bristled with interest. "You get about, don't you?" he said, by which he meant that she visited outside her social sphere m a way that he found both intriguing and questionable. "Yes," said Beverley, and that was all. On the long drive she was forced to make agreeable conversation. Otherwise Barton the taxi would have set his lively imagination to work and decided either that she was "getting above her boots," now that she visited "the gentry," or else that there was some special and deeply significant reason for her journey to Eithorpe Hall. 179 Beverley was exceedingly anxious not to give either of these impressions, so she talked almost incessantly about the weather and the scenery and the general state of the country. And as Barton the taxi was quite sure that he could run the country a great deal better than "They" did, if only he had the chance, this topic served them well for most of the was As they neared Eithorpe Hall, Beverley felt her heart begin to thump and her breath to come quickly and unevenly. In one moment of panic, she wondered why ever she had committed herself to this undertaking. Would it not have been far simpler and wiser to ignore the whole thing? to leave Franklin to suppose for himself that the ridiculous story was no more than another piece of highly coloured invention on Toms part? . .In making an issue of it like this, and insisting on explaining herself, was she not giving a clumsy significance to the story which could only increase, rather than diminish, the general embarrassment? At this point she very nearly asked Barton the taxi to turn round and drive back home again. Only the thought of his astonished curiosity and his consequent speculation kept her from doing so. And a few minutes later, they drove up to the front of Eithorpe Hall. "Will you want me to wait?" enquired Barton. "Oh, yes, please!" "How long?" "I don't know." (How long did it take to talk oneself out of a hateful and ridiculous predicament?) "Perhaps half an hour. I I'll com'e out and tell you." "All right with me," Barton assured her, and, taking out his evening paper, he prepared to give earnest study to the ways in which "They" had been mismanaging the country during the day.With slightly faltering steps Beverley approached the front door and pulled the big brass bell-pull at the side. Almost immediately a severe-looking maid opened the door, and to her Beverley made her timid request. "Please is Mr. Lowell in? and can I see him?" _ "I'll enquire, madam. Will you come in?" The maid stood aside and admitted her to the hall which she had last seen in company with Franklin himself and Sara Wayne. "Who shall I say, madam?" "Miss Farman," said Beverley, and swallowed nervously, as she wondered what effect embarrassing or irritating the announcement of this name would have upon him. The maid went away and Beverley, too-nervous to sit down, stood there waiting. But in a matter of moments she heard footsteps returning, and it was Franklin himself, not the maid, who came to fetch her. "Why, Beverley what a pleasant coincidence! I wanted to see you today. I actually called in at your place " "Yes, I know. I've just come from there. I heard you had been. That's why I came." She spoke rather jerkily. "But how quickly you've come." "Yes. I I got Barton the taxi to bring me. You see, I guessed why you wanted to see me, and I had to come and explain because " "Well, why don't we go into my study?" he interrupted, with a slight smile. "We don't need to stand and discuss things in the hall. Can I give you anything to eat? or drink? You must have come on almost immediately from work." "No, no, thank you. It's all right. I don't need anything," she assured him. "I just wanted to explain " She wished she could get away from that self conscious assertion, but the words seemed to come without her own volition. "Come along, then." He ushered her into the room she remembered as his study, and set a comfortable chair for her. She sank into it, because her knees felt unsteady, and only then did she realize that there was one profound difference in the furnishing of the room since she had last been there. The beautiful portrait of Sara had disappeared, and in its place hung the picture -of herself in the blue and white dress. 181 "Why, you've changed the picture. I mean you didn't have that in'here before." "No." His glance followed hers. "I had the picture of Sara before. But, in the circumstances, I felt she should have that picture. I find my little girl in the blue and white dress very good company." He turned and smiled across at Beverley, but her answering smile was rather tremulous, partly because of her nervousness and partly because she was deeply moved to find that he could still speak of the picture in these almost affectionate terms. There was a slight pause, while Beverley found a great wordless gap where the active part of her mind should have been. "I hardly know where to begin," she stammered at last. "No? Well, then, shall I begin?" he said carelessly. "It started with Madeleine telephoning to me this morning " "Madeleine?" gasped Beverley, in the utmost dismay, for it seemed to her that there was no limit to the way this unhappy business was spreading. "What on earth did Madeline know about it?" "Well " he looked slightly puzzled "she seemed to think it concerned her primarily." "Madeleine did?" Beverley passed a bewildered hand over her forehead. "I don't understand." "But she said you would explain everything. She asked if I had had any opportunity of talking to you recently, and if she herself had been mentioned. And when I said we hadn't discussed her in any way, she urged me to see you as soon as possible, as you had something important to ask me." "Oh!" Sudden comprehension began to dawn on Beverley. "Was that why you called in to see me at home?" "Yes. I was near, and I thought I would take the opportunity " "But " Beverley had the greatest difficulty in not bursting into hysterical laughter "I thought oh, never mind. Let's settle this business of Madeleine first. She 182 really is the most engagingly egotistical creature! It's about that offer you made to her, to provide her with an experimental year at the Academy of Dramatic Art. She wanted desperately to know if if the breaking of Sara's engagement would mean you'd withdraw the offer." "No. Of course not. But " he looked at her curiously "why were you to ask me about it? Why couldn't she ask me herself?" "Well, she thought she thought " Beverley broke off, in the profoundest embarrassment, for she saw that Franklin must inevitably be linking this up with the odd story Toni had told him. "Please don't think it was my idea," she cried, almost wringing her hands in her distress. "Madeleine felt embarrassed " "Madeleine did? Oh, no, Madeleine never felt embarrassed about anything," he interjected, with good humoured irony. "Well, then, she felt it would be impossible for her to find the right moment to ask you how you you felt about the whole thing. She had the idea that you were rather friendly with my mother and me "The perfectly right idea, I might say." " And she asked me to find a tactful moment when I could ask you whether you were going to withdraw that offer. I didn't really want to take on the task, but it seemed unkind to refuse. And that's all," she finished lamely. "Well that's satisfactorily settled, anyway," he observed. "So t
here's no need to go on looking so distressed. You have carried out the commission I assure you that Madeleine need have no fears about my not standing by my bargain, and tomorrow you can tell her so. Is everything all right now?" If only she could say it was! If only she could take this cowardly line of retreat, and vow that concern for Madeleine was the sole reason for her coming to Eithorpe Hall! But, quite apart from the difficulty of explaining her earlier confusion if she said that, Beverley knew she 183 could never go all the way back home without doing anything at all about that dreadful blunder of Toni's. Restlessly she got up and walked to the window and back again. "No," she declared, with dogged resolution, "everything isn't all right. There's something else " She came to a halt m front of the picture of herself as a little girl, and before the level, friendly gaze of the child that she had been, she felt her agitation oddly less. "When did you have this moved in here, Franklin?" she asked suddenly and irrelevantly. "Half an hour ago." He got up and came and stood close behind her. "Half an hour ago?" She turned her head and looked . up at him. "But why just then?" : "Because that," he said deliberately, "was the moment when I had a sudden flash of inspiration, and to .5 move your picture in here was the only way of giving expression to it." ' "I don't think I understand." , "And I'm not sure that I meant you to, just yet," J he retorted, with a faint smile. "But if you look at me like that "Like what?" "Like my sweet, enquiring, loving little friend many years," he said quietly, and, putting his arms round her from behind, he drew her back against and kissed her cheek softly. "Franklin!"The most incredible, unidentifiable flood of emotion g swept through her. For a moment it was like someone else someone to whom everything was wonderful and joyous and utterly right and lovely. But then sharp and terrible recollection came her, and she knew that he was just being ridiculous impossibly quixotic because of what Torn had said. was living up to the role she had thrust upon him'! "No!" She tore herself away and turned to face "You're not to do that! I don't want you to "Pretend?" She had never seen his face dark and 184 angry before, and the sight arrested her in the midst of her protests. "Who's pretending? And how dare you suggest I'd do such a thing? It may be rather sudden. Come to think of it, it's damned sudden to me too. But can't a man make a monumental discovery from one moment to the next?" -' "But you didn't," she said very quietly. "You're just being generous and quixotic because " "I'm not being anything of the sort," he interrupted almost violently, "and I refuse to have such a ridiculous role thrust upon me. I'm trying to tell you I love you and oh, lord, I'm sorry " his voice dropped abruptly from its angry key "I'm shouting at you, and I meant to be tender and coaxing and reassuring. I don't know what's the matter with me, except that I suppose I'm nervous and " "Nervous? Oh, Franklin " she gave a little laugh "you don't need to be nervous." "Yes, I do. It's taken me so horribly, ridiculously long to see what I wanted most in the world, when it was right under my nose. And now I'm terrified yes, terrified that I'm going to bungle things and lose everything that matters, just because I was a blind fool. Help me, Beverley " impulsively he held out his hands to her "don't turn away from me. Please hear me, at least, and don't accuse me of pretending." "But my dear " she came slowly back and put her hands into his "I don't really understand " "It's quite simple," he said, almost humbly. "I love you desperately." "But Franklin, do you mean that you that you . thought of this before Toni spoke to you?" "Toni? What's Toni got to do with it?" "Oh, you know," she cried reproachfully, afraid again that he was playing a part. "She she told you on the way home from school today that she thought you were going to marry me." "Yes, yes, of course," he agreed almost absently. "It was Toni who suddenly blazed the light on the scene. I'd almost forgotten that, in my own tremendous discovery. When she said that about my marry185 ing you, it was like a blind man finding, all at once, that he could see. I knew that was what I wanted above anything else that life had to offer." "But then you asked her how she knew. And she told you the rest. Don't you remember?" "Not really no. I only asked her because I had to say something, so that she couldn't see how she'd hit me between the eyes. She trotted out some nonsense about old Revian having told her, and that he'd got it from you. I didn't pay much attention because it was obviously an invention of Toni's. And, anyway, nothing else mattered beside the discovery that I loved you." "Oh, Franklin " she went limp against him suddenly, hardly knowing whether to laugh or cry "didn't anything else matter really?" "No, of course not." He held her lightly, as though he hardly dared to do so. "What else could matter?" "I don't know," she admitted, in sudden capitulation to the wild uprush of happiness in her heart. "I suppose you're right, my darling, and nothing else does matter except that I love you too." " Beverley!" He lifted her right up off the ground and kissed her over and over again on her cheeks and her lips and even her charming nose. Because lovers are really nothing like so selective about these matters as the poets would have us believe. "Stop let me breathe." She laughed in indescribably rapturous, breathless gaiety. "I've still got something to say to explain." "There's nothing that needs explaining anymore," he declared. But he stopped kissing her, and just held her and looked at her as though she were indeed the most precious thing in the world."It's about what Toni said," Beverley insisted. "It wasn't her invention. Franklin. It was my invention. I had told Mr. Revian that you and I were probably going to be married." "But you didn't know then." "No. Of course not. But it was when I broke my engagement to Geoffrey, and he the old man, I mean _turned difficult because he thought Geoffrey was 186 treating me badly. And, to smooth things over, I had to pretend that I too had changed my mind and wanted to marry someone else. And then he pressed the point and insisted on knowing who it was, and I don't know how to apologize or explain on the spur of the moment, I pretended it was you." She stopped speaking, and there was silence for a moment. Then, plucking up her courage, she glanced up at Franklin, and saw that he was smiling in a contented, dreamy an uncharitable person might have said almost fatuous way. "You mean," he said, with a deep sigh of satisfaction, "that I was the man who came naturally into your mind at that moment? You couldn't have said a sweeter thing, my darling." "C-couldn't I?" stammered Beverley, wondering bewilderedly what had happened to the seemingly insurmountable problem which had accompanied her into the house. "You mean you're not angry? or resentful?" "Good heavens, why should I be either? You chose me, you say. I'd have been wild if you'd chosen anyone else. But, as it was, I seemed the natural answer to your difficulty which means that you knew me and trusted me and perhaps already loved me better than anyone else." "Oh, Franklin " she smiled slowly and put her hand against his cheek "I suppose you're right, I never thought of that." "I shall often think of it," he replied with satisfaction. "Even long after we're married." She caught her breath at the word. "Are we really going to be married?" "Well, of course. What else do you think all this scene has meant?" he enquired. "I don't know. It's just that " she glanced round "it's all so different from anything I've ever known before. I feel a little lost." "You don't need to." And, smiling, he took her hand and led her up to the picture of the child in the blue and white dress. 187 "Look well at yourself, my darling," he said, "and you'll see that you are completely at home. You have lived with me for years. You know all my moods, all my faults and any good points I possess. You are my best friend and my sternest critic for you always look gravely, though sweetly, at me if I fail to come up to expectations. In fact, the only place for you is in my home and my heart."And, while the younger Beverley looked on m wide eyed approval, he took the Beverley he had just won into his arms, and banished her last doubts and anxieties with a long, firm kiss.