Her Rugged Rancher

by Stella Bagwell

  “Because pretty soon the sex will cool and then I won’t have anything to offer you.”

  “That kind of talk is insulting to both of us.”

  “Sorry, Bella. I’m a realist. Not a romantic.” He gestured to their surroundings. “Look at this room and compare it to my bedroom in the cabin.”

  Shaking her head, she traced her fingers alongside his cheek. “That room will always be special to me. Because it was where we first made love.”

  No, where we first had sex, he wanted to correct her. But he couldn’t. In her mind it was love and he didn’t want to hurt her any more than he had to.

  “Besides,” she went on, “what does this damned room have anything to do with us?”

  He groaned. “Bella, I’m not a pauper. I have money saved and a small herd of cattle to build on. But I could never provide you with a home like this.”

  “Why would you want to? We don’t need two houses,” she reasoned. “And I don’t need money or things from you, Noah. I thought by now you understood that.”

  He fixed his gaze on the open doors and watched the leaves on a cottonwood tremble beneath the night breeze. The idea of loving Bella, of making a life with her, made him tremble the same way. Only his quaking was caused by fear, not by a cooling wind.

  “A man wants to give to his woman, Bella. Not take.”

  “I don’t consider myself wealthy, Noah. And I won’t until I have a family of my own. That’s wealth. Not houses or land or anything money can get you.”

  If she stuck with him, she’d remain a poor woman, Noah thought ruefully.

  She reached over and placed a hand over his. “I’ve not pressed you to talk about your past, Noah. But I think—well, I get the feeling you’re still living there.”

  Everything inside him recoiled. “What makes you think that?”

  “Because you’re certainly not living for the future.” The tips of her finger traced over his knuckles then down his wrist and onto his forearm. The cuts from the barbed wire were still stitched and covered with Band-Aids but she could have whacked the wounds with a rolling pin and the pain wouldn’t come near to matching the empty feeling in his chest.

  “I’ve already told you about my past.”

  “You’ve never told me about the years after you left your grandfather’s place, before you came here. Was there a special woman in your life?”

  “Why the hell would you want to know that?” he barked the question at her. Then before she could answer, he sat up on the side of the bed and pulled on his shorts.

  “Because I care about you. Because I want to know the real reason you’ve hidden your heart behind a barrier of barbed wire.”

  “What if I don’t want to tell you?” he asked bluntly.

  She snorted. “If? It’s already obvious you don’t want to tell me anything. But I think I deserve a few answers, don’t you?”

  A feeling of inevitability came over him and he looked at her. “What do you want to hear? The good stuff? The part about where I finally found a family that I put my faith in and cared about? Or would you rather hear the bad? The part about people I trusted turning their backs on me?”

  The bitterness in his voice should have been enough to put her off, but it wasn’t. Instead, she scooted closer and rested her hand on his bare knee.

  “Why don’t you tell me about all of it?” she suggested.

  With a heavy sigh, he shook his head. “All right. Maybe you do need to hear this. Maybe then you’ll see that I’m way too warped to give you the kind of love you deserve.”

  “Look, Noah, you can’t get much worse than what Marcus did to me. Besides, nothing you can tell me is going to make me change my mind about you. You’re a good man.”

  He swiped a hand over his face. “There’s a few people down in Arizona who don’t think so. And I figure the seven years I’ve been here hasn’t changed their opinion.”

  “Why? Who are these people?”

  “When I left the ranch near Benson I went to work on another ranch not far from Tombstone. A man named Ward Stevens owned Verde Canyon Ranch and almost from the first moment I met him I felt a kinship with the man. He didn’t just own the ranch, but he also worked right along with the hands. He had more knowledge of horses and cattle in one finger than most of us will ever acquire in a lifetime.”

  “So you liked working for him?”

  “It was like living a dream, Bella. The ranch covered an enormous area and though much of it was stark and wild, there were parts when the rains came that would turn beautiful and green. Ward liked my work and dedication and after a few years, he gave me the opportunity to buy into the ranch. My part was small, but it was a partnership nonetheless.”

  “That must have been very special for you.”

  “A moment ago when you talked about money not buying the important things, well, that’s how I felt about Ward. He treated me like a son and I would’ve done anything for the man.”

  She squared around so that she was facing him. “So what happened? If everything was so good, why did you leave?”

  “I had no choice,” he said flatly. “Ward believed I was sleeping with his wife.”

  “And you couldn’t reason with him?”

  He made a cynical grunt. “Aren’t you going to ask whether I was having an affair with the woman?”

  “Why would I bother with a ridiculous question? I know you wouldn’t do something like that. To a friend or an enemy.”

  Dropping his head in his hands, he wondered why she had to have so much faith in him. Where did all that trust come from? Especially after she’d had a cheating husband.

  “Well, it wasn’t true. Oh, Camilla had pursued me all right. She’d tried every trick in the book to seduce me, but I wasn’t about to stab my friend in the back. Besides, at that time I had met a woman I was beginning to care about. I was even thinking of asking her to marry me. That’s how much Ward’s love and friendship had boosted my confidence. But that all went to hell.”

  “So what happened? How did it all end?”

  He lifted his head and looked at her. “I made one last effort to reason with Camilla. I even threatened to go to Ward and tell him what she’d been up to. After that she became, I guess you’d call it, a scorned woman. To get back at me, she goes to Ward and tells him that I’d been after her. That for weeks I’d been trying to seduce her, but she’d resisted.”

  “And he believed her?”

  “Every word. The more I tried to reason with the man, the angrier he got. He threatened to kill me if I didn’t get off the ranch. By then I didn’t have much choice in the matter. There wasn’t any way to prove my innocence. So I sold my interest in the ranch back to Ward and left Verde Canyon.”

  “What about the woman you were planning to marry?”

  The laugh that erupted from his throat tasted like bitter gall. “When she found out why Ward had run me off the ranch, she turned against me, too. She believed Camilla’s story. Not mine.”

  Bella’s head swung back and forth. “So you lost her, too,” she said softly.

  “I lost everything. Even my reputation. And that was the thing that bothered me the most. People around Tombstone had come to like and respect me. The ranch hands on the Verde had all treated me as their equal. I had finally lifted myself up and out of the broken life I’d had as a kid. But Camilla’s lies wiped all of that away.”

  “I don’t understand, Noah. Did Ward’s wife seem like that sort of woman when you first went to work on the ranch?”

  He shook his head. “Not at all. I never saw her so much as bat an eyelash at any man, other than her husband. She adored Ward, and he did her. He was quite a bit older than Camilla, but that didn’t seem to be a problem. They both wanted children and she was having trouble conceiving. When she finally became pregnant they were so happy. Everybody was happy for them. And then when it was nearly time for the baby to be born something went wrong and she miscarried. For a long time afterward it was like a tomb around th
e house. The grief must have twisted something in her mind. I don’t know. But she changed and for some reason looked at me as an escape from her problems.”

  “I suppose that’s why everyone believed her. Because up until the tragedy with the baby, she’d always been a loving wife,” Bella said thoughtfully. “So you left Verde Canyon and came here?”

  “That’s right. And I’ve never spoken to Ward or Camilla or anyone connected to Verde Canyon since.” His expression grim, he looked at her. “See, Bella, I tried to love. I tried to be a part of a real family. It didn’t work. I came away from the Verde more broken than I’d ever been before. I’m not about to let myself get into that vulnerable position again. It’s not worth the pain.”

  She stared at him in stunned fascination. “Surely you can’t equate all that happened in Arizona with me and you! There’s no comparison!”

  “Isn’t there?” he asked caustically. “No, you’re not Jett’s wife, but you’re his sister. One that he loves very dearly. What do you think he’d say or do if he discovered I’d been sleeping in your bed?”

  Rising to her feet, she stood, her hands anchored on either side of her hips as she faced him. “Who I choose to sleep with is none of Jett’s business. He’d tell you that himself. Furthermore, he respects you. I figure he’d probably shout, Hallelujah, Bella finally has a man in her life.”

  With a grunt of disbelief, he reached for his jeans. “You’re looking at life through rose-colored glasses.”

  Her lips pressed to a thin, angry line. “Why? Because I let myself believe in someone? Love someone? You’re the one who’s looking through distorted lenses, Noah. You see everything in a dark and twisted way! I’m sure a few minutes ago after we made love, you were lying there wondering how long it would be before I stuck a knife in your back.”

  Standing, he stepped into his jeans and after zipping them up, snatched his shirt from the floor. “Can you blame me?”

  She stared at him as though he’d slapped her. “Oh, Noah,” she said softly, “don’t you think it’s time to put all that behind you?”

  “That’s easy for you to say, Bella. You didn’t live through it.”

  Her jaw tight, she watched him snap his shirt and stuff the tails into his jeans. “You think I lived in a rose garden all my life? You think I didn’t go through hell with Marcus? Oh, poor pitiful me. Oh, poor pitiful Noah. Life has been bad to both of us. So let’s just give up and go cry in our beer. Is that what you want?”

  He jerked on his boots, amazed that he’d been so hot to be with her, he’d not even taken the time to remove his spurs. That was a sure sign he was in deep trouble.

  “I want you to leave me alone,” he snapped. “Go find someone else to psychoanalyze.”

  “If I thought you meant that, I—”

  “I do mean it!” he interrupted.

  He stalked out of the bedroom, but she raced on his heels. “Where are you going? I thought you were planning on staying the night?”

  “That isn’t going to happen. Not tonight. Not again.”

  By now he was striding through the kitchen, intent on escaping through the back door.

  As he snatched his hat from a wall peg and tugged it low on his forehead, she hurried up to his side.

  “So you’re going to run away,” she accused. “Running and hiding from your feelings isn’t going to fix anything. Besides that, I’m not going to let you take the coward’s way out.”

  He couldn’t believe that after all he’d said, after hearing the nasty story of Verde Canyon, she still refused to give up on him. A part of him wanted to call her a little fool. But the other part wanted to jerk her into his arms and never let her go.

  “Don’t waste your time on me, Bella. I don’t want that. I want you to be happy.”

  Before she could try to stop him, he slipped out the door and hurried to the truck. But as he pulled away and headed toward the cabin, he wondered how much longer he could stay here on the J Bar S. How long would it be before Bella’s pursuit forced him to quit the ranch and move on?

  *

  Two days later, on Saturday afternoon, Noah and Jett rode their horses through a large herd of steers located on the far west range of the ranch. Signs of the continuing drought were everywhere. Grass was scarce and in some instances even the sagebrush had succumbed to the lack of water.

  Noah was studying a motley-colored steer standing near a patch of prickly pear when Jett reined his horse to a stop. Propping his forearm over the saddle horn, he looked toward the valley floor.

  “I remember when that part of the ranch used to be green. Now it looks like someone has set a match to it,” he said grimly. “Sassy doesn’t want to sell anything with a hide or hooves and I’ve tried to keep that from happening. But I’m afraid there’s not much left to do. Any chance of rain won’t come until early winter and even then there’s no guarantees.”

  “Yeah. It’s a bad situation,” Noah agreed. “But Sassy’s a sensible woman. If you decide to sell off half the steers, she’ll understand you have no choice.”

  Jett sighed. “Yeah. But I hate to disappoint her. She thinks I’m some sort of miracle worker.” With a wry smile slanting his lips, he looked over at Noah. “It’s nice to have a woman put that much faith in you. But sometimes it awfully hard to live up to, you know?”

  Noah lifted his hat from his head and swiped a hand through his damp hair. “I wouldn’t know too much about that.”

  What are you lying for, Noah? Bella has put all kinds of misguided faith in you and you’ve done your best to let her down. When are you going to own up to the truth? When are you going to admit to yourself that you are a coward?

  Noah could feel Jett’s thoughtful gaze traveling over him and the scrutiny left him cold and sick. The same way he’d felt when he’d driven away from Bella’s last Thursday night.

  “Something is wrong with you,” he said. “Spit it out.”

  Noah groaned. “Nothing is wrong. It’s been damned hot today and I’ve been in the saddle for most of it.”

  “If there was ever a man that loves being atop a horse, no matter the weather, it’s you. So try again. That one doesn’t fly.”

  Noah drew in a bracing breath and blew it out. “I might as well talk to you about this now. I’ve been planning on it, anyway.”

  Jett’s horse made a restless side step and he steered the animal back so that he was facing Noah. “You’re having problems with the men,” he said before Noah could begin. “I had a feeling Parker was going to cause trouble. He’s got an attitude of sorts. But I thought you could deal with it.”

  Noah shook his head. “There’s nothing wrong with Parker. He’s a good worker. The men are fine. This is something else…a woman.”

  Jett’s expression looked like a man who’d just been shot. “A woman! Are you kidding me?”

  “I wish,” he said glumly.

  “Why? I think it’s great! A woman is just what you’ve been needing.”

  The sick feeling boiling in the pit of Noah’s stomach grew worse. “You won’t think so, when I tell you who the woman is,” he muttered.

  “I doubt it. I can’t imagine you getting hooked up with some floozy. You’re too cautious for something like that. Tell me about her,” Jett urged.

  Deciding he couldn’t put it off any longer, Noah glanced away from his friend and fixed his gaze back on the motley steer. The animal was now grazing on the prickly pear, chewing the green pads, spines and all. At the moment Noah felt as if he’d eaten a few cactus thorns himself.

  “It’s Bella.”

  Jett stared at him for long moments before a wide grin finally settled across his face. “You and Bella. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of the two of you getting together, but I should have. You’re perfect for each other. Damn, Noah, you’ve made me happy.”

  He’d expected Jett to be civil about the news, but not anything close to happy. “Hell, Jett, how long have you known me?”

  “Close to seven years
or something like that. Why?”

  Frowning now, he stepped down from the saddle and stood next to his horse’s head. The sorrel nudged him on the shoulder and Noah automatically pulled a peppermint candy from his pocket and gave it to the horse.

  To Jett, he said, “You know what kind of man I am. I don’t have much. And I don’t want much. Give me a horse, a few cows to look after and a sky over my head and I’m satisfied. Is that the kind of man you think Bella needs in her life?”

  “You’re exactly the kind she needs.”

  “Damn, Jett, you need a vacation from your law office. You’re not thinking straight. Bella doesn’t need a man like me. I can’t give her anything.”

  “If you’re thinking my sister needs a man with money, then you’re the one who’s messed up. You can take away her loneliness. You can give her love and children and meaning to her life.”

  “And that’s supposed to be easier than giving her financial security?” He shook his head. “No matter. I’ve already made it clear to Bella that I can’t give her any of those things. I—don’t plan on seeing her anymore.”

  The creak of Jett’s saddle told Noah the man was dismounting long before he came to stand next to him.

  “I hope you don’t mean that,” he said.

  “I made it clear to Bella a few nights ago. But I don’t think— Well, she believes she can change my mind. I won’t.”

  Jett thoughtfully stroked his chin. “I’m getting the picture now. I thought she was upset over a case she’s been working on. Instead, it’s you that has her all down and out.”

  If possible, Noah felt even worse. “I’m sorry about that, Jett. I never wanted to hurt her. It’s just that she—” He shook his head. “She’s put me up on some damned pedestal where I don’t belong.”

  “That’s the special thing about having a woman love you, Noah. She’ll look past your faults and see the good. I thank God that each and every day Sassy does it with me.”

  At one time, back on the Verde, Noah had believed there was good in him. He’d worked hard to show everyone that he wasn’t like his worthless father, or indifferent, petty, narrow-minded grandfather. But Ward’s betrayal had cut Noah down. Now he told himself he didn’t give a damn what people thought of him. Not even Bella.