by John Guare
JACQUES CORNET (taking out his maps)These maps lead me into terra incognita. The hieroglyphs of geography.
DR. TYou have no warmth. You can’t wear these slippers.
JACQUES CORNETAs nature has given me my precious instincts, so I trust nature to care for me.
MURMURDo you want me to come with you? Please say no.
JACQUES CORNETI’m become Robinson Crusoe. I want no man’s company.
MURMURThank god.
JACQUES CORNETIt shall be like stepping off a mountain into a white cloud.
DR. TAnd Jacques Cornet goes into the white spaces.
Jacques Cornet goes. The townsmen and women enter to find Pincepousse’s body.
SPARKSFind Cornet!
HARCOURTBring him back!
PYTHAGOREDeath to Cornet!
MARGERYWill he come back? What will become of me?
They go.
A large map of North America descends. Enter Napoleon in full majesty and Talleyrand.
NAPOLEONLe Clerc dead? Our entire fleet wiped out. Damn sugar, damn coffee, damn the muslins of my wife! That American—the deaf one—
TALLYRANDThe one who wanted to buy New Orleans? Livingston.
NAPOLEONBring him here.
TALLYRANDYou can’t sell New Orleans. I won’t allow it.
NAPOLEONYou won’t allow. I’ve listened to your slime long enough. Sell all of Louisiana. Get rid of all of it. I am no longer paltry, Citizen First Counsel. I will be Emperor!
TALLYRANDSell the entire Louisiana territory and risk making the United States a rival?
DR. TAnd listen to what Napoleon says!
NAPOLEONAt first, America will be proud of their size. They’ll start singing songs about their country—(A scratchy recording of a choir singing “America the Beautiful”). I see slavery spreading like a cancer. I see this territory tearing blacks and whites apart. The poor United States—not prepared for greatness. Sell it. Get their money. Then we attack and destroy Britain. France, ruler of the seas, sails to an emasculated North America and reclaims war-torn Louisiana for France. (The enormous white space of the Louisiana Territory glows on the map of North America.) Give them all this size. No country can be this big and survive. They’ll collapse within three years. The luck of Napoleon will see me through.
Napoleon stands in shadows. Livingston appears.
DR. TOn April 11, 1803, the day before Monroe arrives—
TALLYRANDI offer you all of Louisiana.
LIVINGSTON (to us)Don’t blink an eye. He’s like Mephistopheles offering Faust the world. All this ours? Jefferson sent me here to buy only this little bit. Jefferson never imagined—if only I could talk to Jefferson.
TALLYRANDGive me a price.
LIVINGSTONSince no one knows what’s there, four million dollars.
TALLYRANDTwenty million francs? No, no, no, no. Fifty million francs.
LIVINGSTONTen million dollars for this? Out of the question.
Napoleon steps into the light.
NAPOLEONStop! Irresolution and deliberation are no longer in season. I renounce Louisiana. Take it or leave it.
Napoleon and Talleyrand go. Enter Monroe.
MONROEMonroe arrives.
LIVINGSTONDamn, I’ll have to share the history books. I tell him the offer.
MONROEHow big is all this?
LIVINGSTONRoughly nine hundred thousand square miles.
MONROENine hundred thousand—
LIVINGSTONWhat would we do, transformed into this Goliath?
MONROEMegatherian.
LIVINGSTONHerculean.
MONROEWe’re a sensible Puritan country.
LIVINGSTONWe only require New Orleans.
MONROEOn the other hand. Look at the size of France.
LIVINGSTONLook at the size of England.
MONROEWe’d be so big, the world would fear us—
LIVINGSTON—cower before us.
LIVINGSTON AND MONROELet’s do it.
Enter Napoleon and Talleyrand.
NAPOLEONGet one hundred million francs.
TALLYRANDI now need one hundred million francs.
MONROEBargain bargain bargain . . .
LIVINGSTONHaggle haggle bargain . . .
MONROEWe agree to sixty million francs plus twenty million francs for merchant claims—
LIVINGSTONRoughly fifteen million dollars.
NAPOLEONDone!
DR. T (to us)And this is how empires stumble into being.
Enter the Infanta, Doña Polissena, Toussaint.
INFANTAA hungry one-eyed Princess in Italy.
DOÑA POLISSENAA tiny mosquito in the Indies.
TOUSSAINTA former slave who challenged an empire and won. I died in France in a dungeon at the same time as these negotiations.
They go. Enter Jefferson and Meriwether.
JEFFERSONThe news of the purchase reaches me on the Fourth of July 1803!—What! Fifteen million dollars???
DR. TWhich in 2010 is worth roughly one hundred and ninety five million dollars.
JEFFERSONFifteen million dollars???
DR. TAs Linnaeus sent out young men to catalog the world’s flora, so Mr. Jefferson liberates Meriwether Lewis from his desk, sending him out with William Clark to see what the hell it is they have bought.
Meriwether enters in full exploration gear.
JEFFERSONMeriwether, prepare to voyage into whiteness.
Jefferson goes. Music. Eerie. Majestic. Full of wonder. Meriwether moves onto an empty stage now blinding white.
A Figure appears in the distance, covered in bear skins huddled against the cold.
MERIWETHERHello? What tribe you from? I speak bit of Mandan. I’m separated from my party. You like pocket mirror? See self. Beads? Silk ribbons. Ivory comb. Tobacco. Tomahawk that can be pipe. Vermilion face paint.
(taking out list)
How long do Indians live?
How do you treat small pox?
Diseases of venery.
What kind of animals do you keep?
What kind of games do you play?
Does the Missouri flow northwest? Southwest?
Or just west?
I have food? Tasty beef and eggs and vegetables boiled into a paste? M-m-m-m! You want?
The Figure tosses back the bear skin. It is Jacques Cornet, ragged, unshaven, his hair grown out.
JACQUES CORNETNo foie gras?
MERIWETHERFoie gras?
JACQUES CORNETI have a yen for foie gras. Like a song that refuses to vacate one’s head, so was I sitting here thinking of Bourdeaux geese having grain stuffed down their throats to engorge their livers. Let me see that pocket mirror. I look a fright. Let me have some of that vermilion war paint. ( Jacques Cornet smears it on.) Yes, it appears I speak English.
MERIWETHERWhat kind of Indian are you?
JACQUES CORNETDescended from a tribe of fops that landed here a thousand years ago. We keep the good things of life alive. Music. Fashion. Let me try that paste—I’ll eat it cold.
MERIWETHER (passing him food )Who are you?
JACQUES CORNETAn inept traveler. (eats) Your food is this dreadful at the beginning of a journey? This is food for the end of a journey.
MERIWETHERAre you a citizen of the United States?
JACQUES CORNETN.O. Letters which are also the initials of New Orleans. I am Orleanais. I believe there’s a price on my head? Have you come to capture me and claim the reward?
Jacques Cornet seizes the tomahawk on Meriwether’s belt.
MERIWETHERAre you mad?
JACQUES CORNETI’d have to be. To find myself in a blizzard dressed like this. Do you have whiskey with you? How big is your party?
Meriwether gives him a flask of whiskey. Jacques Cornet drinks.
MERIWETHERSo far we have twenty-two men plus three sergeants. My partner, William Clark, has brought the slave he’s had from childhood. His name is York. Do you know him?
JACQUES CORNETYork? No. Why would I?
MERIWETHERIt always surprises me all Negro
es don’t know each other.
JACQUES CORNETBeing mulatto, I only know half the Negroes. Where are we?
MERIWETHER (unfolding a map)In the Indiana territory. At the junction of the Mississippi and the Ohio rivers.
JACQUES CORNETA collector of maps. As am I. Are we in white space yet?
Jacques Cornet reveals his cache of maps.
MERIWETHERWe are on the brink! May I see? (looks at the maps, then, amazed ) Would you join us? We’re still building our party.
JACQUES CORNETDo you travel with women?
MERIWETHERNot yet.
JACQUES CORNETI’ll stay here. If I discovered the river to India, I’d have to share it with you and I don’t share.
MERIWETHERThere is no sharing. The United States owns all this.
JACQUES CORNETThis land is Spain’s. Or that of France.
MERIWETHERDon’t you know what happened? President Jefferson announced the purchase last Fourth of July. France sold all of Louisiana to us. Mr. Jefferson sent us out the next day to learn what we bought.
JACQUES CORNETWhat month is it now?
MERIWETHERNovember 1803.
JACQUES CORNET1803? Has it been that long? When do the United States take over my city?
MERIWETHERThis December.
JACQUES CORNETLe code noir? What about slavery?
MERIWETHERRead this.
Meriwether hands Jacques Cornet a document.
JACQUES CORNET“. . . these truths . . . self-evident . . . all men are created equal, . . . endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights . . . life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness . . .”
MERIWETHERSlavery will end. After four hundred years of hoping, we’ll find the western waterway. The world is falling into place. Go back home. Be part of the new world’s bravery.
JACQUES CORNETMight it be safe to go back? Pincepousse? I killed him in a perfectly legitimate duel. Yes! I’ll write to my quasi-former slave, Cupidon Murmur. Do you have paper?
Meriwether gives him paper and pencil.
JACQUES CORNET (writes)“Open my house. Put out my wardrobe. Alert Mme. Mandragola. Tell no one you have heard from me, not even Dr. Toutou. I want my arrival to be a surprise! Your former master, now friend, Jacques Cornet.” Can you post it for me. (Meriwether takes the letter) I tell you New Orleans is paradise.
MERIWETHERIf it was paradise before, imagine what it shall be now.
JACQUES CORNETYou’ll solve the puzzle of the white spaces. We’ll meet again!
Jacques Cornet flings his bear skins onto Meriwether and goes. Meriwether Lewis waves goodbye to Jacques and recedes into the distance.
Darkness.
A trumpet plays. The Spanish flag is lowered. Morales enters.
MORALESOn this day in November 1803, Spain gives Louisiana to France. We lower the Spanish flag—
The French flag is raised.
DORILANTEAnd raise the French flag. We lower the French flag.
The French flag lowers. Jacques Cornet enters.
JACQUES CORNETI return to New Orleans. A Free Man of Color Comes Home. I’m back within the pages of my play.— Nothing has changed! Out on the river, I see a score of ships anchored. It’s so quiet—
Murmur appears, carrying a picnic hamper.
JACQUES CORNETMurmur! I told you to meet me at home.
MURMURYou want to be here, sir. Look! American war ships waiting for the flags to be swapped.
JACQUES CORNETThe flag of the United States rises as I arrive? Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the impeccability of my timing. Murmur! Good man! Did you miss me?
MURMURYes, sire.
JACQUES CORNETI missed you.
MURMURVery good, sir.
JACQUES CORNETWhat’s wrong?
MURMURNothing. I’ve brought you food.
JACQUES CORNETA New Orleans feast! Sherry! Chicken! Etoufée! Tell Doctor T I’m home! Set another place! Add one for you. Join us—
MURMUR (setting the places)It was discovered that Dr. Toubib had fled Boston as a slave. His owner reclaimed him and took him away.
JACQUES CORNETDr. Toubib reclaimed? But that’s not in my play.
NUNS dressed in black pass by, eyes down, hands in prayer.
JACQUES CORNETBut I know them—
MURMURDoña Smeralda, slain by her husband.
Doña Polissena, dead of the plague.
Doña Athene, Lady Harcourt, Mme. Dorilante and Mrs. Sparks, abandoned by their husbands and foresworn by you, had nowhere to go.
DOÑA ATHENEWe joined into an order of penitents called Slaves of the Unquenchable Lust of Mary Magdalene.
JACQUES CORNETWhy are you here?
DOÑA ATHENETo witness your fate.
THE NUNS (sing)Repent!
The Nuns go.
JACQUES CORNETRepent? No! Long live the pretty girls! The wine cup! The glory of Earth’s merry ball! Throw off your habits! We are in an Illyrian time. The golden age begins! Raise the American flag! Hurry! Let the freedom begin! Why isn’t the flag ascending? Who is in charge of raising the flag?
Murmur turns, terrified. The Ghost of Pincepousse enters.
GHOST OF PINCEPOUSSEJacques, didst thou invite me to thy banquet?
JACQUES CORNETMy brother, I am glad to see death has not prevented us from having a conversation on this historic day. I plead a favor. Would you testify that I killed thee in a perfectly conventional duel between honorable men? You’re dead so what difference can it make? Speak, speak! I am longing to know your purpose.
GHOST OF PINCEPOUSSEI have come to witness your destruction.
JACQUES CORNETI’m not destroyed. I lead a long, happy life. Look—the flag catches the wind!
The American flag fills the stage. The Ghost of Pincepousse clutches Jacques’ arm as Sparks, Harcourt and Dorilante seize Jacques Cornet and put him in shackles.
MURMUR (calls out)Take him!
JACQUES CORNETRelease me! What madness is this?
SPARKSGood work, Murmur.
Sparks gives Murmur a bag of coins.
JACQUES CORNETYou betrayed me?
MURMURThe price of your reward was the exact cost for me to buy my freedom.
JACQUES CORNETBut I gave you your freedom.
MURMURThey guaranteed it! You’re real good at dangling carrots of freedom in front of a donkey who’s pushing your crates and cleaning your clothes and fetching your women and then vanishing into a swamp, taking my freedom with you. I’m well-versed in all your lessons, Jacques Cornet.
“Born to myself, I like myself alone.”
I’ve learned to spray myself with your cologne.
Betray you? I merely earned my price.
I am now a free man of color. I find that very nice.
Exit Murmur.
SPARKSLet the auction begin!
JACQUES CORNETWhat is being auctioned?
SPARKSYou.
JACQUES CORNETLet me be clearheaded. Let me go home. Let me get my papers. Let me understand what you’re saying—
SPARKSIt’s very simple. The United States government now controls your property.
HARCOURTWe’re here to dispose of your property.
SPARKSTo dispose of you.
JACQUES CORNETI’m not property.
SPARKSYou are mulatto.
JACQUES CORNETBut in New Orleans that is applauded!
SPARKSWe live in a newer Orleans.
JACQUES CORNETBut you are mamelouc—you quadroon—
SPARKSYou’d never know it.
DORILANTEFate favored our skin.
JACQUES CORNETBut this is my play.
SPARKSThere is now a new playwright. Reality. Here are your new pages. (He gives Jacques Cornet a new script.) Let the auction begin.
The men advance on Jacques Cornet.
JACQUES CORNET (shaking them off )Look at that flag! New Orleans is now part of the United States of America, where all men are created equal!
SPARKSLet’s start the bidding.
JACQUES CORNETYou cannot buy what is not for sale. Lo
ok at me. My arms and legs find echoes in marbled ancient Greeks. Such perfection is for the Acropolis, not for your tawdry hands. This is insanity. I return home after many months exploring and this is my welcome committee? Surely you joke. Surely. Surely. This is not the France of Louis Quatorze. Le Code Noir is one hundred years out of date. This is New Orleans. People do not behave this way. I have a document here that fueled my return. Read these words. The man who wrote this is president. I demand to see the man who wrote Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. I demand he appear and correct this outrageous—This is my play! I summon you!
Jefferson appears.
JEFFERSONThis is most unusual.
JACQUES CORNETSir, these inhuman men are under the impression they can buy me as if I were a cow.
DORILANTEInhuman? Hath not a slave owner eyes?
SPARKSHath not a slave owner hands?
DORILANTEOrgans?
HARCOURTDimensions?
SPARKSSenses?
HARCOURTFed with the same food?
SPARKSHurt with the same weapons?
DORILANTESubject to the same diseases?
JACQUES CORNETSir, I am a free man who lives as a free man—
JEFFERSONLet me settle this humanely. Go. You’ll have your turn.
DORILANTERemember, if you prick us, do we not bleed?
SPARKSIf you tickle us, do we not laugh?
HARCOURTIf you poison us, do we not die?
DORILANTEIf you wrong us, shall we not . . .
MEN. . . revenge?
They go.
JACQUES CORNETI apologize—usually I am of a calmer mien. Let me identify myself. Jacques Cornet. New Orleans.
JEFFERSONWas your father Pierre Cornet? Le Duc de Pincepousse? I knew him in Paris. He went to New Orleans for his fortune.
JACQUES CORNETAnd I am part of the fortune he found.
JEFFERSONFor a time we each pursued the same woman. One of us was victorious. I forget which. I was sorry to learn of his death.
JACQUES CORNETIt was peaceful.
JEFFERSONWe can wish for no more.
JACQUES CORNETNo more than wishing my life to continue in peace.
JEFFERSONYour mother? Someone I assume he met on his plantation?
JACQUES CORNETI did not know my mother. She was sold after my birth.
JEFFERSONAnd you were given your freedom.
JACQUES CORNETEarned my freedom. In New Orleans, you’ll see iron wrought into vines, decorating each building. I instituted that factory. I have a talent for alchemy. That’s how I purchased my freedom.
