by John Guare
Fiery veins streak the eye.
Mucous secretions surcharge the tongue and take away speech.
When the violence of the disorder approaches the heart, gums blacken.
Sleep, broken by delirium and convulsions, yellowish spots spread.
Lips glaze.
Despair paints itself in the eyes.
Sobs form the only language.
The mouth spreads foam tinged with black and burnt blood.
Death comes on the thirteenth day.
LE CLERCAll remedies are useless.
They go.
Doña Polissena’s laboratory.
DOÑA POLISSENA ( from behind the curtained bed)Yes! Yes! Yes!
DR. TAnd at that moment of carnal delight, Mme. Creux has a blinding revelation.
DOÑA POLISSENA (opening the bed’s curtain)The mosquito!
JACQUES CORNET (appearing over her)Excuse me?
DOÑA POLISSENAThe mosquito is the cause of yellow fever! Thank you, Jacques. Give me more scientific insights!
Doña Polissena and Jacques Cornet close the bed’s curtain.
DR. TBut no one in science will believe this until October 1900, when Major Walter Reed will announce to the American Public Health Association—
WALTER REED appears.
WALTER REEDThe mosquito serves as the intermediate host for the parasite of yellow fever.
Tumultuous applause. Walter Reed goes.
Doña Athene appears at the window of the lab peering in at the lovers through a spyglass.
DOÑA ATHENEHis amputation a hoax? I will inform Pincepousse of this deception. I will drag Pincepousse back into the plot of this play. He will be the instrument by which I assassinate my assassin, Jacques Cornet.
Doña Athene goes. Le Clerc enters.
LE CLERCI saw eight scorpions! I lose 160 men a day. My troops flee to the mountains and find the yellow fever waiting for them. The reinforcements you send die as fast as they arrive. Only 4,500 are fit for duty, bringing our total loss to 29,000 Frenchmen. (hopping even more slowly from pan to pan) Destroy all mountain blacks! Send shiploads of rebellious blacks to American ports. Let New Orleans taste Toussaint’s poison! Send these demons out of here!
Le Clerc goes. Ships appear in foggy gloom.
On Mystery Street. Creux enters, Morales following.
CREUXThe demons are here! Look on the horizon.
MORALESThat ship—
CREUXIt comes bearing yellow fever. Yellow fever descends upon New Orleans! We are all in peril.
MORALESWe must rescue what we hold most dear.
CREUXI suppose my wife. Although—
MORALESHow can we stop them?
CREUXWe could flee.
MORALESNever! Find Jacques Cornet and his bottomless purse.
Murmur sees them and calls into Jacques.
MURMUR (calling in)Master? Husband alert! Husband alert!
Jacques Cornet and Doña Polissena open the curtain and dress hurriedly.
DOÑA POLISSENADear God, I am cursed.
JACQUES CORNETI assume my mask.
Morales and Creux see Murmur.
MORALESWhere is Jacques? Jacques! Jacques! Murmur, there you are. Is your master on Mystery Street?
MURMURYes. He came to pay a house call on this guy.
CREUXJacques Cornet is in my house?
MORALESOpen up! The nightmare! The infernal French at this moment are vomiting their wretched blacks upon our coast. Jacques! Are you in there?
They enter the laboratory.
CREUXJacques, I’ve so hoped to meet you?
Jacques Cornet and Doña Polissena, now presentable, greet Morales and Creux.
JACQUES CORNETWelcome to our sewing circle.
MORALESSanto Domingo arrives in New Orleans! We have to block their entry into the harbor.
CREUXSo you’re Jacques Cornet. I pray my wife didn’t bore you.
MORALESYour clothes? I thought you burned everything.
JACQUES CORNETI’m having your wardrobe duplicated.
CREUXStop talking about clothes! Tragedy is entering the port.
JACQUES CORNETTragedy?
CREUXYellow fever approaches!
DOÑA POLISSENAHow thrilling!
MORALESCornet, as your best friend and sole heir, I implore you. We need salvation.
CREUX (studying Jacques Cornet)Is that man a Negro?
MORALESCoz, you have Negroes on the brain! Jacques, only your money can keep New Orleans free of the yellow death. We must pay off the captain and divert the course of disease. New Orleans will call you hero.
MURMURDon’t do it, boss. Please. Stay out of this one!
JACQUES CORNET (to us)Call me hero? The world needs New Orleans. If I were the one to save it, Jefferson, Napoleon, King George—the world!—would be indebted to me! Murmur, bring my gold. Men, to the ship!
Darkness.
DR. TFog. Mist. Rain.
They approach the ship by rowboat. The CAPTAIN appears.
CAPTAINWho goes?
MORALESJuan Ventura Morales, the Supreme Intendante of the Port of New Orleans! State your intentions!
CAPTAINWe sail by the authority of General Le Clerc!
JACQUES CORNETWe step onboard the ship.
Moans from below.
JACQUES CORNETWhat is that moaning?
CREUXTell us of the success of General Le Clerc? Le Clerc appears.
LE CLERCMost serene First Consul, my leader, my savior. All is going wonderfully. We’re making great strides in ridding Sante Domingue of the pestilence of natives, which sets me thinking how much I’d like to return to France. Get me out of hell. You can’t imagine the horror—the fever—the smell—the death. I must put down my pen to return to my bed. I just need a rest. Then I shall return to my post. All goes well. We are winning—I—I
Le Clerc dies. He goes.
THE CAPTAINOur General is dead! You have to take us in.
MORALESI engage in business with the captain.
Morales and the Captain exit.
JACQUES CORNETAnd I ask to see the deported blacks.
MURMURWhy?
JACQUES CORNETCuriosity. Open the hold. Open the hold!
Murmur opens the cover of the ship’s hold. Doña Polissena, Creux, Jacques Cornet are stunned, repelled by what they see.
MURMURWe look down into the steerage—
JACQUES CORNET—into a mass of human agony.
VOICES OF SANTO DOMINGOAidez-moi! Aidez-moi!
JACQUES CORNETI see people the color of my mother reaching up—fighting over access to rain—I hear screams.
CREUXClose the hold! They want to live like this.
POLISENAIt’s too horrible.
CREUXAll I hear is how much they want to enjoy the hospitality of New Orleans. They’re underprivileged to begin with so this so-called deprivation is working very well for them.
JACQUES CORNETI see women in labor. A mother lifts her new born infant, her Moses still wet from birth up to me. I reach down . . .
Jacques Cornet falls into the hold. Doña Polissena screams.
MURMURMy master is down there! I reach my hand down—
Morales returns.
MORALESEntry denied! Murmur, get us off this ship.
DOÑA POLISSENAWe can’t leave Jacques Cornet here!
MORALESWhy not! Turn your ship out to sea! We have cannon on shore aimed at you!
Jacques Cornet appears in the hold, a knot of hands clutching at him.
JACQUES CORNETI am a creature with a hundred hands reaching up up up up—
MURMURThe ship is turning—
MORALESMurmur, we must return to our boat.
DOÑA POLISSENAGet him out! Jacques!
MURMUR (reaching into the hold)Master! I can’t see you! Which hand is yours?
DOÑA POLISSENA (beating Murmur)Get him, you fool! Save him!
Jacques Cornet leaps and grabs Murmur’s hand.
MURMURMaster! Don’t pull me down there! I pull my hand back!
&nb
sp; Jacques Cornet struggles.
MORALESI’ll not get stuck on this ferry to hell. Drag the cover over the hold.
Murmur catches hold of Jacques Cornet.
JACQUES CORNETI climb up the ladder of flesh. Some rungs of the ladder are still alive—biting me. I stand on top of corpses. I leap!
Jacques Cornet rolls onto the deck, his jacket torn off, his powdered wig gone. Morales slams the cover of the hold shut.
DOÑA POLISSENAYou’re safe!
MORALESWe can’t let the fever into our city. Cornet! Into the boat—Murmur, begin rowing!
Murmur rows.
MURMUR (sings:)
Row row row your boat
gently down the stream
MORALESWe watch the ship of dead men turn away into the gulf.
The ship leaves the port.
DOÑA POLISSENAOh, I know that!
(sings)
Merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream
Morales and Creux join in.
JACQUES CORNET (as they sing)O miserable mankind, to what fall
Degraded, to what wretched state reserved!
Who dares his transport vessel cross the waves
with such whose bones are not composed in graves.
The moans of the rejected cling to the fog.
Sight so deform what heart of rock could long
dry-eyed behold? I could not, but weep,
compassion quells and gives me up to tears.
MURMUR/DOÑA POLISSENA/CREUX/MORALES
Merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream
They go.
The docks of New Orleans. Margery enters, wearing a cape.
MARGERY (to us)Doña Athene sailed up to my husband’s plantation hissing all these seeds of suspicion in Pincepousse’s brain. “Come back to New Orleans. Things ain’t what they seem.” I ups and escape back here to show Jacques my state. When he sees me, as I am, he’ll love me then.
Margery goes. Enter Jacques Cornet, Dr. T, and Murmur.
JACQUES CORNETThat steerage filled with people of the Indies haunts me. Do I just sit here?
DR. TThat’s one way. But let your thoughts inform your actions.
JACQUES CORNETIs courage that simple?
MURMURMy master comes to a shocking conclusion.
JACQUES CORNETWhy am I moved? Those men and women were me. Is what I feel “love”? This love seems not to be a weakness but rather the beginning of a strength. How odd? Love? I must free my slaves. Yes, Murmur, you will be free.
MURMURWill be? Why not: are free?
JACQUES CORNETYes! Are free.
MURMURWell, I’ll be. This is how it happens. (to us) Act one. Scene one. Exit Murmur. Goodbye then.
Murmur starts to go. Margery appears and leaps on Jacques Cornet’s back.
MARGERYHere I am!
JACQUES CORNETOh god. Murmur, get rid of her.
Murmur pulls Margery off Jacques Cornet. Pincepousse enters.
PINCEPOUSSEWhat were you doing with my wife in your arms?
JACQUES CORNETShe was on my back. Why would I want a woman in my arms?
PINCEPOUSSEDoctor, is this man as unmanned as he said?
DR. TI’ve rarely seen a stallion smoothed into such a gelding.
MARGERYIt’s not true! He’s a true man and a great man!
JACQUES CORNETShe’s hell’s own jack in the box! Take her away!
MARGERYI love you! Bud, look at me! Land ho!
Doña Athene enters, now mad, banging on a drum.
DOÑA ATHENECitizens of New Orleans! Hear me! A liar breathes in your midst! The self-proclaimed eunuch, Jacques Cornet? Hah! Unveil yourself!
The people of New Orleans appear.
HARCOURTWhat’s going on?
SPARKSWhat’s happening?
DORILANTEWhat’s she saying?
JACQUES CORNETThe woman’s mad.
PINCEPOUSSEYou swear he’s no man?
DR. TI’ve told you—
MARGERYHe’s what I’ve been told is a man.
LADY HARCOURTThe man is a eunuch.
MRS. SPARKSEveryone knows that.
MME. DORILANTEThe blank spaces of the universe lie between his legs.
DOÑA SMERELDAWho is this man? Are you new in town?
DOÑA ATHENEWomen of New Orleans, you married whores have duped your husbands in the past and shall again in a second when you learn his secret! He is whole! You will implore this monster to transform you back into whores!
LADY HARCOURTHow dare you!
DOÑA ATHENE—as he has lain with you—and you and you!
MORALESNot with my wife! Jacques Cornet is my dearest friend.
DORILANTEHe’s my best friend.
HARCOURTMine!
SPARKSMine!
DOÑA ATHENEHorn-ed men of New Orleans, don’t feign incredulity! Jacques Cornet has purchased entry into your trust.
JACQUES CORNETThe woman’s mad.
DOÑA ATHENEAsk her, the one with the microscope!
DOÑA POLISSENAI swear I don’t know him.
DOÑA ATHENEDon’t know him? I have seen you and him this very day make the undulating beast with two backs. (attacking Doña Polissena) You have driven a knife into my wifely heart as he sails out from his home into your secret doors.
DOÑA POLISSENAI do not know the man! Imprison the wench for slander!
MARGERYNo! He is a man who has filled my sails with child.
PINCEPOUSSEA child!
MARGERY I call Jacques Cornet Messiah. I’m carrying his baby!
Margery throws off her cloak. Is she pregnant?
JACQUES CORNETThen it must be a virgin birth for I know not the woman.
PINCEPOUSSEBut you’re my wife! I have a contract that says so.
MARGERYBut you’re not my husband the way he is.
MORALES (to Jacques Cornet)Did you not have a clavisectomy?
HARCOURTYour key to the city was not shot off?
JACQUES CORNETWhy would Dr. Toutou lie?
DR. TI ask myself that question everyday.
MARGERYIt’s true.
MORALESBut I am your heir!
DORILANTEI am his heir!
SPARKSI have the will! I am the heir!
MORALESHave you made fools of us all?
DOÑA SMERALDAAnd I shall happily make a fool of you again! Take me, Jacques. If you are whole, then I sacrifice everything for you!
MRS. SPARKSYes! I surrender my secret!
LADY HARCOURTI love Jacques Cornet!
MME. DORILANTEYou are my new world!
DOÑA POLISSENAIn the interest of science! I am yours!
The men and their wives advance on Jacques Cornet.
DOÑA SMERALDAWe
LADY HARCOURTShall
MRS. SPARKSNot
DOÑA POLISSENABe
DOÑA SMERALDA AND THE WIVESDenied!
JACQUES CORNETStay back!
CREUXDon’t I satisfy you, my dear?
MORALESDr. Toubib, did you lie to me?
DR. TLet me explain—
MORALES (drawing his sword)Arrest Dr. Toubib!
JACQUES CORNETUnhand him!
The men draw their swords. Jacques Cornet wrests a sword from Creux and challenges the men. They parry.
MORALESStop! Before we extract punishment, I announce a decision. Thanks to my rage, I rescind the right of deposit on the Mississippi. No ships may dock in New Orleans.
HARCOURTBut it’s our life blood!
DORILANTEThe town will starve!
SPARKSYou’ll destroy the city!
MORALESWhen you starve, point the world’s finger to Jacques Cornet! The Mississippi is closed!
Jacques Cornet frees Dr. T with elaborate sword play. Exit Jacques Cornet, Murmur, and Dr. T, pursued by the men.
DR. T (to us)Before we escape into the bayou, know what happened up north, when this news reached Washington.
Enter Jefferson and Meriwether.
MERIWETHERSend in troops to liberate the Mississippi!
<
br /> JEFFERSONNo! That will force England to join the fray. We have to get New Orleans legally before there’s war. No word from Livingston? Bring me James Monroe.
JAMES MONROE appears.
JEFFERSONGo to Paris. Join Livingston. I authorize you to spend ten million dollars—
MONROETen million dollars?!
JEFFERSONTen million dollars to buy New Orleans.
MONROEBuy New Orleans?!
JEFFERSONBuy New Orleans. Move quickly! France is vulnerable. The future destiny of this republic depends on you!
Exit Jefferson, Meriwether and Monroe. Livingston appears.
LIVINGSTONMonroe coming to Paris! I’ll buy New Orleans before Monroe arrives. I’m going to be the only one in the history books.
Exit Livingston.
The bayou. Drums beat madly. Morales, Pincepousse, the women of New Orleans search for Jacques and go. Jacques, Murmur, and Dr. T emerge from hiding.
JACQUES CORNETWe must cleverly escape from the present misfortune. Murmur, you shall put on my clothes while I . . .
MURMURSir, you’d expose me to be killed in your clothes?
JACQUES CORNETHappy is the servant who has the glory of dying for his master.
MURMUR I thought you freed me.
JACQUES CORNETTo demonstrate my affection, I shall free my favorite last. Who’s there? Who comes?
Pincepousse appears, holding sword and lamp.
JACQUES CORNETAhhh, my brother.
PINCEPOUSSEYou dare call me brother?
JACQUES CORNET (drawing his sword)My father was your father.
They duel.
PINCEPOUSSEYour mother was his slave. Bought and sold for a very trivial price. I only tolerate you because of my compassion for a man who made three mistakes in his life. He left France for New Orleans. He had a weakness for women of color.
JACQUES CORNETAnd his third mistake?
PINCEPOUSSEHe did not strangle the mistakes he made with those women at birth.
JACQUES CORNETYou honor him when you honor me.
PINCEPOUSSE (attacking him)Sharing my wife’s favors was not included in the honoraria. Fool! Learn how madly you rush on death!
They cross swords. Margery appears and cries out. Pincepousse turns to her. Jacques makes one home thrust mortally wounding him.
PINCEPOUSSEI yield existence—a wife’s honor’s worth— life—its price—proves none too dear—truth, I did love her.
Pincepousse dies. Jacques Cornet wipes his sword.
JACQUES CORNETRidiculing the price of my mother.
MARGERYSire, now I am yours!
JACQUES CORNETLeave me. I’ll give you money for your child.
DR. TWhere will you go?
