Moments in Time: The Complete Novella Collection

by Dori Lavelle

  Heat studied her face for a moment, then reached for her hand. They walked out of the bathroom hand in hand. Instead of leading her to the door, he sat her down on the bed. “Sweetheart, are you all right? I know something is on your mind. I wish you would tell me.”

  Melisa shrugged. “Sure, I had a busy day, that’s all. A couple walked in today asking me to bake their wedding cake, but the bride had unrealistic demands and she was quite rude. I just…”

  “Stop.” Heat cupped her chin and made her look him in the eyes. “What’s making you so nervous?”

  “I’m not… I’m not nervous.” She lowered her lashes so he wouldn’t see the truth in her eyes.

  “Don’t even try to deny it. You haven’t been yourself lately. Are you having doubts about us?”

  “Never,” she said with passion. “I’ll never regret marrying you.”

  “And yet lately you’ve been doing everything possible to avoid me, spending endless hours at Mel’s Delights. We’re supposed to still be in the honeymoon phase. I miss you.” He kissed her neck.

  Melisa chewed the corner of her lip. “Heat, it’s not you,” she said. He had to know. She never wanted him to doubt her love for him. “I went for a checkup and the results were disappointing.”

  Heat’s shoulders slumped and his face clouded. “Are you sick?”

  Melisa stood and walked to the window, arms wrapped around herself. She couldn’t face him. “I guess you can call it that.”

  “Melisa, you’re killing me here. Talk to me.”

  Melisa exhaled. She hadn’t even known she’d been holding her breath. “One of my fallopian tubes is blocked. That’s probably why I haven’t been able to fall pregnant.” An uninvited teardrop trickled down her cheek.

  Melisa could have sworn Heat stopped breathing. As she listened to her heart pounding, she waited for him to stand up and start pacing the room as he usually did when surprised, angry, or deep in thought. He didn’t. What he did was walk over and wipe the tear from her cheek with his thumb. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me immediately.” He reached for her.

  “There’s nothing you could have done.” Melisa wept into his shoulder, releasing all the hurt she’d bottled up inside.

  Heat buried his nose into her hair and Melisa was soothed by his warm breath on her scalp. Then he released her and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Baby, if you had told me sooner, I would have told you it doesn’t matter. I married you because I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. You’re my best friend, a part of me. Whether we can have children or not doesn’t change that. Not one bit. We have each other.”

  Melisa swiped at her tears. His beautiful words, his love for her this moment were like whips lashing at her back. If only he knew what she was still hiding from him. “You’re not too disappointed?”

  “No, I’m not. Bad news would have been if you told me you had some deadly disease. But you don’t. I might never be a father”—he stroked her cheek—”but I’ll be one hell of a husband. If you want, we could always try other methods of getting pregnant. There are so many options out there.”

  But what if Carlene was right and she should believe in miracles? Maybe she could still conceive naturally. She wouldn’t want to drag them through the stress of surgeries or fertility treatments, which also had no guarantee. Best to follow Dr. Beverlin’s advice. “Or we can continue trying naturally first and see what happens. A miracle might happen.”

  “Sure,” he said, “but let’s not forget to have fun in the process.” A grin spread across his face. “Tell you what. My mother will still be in Serendipity for a week. Let’s cancel on her tonight and stay in.”

  A weight lifted off Melisa’s shoulders. The last thing she wanted to do now was see his over-critical mother. “You don’t think she’ll mind?”

  “She might, but you’re upset. I want to take care of my wife tonight. We can see her another day before she leaves.”

  Melisa leaned her head against his strong shoulder and closed her eyes. “You are one hell of a husband.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Melisa didn’t dislike Heat’s mother; she was just too prim and proper for her liking. She could never quite be herself in Doreen’s presence.

  Since they had canceled on her four days ago, Doreen guilt-tripped them into having her over for lunch.

  As Melisa pulled out the expensive china Doreen had sent them as a wedding present, Heat entered carrying a feather duster.

  Heat waved the duster in Melisa’s direction. “Everything’s clean. Except us.” He raised an eyebrow and gave her a half smile. “Want to jump into the shower together?”

  From his expression, showering wasn’t at all what he had in mind. She moved out of his reach and began to set the dining table. “We don’t have time.” They did. His mother wouldn’t arrive for another hour. It was just that, honestly, with every negative pregnancy test, making love to her husband had become mechanical. Even though Heat was understanding, patient, and loving, Melisa couldn’t switch off and enjoy herself. Then she felt guilty afterward when Heat cradled her in his arms, telling her how much he loved her. She loved him more than anything, but did she deserve his love?

  “Right,” Heat said, and left the room. From his resigned posture, he was disappointed. But she couldn’t help him when she wasn’t even sure how to help herself.

  ***

  Lunch was quiet, and Doreen wouldn’t stop gazing from Melisa to Heat. She knew something was wrong, and Melisa thought she’d probably frown if her face weren’t so heavily Botoxed.

  “Florian, is something the matter with you two?” she asked, putting down her knife and fork.

  Melisa stopped twirling her cold spaghetti around her fork and gazed up at her mother-in-law.

  Doreen never ceased to amaze her. A simple lunch at her son and daughter-in-law’s place and she was dressed to the nines—well-fitted suit jacket with matching pleated skirt, pearls, updo.

  “We’re doing great, mother,” Heat said and wiped his mouth with a napkin, as if to prevent the real truth from pouring out of his lips. That an unmet need was creeping into their marriage and threatening to poison it.

  “Dessert?” Melisa offered, attempting to change the subject. “Homemade chocolate mousse with strawberries.” She rose from her chair.

  “Why not?” Doreen responded, her eyes still fixed on her son’s face.

  Melisa extended a tight smile to her mother-in-law as she cleared away the plates. “Did you like the food?”

  Doreen gazed down at her empty plate and her lips stretched. “It was okay.”

  “It was not okay, Mother. It was delicious,” Heat said, his voice edged with irritation. “My wife went out of her way to try and accommodate you. The least you can say is thank you.”

  “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, Florian. My definition of delicious has always been different from yours.”

  Melisa bit her tongue to prevent herself from saying something she might regret. “Thanks,” she whispered to Heat as he helped her take the dishes to the kitchen.

  He shrugged, removed the dessert from the fridge, and left her in the kitchen. When she went back into the dining room, she found Doreen staring at their windows.

  “Melisa, I will never understand why you don’t have curtains on your windows.” She batted her heavily lacquered lashes in disapproval. “A house without curtains—”

  “Is not a home,” Melisa finished for her. She hadn’t meant to, it just slipped out. Doreen had said that about everything she’d found missing from their home.

  Doreen shot Melisa a scathing look and Melisa gazed down at her chocolate, eyes blazing.

  “We’re in the process of redecorating. It takes time,” Heat said. “And we prefer blinds to curtains.”

  “Not if you hire a decorator. I know one who can do the whole house in a day.”

  Heat let out a resigned laugh. “Mother, I know you’re only trying to help, but we like doin
g things ourselves. We don’t need a decorator or a maid.”

  Doreen sighed loudly. “Well, suit yourselves.”

  Everyone ate their dessert in silence, and then Doreen excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she came back, she picked up her handbag and kissed both Heat and Melisa on the cheek.

  Melisa was taken aback. Doreen had never shown any affection toward her before. Was that a smile she saw on her face? Seeing her smile was like seeing a snake in the city. Was she that happy to be leaving?

  “Doreen, is everything all right?” she had to ask.

  Doreen reached for Melisa’s hands. “I couldn’t be happier. You’re going to make me a grandmother.”

  Melisa reeled as if slapped, and her gaze flickered to Heat, who stood there looking as surprised as she was. “Why do you say that?”

  Doreen leaned forward and whispered, “I know you’re trying for a baby. I saw all the home pregnancy tests in the bathroom.”

  Damn. Melisa mentally kicked herself. She’d done a pregnancy test just half an hour before Doreen arrived. How could she have forgotten to throw away the box? Just what she needed. One more person putting pressure on her to conceive. One more reason for her to curl up in the corner of the bathroom each month, weeping after yet another negative test.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  How could Melisa have known seeing a single line on a stick would be like having her heart ripped out? Over the past few months, every time Melisa felt even slightly nauseous, had a stomach cramp, or felt dizzy, her hopes rose. But each heartbreaking time, the tests proved her wrong.

  She dropped the pregnancy test into the trash on top of three others, then wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Then she left the bathroom and slipped into bed next to Heat.

  He rolled over to face her and draped an arm around her waist. How could he still love her? Why didn’t he hate her the way she was starting to hate herself?

  “I love you, Melisa. For me, you’re enough. We don’t need a baby to be complete,” he reminded her almost daily when he read the disappointment on her face. But his comforting words didn’t help anymore.

  Instead of snuggling into him, she just lay there, motionless.

  ***

  Melisa woke up to the aroma of bacon and eggs, toast, and fresh orange juice.

  Heat sat on the crumpled sheets next to her, a tray balanced on his knees. He wore one of the old T-shirts he slept in and boxer shorts. Faint stubble peppered his chin and his eyes were still heavy with sleep.

  “Why aren’t you at work?” she asked as she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. “I thought you don’t have any night shifts this week?”

  “I took a few days off, remember? I want to spend more time with you. Now, my darling, get up and eat so we can talk.”

  “About?” Melisa knew exactly what about, but putting her feelings into words would be absolute torture.

  “About what has been going on. You’re unhappy. We can’t ignore this, Mel. You… we can’t go on like this.” He placed the breakfast tray on the bed.

  “Fine.” Melisa dragged herself out of bed and padded across the carpeted room to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and pulled her hair into a ponytail. Killing time. Then she went back into the bedroom to face her husband.

  They ate breakfast in silence, as if neither of them knew where to begin.

  Eventually, Heat placed the tray on the floor and cuddled up in bed next to Melisa. “Mel, you have to stop this… this obsession with getting pregnant.”

  “Easy for you to say,” Melisa snapped. “You’re not the one with the problem.”

  “Maybe not,” Heat’s voice broke, “but you’re my wife and I hate seeing you like this. We’re still newly married. Let’s enjoy each other.” He fiddled with her ponytail.

  “Aren’t we?”

  “Not really. I’m starting to have the feeling that you only want to make love to me in order to get pregnant. I miss what we had before we decided to make a baby.”

  Melisa snapped her head to face him. “You know what, Heat, I thought you wanted a baby as much as I do—”

  “And I do,” his voice rose, “but I hate feeling as if I’m simply a baby-making machine to you.”

  “How dare you even think that?” Melisa swung her feet out of bed and reached for her silk nightgown. She wrapped it around her shoulders and tied it at her waist.

  “Baby—”

  “Don’t call me that!” she retorted and stormed out of the room and down the stairs. “Never call me that,” she mumbled under her breath. She was being selfish, but lately, even the mention of a baby turned on a switch inside her, transforming her into a monster.

  Before she reached the bottom step, Heat had caught up with her. He got hold of her arm and spun her around. “Melisa, I’m not trying to hurt you. I hate watching you hurt. There are so many other ways to have a baby. We could—”

  Tears sprang to Melisa’s eyes. “You don’t get it, do you? I want to have this baby on my own.” They both sank down on the steps as tears streamed down her face. “I feel like such a failure.” She wanted it to be as easy as the first time they’d made love. Having a baby with the help of doctors frightened her. What if they went through the process and they failed? Their marriage might still end up suffering.

  Heat cradled her head and kissed her on the mouth. “You’re not a failure. These things take time. We have many years ahead of us. We don’t have to have a baby right away.”

  “But I want one right now.”

  “Why?” He wiped her cheek with his thumb. “Why now?”

  She couldn’t answer him. Her answer was the one he would never be prepared for.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “What are you doing?” Heat asked, his voice drowsy.

  Melisa regarded him, lying there, his hair messy, his chest strong and muscular. She wanted more than anything to climb back into bed with him and lay her head on his chest where she belonged. But she couldn’t. Not while she was hiding something from him. She looked away again and zipped her suitcase, heaved it off the bed, and placed it at the foot of the bed. “Heat, I need to go away for a while.” Staying with him and not being able to give him a baby was torture.

  Every day, she was reminded of the secret she was keeping from him, and she was terrified of him finding out. But he had to know. That was why she had written him a letter confessing everything. She didn’t want to see the hurt in his face when he read it. She was not leaving him permanently. She’d go and stay with Nick and Carlene for a few days to give him time to digest the news and ask her to return, if he still wanted her.

  She’d thought of staying at a hotel, but as much as she wanted to be alone, she needed someone around, someone not connected to her problems. Carlene knew what Melisa was going through, and she’d insisted Melisa come and stay with them. Even if, when Melisa had called her in the middle of the night to explain her decision, Carlene had done her best to talk her friend out of walking out on Heat.

  “Are you out of your mind? What are you doing? Heat is the love of your life,” she’d said.

  “I didn’t say he wasn’t,” Melisa retorted.

  “What does it all mean? You’re divorcing Heat? You want a baby, I get it. But you’re making a big mistake.”

  “I’m not planning to leave him for good. I want to tell him the truth but I can’t face him.”

  “So, you’ll move out and tell him over the phone?” Carlene’s voice was soaked with disapproval.

  “No, I’ve written him a letter. I’ll give it to him before I leave in the morning.”

  “Melisa, I really don’t think that’s right. I think it’s better for you to tell him face–to-face.”

  Melisa had sunk to the bathroom floor and put the palm of her hand on her hot forehead.

  Now, as Melisa stood at the foot of the bed, Heat’s face hardened and the vein in his neck pulsed. “Let me understand this. You’re not leaving me because we can’t have kids,
are you?”

  Melisa didn’t respond. Instead she watched him in the morning light, drinking him in, in case he never wanted to see her again once her secret was revealed.

  Heat threw aside the bed sheet covering him and swung his muscular legs to the edge of the bed. He was still naked after making love to her last night. “You’re really throwing our relationship away because we can’t have a baby?” His voice sliced the air between them, and his lower lip trembled as he spoke. “Why are you doing this? Why are you so obsessed? Just because you can’t conceive now doesn’t mean you never will. Even if it never happens for us, it’s not the end of the world. Not to me. I married you because you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved and always will. Even if we never have children, my feelings for you will never change. We’ll still have each other. I’ve loved you half my life, invested in this relationship, and now you tell me it’s all over because you can’t be a mom. What do you expect me to do? Say goodbye and wish you a nice life while you’re destroying mine?”

  Melisa gazed into his dark eyes and saw a mix of love and pain. She knew then she had to tell him, that she’d never forgive herself if she didn’t. Yes, she would tell him and then she would leave. He wouldn’t want her to stay. “There’s something you need to know,” she said, reaching for his hand. “I need to tell you something, but please listen long enough to allow me a chance to explain.”

  Heat clasped his hand around hers and led her to an armchair. He sat her on his lap. “You can tell me anything.”

  Beating around the bush wouldn’t cut it, so Melisa decided to go right out and say it. “We have a child. A teenage son. The night we spent together in high school… we made a baby.”

  Silence fell over them, and between them, the calm after a storm. The only sound Melisa heard was the thumping of her own heart, and it was getting louder.

  When Heat spoke, his voice was low and loaded. “Where’s my child?”

  “In Madison. I gave him up for… for adoption.” Every word was an arrow to Melisa’s heart.