Crazy Stupid Perfection (Crazy Love, #3)

by Melissa Toppen

  If I have to hear her lecture me one more time about how irresponsible I am for leaving New York, I might end up punching her square in the nose. She doesn’t know my life therefore she has no right to judge it. Just because I don’t fit into her perfect, cookie cutter idea image of what life should be doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong.

  I could tell Paxton was becoming very aggravated as well. I’m sure it wasn’t easy sitting there listening to her berate me knowing what he knows. I’m guessing that’s the very reason he slipped into my room moments ago. He knew I needed him and there he was.

  Smiling to myself, I decide to head back downstairs. I reach the landing just in time to see Decklan and Kimber follow Gavin and Harlee outside. Rounding the corner into the kitchen, I find my mom standing in front of the sink washing dishes.

  “Hey.” I step up beside her, taking the plate from her hand before grabbing the small towel next to the sink and drying it off.

  “Thank you.” She throws me a sideways smile, handing me another dish to dry.

  “Another successful spaghetti night is in the books.” I fight off a yawn as I stack another plate on top of the one I just dried.

  “Sorry about Mia.” She meets my gaze in the reflection of the small window that sits behind the sink.

  “Don’t be. Mia is Mia.” I shrug. “The only one that could control that girl was dad.” The thought of my father immediately causes a lump to form in the base of my throat.

  I’ve never forgiven myself for not coming home for his funeral. I wish I could say I had some great reason but I really didn’t. Truth be told it was just too painful and honestly, I just wasn’t ready to face Paxton again either.

  “That he could.” Mom laughs next to me but there’s sadness behind it.

  “I’m sorry by the way. For not coming home when he died.”

  “Don’t be.” My mom stops in the middle of a dish and turns her gaze to me. “Your father wanted you to be exactly where you were. It’s better that you remember him as he was before you left; alive and happy. Coming home wouldn’t have changed anything.” She turns her attention back toward the sink.

  “Thanks for saying that.” I take another plate from her, wiping the now damp towel across the surface.

  “I got this honey. Why don’t you go have a seat out back and enjoy the beautiful weather? It’s still quite warm out there.” She bumps her hip against mine causing me to look up from the dish in my hand.

  She nods her head toward the back door and winks.

  “What are you up to?” I question, studying her curiously.

  “Go.” She says, a slow smile spreading across her face.

  “O-k-a-y.” I stretch out, drying my hands before dropping the towel onto the counter, not really sure why she’s urging me to go outside.

  Crossing the kitchen, I push open the backdoor and step out onto the porch, surprised by how dark it is already. One thing is for sure; my mom was right about the temperature. Summer will be here before we know it and honestly, I can’t wait. I love the warm weather, going to the beach, swimming, bonfires; it’s my favorite time of year.

  “Nice out huh?” A voice startles me and I jump, spinning to see Paxton sitting just to my right on the porch swing that overlooks the back of the wooded property.

  “I thought you left.” I say, crossing toward him.

  He stops swinging just long enough for me to take a seat next to him before resuming his slow back and forth pace.

  “I figured I’d hang out for a while longer.” He shrugs, throwing me a wicked grin.

  “My mom told me to come out here.” I admit, deciding it’s finally time to open up to him about the fact that she knows. He has a right to know. It affects him just as much as it does me.

  “Why would she tell you come out here?” He questions, scrunching his forehead in confusion. “Was she afraid I was lonely by myself?” He chuckles.

  “No.” I answer flatly, giving him a look that I hope tells him everything he needs to know.

  “She knows?” He instantly picks up on where I’m going with this.

  “She knows.” I confirm, surprised that he doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by this fact.

  “How long?”

  “A couple weeks.” I admit, giving him an apologetic smile.

  Even though he’s completely calm, I can sense the smallest hint of aggravation coming off of him when he hears this little bit of information.

  “I meant to tell you, honestly I did. But it kind of slipped my mind.” I quickly add.

  “And what does she have to say about it?” His tone is light as he looks out into the darkness, the swing creaking as it sways back and forth.

  “She thinks I’d be lucky to have you.” My words cause him stop moving as he flips his head in my direction, a wide smile spreading across his face.

  “She does?” He seems really relieved by this knowledge.

  “Why do you seem so surprised? My mom loves you.” I say, pushing my feet against the porch in an effort to resume our swinging.

  Picking up on what I’m trying to do, he shifts his feet and we begin to sway once more.

  “I just thought she wouldn’t approve. I don’t know. I mean, you’re her baby Charlie. And I’m... Well, fuck, I’m not good enough for you.” He lets out a shaky exhale.

  “Is that what you really think? That you’re not good enough for me?” I reach out and grab his hair covered chin, turning his face back toward mine. “You are more than just good enough for me Paxton Stewart, you’re perfect for me. I know the kind of man you are. So does my mom. Otherwise she wouldn’t support this.”

  “And the fact that we’re keeping it from Gavin?” He questions.

  “She understands our reasoning. She’s not going to tell him if that’s what you’re worried about.”

  “I mean, I’d be lying if I said him finding out doesn’t worry me but it’s more of him finding out from someone else that eats at me. I just feel like it needs to come from me.”

  “We will cross that bridge when we come to it.” I rest my hand just above his knee and give his leg a reassuring squeeze.

  I open my mouth with the intention of telling him that Harlee knows as well, but then close it again without saying a word. I know I promised no more secrets but telling him that Gavin’s girlfriend knows that something is up is pretty much signing off on the fact that he’s gonna go straight to Gavin tonight and tell him everything.

  I don’t know why but the thought of that terrifies me. Not because I care about what Gavin says but because I’m scared that it will be the end of what Paxton and I have. No matter how much he cares for me, I honestly don’t think he would choose me if forced to make a choice. Gavin is his brother just as much as he is mine; I don’t know that he is willing to lose him forever if that’s what being with me means.

  “So since Rosie knows, does that mean she will let me crash here with you tonight?” Paxton interrupts my thoughts, pulling my attention to the sexy smirk currently on his face.

  “Not on your life.” I laugh.

  “But I thought she said you’d be lucky to have me?” His smile widens.

  “She did. But not that she condones us having sex under her roof. I mean, unless you’re planning on marrying me in the next thirty minutes or something.”

  “Don’t tempt me.” He falls serious for a moment, prompting me to poke him in the ribs.

  “Don’t play with me Paxton.” I warn playfully.

  “Who says I’m playing?” He leans in so close that I can feel his breath across my lips.

  I take a deep inhale, unable to get enough air into my lungs at the current moment. I know he’s just messing with me but something in his eyes tells me that maybe there’s a hint of truth behind his playfulness.

  “How about we hold off on marriage proposals right now and you just kiss me instead?” I wrinkle my nose, leaning in to brush my mouth against his.

  “Yes ma’am.” He smiles, before pressing his lips f
irmly against mine, officially ending our conversation.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Charlie

  Minutes turn into hours, hours to days, and days to weeks. The time with Paxton seems to go by in a blur. Every moment I share with him is somehow more special than the last. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost two months since Decklan and Kimber’s wedding in Vegas.

  So many things have happened. So many wonderful, amazing things. And now here I am, standing in the middle of what will soon be Paxton’s new music shop. I still can’t believe he threw it together so quickly but then again, I should know better than to ever doubt this man.

  “So, what do you think?” He looks around the space filled with every musical instrument you could ever imagine.

  “It’s incredible.” I take in the floor to ceiling wall of guitars that acts as the stores focal piece. “Truly Paxton. I can’t believe you’re doing it. You’re making your dreams a reality.” I shake my head slowly back and forth as I scan the entirety of the thousand foot space.

  “You are.” He slides his hand into mine, entwining our fingers together.

  I turn my face to the side to find him looking back at me adoringly.

  “I can’t take credit for this. This is all you.” I object.

  “No, it’s not. You are what drives me every day to be more, to be better. I don’t know that I would have ever had the courage or the drive to make this happen if it wasn’t for you.” His words flush my entire body with emotion and I have to fight back the onset of tears I feel building behind my eyes.

  My god this man makes me an emotional wreck.

  “I love you.” The words fall out of my mouth without a thought.

  That incredible, heart stopping smile once again takes over his face and it’s all I can do not to melt right here on the spot.

  Before he has a chance to respond, the back door of the building flies upon and we instinctively jump apart. It’s scary how we’re getting so used to covering our relationship. It’s become almost second nature to us at this point.

  We both turn in unison just in time to see Gavin and Decklan appear from the back storage room.

  “Holy fuck dude.” Decklan looks around in amazement. “This is crazy.” He says, bumping fist with Paxton the moment he reaches him.

  “I told ya.” Gavin agrees, honing in on me. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was actually coming to see you but decided to swing by and see Paxton’s new store first.” I’m quite impressed with how well the lie falls from my lips.

  “Hard to believe right?” He buys my excuse without batting an eye, gesturing around the space.

  “It’s amazing.” I agree.

  “I just can’t believe how quickly you threw it all together.” Decklan interjects.

  “I’ve been here pretty much twenty four hours a day for the two weeks. I don’t think I’ve eaten a real meal in days. I’m surviving on energy drinks and protein bars at this point.” Paxton laughs, looking around the space proudly.

  “Well that’s actually why we’re here. We wanted to see if you had a little time to grab lunch with us?” Gavin says.

  “Wish I could man but I have a delivery of amps coming in some time in the next couple of hours that I need to be here for.”

  “You want us to bring you something back?” Deck asks.

  “Nah, I’m good man. I’ll grab something on the way home later.”

  “What about you Char?” Gavin turns toward me. “Since you’re here, you wanna go grab lunch?”

  “Kimber’s meeting us over at Prim, that café you like so much.” Decklan adds.

  “Sounds good to me.” I smile, knowing there’s no way I can decline their invite given that my excuse for being here was to come see my brother.

  “Alright sweet.” He nods, turning toward Paxton. “We will let you get back to it dude. Don’t hesitate to holler if you need anything.”

  “Oh don’t worry I will. Just remember you offered when I have your ass in here in a couple of days helping me move the set of pianos I have coming in.”

  “We got you man. Whatever you need.” Gavin interjects, giving Paxton the same weird handshake/half hug they’ve done for years.

  “Appreciate that. You guys have fun.” He nods to Deck before throwing a quick wink in my direction.

  “Bye.” I mouth, pouting out my bottom lip slightly before turning and following my brother and Decklan out of the shop.

  ****

  I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I have not felt good since arriving home from Portland a couple of hours ago. At first I thought maybe lunch didn’t agree with me but now that I think about it, I haven’t really felt right for days.

  Lying across my mattress, I stare up at the ceiling, wondering what in the hell is going on with me. I run through what I’ve done recently, things I’ve eaten, but nothing really accounts for how great I feel one minute and how crappy I feel the next.

  I consider pulling out my tablet and busting out the always panic inducing WedMD but quickly decided against it. Every time I get on that site I walk away convinced that I’m dying from some strange illness.

  Suddenly a flash of panic washes over me out of nowhere and I shoot up in bed. I don’t know why it hasn’t dawned on me sooner. But then again, it can’t be.

  “No.” I breathe out, shaking my head.

  There’s no way.

  There’s no way I could be pregnant.

  Even as the thought crosses my mind I can’t accept it. But I also can’t deny that things have been off with me here recently.

  I’ve been blaming my emotions on Paxton. That man makes me feel so many different ways, I can’t seem to reel it all in.

  I’ve been blaming my tiredness on school, which isn’t out of the realm of possibility. Considering I spend hours a day either in class or working on assignments, I don’t think it’s surprising that I feel tired.

  I’ve just been assuming my no period is a result of my birth control, which to be fair could very well be the case. I haven’t had normal periods since I started getting the shot over three years ago.

  And lastly I’ve chalked up my nausea to how poorly I’ve been eating recently. I’ve had more takeout in the past two months then I think I’ve eaten in the span of my lifetime.

  Every one of these symptoms has a logical explanation. So why all of a sudden do I feel like none of them are for the reason I originally thought.

  Not able to just sit here and drive myself nuts, I push out of bed and slide on my shoes before grabbing my car keys off the top of my dresser.

  I make it to the store and back in record time. It takes all of thirty minutes from the time pregnancy first crossed my mind before I’m locked in the bathroom peeing on a stick. I don’t think it will be positive. In fact, I know it won’t be. But after getting it into my head, I just have to be sure.

  I pace the bathroom, looking at my phone every five seconds to see if the recommended three minute wait time has passed. Seconds seem like hours as I move around the small space, my heart beating somewhere in my stomach.

  When the timer on my phone finally beeps, I stumble over my own feet in an attempt to get the test in my hands. The second my fingers close around the plastic stick, I hold it in front of my face. The floor seems to shift out from under my feet and before I have even processed the result, I feel the cool bathroom floor beneath me.

  It takes several long moments before the reality of my situation seems to sink in and once it does, I spin, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

  ****

  Pregnant?

  How can I be pregnant?

  I pace back and forth in my room, looking down at the third test now clutched between my fingers, still not able to believe the result.

  I’ve been in a fog since seeing the two blue lines that appeared on my first test just hours ago. Nothing seems real to me anymore and I just can’t seem to wrap my head around how this happened.

/>   I mean, I know how it happened. But given that my birth control is very effective, it’s not something that I ever really considered to be a possibility.

  Paxton is going to freak out.

  And then what about Gavin?

  How will he react when he finds out that I’m having his best friend’s baby?

  “Oh god.”

  My stomach twists again and I slide down onto the edge of my bed, dropping my head into my hands.

  I’ve made such an incredible mess of everything.

  I can’t fight the tears that sting my eyes. I am so overcome with such raw emotion that I feel like my reality is slipping. Nothing makes sense. I can’t form a rational thought. I can’t process what I know to be fact.

  Lying backwards onto the mattress, I roll to my side and curl into a ball, closing my eyes tightly as I beg for this to be just a dream. Please just tell me it’s some crazy nightmare. That when I open my eyes, none of this will what it seems.

  Tell me this isn’t real.

  Tell me I didn’t just ruin everything.

  ****

  “Hey. Is everything okay with you?” I look up from my laptop to find Paxton studying me intently from the doorway of his store office.

  “Of course, why?”

  “You seem really quiet today.”

  “Just trying to make sure I get everything entered properly. The last thing I want is for your inventory and receivables to be all out of whack before your doors even open.”

  “You don’t have to do that you know?” He sets down the box he’s holding and flops down into the chair opposite me.

  “I know. I want to. I want to help in any way I can.” I give him a reassuring smile.

  It takes everything in me to keep up this façade. I feel like I die a little more on the inside every time I lie to him or don’t tell him the truth about our situation. It should be easy to say six little words.

  We’re going to have a baby.

  Simple right?

  Not at all actually.

  I never dreamed that one sentence would be so hard to say. I’ve opened my mouth to tell him countless times since I found out three days ago but I just can seem to muster the courage to push the words out. I’m not even sure I fully believe it yet myself, which is why I’ve chosen to keep it from him until I see the doctor in a couple weeks.