Crazy Stupid Perfection (Crazy Love, #3)

by Melissa Toppen

  “I know it’s not ideal and I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, it won’t be. But I’m telling you that it is worth it. You’re not a little girl anymore Charlie. You’re a beautiful, strong, independent young woman who is more than capable of taking care of a child. And Paxton, he’s come so far over the last few years. No matter what happens, that baby is going to have two wonderful parents who love him or her unconditionally. That’s all you can ever really hope for.”

  “I’m afraid I’m going to lose him.” I admit under my breath but she catches it anyway.

  “You might.” She shrugs, knowing I’m referring to Paxton. “But it won’t change the situation. Whether you two raise the child separately or stay together and create a family, either way it will work out in the end. One thing I know for certain is that this child will have two present, involved parents who will make it work one way or another.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “You should be.” She laughs when my eyes go wide. “Having a child is not easy Charlie. I’m not going to sugar coat it for you. But I promise you that when you hold that baby in your arms for the very first time, you’ll realize that in the end that baby is all that matters. That sweet little piece of heaven will light up your world in ways you won’t even be able to imagine until you see it for yourself.”

  “Thank you mom. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I reach across the table, taking her hand in mine.

  “You were my sweet little piece of heaven once.” Her eyes well with tears. “And you still are. All I want for you, for your siblings, is for you to find happiness wherever you can. It doesn’t have to be the world’s version of perfect, as long as it’s perfect for you.”

  “I wish Gavin felt the same way.”

  “Give him time.” She squeezes my fingers before releasing my hand. “You’ve always been Gavin’s little baby. I remember when you were first born. Oh lord that boy wouldn’t let you out of his sight. From the moment your father and I brought you home from that hospital. He may have only been four at the time but he knew even then, you were something that deserved protecting. I don’t think he’s ever quite lost that instinct. He wants the best for you, you have to know that. Sometimes he just goes about it the wrong way.”

  “I don’t know, the way he was looking at me.” I pause, shaking my head back and forth. “I just don’t know.”

  “Give it time. Gavin is stubborn, a lot like someone else I know.” She narrows her eyes at me. “But I’m confident that he will come around, it might just take a while.”

  “You don’t think he’ll tell Paxton do you?” The thought causes my stomach to knot tightly.

  “I think, while he may be upset with you, that he will respect your wishes to keep it private for now. But honey, eventually Paxton is going to find out. The sooner you tell him, the easier it will be. And as for Gavin, well that’s up to you and Paxton how you want to break that news but again, the longer you wait the harder it will be. They both deserve to know the truth Charlie.”

  “I know.” I nod slowly, mulling over her words.

  “I’m gonna give you some time alone. I know you have a lot to figure out.” She breaks into my thoughts, her chair legs skidding across the tile floor as she stands. “If you need me, you know where to find me.” She steps up next me. “We’ll talk more later.” She says, dropping a kiss to the top of my head before setting her tea cup onto the counter and disappearing into the hallway.

  Slowly pushing into a stand, I numbly cross the space, my mind bogged down by the turn of events that have taken place over the last hour. This morning I was really only worried about telling Paxton. Now I’m realizing that it goes way beyond that.

  I don’t just have to tell Paxton, I have to tell everyone. And I have to tell them everything, not just about the baby. And I have to do it sooner rather than later. Considering my body will be changing rapidly over the next few months, my time is limited.

  The truth is going to come out eventually whether I like it or not.

  I just hope that once I reach the other side of this, I’m not standing there alone.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Paxton

  Me: You sure you can’t come over tonight?

  Charlie: God I wish I could but I promised mom I’d go to that new art exhibit in Springfield.

  Me: After?

  Charlie: I’ll see what I can do but no promises.

  Me: Tomorrow then?

  Charlie: Just try and keep me away *wink face

  Locking my phone, I toss it back down onto the counter and take a long look around the shop. We officially opened the doors on STRUM this past Monday and already the business is pouring in.

  I owe a great deal of that to the guys who ran a special all this week promoting the shop, which conveniently is within walking distance of their bar. They even did a hug giveaway, offering one lucky person the chance to drink free for a year. All they had to do was register for music lessons.

  Of course they couldn’t just come in and pay for one lesson and be entered. No, Gavin and Deck wanted to make sure that each person registered and pre-paid for at least ten lessons prior to putting their name into the drawing.

  Not surprisingly, a hell of a lot of people were willing to throw down some cash in order for their chance to drink free for a year. Thanks to the guys, I’m fully booked on lessons all the way through August and we’ve only been open for five days.

  I reach for my phone when I hear it signal another message. Thinking maybe Charlie changed her mind and decided to come over tonight, disappointment instantly floods through me when I see Decklan’s name across the screen.

  Deck: You done yet?

  Me: Will be soon, why?

  Deck: Me and Gav are taking you out to celebrate.

  Me: Didn’t we already celebrate Monday?

  Deck: Yeah, but now we’re celebrating the success of your first week.

  Me: Already?

  I laugh as I type the response. My first week isn’t even officially over yet.

  Deck: Fuck dude, do we really need a reason to begin with?

  He does have a point I guess. I mean, it’s not like I have anything better to fucking do. I’d likely just go home and stare at the walls anyway.

  Me: I guess not.

  Deck: Meet us ay Gravers at ten.

  Me: Supporting the competition now are we?

  Deck: Fuck no; their bar doesn’t hold a candle to ours. Just a change of scenery.

  Me: I’ll be there.

  Looking around the store, it looks like a tornado has blown through it. Instruments are piled inside the walled off space at the front of the store that I have set up for people wanting to test out the instruments before buying them. Sheets of music are spread across the main piano that acts as the focal piece of the store, and I swear not one fucking guitar that was taken off the wall today, got put back where it goes.

  I decide I should probably get this place cleaned up if I want to have time to grab something to eat before I head over to Gravers. Not that they don’t serve food there but I’m not really big on bars that try to be restaurants. The food is usually overpriced, basked in grease, and the cooks are questionable at best. I’d rather just pick something up beforehand.

  Before I get started, I decide to send Charlie another text. Not that she needs to know what I’m doing tonight but I like keeping her in the loop in case she decides to show up at my condo unannounced later, which she has done several times now.

  Me: Found me a new date tonight. He’s not nearly as pretty as you are but he does share the same DNA.

  I smile to myself and press send, tossing the phone back onto the counter. Crossing to the front door, I lock it and unplug the open sign before getting to work on putting everything away. It takes me nearly an hour to get things back the way they belong, by which time it’s already after nine.

  Grabbing my keys and phone, it isn’t until I exit out the back minutes later that I realize I have a message fr
om Charlie.

  What I see instantly makes me laugh.

  Charlie: Just remember, when you’ve had too much to drink, I didn’t magically grow a penis between my legs.

  Fuck me I love this girl.

  ****

  “I tell you what, since you got married; you’re kind of a lame ass.” Gavin slurs at Decklan when he refuses to take a shot with him.

  “It’s called growing up.” I laugh, shaking my head as Gavin pours yet another shot down. At this point it’s a wonder he’s still sitting up right.

  “Fuck you.” He shoves my shoulder. “You’d be taking shots too if you had the week I’ve had.”

  “Trouble in paradise?” Decklan raises a brow at Gavin.

  “Fuck no.” He shakes his head adamantly. “Harlee’s fucking perfect. I just got some shit going on that I can’t really talk to her about and it’s fucking eating at me.”

  “What?” We both ask in unison.

  “Family shit.” He shakes his head, pouring another shot from the bottle sitting on the table.

  “What kind of family shit?” Deck presses for more. “Your family is practically our family too.” He gestures between the two of us.

  “I can’t talk about it. Mom threatened me within two inches of my life.” He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a slow breath.

  “Is she okay?” Decklan asks, hitting me with a worried gaze before turning back to Gavin.

  “Yeah, yeah. No, she’s fine. It’s not about her.”

  Then who is about, is all I can think? If it’s about Charlie, then I wish he would just fucking spit it out already. Is it something I already know? Is it that fucker Drew; is he still in contact with her and she just hasn’t told me, afraid that I might retaliate? Did she finally tell her family about what happened in New York?

  My mind races with uncertainty.

  “Well you know whatever it is, we got you man. Anything you need.” Deck says, clasping Gavin on the shoulder.

  “Thanks dude. I appreciate that. I just don’t know how Charlie could be so stupid.” He lays back the shot in his hand before realizing what he’s said. “Fuck, forget I said that.” He shakes his head.

  “What’s going on with Charlie?” I don’t want to pry but now that I know it has to do with her, I have to know what it is.

  “I already told you man, Mom will kill me if I say anything.” He shakes his head slowly back and forth, staring at his empty shot glass. “You know what? Fuck that. You guys are my brothers and I don’t fucking keep secrets from my brothers.”

  He chugs the rest of his beer, slamming the bottle onto the table a little harder than I think he meant to.

  “Charlie went and got herself knocked up.”

  The moment the words leave his mouth I feel the earth sway beneath me. I grip the table trying to steady myself, but suddenly everything seems off balance.

  “Come again?” Deck seems just as surprised as I do, but obviously for very different reasons.

  “You heard me.” He slurs. “I found the pregnancy test in her nightstand when I was looking for her extra phone charger.”

  “Did she tell you who the father is?”

  I’m glad Decklan is the one asking all the questions because right now I couldn’t form a coherent sentence if I tried. My heart is lodged somewhere in my throat, blocking my ability to speak.

  “No but based on the fact that she’s not seeing anyone, it’s anyone’s guess whose it could be. Fucking stupid.” He seems really pissed off; meanwhile I’m over here trying to prevent myself from going into a full blown panic attack.

  “I fucking flipped when I found out dude. I can’t remember ever yelling at her the way I did. I just couldn’t help it. She’s pissing her fucking life away. Am I such a horrible brother for wanting more for her than this?”

  “Not at all man.” Deck reassures him. “But Charlie is not a kid anymore. You can’t make her choices for her. She’s gonna make mistakes along the way. Think about all the stupid shit we’ve pulled over the years.”

  “Yeah, but none of those things landed any of us with a baby.”

  Not him anyways...

  Slowly the weight of this information starts to settle on my shoulders and it’s so fucking heavy I’m having trouble breathing properly.

  “Could have though.” Deck shrugs, taking a long swig of his beer.

  “Whose side are you on anyway?” Gavin’s temper flares slightly.

  “Whoa.” Deck holds his hands up, clearly sensing this is a touchy subject, especially given how much Gavin has had to drink tonight. “I’m not taking sides’ dude. I’ve got you, you know that. But I’m not doing my job as your friend by being your yes man. If I think your wrong, I’m gonna say so. And I gotta say, knowing Charlie, she’s probably already beating the hell out of herself for this shit. She doesn’t need you throwing punches at her too. She’s probably scared shitless right now.”

  “I don’t give a fuck what she is.” He roars. “She’s the whore that went and spread her legs.”

  My hand slams down onto the table before I can stop it, causing the other two to jump slightly. Both heads snap in my direction. I feel the anger pouring off of me, seeping out of every pore. I’m in shock. I’m overwhelmed. And even though every fiber of my being wants to defend Charlie for the things he’s saying, I just can’t seem to force the words out.

  “What the fuck is your problem?” Gavin hisses.

  Decklan picks up right on cue, clearly sensing that what I want to say, I can’t. And while he may not understand, he wastes no time directing the attention back to him.

  “We don’t like hearing you talk about Charlie like that.” Deck explains. “She’s your sister dude. If anyone else said that kind of shit about her, you’d fucking kill them. We have the same protective need. Let’s just take a step back for a minute.”

  “You’re right.” Gavin shakes his head, leaning back in his stool. “Fuck me. I’m just so fucking disappointed in her.”

  “I get that.” Deck continues. “But you know as well as I do that once that baby is here, you’re going to love the shit out of that little person.”

  “Fuck you know I will.” A smile stretches across his face for the first time since this conversation began and he thinks over Decklan’s words for a long moment.

  “Do you think you’ll ever have kids?” He takes a complete one eighty.

  “Yeah.” Deck nods his head like it’s a no brainer. “In fact, I’m excited to start a family with Kimber. I mean, obviously we’ve got a while before she finishes school but we’ve talked about it.”

  I don’t know why this news surprises me but it does. But before I can really think too much on it, the reality that I’m going to be a father—like now—hits me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know why but throughout the whole conversation it never really sunk in. Now that it has, I don’t know what to do with myself.

  I’m going to be a dad.

  I roll the words around in my head trying to make them make sense.

  Charlie is going to be a mom.

  For some reason that seems even harder to grasp.

  Charlie is carrying my child.

  That seems to be the only thought that brings me some sort of solace. To know my child is growing in her stomach, that a part of me is living inside her, it solidifies my claim on her. In some weird carnal way, I just needed a way to brand her as mine. Now I have.

  But that doesn’t change the fact that our situation has now gotten much more complicated. It only intensifies the betrayal Gavin will feel when all this finally comes out in the open. I don’t think he will ever be able to forgive me for lying to him. This is something I fear I can’t come back from.

  And then there’s Charlie, who has been lying to me for who knows how long. All I asked of her was that she give me the truth. I feel like I’m risking everything to be with her and she can’t even shoot me straight.

  “I want three kids I think.” Gavin’s comment sucks me back into
the conversation. “I want two boys and then a little white haired girl. Harlee would be a fucking amazing mom. Plus, her tits would get even bigger and who doesn’t love that.”

  “You would be the one to have kids for that reason.” Deck holds his stomach as laughter rolls through him.

  “Tell me you haven’t thought about it.” He challenges.

  The tension from earlier seems to have absolved into the air. If you weren’t here five minutes ago you would never know that some major shit was going down. Unfortunately for me, my shit storm is just getting started.

  As much as I want to go to Charlie right now and get answers to all the questions flying around in my head, a part of me wants to sit on what I’ve learned tonight.

  I want to see how long Charlie will keep from me that I’m going to be a father.

  How much time will pass before she finally gives me the truth?

  And will I be able to forgive her for keeping it from me once she finally does?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Charlie

  I’m curled up on the couch in the living room when Gavin pushes his way through the front door. I glance his direction long enough to see that it’s him before turning my gaze back to the television.

  It’s not that I’m interested in what I’m watching, I’m not. It’s more that I don’t want to give him the impression that I give two shits that he’s here. Considering the way he stormed out of here the day before last, he could not talk to me again for a while and I think I would probably be okay with it.

  I hear the chair that sits in the corner of the room, diagonal from where I’m laying, creak in protest as Gavin takes a seat. I still don’t look in his direction or say one word for that matter.

  “Can we talk?” There’s hesitation in his voice; the polar opposite of how he sounded two days ago.

  “I don’t think there’s much to say at this point.” My tone is flat, indifferent, as I keep my focus on the episode of Shark Tank playing in front of me.

  I’ve been binge watching the show for about three hours at this point, but let’s be honest; you can only watch so much Shark Tank before it all just kinda seems the same. But that doesn’t stop me from pretending like it’s the most interesting thing in the world right now.