Plotting Mr. Perfect

by S. E. Babin

  She felt rather than saw Leo’s grin. “Was it worth it?”

  Katie laughed out loud and reached over to swat him. “My bra was hanging on the rearview like I was a teenager in a horror movie. The first one to get killed!” She groaned. “I wanted to just curl up and die when I saw him standing out there.”

  Leo shrugged. “Embarrassment does not come as easily for me.”

  “Yeah,” Katie said dryly. “Maybe you should download that to your system so you can experience it like the rest of us puny mortals.”

  He laughed and reached over to snag her free hand. “Perhaps I will. Or maybe we could just pick this back up when we get home.”

  Her stomach growled, disrupting the low serious growl his voice had turned into. “How about we just eat first and see what happens after that, okay?”

  Leo gave her a long look, but Katie kept her attention on the road. Her thoughts were churning a hundred miles per hour. Tomorrow would be better, she told herself. Tomorrow Leo would be at work and the world wouldn’t be so tilted on its axis. She could get some writing done and try to keep her thoughts off a relationship for at least eight hours. Her shoulders relaxed a little bit and the rest of the drive was spent in a companionable silence. She knew Leo wanted more from her, but she wasn’t sure she was ready to give it yet. Although the police interruption had been mortifying on a cellular level, perhaps it was the best thing for them. Starting a relationship by having a random make-out session in her car wasn’t the brightest idea she’d ever had.

  Chapter 7

  Will was nowhere to be found when Katie pulled into her driveway. She closed her eyes in thanks. Katie wasn’t sure she could handle any further embarrassment after tonight’s debacle. She was like a horny teen, overcome with hormones and lust. And every time she thought about her bra hanging on the rearview she cringed in embarrassment.

  She turned the ignition off and grabbed the now greasy bag of fast food. It would have to be heated in the microwave after getting cold due to their random make-out session. Leo followed her out of the car, wisely saying nothing, and into the house. She closed the door behind her, threw her keys onto the entry table, and walked into the kitchen to rummage for paper plates.

  Once the food was in the microwave, she cracked open the refrigerator and grabbed two beers. She popped the tops off both and handed one to Leo. “Peace offering,” she said and clinked her bottle against his.

  Leo smiled and turned the bottle up. He wiped his mouth after a long swallow and peered in curiosity at the bottle. “Beer. I like this.”

  Katie snorted. “You and every other red-blooded male in America.”

  The dinging of the microwave interrupted their camaraderie. She pulled out the burgers and fries, adjusted them on plates, and carried them over to the kitchen bar.

  “Dig in,” she announced with gusto and unwrapped the greasy delicacy to take a large bite. It wasn’t as good as it would have been if they hadn’t stopped, but she couldn’t argue with the satisfying taste of beef and melted cheese.

  Leo followed suit. “Katie, your taste in food is amazing.” He inhaled the hamburger at a record-breaking pace, barely stopping to take a breath.

  “Wait until I show you my next trick,” Katie said between bites. “And maybe next time you should stop to chew. I’d hate for you to get an upset stomach.”

  Leo patted his belly as he reached for another burger. “Stomach of steel. Literally.”

  Katie raised an eyebrow. “You are so intriguingly weird, Leo. Do you have wires for veins?”

  “For now.” He polished off his beer with gusto. He waggled the bottle in front of her face and exclaimed, “Another!”

  She couldn’t stop the laughter that followed his announcement. “Fridge is over there.” She pointed. “Get your own beer.”

  He grinned, leaped up from his chair and grabbed another one from the fridge. “I will drink this all day long.”

  Katie cringed. “Not if you’re working, you won’t. Beer has alcohol in it. Haven’t you read anything about it in your internet wonderland travel?”

  An adorable wrinkle creased his forehead, and he tilted the bottle up to view the liquid through the light. “It looks so innocuous.”

  “Read about it some more, my friend. Beer, wine, spirits…anything with alcohol has been responsible for marriages, babies, births, mistaken identity and Coyote Ugly syndrome. You’re riding high for one moment and the next you’re sprawled out on the concrete covered in vomit with your vajayjay showing.”

  Leo set his beer carefully down and gave it a long, suspicious look. “I don’t know what vajayjays are and why coyotes have anything to do with what I’m drinking, but I’m not sure I like it anymore.”

  Katie laughed at the mental image she must have given Leo. “Moderation is the key. A couple of beers and you’ll be just fine. More than that and you might find yourself waking up to a stranger in Vegas. And,” she placed a hand over Leo’s, “I solemnly swear you don’t have a vajayjay. Only us lucky ladies do.”

  “I don’t see how it’s lucky to have such a strangely named body part.” He continued to stare dubiously at the beer.

  Katie pushed her chair back, grabbed her paper plate and tossed it into the trash. “Do not Google vajayjay, Leo. You will be scarred for life.”

  “I don’t know what that means either, Katie, but you can’t tell me not to look something up when you’ve perked my curiosity.”

  Katie grinned as she walked to her bedroom. When she was at the door, she flipped her hair back and turned to Leo. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you!”

  Katie pulled her sweater over her head and tossed it onto the bed. Rummaging through her dresser, she pulled out a pair of soft cotton pajama pants and an old Star Trek T-shirt. As she started to get dressed, she frowned and thought maybe she should invest in some quality sleepwear, especially if there was the possibility she would be in a relationship soon.

  That thought stopped her in her tracks. She paused, one arm half in her shirt. Was she about to get into a relationship? She rushed off like her tail was on fire after dinner, even though she thought she played it off well. She groaned, pushed her arm through the sleeve and pulled it the rest of the way down. Katie didn’t think she was ready for a relationship with Leo yet. Even if they had almost made mad monkey love on the side of the highway.

  * * * *

  Leo still sat in the kitchen, thoughts immersed in Katie. She’d left quickly after dinner and, even though she thought she did a good job of playing it off, Leo could see the trepidation in her eyes at the thought of him sharing her bed. He stretched back in the chair, shirt pulling up to expose chiseled abs. Was there something wrong with him? Impossible, he thought. He was made in the image of Katie’s ideal man.

  It was her, he decided, not him. Humans were so weird. All caught up in propriety and their own self-conscious fear. If only she would relax her guard long enough to let him in, he knew he could make her happy. He was born to make her happy. His gaze traveled to the bedroom door. Knowing Katie was behind it was doing funny things to his insides. He wanted her. His programming told him so. And he was perfect. He could tell every time he performed a data check. So what if he was a little stiff on food and pop culture? And, according to Katie, relationships. He didn’t need to know everything about them. He was here for her. As long as he made her happy, his programming was enough.

  Except, so far it wasn’t. She was holding back. He knew the majority of it was fear. But he also suspected it had something to do with the curly-haired man next door. And that disturbed him far greater than any fear Katie was holding inside. He could control the influences inside this house, inside himself. He could not control how that man made Katie’s pulse speed up. How she flushed with embarrassment and desire every time he came around.

  If Katie knew he could sense this he was sure she would die of embarrassment. But Leo was programmed to sense her emotions so he could better gauge what to do when around her. The programming
was meant as a tool for Leo to use to help him perform better and speed up the process of their match so he could become fully, or as much as possible, human. Knowing Katie desired Will, even after her heated protests against it, made Leo’s teeth grind.

  His glance flicked from her bedroom door to the outside window. Will stood in shadow against the curtains, no doubt looking in Katie’s house. When Leo’s gaze locked on him, he saw Will stiffen and move out of view. Leo stood and walked over to the window. With one last look, Leo slowly slid the curtains closed.

  “Now,” he murmured to himself, “learning time.” He laid out the blankets and pillow on the couch and moved Katie’s laptop toward him. Once settled in, he plugged himself into the computer, closed his eyes and said, “Google—search for the word vajayjay.”

  * * * *

  Katie woke up the next morning and heard…nothing. Blessed quiet. No whir of the laptop. No heavy footsteps plodding through the kitchen. She couldn’t help herself and laughed out loud. After the craziness of the last few days, waking up to absolutely nothing was a dream come true.

  Katie reached down onto her nightstand table, snagged a hair tie she used to somewhat tame the wild mess on her head, and bounded out of bed ready for the day. She plodded out of the bedroom and into her kitchen, unable to keep the grin from spreading onto her face.

  Leo was gone, the blankets he used neatly folded into a pile on the couch. The faint scent of him lingered in the air, but the only sound in the cottage was the light ticking of the heater. After making a cup of coffee, Katie turned to lean against the bar and found a note scrawled on a torn-off sheet of paper.

  You are a horrible, horrible person. Why would anyone decorate their lady parts with rhinestones? I hope you think about that while I’m gone. XO—Leo

  Katie snickered and left the note there. She padded over to her couch, grabbed one of Leo’s blankets and spread it across her lap. She reached over for her laptop, turned it on and pulled up her newest work. It was weird…writing about someone alive and wondering if every word you typed could somehow affect their destiny. If she typed “and then Leo did a jig,” would he suddenly break out into Irish clog dancing in the conference room?

  Katie read over the work, but found herself lacking in emotion about it. And Jasmine…why in the world had she used such an over-the-top flowery, romantic name? After a moment’s thought, Katie selected everything in the document and hovered her finger over the delete key. Would she be able to come up with a story good enough for him? She didn’t know, but she would certainly try. There was a definite soft spot in her heart for him, but she still wasn’t ready to jump on the married-to-an-android bandwagon.

  With a cringe, Katie pressed her index finger down on the key and watched as the words disappeared. Instead of starting the same story over again, Katie moved her fingers over the keyboard and typed out a new beginning to her story involving a character named Katherine, her best friends and their concern over her love life. Life was often stranger than fiction, so mirroring the story against her own life wouldn’t raise any eyebrows. After all, who’d believe a naked man fell from the sky and suddenly started professing endless love? No one, that’s who.

  She took a sip of the hot brew, set the mug down and settled in for a few hours of writing.

  * * * *

  A hesitant knock at the door a few hours later forced Katie to put the laptop down. With a frown she realized she was still in her pajamas. Peering through the peephole, Katie sighed with relief and opened the door to Mel standing on the other side.

  Dressed in no-nonsense brown slacks, a cream-colored blouse, brown pumps and a sensible trench coat, Mel looked every inch the brilliant scientist. She was even wearing her glasses this morning.

  Katie motioned her in. “Meeting today?” She waved at her glasses.

  Mel made a disgusted noise. “Yes. I swear. Wearing these stupid glasses is the only thing that makes those men take me seriously. It’s like suddenly I’m Einstein. Take the glasses off and I am merely Mel, a small-breasted, feeble woman who needs doors opened and boxes carried for her.”

  Katie had to commiserate with her. Mel had struggled for years to be accepted in her field, and no matter how many times she made breakthroughs, she was still treated like a little girl. She suspected it had something to do with how pretty she was. Not many men took someone who looked like Mel seriously. As horrible as that was, Mel still plugged along. And Katie had a feeling Mel would soon come into her own and command the respect she deserved.

  “Soon,” Katie intoned in a deep, serious voice as she plopped down into the recliner. “Soon she will have world domination and people will bow to her.” She rubbed her hands together and did her best evil laugh.

  “Idiot,” Mel muttered, but sniggered under her breath. She shrugged off her coat and hung it on the rack before helping herself to some of the coffee still left in the pot.

  “I wouldn’t—” Katie started.

  Mel waved a hand at her in dismissal. “This is ambrosia compared to the crap they drink at the lab.” She rummaged through the fridge for cream, stirred her coffee and brought it over to sit in the living room. Mel kicked off her pumps, curled her legs under her and stared at Katie expectantly.

  So Katie stared back, confused. “What?”

  “Don’t say what. Were you cooped up here all weekend making wild gorilla love? Did you break any chandeliers? Was there an applause soundtrack? Did you cry out for religion? What. Happened! But, first, I need to apologize. I get the Bad BFF Award of the Year for leaving you alone here with him. If it helps, I didn’t think he’d murder you.”

  “Thanks,” Katie said dryly. “I think. And, no, he didn’t murder me. No thanks to you.”

  Mel had the grace to look sheepish. “I really am sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Katie waved off her apology.

  “Now,” Mel screeched, “tell me everything!”

  And here Mel thought she needed a man. Katie gave her a what the hell look and opened her mouth to speak.

  “Wait!” Mel put a hand up in a stopping motion. “Let me. He woke up. He asked you for a cool rag. The heater is broken and won’t turn off for some reason. Sweat trickles down your brow and your hair, suddenly in a ponytail, curls around your face. You say, ‘of course,’ in a breathless Marilyn voice and sashay off to the kitchen. He watches you, hunger in his gaze, and when you come back, lean down and try to place the rag upon his brow, he grabs you and ravages you on the couch.”

  Katie’s mouth opened and shut. “Not quite,” she finally managed. “But what I can tell you is that I have the number of a good therapist in my phone. I plan on giving it to you when you leave.”

  Mel frowned. “You really have no sense of adventure, Katie. So spill it. Tell me all about mystery man.”

  Katie leaned back against the chair trying to gather her thoughts. She was her best friend. They’d seen each other hurl after too much wine, cry over countless jerks, and they had done a perfect-man plotting session while drunk in her living room. She could trust her. “This is going to sound crazy.”

  Mel clapped her hands. “I love crazy! Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

  Maybe she couldn’t trust her after all. And maybe she should start bugging her about getting a boyfriend. “His name is Leo.”

  “Oooh, that name is so hot. Reminds me of the Titanic. I’m the king of the woooorld!”

  “Mel. Shut. Up. ’Kay?” Katie raised an eyebrow at her. She was awfully frenetic this morning.

  She nodded, eyes wide, and took a sip of her coffee.

  “There’s no real way to say this, Mel. It’s going to sound insane.”

  “Mafia,” she inquired. “Gambling debts? That could explain the nakedness. God, is he a tranny? You never can tell these days. Wouldn’t that be par for the course? Women can’t even compete with men in the beauty department now that they have surgical options. Seriously. A tranny? God. I knew it!”

  Kati
e laughed hysterically. “No. Mel. Calm the hell down. What is with you this morning?”

  “Sorry,” Mel said and sobered. “The reason I had to leave the other day has to do with a new research project I’m spearheading. It has the potential to be huge. I have an extremely important meeting in a couple of hours and I am super freaked about it. I can’t stop shaking and rambling and I think I’m on my sixth or seventh cup of coffee. Maybe eighth. See?” She held up a trembling hand.

  Leo forgotten for the moment, Katie reached over and grabbed her hand. “Calm down. You are the most brilliant person I know. It will be fine.”

  Tears shone in Mel’s brown eyes. “I can’t talk about it too much, but it’s an investment meeting. And I believe in it so much. One day it might be able to cure AIDS and cancer.”

  Katie blinked. “Wow, Mel. I had no idea. What is it?”

  She chuckled and took her hand back. “You won’t believe me if I told you.”

  Katie’s mouth twisted. “Maybe a few days ago that would have been true. Try me.”

  “Cannabis.” Mel stared at Katie waiting for a reaction.

  “Cannabis? Like weed?” She shook her head. “Really?”

  Mel smiled, reached over and patted her hand. “Really. I know it sounds crazy, but my research over the past several years shows I might really have something.”

  “Wow,” Katie said, taken aback. “You’re not smoking doobies during research time, are you?”

  Mel smacked her hand and pushed it away. “No, moron! I am a scientist, after all. It’s been a side project for me, but over the years my findings have been astonishing. I really think there’s something here.”

  Katie was dubious about it, but that’s why Mel was the brilliant scientist and she, well, she was merely human. So she went for support. “All right, Mel. I believe you and I’m proud of you. Stop worrying about this investment meeting. And take off those stupid glasses. You’re just as brilliant with them as you are without them.”