Plotting Mr. Perfect

by S. E. Babin

  “It crossed my mind several times. However, I'm not a giant asshole, unlike the person sitting next to me.”

  Will closed his eyes. He was such a loser. She was right. And here he was thinking he was so suave in his plans. Instead, he acted like a prick and alienated the one person who meant something to him. Not only did he force her to go to lunch with him, he pried into her private business because he was an insecure, jealous little boy.

  “Katie, I can’t even begin to apologize. This whole thing just grates on my nerves.”

  Katie threw the car into drive and pulled out of the restaurant parking lot. “Let’s get one thing straight, Will. This has nothing to do with you. Nothing. Do you understand me?”

  Katie’s hands shook as she steered them onto the main road. Will felt like a giant heel. “You’re right. I won’t ever bring Leo up again.”

  “Good.”

  The ride was silent the rest of the way home. When Katie pulled into her driveway, she sat in silence as Will left the car. He leaned down, one hand on the roof, and smiled. “Is there such a thing as starting over twice?”

  Katie refused to look at him. Will’s heart plummeted. “Not today,” she said shortly. She exited the car, slammed the door, and without another word walked into her home, leaving Will standing alone outside. He stood there staring at her house until the cold seeped into his bones.

  It was nothing like the chill in his heart.

  * * * *

  Katie slammed her door and tossed her car keys onto the hall table. Will had to be the biggest prick who’d ever lived! Embarrassing her like that, strong-arming her into going to lunch with him. Making her laugh, making her think he was a decent man, then prying her for information about Leo! What business was it of his what she did with her time? And why the hell was he so concerned with her houseguest?

  She wanted to scream. Instead, she settled for a long, angry growl. She threw herself down onto the couch, let her head fall into her hands and sat there for a few minutes trying to calm her raging blood pressure. Once she felt she could stand up without throwing something, Katie poured herself a glass of wine and turned her laptop back on. She might not be able to keep whatever she wrote down now, but it would be good therapy getting it on paper.

  * * * *

  Her eyes and hands hurt. A writing marathon had soothed the angry beast Will awoke inside of her. As a benefit, her story was coming along nicely. Leo’s character was fleshed out, and although odd sometimes, he was slowly becoming the hero of her novel. And that all had to do with Will and his behavior earlier. He was never supposed to be a part of her work, but he seemed to be doing everything in his power to disrupt what Leo and she had going. Was it jealousy? She didn’t think so. Will might have flirted with her a little bit in the restaurant, but now she couldn’t help but think he was doing it to soften her up to gain information.

  What she couldn’t understand is why he cared. Was he really that much of a Neanderthal? Ugh. A quick glance at her cell phone let her know it was getting close to dinner time. There wasn’t even a peep from Leo so she had no idea when he would be back, or even if he would. She couldn’t imagine he’d stay gone. It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to stay.

  A short beep signaled an incoming text. Mel. Katie thumbed down and laughed out loud when she read it.

  Today was the lamiest lame day ever. I’m coming over to meet Leo. Feed me.

  After the cursory inspection of her fridge before the fateful lunch, Katie knew there wasn’t much food to be had. Plus she was too lazy to be creative. All her creativity lay inside the Word document she’d worked so hard on. She texted Mel back, telling her to come on over, then picked up the phone and dialed for pizza. Her waistline wouldn’t thank her, but that’s why she had beer. So she could tune all those negative thoughts right out of her head.

  * * * *

  Like always, Mel breezed into Katie’s home, good cheer in her wake. Plus she was holding another six-pack of beer. It might turn into another girls’ night and it wasn’t even Thursday. She’d say a prayer for her liver.

  Mel had changed out of her drab brown ensemble and was now wearing skinny jeans, chic ankle boots and a long, flowy blue poet shirt. With her wild, curly hair piled haphazardly on her head, she looked like a fashionable hippie. “Hey, Katie. I hope you have something to eat. Science makes me huuuungryyyy!”

  Katie couldn’t help it. “So does weeeeeed. Have you been sampling the goods?”

  Mel set the six-pack down. “You’re insulting science,” she said, not sounding insulted at all. “And no, I am not sampling the goods. You know that if I ever did, I would totally call and ask you to join me.”

  “And I would. In the name of science,” Katie said solemnly. “I ordered pizza.”

  Like magic, the doorbell rang, signaling its arrival. Once she’d paid the delivery man, Katie dropped the hot boxes onto the counter.

  “Why so many?” Mel eyed the pizza boxes and Katie. “Are you knocked up?”

  “Good grief!” Katie hip-checked Mel. “Get your mind out of the gutter. If I were pregnant, which I am not, it would have to be an Immaculate Conception. No one has touched this virginal body in years.”

  “You don’t need to date.” Mel snagged a hot piece of pepperoni from the box. “You just need to have sex with someone.”

  Katie handed a plate over to Mel. “I’m beginning to agree with you,” she said. “Relationships are hard. Why bother?”

  Mel paused with the slice halfway to her mouth. “Why bother? I thought we were getting over all that with the arrival of Mr. Yummykins.”

  Katie popped the top off a beer. “Did you really just use the word ‘yummykins’? You are never allowed to talk again, oh murderess of the English language.”

  The front door opened, bringing with it a gust of cold air and a blonde man in a suit.

  Mel murmured, “Oh my,” around a mouthful of pepperoni.

  Leo stopped in the doorway and stared at Mel. His eyes widened as he slowly set his briefcase down by the coat rack. Katie, by no means oblivious, stood in the kitchen slowly swigging her beer and took her time staring at the both of them.

  She straightened, tucked what just happened into the back of her mind for later examination and motioned Leo over to the kitchen by waving a beer at him. He slowly walked over, looking between Mel and Katie.

  When he reached out for the beer, Katie smiled. “How’d it go today?”

  Leo, taking his time to savor the taste he’d so come to enjoy, paused before he spoke. “Interesting. People are weird. And they have poor time management skills.”

  Mel snorted. “Tell me about it. I had a once-in-a-lifetime meeting today and the person cancelled on me. I was worked up for days about it.” She put her pizza down, wiped her hands on a napkin and reached out to Leo. “I’m Mel, by the way. I helped carry you inside Katie’s house. I’ve seen you naked, so this means we must already be friends.”

  Leo stared at her in fascination. “Umm, I’m not sure how we can be friends if we just met, but I’ll take your word for it.”

  Katie leaned over and murmured, “You’ll get used to her…eventually.”

  Mel grinned. “Katie still hasn’t. So, Leo, how was work?”

  “I’m not quite sure.” He gave her a sheepish smile. “The information was in the dossier, but the job isn’t as cut and dried as it seemed. People get in the way of themselves all the time. I don’t understand it. We had a meeting today, too. It was cancelled because of a simple failure to communicate.” Leo shook his head as if that would shake the weirdness from his day.

  “That’s why I’m a scientist. I get to wear a white lab coat and rarely deal with people. Until today’s meeting, that is. Now,” she said, eyes sparkling, “if I remember correctly you’re supposed to be an investment banker, right?”

  He spread his arms out and smiled. “Guilty. Although I have to get back to you on exactly what that entails.”

  Mel took a swig of beer and eyed
him appreciatively. “And was rock climbing the hobby we selected for you?”

  Leo nodded. “I haven’t been yet. But all the data suggests I’d enjoy it.”

  Mel stared at him like he was a bug and she was a bird. “Katie,” she said and turned away from Leo, “you should let me study him.” Katie opened her mouth to protest, but Mel silenced her. “Purely in the name of science!” Mel crossed her heart. “See, my most solemn promise. Just me, him and my evil lair.”

  Leo’s eyebrows rose and he chugged the rest of his beer. He tossed it into the garbage can. “And with that, I think I’ll leave you two ladies alone. You can plan my dissection while I’m not in the room.” Leo gave them both a two-fingered salute and walked out of the kitchen. He snagged a jacket on the way out and left them standing in the kitchen alone.

  “He’s super-hot, Katie. I think I need to check your temperature because if you haven’t jumped in the sack with him by now, you must be ill.” Mel reached over to lay her hand against Katie’s cool forehead.

  Katie shrugged her off. “I think all this sex talk about me is a way to stop everyone from examining your life too closely, Ms. Serial Dater.”

  Mel turned up the rest of her beer to finish it and then snagged another one from the fridge. “Serial dating is just my thing. No one to try to change me, examine me too closely, probe about my problems, and occasionally I can get some wild monkey sex out of it.” She turned an inquiring eye to Katie. “But you, my friend, don’t date at all. And that’s more concerning than me!”

  Katie didn’t think so. In fact, she thought it was much easier this way. “How so?”

  “Because you’re a hermit. And underneath all the weird writer introvertedness, you’ve got a hot bod and a running engine!”

  “My engine is none of your business!” Katie took a large bite of pizza and glared at Mel.

  But Mel didn’t take the hint. Instead, Katie could see the wheels turning behind those brown eyes. “What happened to make you so crabby? And don’t lie. Even though you lie for a living, you’ve never been able to lie to my face.”

  “Let’s move this party into the living room. Grab the rest of the beer and a bucket of ice.”

  “Oh, hell,” Mel said. “I might have to call into work late tomorrow.”

  Katie settled herself on the couch with Mel sitting across from her in the recliner. “Do you want to hear the bad part or the even worse part?”

  Mel shrugged. “Spill it all and let me sort the parts out.”

  As Katie began to talk, she felt herself growing even angrier at Will. But Mel’s face remained impassive even when Katie was practically shrieking out what happened. Two more beers, some tears and snot later, Mel sat forward, brown eyes shiny and hair coming loose from her bun.

  “Katie, for someone so damn smart, sometimes you are so damn stupid.”

  Katie choked on her beer. “What the hell, Mel?”

  “You don’t see it, do you? Will has a giant mad crush on you. If he didn’t, why in the world would he care about Leo?”

  “Because he’s a caveman and thinks I can’t take care of myself.” Katie felt flushed. She ran a hand through her hair and fanned herself. She’d drunk way too much today. Starting at lunch with Will, then back home sampling angry wine and now with the beers, Katie could feel herself slurring through a haze of delightful peace. Those last two beers took the edge right off.

  “No.” Mel chuckled at the expression on Katie’s face. “You’re wrong. And if you don’t explore this, I think you’ll regret it.”

  Katie waved Mel’s suggestion off. “He’s an egotistical pig. Piggy. Pig. Pig!”

  Mel snorted and checked her watch. “Fine. Ignore my awesome advice. You, my friend, have obviously started way before me. I have an early morning ahead, so I need to jet.” Mel reached over and took another one of Katie’s beer bottles out of her hand. “And you need to drink some water before you go to bed. It’s not like you to tie one on more than once every few weeks. Any more than that and I might have to stage an intervention.” Her expression softened as she patted Katie’s knee. “I don’t blame you, sweetie. It’s not every day someone drops out of space proclaiming to be your soul mate. I’d probably be doing a line of coke and performing in porn if that happened to me.”

  Katie grabbed one of the couch pillows and snuggled it to her chest. “I love you, Mel.”

  “Of course you do. It’s unavoidable.” Mel stood, grabbed the beer bottles and tossed them in the trash. On her way back into the living room, she dug through the cedar chest until she came up with a blanket. Katie reached up, and Mel leaned down to hug her. She ruffled her hair and covered her with the blanket.

  “Sweet dreams, drunkie,” she said as she walked outside.

  “Whatever, serial monogamist. Tell Leo he can come back in now.”

  Katie heard the door open and Mel step outside. “Will do.”

  Katie’s eyes drifted shut slowly, fueled by an exhausting day and a belly full of pizza, beer and wine.

  * * * *

  Leo sat outside on the porch, impervious to the cold. He heard Katie’s door open and the soft sound of Mel’s boots on the porch. He turned around and felt another stutter to his wiring when he saw her. Something was wrong with his databases because he couldn’t stop the feelings he got when Mel was around him.

  She walked toward him, wild curly hair spilling out everywhere from her head. It should have looked ridiculous, but Leo simply found it endearing. He was made for Katie. He knew it and his makers knew it. So why did he want to take Mel in his arms? Leo clenched his fists and pasted a smile on his face.

  Mel sat down beside him, the scent of lilacs engulfing him. “In about thirty seconds, Katie is going to be passed out on that couch. You’re going to have a bitch of a time waking her up.”

  Leo chuckled. “Rough day?”

  She made a noncommittal noise, obviously unwilling to share Katie’s troubles. He respected her for that.

  “I’ll leave her there,” he finally said. Mel nodded and stood to leave. He laid a hand on her forearm. He didn’t want her to go. Was this how it felt to be human? It was agonizing. “This study…” he started. “What would you do?”

  Mel’s face lit up. He was nothing more to her than a science experiment right now. A twinge of disappointment started deep in his belly. “I just want to check some things out. That’s all, I promise! I want to see what’s going on inside you, so I’d probably do an MRI, maybe a couple of other small tests.”

  She sat back down next to him, making his metal heart skip a beat. “When did you want to do that?”

  Mel glanced at her watch. “It’s only nine. Want to go tonight?”

  Leo gestured with a thumb back to the house. “What about Katie?”

  Mel snorted. “She’ll be fine. I’ve seen her ten times worse on girls’ night.”

  Leo stood and offered his hand to Mel. She placed hers in his own, the warmth of her causing a deep whirring inside of his skin. Thank the computer gods he wasn’t quite yet human enough to blush. He helped her up and escorted her to the car.

  “This is awesome!” Mel practically skipped over to the door. “Thanks so much for offering up yourself. And I promise,” she raised a hand in a solemn salute, “the results will go no further than me and maybe Katie.”

  “No problem.” He smiled at her eagerness. She unlocked the door and he hopped in next to her, hopefully not making the biggest mistake in his entire short life.

  * * * *

  Will saw Katie’s friend and Leo hop into the car and drive away. Surprisingly, Katie wasn’t with them, but he saw his opportunity to try to talk to her again. Will slapped a baseball cap on his head and made the short walk over to her bungalow.

  He made a few short raps on the door, then shoved his hands in his jacket pocket. After a long couple of minutes, Will knocked again. He checked his cell phone for the time. 9:15. As close as they lived together, he knew Katie never went to sleep this early. Maybe she just
didn’t want to talk to him.

  He leaned over to the window next to the door and peeped in. Katie lay passed out on her couch, blonde hair falling over one arm. All the lights in the house were on and the refrigerator door was slightly ajar. Will hesitated. His first thought was that she should get some privacy curtains because of the layout of her house. The second was that he wondered if he should walk in and shut everything off. Will tried the doorknob. It turned easily in his hand. He hesitated again, unsure if Katie would be furious or grateful if he came inside. He was betting she would be furious, but he knew he would want someone to wake him up if they saw something like that.

  Decision made, Will entered her home, the scent of cinnamon and honey filtering in the air around him…the scent he associated solely with Katie. He walked silently over to the kitchen, shut her fridge and turned out the kitchen light. Katie lay at an odd angle. Will knew if she stayed there she’d wake up with a crick in her neck. He flipped off the overhead lights in the living room, leaving only a single lamp on next to the couch. The low lighting threw shadows across Katie’s face, highlighting high cheekbones and glinting off the honeyed highlights in her hair.

  Will stared at her for a moment, pleased he finally got to see the relaxed version of Katie instead of the fiery angry one. He opened what had to be her bedroom door, feeling sort of like a creeper, and turned down the quilt and sheets to her bed. With a cursory glance around the room, he noticed Katie liked teal. And lots of it. Her comforter was a bright teal color and the paint on the walls was brown and teal striped. It was feminine, yet strong. Just like her.

  Will left her room and stood at the edge of the couch. He gathered the blankets around her and lifted her against his chest easily. She shifted and sighed. Will squeezed her a little tighter, wanting nothing more than to throw her over his shoulder and lope like a caveman back to his house. Her eyes fluttered open.

  “Will?” A slight frown appeared between her eyebrows, her blue eyes struggling to come into focus.