Envy

by Victoria Christopher Murray

  “It’s just that . . . you look like my mother.”

  My eyes widened.

  He said, “You look just like your grandmother.”

  “She does, Daddy,” Gabrielle said. “And that means she looks like you. ’Cause you look like Granny, too.”

  He chuckled, a laugh that came from his belly, like the Santa Claus I used to see at the malls. Not that I ever believed in any kind of Santa Claus. How could I believe in a dude who never came down my chimney?

  “Well, I guess you’re right,” he said. It was like the chuckle made him relax, because he leaned into the couch’s cushions, then rested his arm on the back. “So, I know you haven’t seen much, but how do you like California so far?”

  I shrugged. “It’s cool.”

  “We haven’t had time to see anything,” Gabrielle jumped in. “But we’ll take her to all the sights.”

  “Can we take her to Disneyland?” Bella asked. Before anyone answered, Bella continued, “Disneyland is the best place on earth. Did you know that?”

  “No,” I said.

  “Have you ever been to Disneyland?”

  I shook my head.

  Bella poked out her bottom lip like what I’d just said was the saddest thing she’d ever heard. “Everybody should go to Disneyland.” She leaned forward and pleaded, “Mommy, we have to take her.”

  “We will. We’ll take her there and everywhere else she wants to go.”

  Bella clapped. Elijah laughed. Gabrielle smiled. But when I looked at Mauricio, his face was blank—well, maybe blank wasn’t the right word, ’cause he stared at me as if he were trying to see into my soul.

  Then Gabrielle turned to Elijah. “Is everything ready for dinner?”

  He nodded. “It is. They delivered the whole spread about twenty minutes ago.” He motioned toward the kitchen. “A whole Sunday soul food dinner. Y’all ready to eat?”

  “I am.” Bella clapped again, and this time, even Mauricio took a moment from his case study of me and laughed.

  “I’ll get everything set up.” Gabrielle stood. “Keisha, you want to help me?”

  I didn’t, but I didn’t want to be left behind either, not with Elijah, who kept staring at me because to him I looked like his mama, nor with Mauricio, who kept staring at me because to him I must’ve looked like some kind of thief. So I dumped my phone on the couch, stood and followed Gabrielle into the kitchen, which (like the living room) didn’t look anything like what she had at her house. Elijah’s appliances were like the refrigerator and stove that my mama and I had in Mrs. Johnson’s shack—old and shabby.

  “So let’s check out what we have,” Gabrielle said, turning to the five pans of food on the counter by the sink.

  When Gabrielle uncovered the foil, and the aromas of catfish and chicken, macaroni and cheese, and collard greens and yams scented the air, I was shocked. This was the same food that I ate down in White Haven. I didn’t know what I’d expected, but I was sure surprised (and happy) to see some fried catfish.

  Gabrielle showed me where all of the dishes were, and together we laid out the plates, the glasses, and the utensils. I had just finished folding the napkins the way Gabrielle showed me, when she stood back and said, “We work well together, don’t we?”

  I shrugged. I mean, we hadn’t done all that much, but if it was good for Gabrielle, then it was good for me.

  “Okay, everyone.” Gabrielle walked back into the living room. “If you’re ready to eat, we’re ready to serve.”

  “Yay,” Bella cheered as she leaped down from the sofa.

  But just as Elijah and Mauricio stood, the doorbell rang, and Gabrielle rushed to open it.

  She said, “I was hoping you guys would make it,” to someone that I couldn’t yet see. “Talk about being right on time.”

  “That must mean we’re about to eat.”

  I heard her before I saw her, and I groaned. Really? Regan? On top of Mauricio?

  She stepped into the house followed by some man, and all the good feelings I’d had inside went outside. Why was she here?

  I hung back, leaning on the wall that separated the living room and kitchen, and watched as everyone greeted Regan and the man (whom they called Doug) like they were movie stars.

  When Bella shouted, “Auntie Regan,” I wondered if I was still her favorite. And then when she hugged Regan and the man like she didn’t want to let them go, I doubted that I was.

  Regan didn’t look my way, though I knew for sure she’d seen me when she walked in. I sighed but then perked up a little when Elijah said, “This is the first time I have a chance to congratulate you two.” He hugged Regan, then slapped Doug on the back. Elijah continued, “This makes me happy. Another grandchild.”

  His words made me frown. Was Regan having a baby?

  Those words seemed to bring me back to Elijah’s memory. “Keisha”—he motioned with his hand—“come over here.” He didn’t wait for me to walk to him. He came to where I was standing, and now he was the one who took my hand. But it wasn’t like when I walked with Gabrielle. Elijah had to kinda yank me along because I never walked willingly to the enemy.

  Before I even got there, the man everyone called Doug reached out his hand to me. “Hey, Keisha, I’m Regan’s husband.”

  I shook his hand, but since he wasn’t on my side, I didn’t say anything.

  And then Regan stepped up to me. “Good to see you,” she said.

  Instead of calling her a liar, I just glared at her.

  She didn’t seem fazed, though. All she did was look around at everyone and say, “I’m so glad we’re all here.” She reached into her tote and pulled out a large envelope. No one said anything as she handed it to Elijah. “I found some of the best clinics in West LA for paternity testing. And these will give you results quickly.” Then Regan looked at me and smiled, a shots-fired kind of smile, aimed at me.

  A paternity test? Was this about me? But why would she want me to take a test when these people found me?

  My eyes moved to Gabrielle, and then to Elijah.

  His eyes were almost as wide as mine. “What’s this?” Now he looked at Regan. “I didn’t ask for this. I don’t need this.”

  “Oh”—Regan began as if she were surprised—“I thought Gabrielle talked to you.”

  “No, I didn’t.” She snatched the envelope from her father’s hands. “And I don’t want to talk about it now.” She glanced at me before she tucked the envelope into her purse.

  “Well, I want to talk about it.” I folded my arms.

  Now all eyes were on me and I didn’t care. Right now, I wanted to punch somebody—that was how mad I was.

  “We don’t need to talk about this right now,” Gabrielle said. She glared at Regan. “We were just getting ready to sit down and have a family dinner, together for the first time. So this is not the time.”

  Regan held up her hands. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking that since everyone was here and this is something that you need to take care of right away . . .”

  “Right away, but not right now,” Gabrielle snapped.

  “What? You don’t think I’m his daughter?” I challenged Regan and Gabrielle. “You think I’m running some scam or something?”

  Gabrielle said, “Nobody thinks that, Keisha.”

  But Regan raised her eyebrows as if she wasn’t sure.

  I said, “Look, I didn’t come to all of you.” My eyes went around the circle where we stood. “You all came to me. But if you don’t want me here . . .”

  “Nobody is saying that.” Elijah stepped closer to me. “I don’t need any kind of test. I know you’re my daughter. And my God”—Elijah looked at me—“she looks like my mother.” He turned to Regan. “I don’t need a test. Keisha is my daughter.”

  “Pops”—Mauricio stepped forward—“I know this is not the most comfortable thing to talk about, and maybe this wasn’t the best time, but Regan is just looking out for you.”

  Regan and her husband nodded.

&n
bsp; Mauricio said, “This is good for you and Keisha.”

  “How is it good for me?” I asked.

  “Because it’s good when everyone knows for sure,” Mauricio said.

  “So y’all weren’t sure before you sent her”—I used my thumb to point to Regan—“to come and interrupt my life?”

  Now Regan crossed her arms on her chest. “Your life?”

  I knew that was another shot fired. Like she was saying I didn’t have any kind of life for anybody to interrupt. “You know what?” For the first time, I moved. I searched the space for my phone. I’d left it on the couch, but it wasn’t there. “Where’s my phone?” I almost screamed.

  “I’m . . . sorry . . .” Bella’s voice was soft. “Here it is.” She held it up to me, her lips trembling like she was afraid. I hated that—how could I be her favorite if I scared her? And I wanted to crouch down and tell her everything was okay.

  But I couldn’t, because it wasn’t. And all I wanted to do was get out of there. Maybe even get out of California.

  I was careful not to snatch the phone from Bella, but that was as far as I could go. Once I had the phone in my hand, I stomped toward the door.

  Gabrielle and Elijah spoke at the same time.

  “Keisha,” he said.

  “Where are you going?” she asked.

  My hand was already on the doorknob, but I had to pause with Gabrielle’s question. I didn’t know where I was going, I only knew I had to get out of there. Turning back to face them, I blinked over and over. Because I couldn’t let them see me cry—not even mad tears. And especially not Regan.

  Gabrielle rushed to me. “I know you’re upset, and I’m sorry. But you don’t have to be. We’re not going to talk about this”—she paused and turned around to the others—“right?”

  Regan pressed her lips together as if she had something to say but was trying her best not to say it.

  “I just want to leave,” I said.

  “No,” Gabrielle said.

  “Why?” Elijah asked.

  “Because my mama taught me not to stay anywhere I’m not wanted.”

  Elijah said, “You’re not only wanted here, Keisha, you’re welcomed. This is where you belong. I don’t want a test. I don’t need a test. I am and want to be your father.”

  “Well, there are certain people who don’t want that.”

  “That’s not what we’re saying,” Mauricio piped in. “We want to do a test as much for you, Keisha, as for Elijah. Don’t you want to be sure?”

  Looking at Regan, I said, “She told me everyone was sure.”

  “I never said that,” Regan said in a tone that was really calling me a liar.

  “I just wish everyone would calm down,” Gabrielle said. She looked at each one of us. “Let’s eat and forget about this.”

  Regan said, “That’s fine with me. We can forget about this . . .”

  I narrowed my eyes.

  She continued, “Until tomorrow.”

  “I’m out,” I said.

  “Regan!” Gabrielle shouted.

  I reached for the door again, and this time I couldn’t hold my tears back. Regan was trying to mess this all up for me. I wouldn’t sit down and break even stale bread with her.

  Gabrielle said, “Keisha, please wait.”

  “I don’t want to. I just want to go back to your house,” I said, finally getting the door open and stepping out onto the porch. That was when I let it go, just let the tears flow.

  Gabrielle and Elijah followed me outside.

  When Elijah looked at me, I held my hands over my face.

  “I’m sorry for all of this,” he said. “I’m gonna shut it all down. You don’t have to worry, Keisha.”

  I swiped the tears from my cheeks and shook my head. “I just want to go,” I said, crossing my arms and planting my feet. “I can take a cab.” I didn’t have any money, but at this point, they owed me at least enough cash to catch a ride.

  “No, you’re not taking a cab.” Gabrielle sighed. “I’ll take you home.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “Just let me get in there, get my purse, and get Bella.” She gave me a long look, then shook her head.

  Even though we were alone, I still couldn’t bring myself to look into Elijah’s eyes, so I kept my gaze on his feet.

  He stepped closer. “Keisha.” With his fingers, he lifted my chin and held my head up so that I had to look at him. “I wish you would stay.”

  “I can’t.”

  After a moment, he nodded. “I really want to spend time with you, get to know you because I am your father.”

  I took a deep breath and nodded. “Maybe . . .”

  “What?”

  “Maybe I can see you . . . tomorrow.”

  He smiled. “I’d like that. And you know what?”

  This time, I was the one to say, “What?”

  “It’ll just be you and me. And we’ll leave all of those clowns in there behind.”

  Even though I was crying, I laughed. And then, for the first time in my life, my father hugged me, and I did nothing to stop him.

  18

  Gabrielle

  I peeked through the open door of Keisha’s room and smiled as I watched Keisha and Bella leaning back on the pillows in the center of the bed. My daughter was reading to my sister and I marveled that a day that had been filled with so many tears for Keisha was nothing but laughter for her now.

  “Bella.” I stepped inside and they both looked up. “You haven’t given Keisha a break since we came home.”

  “But she likes being with me, Mommy,” Bella told me. “And I don’t want her to be by herself.”

  Keisha laughed. “And I don’t want to be by myself.” Then to me, she said, “It’s all right. I love hanging out with Bella.”

  “Okay, but”—I glanced at my watch—“it’s almost bedtime.”

  “Ah, no,” Bella whined and snuggled into Keisha’s side a little more.

  Keisha looked down at my daughter. “What about if I help you get ready for bed?”

  “Yay,” Bella cheered as she wrapped her arms around Keisha’s neck.

  I crossed my hands, pressing them over my heart.

  Keisha said, “Come on, let’s go, and then we can read a little more in your room.”

  “Okay.” Bella climbed down before she grabbed Keisha’s hand and the two scurried past me.

  With Bella taken care of, I went into my bedroom and clicked on the television. I’d never expected this kind of ending when I’d carried a crying Bella away from her dad and grandfather. By the time I hooked her into her car seat and jumped into the driver’s seat of Mauricio’s Range Rover, I had two hysterical humans in my back seat.

  But with a stop by Bella’s second-favorite place—In-N-Out Burger (and it turned out Keisha loved hamburgers, too), I was able to dry all tears. Over burgers, fries, and three chocolate shakes, we cried, but now the tears were from laughter at Bella’s silly knock-knock jokes.

  “Knock, knock.”

  “Who’s there?”

  “Who.”

  “Who who?”

  “That’s what an owl says.”

  She had a dozen that were just as silly, but it was wonderful because Keisha (and Bella) were still laughing when we came home. And that gave me a chance to apologize to Keisha again. But then it gave her a chance to tell me that if I wanted her to take the test, she would.

  She hadn’t waited for my answer. She’d just taken Bella’s hand and gone up to her bedroom.

  Just thinking about that made me warm in all kinds of ways. But then my blood turned cold when I heard the beep of the alarm as the front door opened. I jumped from the bed and rushed down the stairs just as Mauricio locked the door.

  He faced me, but it still took him a moment to say, “Hey, babe.”

  I rolled my eyes and then walked past him, marching into the kitchen, knowing he would follow.

  “Okay,” he said. “You’re upset.”

&nbs
p; I reached into the refrigerator for a bottle of water. “How was dinner?”

  “You were the one who told me to stay.”

  “Because you didn’t seem like you wanted to leave.”

  “I didn’t.” He shook his head. “I wanted to talk to your father about this, Gabby.”

  “Why? Why is a paternity test so important to you?”

  “Because we have to know. Do you know your father is talking about changing his will?”

  I leaned my head back, a bit surprised since he hadn’t mentioned that to me.

  “See,” Mauricio said, responding to my reaction. “He just told us, and I’m not going to let him do that without knowing one hundred percent that Keisha is his daughter.”

  I folded my arms. “None of this is necessary.”

  “Is this you talking or Keisha?” He narrowed his eyes. “If everything is cool, why is Keisha so against it?”

  When he made me mad, Mauricio made me mad to new levels of madness. Especially since he was standing there all smug. “She’s not against it.” I stayed silent just to let those words sink in. And it worked; the smirk faded from his lips. I continued, “She said she’d do it if I wanted her to.”

  “Oh.” He grabbed his own water. “Well, that’s good, but I still think there’s more going on with her. She has some ulterior motives.”

  “What?” And then I lowered my voice, not wanting to take any chances of Keisha overhearing us. “What are you talking about?”

  He’d followed my lead and kept his voice at a whisper. “Why was she asking you all of those questions?”

  I frowned. “What questions?”

  “In the car this morning . . . she was asking you how big the house is and how much you make.”

  I hardly remembered what Mauricio was talking about. “She’s curious. She’s never been anywhere. She wants to know everything. What’s wrong with that?”

  “I’m just saying, I’m going to feel so much better if we know for sure before we open more than our home to her. I’m concerned about opening our hearts.”

  “Whatever,” I said. “She’s going to do it, so this is no longer a thing.”

  “Good,” he said.

  “Good,” I said, feeling like a teenager as I mimicked him, then stomped away. I kept my steps heavy even as I climbed the staircase. I wanted Mauricio to know he had pissed me off.