Absolution

by Amanda Dick

  “Can I get you another drink?” he asked, trying to ease the ever-growing silence between them.

  “No thanks.”

  He took his time in the kitchen, grabbing another beer out of the fridge. He took a quick gulp, peering back out into the living room again. She had been sitting in the same position for over forty minutes, her elbow propped up on the arm of the sofa, head resting in her hand. She looked miserable. Maybe he needed to clear the air? If something was wrong, he would much rather know about it and try to deal with it. Pretending it wasn’t happening clearly wasn’t working, for either of them.

  He walked in and sat down on the couch again. Reaching over for the remote, he switched off the TV.

  She frowned over at him. “What are you doing?”

  “Just hear me out. I can go if you want – I didn’t mean to just barge in here and make things all weird again.”

  She regarded him cautiously. “You don’t have to go. And you didn’t barge in, either.”

  He immediately picked up on what she didn’t say. “But things are weird, aren’t they?”

  “I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I’m not very good company tonight am I?”

  “If I’m over-stepping the mark, I’m the one who needs to apologise,” he said gently, “But has this got anything to do with Callum? Because everything seemed fine before he arrived. Did he say something? I thought we’d sorted that out, but if –”

  “No, it’s not that,” she said quickly. “I think I’m just tired. Between the late night last night and feeling like crap today, I guess it’s taken more out of me than I thought. I don’t normally drink that much these days, and – anyway, I’m sorry.”

  “I can understand that,” he said, attempting a smile. “And I’m guessing by the yoga mat, you had some kind of exercise thing earlier? Hangovers and exercise don’t usually mix that well.”

  Something in her expression told him he had just made a huge mistake. His heart sank.

  “I think we should do this another time,” she snapped, reaching around the side of the couch to pull her wheelchair over.

  He should just collect his DVD and get the hell out of here before he made things worse, but he was reluctant to just leave things like this between them. She transferred over to her wheelchair, and he couldn’t help but admire her technique. She handled it the same way she seemed to handle everything else, with confidence and grace.

  “I’m sorry I’m being such a bitch, I’m just tired,” she said. “I’m busy tomorrow night, but why don’t we try this again on Monday night? I’ll try not to be such a pain in the ass, I promise.”

  “Okay, and you’re not being a bitch,” he said, forcing a smile.

  “Yeah, I am,” she said wearily. “But to be totally honest, I’m just too exhausted to care.”

  He took the hint and got up to retrieve the DVD from the player and pop it back into the cover. “Well, I’ll get going then. I hope you get some sleep and feel better tomorrow.”

  Throughout the drive home, and long afterwards, he played the night over and over in his head. The one thing he couldn’t quite reconcile was what had made her snap at him like that. He had said something about hangovers and exercise. What was he missing?

  CHAPTER 14

  “Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere. And sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.”

  - Unknown

  Maggie slid the phone back into her pocket and shook her head, whistling under her breath. “She sounds really tired – and really pissed at you. Apparently you ruined her night.”

  Callum shrugged, trying to feign an indifference he didn’t feel. “She’ll get over it.”

  “Why’d you do that? You know she likes to keep that stuff private.”

  Callum searched for an answer. The one that came to him was not the one he spoke out loud, though. “Because it’s important and she knows that.”

  “Well, yeah, she does. But Jack was there. It couldn’t have waited?”

  Callum shot a sideways glance at her, frowning. “So just because Jack was there, she should let this stuff go?”

  “No. I guess not. But you could’ve been a bit more delicate about it.”

  “Shockingly, delicate isn’t really my forte.” Maggie nodded in agreement and he frowned. “She’s putting on a show for him, trying to pretend like everything’s fine, that it’s exactly the way it used to be. Total bullshit, obviously. It’s about time she was honest with him. He needs to know the truth. Besides, we had a deal. I didn’t think she’d go all psycho about it.”

  “I can’t blame her for wanting him to see her through rose-tinted glasses for just a little bit longer. I think that’s natural.”

  “It’s dangerous, is what it is.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “What happens when he finds out about all this stuff, the stuff she wants to keep hidden from him? How do you think he’ll react then? That’s a lot of shit to dump on someone who carries the kind of guilt that Jack does.”

  “So you still think he’s gonna take off, at some point?”

  He thought about the conversation he had with Jack in the car outside Barney’s. “I think it’s still on the table, yeah.”

  “So you’re trying to protect her?”

  He glared at her. “Obviously.”

  She sat back in her chair, sighing. “She was so nervous on Friday night. I guess it was like a first date all over again.”

  “We talked about that this morning when I went over there. I don’t know what happened because she didn’t exactly say, but she seemed pretty shaken up.”

  “Even more reason not to push her into anything tonight, but I guess it’s too late for that now.”

  Callum sat back in his chair and rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay.”

  “So, any idea how you’re gonna work your way out of the doghouse this time?”

  “Yeah,” he sighed. “Thought I’d give her a little space and see what happens.”

  “Probably a good idea.”

  “I’ll see her at the pool tomorrow night anyway. Hopefully she’s talking to me again by then.” He checked his watch. “Look, I gotta get going. I’ve got some stuff I need to do.”

  As he walked out towards his car, he would’ve given everything he owned to have been able to drive over to Tom’s house, drag Jack out, throw him into his car and follow him to make sure he left town – for good, this time.

  It would sure make things a hell of a lot simpler.

  Ally glanced over the table at Jack, who seemed immersed in the menu. The diner was busy today. As seemed to be her usual state around Jack lately, she was filled with a strange mix of excitement and anxiety.

  A distinct murmur had gone through the diner when they arrived together, and although Jack didn’t comment on it, she was sure he had heard it too. She wasn’t sure if that was the reason behind him choosing a corner booth or not, but it suited her. People would just have to get used to seeing them together – that was all there was to it. She tried not to let it bother her as she perused the menu.

  “BLT,” she said finally, folding the menu up and laying it on the table beside her.

  “That’s my line,” he smiled. “I thought you’d be all over the cheeseburger and fries, with extra cheese.”

  “Not so much into the greasy stuff these days,” she shrugged.

  There was much more to take into consideration now, and a healthy diet was better for her long-suffering system than a diet of grease and junk food. But he didn’t need to know any of that.

  The waitress came to take their order and they chatted easily while they waited for their meals to arrive. It wasn’t until after they had finished eating that she overheard something from a nearby table.

  Tom’s name, and Jack’s. And something she wished she hadn’t heard.

  She looked over at him, and she could tell from the pained look on his face that he had heard it, too. The gossipers themselves seemed oblivious to
the fact that they had been talking loud enough for half the diner to hear them. She hated gossip. It was rude and usually factually incorrect. She wanted to go over there and tell them to mind their own damn business, but she knew all that would do was give it credence. It seemed to feed on itself, and she was damned if she was going to be part of that.

  “Ignore them,” she said firmly, catching Jack’s attention and holding it. “You know what it’s like around here, it’s a full-time occupation for some people. Don’t let it get to you. They’ll move onto someone else soon enough.”

  He smiled tightly, but she could see it had hit a raw nerve. Better they got out of here and left the busy-bodies to it.

  “Come on, let’s go,” she said, pushing her empty coffee cup away and slipping her jacket on. “It’s too nice outside to spend any more time in here listening to that crap.”

  Jack quickly signaled the waitress for the bill. “You’re right. About that, and about the weather.”

  The waitress dropped the bill off and Jack pulled out some cash from his wallet as Ally pulled herself upright, taking up her crutches.

  “Hey,” he said, as they made their way through the crowded diner to the door. “How about a walk through the park?”

  Callum pulled up outside the Chinese restaurant and jumped out of the car. Tonight was all about good Chinese food, a few beers and a Bourne movie marathon with Maggie. He was hoping for a boy’s night but that didn’t really pan out and Maggie invited herself over instead. She was bringing the beer, he was picking up dinner. Apparently, Ally had other plans. It didn’t take a psychic to figure out what they were.

  The order was ready when he arrived, so he paid and was turning to leave when he spotted Jack out of the corner of his eye, sitting on the vinyl-covered bench that ran along the wall. Jack seemed surprised to see him and Callum stood there for a moment as they eyeballed each other across the busy foyer. Gripping the bag of food tightly, he realised that it would take a while to get used to the fact that he could bump into Jack at any time. He turned abruptly and left, flinging the door open a little more harshly than he had intended.

  When Jack left the restaurant a few minutes later, Callum was leaning against his car, waiting for him.

  “Hey,” he said, standing up as Jack came closer.

  “Hey.”

  Callum indicated the bag of takeout in Jack’s hand. “Romantic dinner for two?”

  Jack glanced down at the bag in his hand before shooting him a weary look. “Just dinner. That’s all.”

  Callum nodded, raising his eyebrows sarcastically. “Big plans tonight, huh?”

  “Not really.” Jack stood up straight, clearly not in the mood to trade insults. “Second time lucky – dinner and a movie.”

  “Second time lucky?”

  “Saturday night was a bit of a wash-out.”

  Callum frowned curiously. “Really?”

  Ally hadn’t said anything at the pool last night. She had been quieter than usual, but he put that down to the fact that she was still pissed off at him for barging in the night before.

  “She was kinda tired, at least, that’s what she said. I think it was something I said, or did. I don’t know. She wouldn’t say.”

  Beneath the surface, Callum could tell he was worried.

  “It probably wasn’t anything you did,” he said, knowing full well it wasn’t. “She probably wants you to think she’s the Eveready bunny. She gets pissy when she’s tired, not that you’ll catch her admitting it, especially not to strangers.”

  Jack smarted, just as Callum hoped he would.

  “She seemed fine before you arrived,” Jack retaliated. “What did you guys get up to anyway, some kind of exercise thing or something? She got a little frosty when I mentioned it.”

  “Not surprising.”

  “Meaning what, exactly?”

  “You really need to ask her.”

  “I did.”

  “Sorry, can’t help you, then.” He walked around to get into his car. “Enjoy your evening.”

  Jack grabbed them both a drink and made his way back to the living room. Ally had settled herself in one of the armchairs and was stretching carefully from side to side. She stopped when she realised he was watching her.

  “Sorry. Just a bit stiff. It’s been a while since I’ve been for a long walk like that.”

  He had noticed her stretching over dinner, too. Callum’s words came back to him. Was she trying to impress him by keeping up with him? He didn’t want to push it tonight if she was tired. It hadn’t worked out so well the other night and he was anxious to make sure tonight wasn’t going down the same road.

  “No, I’m sorry,” he said, handing over her glass. “We could’ve done something else after lunch, we didn’t have to go for a walk. I’m kinda new at this. You’ll need to remind me when I suggest something stupid like that again.”

  She reached for the glass and their fingers brushed against each other. She stared up at him with a strange expression.

  “What?” he asked, afraid he’d said something else idiotic.

  “Remind you?” she smiled shyly. “That’s funny. I’ve never had to remind anyone before. It’s usually the opposite.”

  Another glimpse behind the curtain. Like when he saw her sitting on her bedroom floor. And the other night, at Barney’s. And whatever the exercise thing was she was so touchy about.

  A couple of weeks ago, he couldn’t imagine what the past few years had been like for her. Now, he was starting to get the picture, even if the image was still fractured and hazy.

  “Anyway, it’s fine. If I wasn’t up to it, I would’ve said something. It was fun, I enjoyed it,” she assured him. “Now, let’s get this movie cranked up.”

  He smiled, rubbing his hands together. He had ditched ‘Armageddon’ for a new release instead, reasoning that it might be better to watch something that didn’t have so many memories attached to it.

  “I ran into Callum when I was picking up dinner,” he said, popping open the DVD cover and inserting the disc into the player.

  “You did?” He caught the hint of anxiety in her voice, even though he was sure she had meant to hide it. “Everything okay between you two?”

  “Seems to be,” he lied.

  The last thing she needed to worry about was him and Callum. He sank into the couch, on the side closest to the armchair. Was she deliberately trying to put some distance between them by sitting separately, or was that just a practical decision? He noticed she relied heavily on the arms of the chair to sit down, now that she was wearing her braces. That was probably it.

  Stop seeing things that aren’t there.

  They settled in to watch the movie, and once again, he was sucked into some kind of surreal vortex. He was sitting in her living room, watching a movie with her. What the hell had happened to bring this around full-circle so quickly?

  Then he remembered his father.

  His heart felt like something was tugging on it, pulling it down into his chest cavity. He missed him so much. He wished he were here to see this. God, he hoped he was watching.

  He smiled as she giggled at the screen, oblivious.

  When the credits rolled, she stretched and he grabbed the remote to switch off the DVD.

  “That was awesome,” she smiled, settling back into the armchair.

  “It was, wasn’t it? Not a bad choice, if I say so myself.”

  “Your choice in movies has certainly improved.”

  “Ah, there it is. I was waiting for that crack,” he smiled. “I can’t say I’ve watched a lot of movies lately. It was more of a coin toss, really.”

  Talking about his life before he came home made him feel uncomfortable. She might ask questions. He didn’t have any answers for her yet. She was stretching again, slowly, side to side.

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m good, just a little stiff. I’ll be fine tomorrow.”

  “If you’re getting tired, I can get going.”
<
br />   “I’m not tired.”

  Stay a little longer.

  He smiled despite himself. “Me neither.”

  He got up and ejected the DVD, popping it back into the case. He spied her iPod and picked it up.

  “Music?” he asked over his shoulder.

  “Sure, why not. You choose, seeing you had so much success with the movie.”

  He scrolled through the options, settling on something he knew they would both like. He slotted it into the dock and music filled the room. He saw her approving smile as she rolled her shoulders again.

  “Y’know, I’m sure I could rustle up a half-decent neck rub.”

  She seemed to mentally weigh up the offer. “It’s more my shoulders than my neck, but thanks anyway.”

  “Same principal, right? I’m nothing if not flexible.”

  “Show-off,” she smiled. “But, since you put it that way – thanks.”

  He rubbed his hands together and perched on the arm of the chair beside her. Bowing her head, he gently swept her hair aside, pushing the silky tendrils forward over her shoulder. He stared at the naked base of her neck for a moment, a thrill of anticipation buzzing through him. Trying to focus, he laid his hands on her shoulders lightly. She was trembling.

  He took a deep breath and began to knead the muscles, not really paying attention to anything at first, except the fact that he had his hands on her bare skin and it was doing things to him. They lapsed into silence. He realised he was holding his breath, and made an effort to breathe normally. He was grateful for the music filling the void. Slowly, he kneaded deeper into the knotted muscles beneath his fingertips, tight and solid.

  A little moan escaped from her. “God, that feels good.”

  He smiled, enjoying the moment even more. He slowly increased the pressure.

  “You’ve got a bunch of rocks between your shoulder-blades,” he said, digging deeper.

  She snorted quietly. “Don’t forget the metal rods in my back.”