A Fire That Burns

by Kirsty-Anne Still

  Austin shrugged her response and thought over why she never did. “I was scared of the fallout and I mean I never got to tell Tyler he was going to be a father and when I finally got the confidence and the opportunity, I lost everything. What was the point of ever telling anyone?” Looking directly at her sister, Austin begged herself not to cry, “Tom wouldn’t even have known had I never gone to him.”

  “Tyler would have dropped everything, Aus,” Sienna dropped down onto the bed and sat sideways, watching her sister quietly. “It was his loss too.”

  “I know,” Austin spoke but when she looked up at her older sister, Austin still held the fear of telling everyone that she had felt when she was nineteen. “How could I face you all knowing what had happened when I couldn’t bear to be in a room with Tyler? I loved him; I do love him and all I started to feel was that I was losing. The baby was the final proverbial nail in the coffin.”

  Sienna wrapped her arms around Austin the moment the tears begged their existence.

  “He always had Natasha. No matter what she was there,” Austin sobbed against her sister, not even seeing her brothers appear at the doorway. Her hands came up to claw at her sister’s shoulders as if she needed to hold on. “He always had her. Now he really has her.” Pulling away, Austin wiped her eyes and left her lip to tremble heavily, “He was so happy when she said he was going to be a father. He was only that happy when I accepted his proposal. He looked like Natasha had completed his life.”

  Sienna watched as something in Austin shifted and her sorrow transcended into anger. The fire that once was Austin Pearson seemed to come alive again as she spoke of her misery.

  “He should’ve been that happy for me!” Austin cried and shudder on her breath. “He should have been my support and I couldn’t even tell him. He never knew and I can’t blame him for wanting her now. I can’t hate him for moving on. I was the coward. I’m the one to blame in never telling him and I can’t hate him.”

  “Yes, you can,” Dean spoke out as he entered the room and came to crouch in front of his sister, taking her hands. “Why should he move on when you can’t?”

  “He doesn’t know any different,” Austin replied softly and sniffled a little, lavishing her brother’s full support. “He just thinks I stopped loving him.”

  Dean gave her a sad smile and let one of her hands go so he could reach up and wipe one side of her face clear of the tears soaking it. “We all know that isn’t true don’t we?”

  Austin just nodded and bit down on her lip, “I’m so tired.” She meant that sentence in so many different ways. She was exhausted from her miserable onslaught, she was tired of crying, of denying herself happiness, of denying Tyler the truth. She was tired of being hated and she was tired of being the town’s resident monster.

  She wanted to be that girl that did things for others and got things in return. She wanted to be liked not feared. She wanted to go to Point Arena Cove and remember when Tyler proposed and she wanted to wake up and smile because that is what she deserved after so much bad luck.

  “We’ll let you sleep,” Dean commented calmly to her. “We will all be here if you need us.”

  “I don’t think I want to be alone,” Austin mumbled meekly but didn’t look up.

  That comment provoked Sienna to initiate her plan of the evening. “I’m staying here with you tonight, sis,” Sienna uttered and pushed some hair out of Austin’s face. “You’re not alone anymore, Austin.”

  “And we’ll be just downstairs,” Dean said and looked at his brothers. “We’re here for you, Aussie.” he stood up and Sienna stood up too, “Let’s get you into bed.”

  Watching them leave, Sienna climbed into the other side of the bed fully clothed and felt her sister immediately take to her waiting arms. It had been years since she had ever had to do this – hold her sister so she could sleep. It was almost like Austin was six again and had awoken from a bad dream and Sienna had spent the night chasing away the monsters from under the bed and the ghost from the closet in a big sister manner.

  Sienna didn’t move that entire night. She just held onto Austin and didn’t even let go as she started to cry way into the midnight hours all over again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  WE shouldn’t be doing this,” Dean doubted as they stood around Tom’s kitchen. The Pearson siblings had remained close to Austin, but since her breakdown she was completely emotionless. She was lost and just trying to find a way to make it through the day. Now as they took matters into their own hands, Dean suddenly realized how far they were stepping out of the norm for dealing with such sensitive matters.

  Tom huffed a laugh, his throat closing with the impending nerves, “I’m the one that shouldn’t be doing this.” he said as he flicked through the medical file before him. “I’m the one that will get into trouble for pulling these files from the hospital database. I could lose my job.”

  “If I were you, I’d just say thank fuck for shredders and lighters,” Daniel joked to his brothers looking up from the yearbook he had before him. As much as he knew they were breaking laws, he also knew his sister’s innocence meant more to him. “Just think about if there weren’t computers nowadays, bro,” he continued and saw his brother flinch at the idea. “Just think if they hadn’t imputed all this data, you’d be carrying around a real hospital file on you and illegally.”

  “This is illegal,” Tom muttered under his breath now rethinking his decision to print both Austin’s and Natasha’s files. He had done it during a dead moment at work during his last shift and couldn’t believe he was lucky to not even get caught by one of the nurses on shift with him.

  “They still have them, we only have copies,” Dean spoke up as he crossed his arms over his chest, a mirthful tone filling his voice. “That could have made this more thrilling had it been a steal it job and sneak it back in after.”

  “Dean, this isn’t funny,” Tom scorned as he couldn’t feel comfortable about this. “We’re delving where Aus asked us not to so let’s not make this worse.”

  “Well,” Sienna started as she sat up and crossed her arms over her chest, “Sometimes you need to take over with some people, and seeing as Aussie’s not around, she really doesn’t get a choice anymore.”

  “Where is she right now anyway?” Daniel asked as he looked up from the year book he had found. He found a photo of Austin and Tyler together after he had scored the winning touchdown at a football game and he loved to be able to see his sister all smiles.

  Tom sighed, “She’s at the house with Tyler.” He watched his brothers wince a little, “They need to get over this one way or another and I think Tyler’s confusion is going to break soon. She texted to tell me he was ignoring her so I think she’s going to snap before he does. That or she’s going to come home away from it all.”

  “You don’t think he believes all this right?” Daniel asked dubiously. He had seen how Tyler had ignored near enough everyone since the news Natasha had delivered and he wondered if leaving the lost lovers alone was a wise idea.

  Especially now as their existence to one another was becoming more apocalyptic with each other and not blossoming like it should have been.

  Tom shrugged, “He lost Aus and put all his trust into Natasha. I think she could twist anything and he’d believe it just because he defied everyone and still went there with her. He doesn’t want to look the fool and now he’s too late for backing out.”

  “Man’s never been more lost in the last six years as he has been the last couple of weeks,” Sienna sympathized for a moment. “I get why he’s like it, because I definitely would be.”

  “I guess we have one more thing left to do,” Dean responded with a bit too much glee in his tone.

  “There really is,” Tom said as he looked to his three brothers, “Let’s crack this open and bring that bitch down.” He then passed Dean Natasha’s file to prove that there were no reported cases of a pregnancy and consequent miscarriage on her file however, Austin’s were clearly th
ere back in 2006. Watching his brother and sister get up and rush to Dean’s side, Tom didn’t realize he was holding his breath. “As you can see Natasha hasn’t even been listed as pregnant. You and I were there, Daniel, she said the doctor had confirmed it. Well where it is?”

  “Okay no shredders or lighters just yet,” Daniel stated pointed at the file. “We need to keep this. This is the proof to clear Austin’s name. With her file and Natasha’s we can get mom to come around to the idea.”

  “We can’t,” Tom killed the process of that plan that was being concocted. As much as he wanted

  “What do you mean we can’t?” Sienna asked, her brow furrowing with confusion.

  “We can’t tell anyone about Austin,” Tom reacted to the question and shook his head, hating himself for halting their progress, but his inner voice sung to him and made him see sense. “She told me a few days ago that this secret would go to the grave with her, but I know she can’t bare this secret for years. It’ll kill her,” Tom fretted and raised his hands to press his hands through his hair. “I feel like I’m partly to blame in all this.”

  “Don’t you dare,” Dean spoke up, stepping in as the big brother. “Don’t you dare do that, Tom. I know you were there with her and you were the one that looked after her and ultimately, you gave her a doorway to coming home, but you didn’t cause the miscarriage. Natasha did and this time we all know and we aren’t losing her again.”

  “Chances are we could lose her,” Tom looked at his eldest brother and tried to stop his own break down from erupting. “Austin needs to face up to her own past before she can fight this. We can’t force her into the truth if she isn’t ready. That isn’t fair for her and we don’t know what type of repercussion that will have on her.”

  And that was the worst part – this was always going to be Austin’s secret to tell. If she didn’t want out of the darkness she had lived with then they couldn’t do it for her.

  “We wait for her to be ready,” Tom sighed, regretting every word he had just spoken.

  Chapter Twenty

  AUSTIN threw down the curtains and headed to the kitchen. Both she and Tyler had been in the house for hours and in that time he had laid the carpet on the stairs and landing and was now fixing the kitchen from the burst piping. She had called out an awkward hello when she arrived and she wondered if she hadn’t been heard because he was upstairs attaching tiles to the wall in the bathroom, but now she was convinced it was all done purposely.

  She had texts upon texts from Sienna and the boys and she was happy to know they supported her when the rest of the town had turned their backs on her, but she couldn’t tell them she was okay and mean it. The man she loved proved he no longer loved her. He had kissed her, flirted with her and made love to her all in the course of a few weeks and now she was left standing here in the battlefield of their love. She was the only prisoner now. Tyler had made his choice and bailed on the fight for their love.

  He had walked passed her twice and didn’t acknowledge her once. She knew if the other night at the diner was anything to go by then she wasn’t going to get a response any time soon. It might have only been two nights, but the cold shoulder treatment didn’t get any more familiar.

  They had found things in the house weren’t coming together as well as they should be and both had thought it reflected the strife that was in the air. Now, however, they would come in at separate times and things would be wrong or broken and she knew they had to get everything sorted to be able to sell the house.

  Now with him in the room that joined onto hers, he still hadn’t even acknowledged her for one second. He had walked straight passed, and she wasn’t kidding herself here, but he had looked straight through her several times. His eyes laced with something that hit her core so hard she felt its impact through her entire body, and if she had to admit it, it scared her. All the love, the adoration was gone and was replaced by a colder, emptier Tyler.

  She wanted to clear the air and clear her name. She was going to fight back at long last and fight back to the person that mattered most in all of this.

  “So this is it, is it?” Austin asked as she stepped towards Tyler as he stood sorting out the cabinets ready for the kitchen. “We’re going to remodel this house, but we’re not going to speak to one another?”

  “What do you want me to say, Austin?” Tyler quizzed her without looking up from screwing the hinges into place. “My fiancée lost my baby so excuse me for not being in the talkative mood. Especially when it comes to talking to the person apparently behind it,” his tone turned colder if that was possible, like the only emotion he had for her was hate.

  She stood shocked that Tyler was the fool now. He had fallen for the gossiping lies and he had believed that she was capable of a callous, vindictive move. Austin didn’t have the heart to do that to anyone however angry she was. She wasn’t the type to be able to inflict pain for her own personal gain. It wasn’t in her nature and years of a disappearance didn’t change that about her.

  “The only reason I am here is because we both invested a lot of money and time into his house and we might as well get the reward from it,” Tyler commented and glanced at her. “Don’t think this is time for friendly banter because we’re passed that. Well passed that.”

  Austin huffed out a disbelieving laugh, “You obviously agree with the current population of this town and think I’m a monster then do you?” Austin asked Tyler and crossed her arms over her chest. “If you do then you are just as small-minded as the rest of them and you just proved that you really don’t know me. That you never knew me.”

  “Small-minded?” Tyler asked as he finally looked at her, he had a jovial tone in his voice, the mirth tantalizing the note of sarcasm.

  “Yeah,” she shrugged, “Petty, bigoted, mean, biased – just to name a few others.” Austin counted on her fingers and shrugged trying to remain calm and collected. “We practically lived together through school and as soon as we were free, got ourselves a place of our own. You should know me the best! You lived with me, Tyler! You used to love me the most. You, of all people, should know who I am!”

  “Oh yeah, I know you so well that you were still the one that ran away. I knew you so well that you still ran off,” Tyler argued back and his eyes burnt right into her.

  “There were other reasons for that!” Austin shouted at him, the anger clawing in her voice. She hated the look Tyler was giving her, the one that belittled her and made her feel so inferior to him. They had never acted like that – ever. “We were made to have it all, Tyler. We were perfect. We had it all,” she told him as she softened at the thought.

  “Yeah well you definitely showed how perfect we were six years ago,” Tyler snapped at her vindictively. He knew they were made to have it all, he had dreamt every night of marrying her and finally getting the good life, but everyday he woke up disappointed. Even when Natasha took Austin’s place in his bed, it didn’t matter.

  “I wasn't the only one at fault here, Tyler!” Austin screamed back him. The softness now gone as she decided it was time to topple over the edge and finally let rip everything she had been bottling up. Six years of sheer agony was burning under the surface of the skin, scarring her more than ever. In the moment with the words bubbling in her throat with readiness, Austin was on the verge of just allowing herself to cave to everything she had lived with. "You and your damn career aspirations were one of the reasons I left! I understood you wanted to go places in that job and I supported that, but practically every night you went out drinking with your team and every time I had to listen to how Natasha got to spend evenings with you.”

  “Oh, so you were jealous. I should have pinpointed that,” Tyler said in a sanctimonious tone.

  “Of course I was!” she shouted at him, admitting it freely. Why should she hide one of the truest facts from him? She could feel the back lash of six years of pent up emotions coming back up from the darkest pit of her. This would either make or break her and she feared the la
tter would finally consume her entirely. "My fiancé was hanging out with the one girl that wanted him while I sat at home with dinner prepared and waiting." She rubbed the tears away quickly cursing them for breaking loose. "That's why I stopped cooking for you because most nights it ended up in the bottom of the trash."

  “Aus-" Tyler tried to interject, suddenly he was swept away with the guilt of the past.

  “It all got to be too much. You didn't love me enough and in the end, when everything came to head, all I knew to do was run." Austin spoke solemnly, the heat burnt out of her tone and replaced with the depression and shame she had survived with, “What did I do that made her more interesting?”

  “There wasn’t anything,” Tyler told her and looked at her. “I loved you, still love you, Austin, but life sucked us in and we didn’t survive and now I don’t know you. If I did I would have waited for you to come back. I wouldn’t look at you like you were a stranger. If I knew you I wouldn’t believe Natasha.”

  That hit her hard because she was still the nineteen-year-old girl that had run. She was still trapped six years in the past, unable to move forward and adapt to life. She was still that same lost and scared girl that fled Point Arena and she was still very much alone. “You always said we would survive, Tyler. You promised me that whenever I told you I thought Natasha was trying to win you over. You promised it was always going to me. Your promises ended up lies to me. You told me we could survive any storm, that-”

  “No bad day could come between us,” Tyler finished her sentence and he watched a tear fall as she gasped an affirmative. It was their saying, his promise – No bad day would ever come between them because their love was their foundation.

  “Six years of bad days ended up coming between us,” Austin told him in an admonished tone. She was defeated now, completely void of a fight. She was the beaten one, her heart tortured and left on the ground now barely beating, her soul crushed.