The Final Goodbye

by Brittney Sahin

  He remained standing off to the side of the couch and tucked his hands into his back pockets. “It’s not Valentine’s Day.” He half-laughed. “But, I don’t know, I would’ve thought of something.”

  “All I need is you. No gestures.”

  They’d spent hours on the phone each night before bed, and each time, he’d calmed her nerves and stayed on the line until she’d fallen asleep. It was his way of being with her, even from afar.

  They’d caught up on years of memories between texts and calls over those days. And now that she was physically with him, she wanted to catch up on so much more.

  She’d been impatient and couldn’t stop herself from booking the flight.

  Plus, she’d needed to get away from the sadness that hung over her small town like a dense fog that didn’t seem to have any plans on going away.

  Too many people had died there, and the bleak feeling of responsibility clung to her skin, no matter how much she scrubbed at it.

  Part of her never really wanted to go back, even if escaping wouldn’t solve her problems.

  Ben had tried escaping, and she’d hated him for it.

  She couldn’t do the same, she supposed.

  “Ri?” He waved a hand in front of her, but his gaze swept to the scar on her neck, and his face hardened.

  “I closed my practice,” she rushed out, not sure how he’d take the news. “I called all my patients and referred them to another doctor.”

  He quickly sat down and reached for her hand. “Don’t run,” he said in a low voice. “It doesn’t solve anything. Believe me, I know.”

  “I’m not running. I want a new start. It’s actually what Ralph wanted for me. He used to talk my ear off about how he wished I’d move and make a name for myself in a new city.”

  “Yeah, I can almost hear him now.” His hard expression softened, as if similar memories of the man they’d lost were moving through him, too. “But, does this new beginning include me?”

  “If you want it to.”

  “And what do you want?” He edged closer and palmed her face.

  “You. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

  He nipped at her lip and pulled back only enough to look into her eyes.

  “Do you remember what I told you when we were kids—what I said I wanted when I got older?”

  He tightened his hold on her hand and looked at the ceiling for a brief moment. “A house that was always filled with noise.”

  She nodded when their eyes re-connected. “But I’m scared.”

  “Why?” He kept his hand on her face, and his thumb made small, calming circles on her cheek.

  “Because I’m afraid you won’t ever truly be able to forgive me for keeping the truth from you when we were younger . . . or that you’ll never be able to forgive yourself for wanting me.”

  He stood and crossed the room to the window. His palm flattened against the glass.

  “With everything that happened and the heavy guilt weighing me down, I keep telling myself this isn’t the right time to be worrying about my future.”

  Ben shook his head. “Don’t. We’ve talked about this. Ralph wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for his death.” He glanced back at her. “Only two sick people are responsible.”

  “I can’t help it. When I close my eyes, I see their faces. Every person who was killed . . .”

  “Me, too,” he whispered and fully faced her. “But in my case, it’s every guy I couldn’t save. Their faces come to mind before I go to bed. And they’re there when I wake up.”

  His pain was so strong it emanated from him like it was visible to the touch. And she’d take his pain if she could. She’d do it in a heartbeat if it’d help him.

  “It doesn’t ever go away. Not for me, at least. I’m not sure that I want it to, either,” he said somberly.

  Her eyes watered as he approached and crouched before her, gathering her hands between his palms.

  “Thinking about whether there will be a me-and-you helps keep me from totally breaking down.” Her voice trembled. “But then, I worry I’ll lose you again, and—”

  He leaned forward and captured her mouth, taking her by surprise. His tongue twined with hers, stealing her breath.

  Against her mouth, he said, “I’m not going anywhere. Not this time.”

  “And what about Nate?”

  He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers. “He’d want us to be happy. It took me a long time to realize that, but it’s the truth.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because if it had been me that fell . . . that’d be what I’d want.”

  * * *

  Seven days in Vegas had been good for her. Relaxing.

  The nightmares were nearly gone. She didn’t know if it had to do with sleeping in Ben’s arms every night, but she’d take whatever ounce of peace she could get.

  From behind, Ben wrapped his arms around her, and she relaxed against him. She focused on the small, but perfect, Christmas tree. They had gone shopping two days ago for decorations after it’d dawned on them that the holiday was around the corner.

  “You weren’t supposed to buy me a gift,” she said, noticing the single present beneath the tree. She tried to turn around to scowl at him, but he kept her tight against him.

  He brushed his lips against the shell of her ear. “I didn’t buy anything.”

  The feel of his breath sent chills down her shoulders and into her arms. “Hm.” She eyed the red square box that was a little bigger than letterhead in length.

  He swept her hair to her other shoulder and kissed the side of her neck, his lips brushing over her scar.

  “Keep doing that, and I’m going to forget about the box and give you your present now.”

  “So, you did get me something. You broke the agreement, too.” His laughter tickled her neck, or maybe it was his beard. She’d decided she wanted him to keep the rugged look.

  “Well, it’s more of something I planned on wearing for you later.” She tucked her lip between her teeth, and he finally dropped his hold on her, but only long enough to spin her around to face him.

  “Red or black? Silk or satin? See-through or—”

  “Patience. You’ll get a chance to unwrap me.” She smiled. “But maybe I should open my present first.”

  “No, it can wait.” His eyes dropped to the faded Beatles T-shirt of his she wore, and he skimmed her bare thighs with his fingertips, bunching up the material. “And you’re not wearing any panties.”

  A hard breath fell from her mouth as he teased her with his fingers.

  “You’re going to stand in front of me practically naked and tell me to wait?” He continued to torture her, and she bucked against his hand. “No way.”

  As much as she wanted him, she was way too curious about the box, so she tugged at his wrist. “I need to open it.”

  “I’ve changed my mind, though. I think the gift might be a mood killer.”

  Her mouth rounded in surprise. “What the hell kind of gift is it?” Her heartbeat kicked up in her chest as nerves set in.

  “Unique.”

  She looked away from him and to the tree, to the red gift that was now like a bright beacon flashing. “Ben, you’ve got me scared.” But she went over to the tree and lifted the box, anyway.

  “Honey, you’re not wearing panties, and you just bent over . . . what are you trying to do to me?”

  She faced him with the present in hand.

  He adjusted himself, shifting the material of his gray drawstring pajama pants.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  He crossed his arms over his naked chest and leaned against a wooden beam a few feet away. “Guess you’ll see in a second.” A touch of a smile met his lips.

  She sat on the floor, with her legs crossed like an eager kid, and set the box in front of her.

  Her fingers trembled as she removed the top.

  “I don’t understand,” she said as she stared inside the box.
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br />   “Emails,” he said quickly.

  She reached inside for the top sheet and swallowed hard.

  “The emails you wrote me but never sent? You saved them?”

  There were so many.

  At least a hundred pages or more.

  Was he serious?

  “I saved them as drafts.” He knelt next to her and pressed a hand to her shoulder.

  She held the stack and flipped through the pages in total shock. “These aren’t just from the military.” She pointed to the last page. “This one’s from a few months ago.”

  He nodded. “Once I started writing you, I couldn’t get myself to stop. It was my way of talking to you, of staying connected.” His voice was nearly hoarse as he spoke, as if the same emotions choking her up at the moment were hitting him hard, too. “You were there for me, even though you didn’t know it. You got me through some of the most challenging times of my life.”

  “I wish you’d sent them. I wish I could have known over the years how you felt.”

  She wanted to read every email.

  Every single word.

  Every admission, thought, or feeling from him.

  “Why’d you save them?”

  He glanced at the pages. “Not sure. You’re the brilliant doc. Why do you think?” A quick smile met his lips.

  “Well, in my professional opinion, I think it’s because you loved me.”

  He shook his head almost immediately. Her shoulders sagged, and her gaze dropped to the floor, but he tipped her chin up, demanding her eyes meet his.

  “You said loved. That implies past tense. I thought you did better in school than me.” He lifted a brow and edged his face closer to hers.

  She lowered the papers, and he reached for her hands. The walls of her heart shattered.

  “See, the thing is, I never stopped loving you”—he continued to hold her eyes—“because, like Ralph always said, you only get one soul mate.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Six months later

  Colorado Springs

  * * *

  Ben reached the top of the highest peak at the Garden of the Gods and viewed the surrounding landscape. The mountains jutted so high as if they soared straight into the sky.

  He was as close to heaven as he could get at that moment.

  He was as close to Nate as he could get.

  He peeked down to see Riley standing at the base, holding the rope tight in her hands.

  She hadn’t been resistant to the idea of taking the trip. She knew how much he needed this moment.

  She knew that if he were to ever truly be at peace with what happened when he was eighteen, he had to come back, he had to come here.

  “Miss you, buddy.” A slight breeze carried his words, hopefully bringing them up and to his friend.

  If heaven was real, and he believed it to be—he knew Nate could hear him now.

  Ben brushed his fingertips over his tattoo, and a hard knot fisted in his stomach as memories of his youth seized hold of him.

  He lifted his chin a few minutes later and allowed the sun to sweep over his body, going straight to his soul.

  “Goodbye, Nate.”

  And as he made the descent back to the woman of his dreams, he knew everything would be okay.

  Epilogue

  “It’s loud.” Riley covered her ears and smiled.

  “You said you wanted a house with a lot of noise, didn’t you?” He laughed but turned down the volume on the new surround-sound speakers he’d had installed earlier that day.

  “Yeah, but I was talking about noise from having a lot of kids running around.” She playfully smacked him in the chest.

  He dropped the remote on the couch and scooped her into his arms. “Okay.” He found her eyes. “You want to get started on that now?”

  “You just want to have sex.” She rolled her eyes.

  “What’s wrong with that?” He nipped at her lip, softly biting it.

  “You already gave me three orgasms this morning.”

  “Well, shit, that’s not enough.” He carried her down the hall of their new house and gently tossed her onto the king-size bed.

  Her long blonde hair fanned out behind her, and she stared up at him as he peeled off his T-shirt.

  “Of course, there is one thing I’d like to do first,” he said.

  She narrowed her gaze and eyed him suspiciously.

  “Be right back.” He left the room, and when he came back, he found her sitting upright on the bed in only a bra and panties.

  “I knew you were eager for a fourth time.” He patted the envelope he held against his outer thigh.

  She wet her lips and traced her collarbone with a pink nail. “And a fifth.”

  “So, you want to wait on this, then?” He lifted the envelope between them, and she leaned forward and snatched it.

  “You know I’m horribly impatient.”

  His nerves jammed up in his throat as he watched her remove the two plane tickets.

  “Hawaii? In a week?”

  “But I start my job in D.C., and you’re about to begin your new career.” Riley accepted a position with the military, where she’d be working specifically with soldiers dealing with PTSD. It had been something she’d always wanted to do, and he was so damn proud of her.

  He, on the other hand, had closed down Logan Securities to pursue a much more exciting, albeit dangerous, profession.

  “Is this a vacation?” She took a long breath, confusion evident on her face.

  “Sort of.” He cleared his throat, held her eyes, and then slowly dropped to one knee and reached into his pocket. “More like a destination wedding.”

  Her lips pursed, and then her palm landed on her chest, her eyes widening as he opened a small black velvet box.

  He took a deep breath, hoping to hell he was doing this right. “This was my grandmother’s ring, and she told me when I was eight that I was going to marry you.” He reached for her free hand, his heart pumping hard in his chest. “And I want to do exactly that.”

  She dropped the tickets and covered her mouth.

  “I was thinking next week in Maui.”

  “Next week? How?”

  “Well, give me your answer first, and then I’ll tell you.”

  She gave a sharp nod.

  “That’s a yes, right?” He needed to hear the words from her before his heart exploded in his chest.

  “Yes. Yes. YES!”

  He placed the ring on her finger, and she leaped off the bed and circled her arms around his neck. “I love you.”

  “I love you so much.” She pulled back and gripped his forearms for support. “And you’re serious about next week?”

  “I’ve spent the last six weeks planning everything. Well, I’ve had help.” He grinned. “Your mom, Ava, and others—”

  “My mom kept this a secret from me?” She stared at him in disbelief. “You were pretty confident I’d say yes, huh?”

  “If you’d rather wait and plan everything yourself, I’d understand. But I—”

  “No! This is amazing. It’s perfect. I don’t even know what to say, I’m so shocked.” She took a step back, bumping into the bed, and then she reached around and unclasped her bra.

  “What are you doing?” He angled his head, his body growing hard and ready.

  “I want to make love to my future husband wearing only one thing.” She raised her hand, eyeing the ring. “You object?”

  “Never.” His body continued to tighten, and he shoved down his jeans, ready to make love to the woman who’d finally be his wife in seven days.

  Seven days too long.

  After spending a decade and a half without the love of his life, he didn’t have it in him to even wait a week.

  He wanted to give Riley everything.

  He wanted to give her that house full of noise . . . of love and laughter.

  After the Epilogue—Bonus Scene

  *Features the cast from the Hidden Truths Series

&nbs
p; * * *

  Riley

  * * *

  My pulse throbs in my neck, and every fiber of my being nearly explodes with joy.

  Mrs. Riley Logan. I keep repeating it in my head over and over again.

  I’m Ben’s wife.

  Eight days ago, I never would have imagined it’d happen. Well, not so soon, at least.

  But this incredible man continues to surprise me.

  He awed me when he closed down his business in Vegas to move to D.C. so we could be together, and then he surprised me by boldly climbing at the Garden of the Gods two months ago to make peace with the past.

  And now, we’re on a beach in Maui, beneath the twinkling stars as husband and wife.

  “He’s a great guy.”

  I look over at Kate Maddox, Michael’s wife. I quickly learned that Michael is Ben’s genius friend, the one Ben told me could never turn his brain off and who suffered from PTSD. Hopefully, I can help such incredible men, such as himself, once I begin my work.

  I’m not gonna lie. Michael’s a bit intimidating, and it’s not because he reminds me of the actor who played in the new Superman movie. It’s the pensive look he wears all the time, and I’m pretty sure he scares a shit-ton of people. But Ben assures me he’s a teddy bear.

  Jury is still out, though. I’m sure I’ll see the softer side of the man eventually.

  Kate—well, she’s like the sister I always wanted. And now, I basically have four sisters: Kate, Ava, Alexa, and Olivia. The wives or fiancées of Ben’s Marine friends.

  I only just met most of Ben’s friends this week in Hawaii, but I can tell they’re going to be like family.

  I’m so grateful Ben has had these people in his life when I couldn’t be a part of it.

  “Which guy is great?” I smile and observe the group of five former Marines, mysteriously huddled off to the side of the dance floor. “From what I can tell, they’re all pretty amazing.”

  Kate smiles and leans back in her seat, and then glances over at the other women sitting with us. “You’re right about that. But, we’re all so happy Ben found you.” Her forehead creases for a moment. “Well, I guess he already had you . . . he just lost his way.”