The Soldier's Sweetheart

by Deb Kastner

  I love you. And you are not alone.

  * * *

  Samantha ran a hand over Will’s strong shoulder and sighed. Her other palm rested against the graze of whiskers on his jaw. It was wonderful to be in his arms. She hadn’t realized until now just how long she’d been waiting for this moment—maybe from the first time he’d walked in the door of Sam’s Grocery.

  His kiss was at once gentle and demanding, soft yet intense. His arms surrounded her like a fortress, his shoulders a stronghold against everything bad and difficult in the outside world. Nothing existed except Will—the solid strength of him, the enticing musk of his aftershave, the way he’d whispered her name in the passion of the moment.

  He made her feel beautiful. Safe. Loved.

  The unspoken, invisible bond between them was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. Their embrace wasn’t just a meeting of lips but the union of two hearts. She’d prayed about this moment from the time she was old enough to understand the nature of love, and she savored it with all that was in her being, because now she recognized those emotions tugging at her heart.

  She was in love with Will.

  Her heart was soaring. Will cared for her, too. She realized, looking back, that he’d been silently communicating his feelings to her for quite some time—protecting her from nearly the moment he’d first walked into her life. She’d simply misread the signals.

  But now he was showing her how very much she meant to him in a way that was beyond misinterpretation.

  He had to know she felt the same way about him. She put just as much meaning into their kiss as he did. But where Will preferred to convey his emotions through deeds and actions, Samantha needed to say the words. Out loud.

  “Will,” she murmured as he tenderly leaned his forehead against hers. “I want you to know that I—”

  He seemed to freeze suddenly, and then bolted to his feet and backed away. The movement was so abrupt, so harsh, that Samantha, completely shocked, hardly knew what to do.

  “Don’t,” he rasped, the single word a direct order. “Don’t say it, Samantha.”

  “What?” she asked in bewilderment. Her mind was still muddled and cloudy from the kiss and her heart was still pounding in her ears. She felt like she was being plunged back into mental chaos after having a moment of pure, beautiful clarity.

  Maybe she hadn’t heard him right. That had to be it. She hadn’t understood what he was saying.

  “What’s wrong, Will?”

  “I think we ought to stop right here, before anything else happens.”

  “Are you kidding me right now?” she demanded.

  He tunneled his fingers through his hair, leaving it pointed and disheveled, a mirror image of the way her emotions felt right now.

  “We got caught up in the moment,” he explained, his voice grim, a far cry from how soft and loving it had sounded just moments before. “We were both upset. It happens. Let’s leave it at that.”

  “It happens?” she repeated as her heart was pierced by the sharp edges of Will’s words. “It happens. That’s all you are going to say about it?”

  She felt like a puppet. Will had jerked her strings and she had blindly danced to his music. And then in the next instant, he’d dropped her, leaving her in a mixed-up heap of parts on the floor.

  Maybe Will was right. Maybe they had gotten caught up in the moment. Her stress level was through the roof, after all. Her entire life was falling apart. But in her case, the pressure had only forced her to admit what she’d already known deep down—that she had feelings for Will.

  That she loved him.

  He, on the other hand, was brushing those emotions off as if they were nothing. And yet he’d been the one who’d reminded her of all her blessings, who had encouraged her to lean on God during the tough times when she was beginning to believe she had nothing and no one.

  For some crazy, wonderful and now absolutely mortifying reason, she had thought, at least for a moment, that she had Will.

  What a fool she had been.

  “So, what was that, then?” she hissed. “You were just stealing a kiss because I’m vulnerable right now?”

  His eyebrows lowered over his smoldering eyes, which had turned almost black, as they always did when he was experiencing great emotion.

  “Don’t do that.”

  “Don’t do what?”

  “Don’t belittle what we shared. It meant a lot to me.”

  She ignored his admission. He was just yanking her chain again, and she would have none of it.

  “It seems to me that you’re the one belittling what we shared. It also seems to me you’re doing an awful lot of ordering here. You aren’t in the Army anymore, Will, so don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.”

  “Please,” he pleaded. “Don’t diminish what happened here tonight. I care for you. I really do. But for reasons I can’t explain, I can’t go there with you.”

  “Can’t? Or won’t?” Maybe she was being unfair, pushing him further than he was ready to go, but she had to know the truth. He couldn’t just kiss her like that—like he was ready to give her the world—and then step back and tell her he couldn’t go there.

  “Honey, I can’t give you what you’re asking me to give to you.”

  She felt like Will was taking a chain saw to her heart, methodically cutting it into smaller and smaller pieces until there was nothing left. “If that’s true, Will, then why did you just kiss me like that?”

  He looked at her for what felt like an eternity with those heart-stoppingly beautiful brown eyes that for once she was able to read clearly. She saw love in his eyes—she was sure of it. But she also saw fear, and uncertainty.

  “I promised you that I’ll be there for you,” he said, his voice hard, even cold, “and you can bank on that promise. No matter what happens with Stay-n-Shop, I’ll be by your side.”

  “Is that all this is to you, Will? Is this just about the Stay-n-Shop?”

  “That’s all it can be, Samantha. Trust me on this. Let’s just focus on the Stay-n-Shop and leave the rest alone.”

  He turned and headed back into the Grange hall, leaving her right where he’d found her before he’d changed her world with a single kiss.

  At the moment, she didn’t give a fig about Stay-n-Shop. She wanted Will. She wanted all of Will, especially the one thing he apparently refused to give.

  His heart.

  * * *

  “Hey, Monkey,” he said as he scooped Genevieve into his arms, squeezing her extra tight and running his hand across her black curls. Holding his little girl in his arms was his anchor to reality right now. It was all he had.

  “Thanks, Delia,” he said to the woman hovering in the doorway. “I appreciate you watching Genevieve tonight.”

  “Anytime,” Delia said pleasantly. “How did the meeting go?”

  Will’s mind immediately flashed to those moments after the meeting, when he held Samantha secure in his embrace. The most wonderful minutes of his life. And his biggest mistake of all.

  “The Grange was filled to bursting with folks coming out to support Samantha and her family. I think it went well.”

  “I heard Stay-n-Shop brought in a whole legal team.”

  “They did. Hopefully the council will see through their arguments and keep Sam’s Grocery safe.”

  “Tell the Howells I’m praying for them.”

  “I suppose that’s the best thing we can do for them at this point.”

  “Daddy, you’re holding me too tight,” Genevieve exclaimed, wiggling.

  “Sorry, Monkey,” he said, bending to place her on the ground.

  “Your daddy just loves you so much he wants to squeeze you like a stuffed animal,” Delia said with a chuckle.

  Well, that was true.
And more. Genevieve was all he had. He didn’t want to screw that up.

  “Thanks again,” he called over his shoulder as he buckled Genevieve into the car seat. Delia waved and closed the door.

  “Are we going to see Miss Samantha?”

  It was an innocent question, but it pierced Will’s heart like a knife.

  “No, sweetheart. It’s late. Miss Samantha might already be sleeping.” He knew she wouldn’t be. Not tonight. Not after what he’d pulled with her. She was probably stomping around her house, mulling over his demise.

  And rightly so.

  “Miss Samantha promised to show me how to play the piano,” Genevieve said.

  Will’s throat burned. “You really like Miss Samantha, don’t you?”

  “She’s nice to me. And she’s so pretty. You like her, too, don’t you, Daddy?”

  Will hadn’t shed a tear since he was five years old and his father threatened to hit him if he didn’t stop bawling like a baby, but at Genevieve’s words, his eyes burned, and it took every bit of strength within him not to give into the urge to let go. It hurt that much.

  He had to clear his throat twice to answer. “Yeah, Monkey. I like her, too.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Will hadn’t seen Samantha in three days, and he hadn’t slept in nearly that long, either. There was no doubt in his mind that she was avoiding him, and he supposed he really couldn’t blame her. He’d hurt her—deeply—which was the last thing he’d ever meant to do. But now it was too late to take back what he’d said—or what he’d done.

  On Saturday, Samantha’s parents had asked him to take a day off from the store to finish building a wraparound porch for one of the cabins near the river. There was a certain satisfaction in building things up instead of tearing them down. As he set the planks, he’d listened to the gentle swoosh of the river gliding over large, pointed rocks, and to the birds singing what Will imagined to be praise songs from the trees. A rare black squirrel had even approached him when he got too close to the animal’s home. He’d been impressed by the squirrel’s angry chattering and apologized for disturbing him.

  It was a peaceful scene, but Will had felt no tranquility in his heart. Not while things were so completely unresolved between him and Samantha.

  He’d declined to attend church on Sunday. He was too confused and confounded to come up with a reasonable excuse for why he wasn’t going, especially since he’d only just started attending at all, but fortunately, the Howells didn’t ask. They merely wished him a good day and left him to his own devices.

  He’d hoped giving Samantha a couple of days to cool off and pray would give her new perspective, but it didn’t take him long to realize he was wrong on that count.

  Sometime during the night on Sunday, Samantha had left an envelope taped to his door, which contained a key to the store and brief, scribbled instructions for him to go ahead and open the shop Monday morning on his own. He’d thought maybe she was running errands and intended to arrive late, but as the hours slowly passed, he came to the distressing realization that it was unlikely that she was going to put in an appearance at all.

  He was able to handle the store on his own with no problem, even with all the extra customers coming out in droves to support Sam’s Grocery and bolster Samantha’s spirits. He wished she could have been there to see the day’s business, and thank the community that was well and truly behind the Howell family legacy.

  Whether or not Stay-n-Shop was allowed to build on that land, Will firmly believed that Samantha’s heritage was safe in the hands of the wonderful, faithful folks of Serendipity.

  As the day ended and there was still no sign of Samantha, Will closed up, cleaned up and found himself reaching for his cell phone. He dialed Samantha’s mother.

  “Hello? This is Amanda.”

  “Hey, Amanda. It’s me, Will.”

  “Hi, Will. I just fed Genevieve a bowl of macaroni and cheese. She said she was hungry and I like to spoil her a little bit when I can. She’s like a granddaughter to me. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “No, not at all.” He was happy to hear the pleasure in Amanda’s voice when she spoke of Genevieve. Samantha’s mother and his young daughter had a special bond. They were good for each other, much in the same way that Genevieve and Samantha were good for each other. He pushed the thought out of his mind. “Actually,” he continued, “Genevieve is the reason I’m calling. Or—er—part of the reason, anyway.”

  “Sure, Will,” she said, sounding intrigued. “What can I do for you?”

  “Have you seen Samantha recently?”

  “I saw her yesterday. She played the organ for church, but she left right afterward. Why? Did she not show up for work this morning?”

  “No. She left me the key to open with, so I figured she was going to be late, but she never came in at all. I thought maybe she was spending the day with you all. I guess she needed some time alone.”

  “That’s odd.”

  Will sighed. “No, not really. I’m fairly certain she’s avoiding me. She’s not picking up her phone, either. Do you have any idea where she might have gone if she was upset?”

  To her credit, Amanda did not ask what Will had done to upset her daughter, even though he’d pretty much admitted that was exactly what he had done.

  “You really care for her, don’t you?” she asked softly.

  Everything in him burned—his eyes, his throat, his heart. He wasn’t sure he could speak, but Amanda was waiting for an answer.

  “Yes, ma’am, I do.”

  “So? What are you waiting for? Writing in the clouds?”

  Will chuckled. “That would be nice.”

  “Indeed it would, but love is never that simple, or that tidy. We’re all a mess inside, you know. Every one of us carries baggage. But when God unites two hearts, they can lift each other up, carry their loads together.”

  “But I—”

  “Love my daughter. Go get her. Try the church. Ever since she started learning music as a little girl, the church has been kind of like her refuge. Playing the organ seems to help her organize her thoughts and work through her feelings about whatever is bothering her.”

  Which would be me.

  “And before you ask, I’m happy to watch Genevieve for you for as long as you need me to.”

  “Thank you, ma’am,” he said, gratitude welling in his heart. Once again, he was astounded by the Howells’ continued generosity toward him. They just gave and gave without a second thought.

  He could see where Samantha got her heart from.

  “It’s my pleasure,” Amanda insisted. “That’s what family does. We step in and help each other.”

  Will’s throat clogged with emotion. He ended the call and then just stood staring at his cell phone.

  Had she just referred to him as family?

  He didn’t know how that had come about, but it made him want to stay in Serendipity more than ever. It would be such a shame if he had to walk away from the best thing he’d ever known. If only he could make Samantha understand that no matter how much he loved her—and he did love her—he would not risk hurting her the way he had hurt Haley.

  It was because he loved her, because he’d never experienced anything remotely close to the bond he had with Samantha, that he had to back away from the relationship. If he had to, he would even go so far as to leave Serendipity, but he hoped with all this heart that it wouldn’t come to that.

  Amanda had reminded him that everyone carried scars, perhaps even regrets, and that if he could get past his troubles, Samantha might be waiting at the end. But he felt so weighed down by his past. Could he ever let it go?

  He heard the organ long before he actually entered the sanctuary of the church. Samantha was playing a dark, brutal piece of music that immediately reached into
his soul and tore pieces away, leaving every last nerve vibrating with tension.

  If her selection was anything to go by, she wasn’t even remotely close to getting over being angry with him for starting what he couldn’t finish, not that he’d expected her to be.

  Now it was time to explain.

  The last majestic chord of the piece set him off balance and he had to shake his head to try to regain his mental focus.

  “‘Toccata in D Minor’,” she said as she slid from the organ bench and approached him. “It’s Bach.”

  “It’s chilling is what it is,” he countered. He didn’t know who this Bach guy was, but he sure wrote unsettling music.

  She leveled him with a glare. “It is a little cold in here.”

  Well, at least she was honest—and she wasn’t talking about the music or the air-conditioning. It was a place to start.

  “I came to apologize,” he said bluntly.

  Her expression didn’t change, yet Will felt her shift in emotion just as clearly as if she had burst into tears.

  “I’m not here to apologize for kissing you, so let’s get that clear right off the mark.”

  Her shoulders sagged, but Will didn’t know whether it was from relief or dejection.

  “Kissing you was the best moment of my life.”

  “Me, too, Will,” she said, crossing her arms as if she needed to protect herself from him somehow.

  “Along with the day Genevieve was born, of course,” he added.

  “Of course,” she agreed, the sad smile on her face showing him that she knew exactly how important his daughter was to him.

  She understood. She got him.

  And he was going to walk away from all that? His brow furrowed. He considered himself a strong and powerful man, but did he have the fortitude it would take to do what was best for Samantha, even if it wasn’t best for him?

  She reached out and brushed a hand along his shoulder, bringing him back to the present.

  “What are you not telling me?”

  “I’ve told you everything. I can’t ever be in a relationship with you. I won’t. I’ll hurt you, and I never want to do that. Don’t you see?”