Love Left Behind

by S. H. Kolee

  "Is that a good idea? What if the reporters see you? They're still hanging outside my building, even with Craig here."

  "You'll understand later. Watch Entertainment Reporter at seven. I gave them my first interview."

  Jackson ended the call without saying anything else and I checked my watch, seeing that I still had half an hour before the show aired. I forced myself to make a sandwich and eat it despite the lump in my throat that made it difficult to swallow. This was the first time in a long while that I had lost my appetite.

  It was torture waiting for seven o'clock to roll around and I was glued to the television screen when the intro for the entertainment news show came on.

  "We have an exclusive interview with Jackson Reynard about his split from Candace Stile," the host announced. "I spoke with him earlier today and what you're about to hear will change your opinion about everything."

  The show cut to a prerecorded video of the host interviewing Jackson. I swallowed when I saw Jackson onscreen, looking as beautiful as he was solemn. The close-up on his face showed his green eyes looking serious, while his tousled hair gave him an air of boyishness.

  "Jackson, the press has been pretty relentless about your break-up with Candace Stile. I'm glad that you're finally telling your side of the story, but what made you decide to grant an interview? It's no secret that you're usually reticent about giving interviews regarding your personal life."

  Jackson leaned forward, looking at the host with sincerity shining in his eyes. "Andy, it's because I need to speak out for the one person that's being wrongly vilified in this situation. I'm the one to blame for this whole mess. It's true that Candace and I dated casually. She's a valued colleague and someone I admire, but in reality, it was more of a friendship than anything else. The problem was I couldn't fall in love with anyone, I couldn't let anyone in."

  "Why is that, Jackson?" the host asked, looking visibly excited by what Jackson was sharing. He was practically chomping at the bit for Jackson to spill his guts.

  "It's because my heart already belongs to someone else. Long ago, before anyone knew who I was, I fell in love with a girl who gave me a purpose in life. She was the reason I woke up the in morning, the reason why I was determined to become a success. Because I wanted to be worthy of her. It sounds maudlin, but she was truly my soul mate. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but a stupid misunderstanding got in the way. We broke up, but I never stopped loving her. I still think about her every morning when I wake up. She's still the last thought in my head before I fall asleep at night."

  Even though I knew Jackson was acting, my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. All the feelings that Jackson was describing was what I had thought our relationship was like. It was the way I felt about him. It was incredibly painful to hear those words coming out of his mouth, knowing that it was all an act.

  The host leaned in closer. "Then what happened?"

  Jackson smiled self-deprecatingly. "I'm not usually one to believe in fate, but I can't believe it was just by chance that we met again. I was at a business dinner when I looked across the restaurant and saw her. My world stopped. I think I may have stopped breathing. And I knew then that I couldn't lose her again."

  "And this woman is Emma Mills? The woman you've been photographed with?"

  Jackson nodded, pressing his lips together before continuing. "I pursued her, but she refused to have anything to do with me until I broke things off with Candace. Emma was the honorable one, not me. I couldn't think of anything else besides being with her. I was impatient and didn't want to wait because Candace was out of the country preparing for her single to drop. But at Emma's insistence, I waited until Candace was back in the States and I let her know that we were over. I think the problem was that I might have been too gentle in my explanation to Candace. I don't think she understood that I wanted to end things, not just slow down. It was my fault for not being clearer, but I was trying not to hurt her."

  The host sat back with a sigh, clearly enraptured with the story. "So that's why she thought you were cheating on her."

  "Yes. Like I said, it was my fault for not being clearer, but once I realized what people thought, I had to speak out because I couldn't stand all the things people were saying about Emma. She's beautiful and kind, sweet and forgiving. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to be someone who deserves her."

  "So are you two together now?"

  Jackson smiled wryly. "I'm trying to convince her to give me another chance. I think all the publicity has scared her off. She's a very private person and she's not used to life in the spotlight." Jackson's smile disappeared, replaced with a look of determination. "I'll give up my career if it means being with her. Nothing is as important as having her by my side."

  The interview ended, cutting back to the host talking about Jackson's new movie and about how well it was doing in the box office. I sat in stunned silence, a dangerous thought blooming in my head. He had sounded so sincere. Could he really mean everything he was saying? Could he still be in love with me? I shook my head at the ridiculous notion. He had said we had parted because of a misunderstanding. Jackson screwing Claire was more than a misunderstanding. I had to be careful not to take the things he said to heart. It was all to diffuse the situation.

  Despite my rationalization, I was on pins and needles waiting for Jackson to arrive. I checked the time obsessively, willing it to go by faster.

  I jumped when I heard my phone, the rhythm of the rings signaling that it was Harry downstairs.

  "Hi, Harry."

  "Emma, Jackson Reynard is here to see you." Harry couldn't mask the excitement in his voice.

  "Send him up."

  I checked my reflection in my mirror again, smoothing down my hair and swiping on another layer of lip-gloss. At the rate I was going, Jackson was going to have to squint when looking at me because of the glare caused by the amount of gloss I had already applied.

  I waited a beat before opening the door when I heard him knock. Jackson looked irresistible standing outside my door, dressed casually in jeans and a grey button-down shirt that was untucked and cuffed at the sleeves. His hair was getting longer, reminiscent of how it had looked when we were together five years ago. He looked tired but happy to see me.

  "Come in," I said, stepping back so that he could enter. I nervously watched him walk in, his presence filling the small space of my apartment. "Do you want something to drink?"

  Jackson quirked his mouth, looking down at me. "I remember demanding that request the last time I was here."

  I gave him a small smile. "I've decided that civility is probably the best route to go since we're in this mess together. So would you like a drink? I should tell you that all I have to offer is water or wine."

  "Sounds biblical," Jackson said, rocking back on his heels and looking nervous. "I'll take the wine."

  "Have a seat in the living room. I'll be right out with the wine."

  I was grateful when Jackson followed my direction and disappeared into the living room. I needed some space between us to get my head on straight. Jackson seemed as on edge as I was, and it was tiring being on high alert.

  Jackson looked up from the couch when I walked into the living room, silently taking the glass of wine I offered him. I sat on the couch as well, taking care not to sit too close.

  "Did you watch it?"

  I nodded my head, taking a large sip of my wine. I needed all the liquid courage I could get. "So what's next on Marcie's plan of attack?"

  Jackson looked disappointed that I didn't comment further on his interview tonight, but I didn't know if I could discuss it without dissolving into tears.

  "We have to be seen together. Now the press is clamoring for a love story between us."

  "Is that a good idea?" I asked hesitatingly. "Won't that fuel the fire?"

  "They just want a happy ending. The press likes those almost as much as messy breakups. If we give it to them, they'll start to le
ave us alone."

  I frowned, not knowing if I agreed with Jackson and Marcie's plan, but I didn't have any better ideas. "Okay, I guess you guys know better than I do."

  "Have dinner with me tomorrow night. We can go to Romero's."

  I nodded jerkily, the thought of going to dinner at Romero's making me tense. We had gone there regularly when we were dating and it brought back a rush of memories. Jackson reached up, gently cupping my cheek with his hand.

  "Do you remember the first time we ate dinner there?" he asked softly, his eyes shining with remembrance. "You ordered the squid ink pasta, not realizing that it would actually be black. You were so horrified that you couldn't eat it. It looked too much like worms to you. We ended up switching plates and I was stuck with it while you ate my ravioli."

  "I offered to share the ravioli," I replied with a shy smile. "It's not my fault you were insistent on sacrificing your dinner and eating my squid ink pasta. I thought you said you liked it."

  "It was horrible," Jackson admitted with a wry smile. His smile faded as his gaze traveled my face as if he were memorizing my features. He looked somber as his thumb grazed my bottom lip. "I would sacrifice anything for you. Don't you know that by now?"

  My fists clenched in my lap, not understanding why he was saying these things to me. "I think you need to be careful," I said with a rueful smile, wanting to lighten the mood. "You're going to start believing all the things you said in the interview tonight."

  Jackson's face tightened as his hand dropped, his eyes looking brittle. "I didn't say anything that wasn't true, except for the stuff about Candace."

  My breath caught, not wanting to believe him. "But...you said you still loved me."

  "And I still do." Jackson's voice was barely a whisper, but my heart shouted in response. Yet I was afraid to believe him.

  "The important question is, do you still love me?" Jackson's mouth twisted, as if he was bracing himself for the worst. "Did you ever love me?"

  "How can you ask me that again?" I said, my voice choking and my throat tightening with a sob. "You were my life. I felt like I died when we broke up. Do you know how long it took for me to piece my life back together?"

  Jackson grasped my arms gently, looking desperate. "Then why did you do it? Why did you push me away?"

  I dropped my head, the pain in Jackson's eyes killing me. "I thought I was doing the right thing. By the time I realized I was making a huge mistake, it was too late. I found out about Claire."

  Jackson lifted my chin with one hand so that I was staring into his eyes. "Emma, Claire was a mistake. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I regretted it so much afterwards. I hated myself for it, even though you had been the one to leave me. The only thing that kept me from begging you to take me back was because I thought you were with Sean. Claire told me you were engaged within a week and married within three months."

  "You would really trust anything Claire told you? All along, I thought she was my friend, but I think she secretly hated me. Because she wanted you."

  Jackson grabbed my hand, pressing it against his chest. "But she never had this. She never had my heart. It belongs only to you." Jackson took a shuddering breath before continuing. "We can still make this right. I meant everything I said tonight in the interview. I love you, Emma. I'll give up everything if it means we're together. Just give me another chance."

  My mind whirled with everything Jackson was confessing to me. My heart ached for him but I didn't know if I could trust him again. How could he claim that he loved me so much yet have been sleeping with Claire throughout our relationship? But as much as I wanted to throw his plea back in his face, to keep my self-respect, I knew it was a lost cause. Because I hungered for him, body and soul, and I would never feel at peace without him. I just needed to take things slow. I couldn't rush headlong into a full-blown relationship with Jackson like I had the first time.

  "We can try," I said hesitantly. "We can start to get to know each other again. We're different people now. We might not feel the same once we're together again."

  Jackson pulled me close, burying his face in my hair. "Thank God. I'll make it up to you, sweetheart. We'll be good again."

  He lifted his head, gazing at me with reverence. He leaned down and gently kissed me, our lips clinging together. "I need to be with you tonight, sweetheart."

  I nodded in response, not caring at the moment what the future held. It was enough to be in Jackson's arms.

  Jackson cradled me in his arms, carrying me into the bedroom and gently setting me down on the bed. He took his time as he kissed my neck, unbuttoning my blouse and trailing kisses down my chest and stomach. I clenched in anticipation but Jackson was going far too slow, my need demanding more.

  "I'm not made out of glass, Jackson," I whispered. "I won't break."

  Jackson glanced up at me, looking ashamed. "After the last time we were together...I acted like an animal. All I could think about was marking you as mine. I couldn't stand seeing you with another man."

  I grasped his hand, drawing him back up so our faces were close together, our breaths mingling. "I was angry, but really at myself, not you. I was angry that I could lose myself in you again, to want you so badly that nothing else mattered." I tilted my hips up, rubbing my sensitive center against the ridge of Jackson's erection. "But I don't care anymore. I'm an animal when I'm with you. All I can think about is you possessing me. Mark me, Jackson. I'm yours."

  Jackson groaned, slanting his lips over mine as his control slipped. I reveled in the hard pressure of his mouth, tangling my tongue with his and wrapping my legs around his waist. "We'll go slower later, baby. I promise. I need you too much now."

  "I don't want you to go slow," I gasped as he pulled my bra down, not bothering to take the time to unlatch it in the back. He closed his lips around a nipple, scraping his teeth against the erect peak and I cried out as the feeling of his hot mouth made desire shoot through my body, pooling in my core. I pulled at his shirt, wanting him in as little clothes as possible. Jackson leaned up, quickly discarding his shirt before latching onto my aching nipple again.

  I felt his hands on my slacks, undoing them and pushing them down along with my panties. He didn't bother pulling them down all the way, too intent on his goal. He traveled down my body and buried his face in my cleft, sucking my clit mercilessly as he inserted first one, then two fingers inside of me, pushing them in and out forcefully.

  I was desperate for release as my hips arched up, pushing against his mouth and circling restlessly. I cried out in surprise and pleasure when I felt him finger my anus, pressing against the puckered opening gently until I felt a fingertip slip inside. The wetness of my arousal had lubricated his finger, giving it easy passage. I had never had anyone touch me like this, not even Jackson, and the taboo of it made my arousal go off the charts.

  "Jackson," I mewled, feeling like I couldn't handle the sensation of his mouth latched onto my swollen bud as his finger entered deeper into my forbidden territory as my body clutched around him.

  "Come on, baby. Come on," Jackson muttered encouragingly as he continued his assault. "Come for me, sweetheart."

  When he inserted his wet finger fully into my anus, pulling in and out, fucking me gently with his finger, I couldn't take anymore and I screamed, shudders rocking me as my lower body convulsed over and over again.

  When the last shudder had left my body, Jackson slid back up my body, kissing me gently. "There's nothing better than hearing you come, feeling you convulse against my mouth."

  I gave Jackson a mischievous smile after I had caught my breath, my hands traveling down and slipping between our bodies, under his jeans. I stroked his hard erection sheathed by the cotton of his underwear, loving the feel of him ready for me. "Oh, I could think of one thing that's better."

  Jackson grinned as I undid his jeans and pushed them down along with his underwear with my feet, kicking my own pants off in the process. The feeling of Jackson's hard s
haft nestled between my legs was glorious, my wetness making it feel even more erotic.

  "How do you want to fuck me?" I whispered, feeling wanton and daring. "I've never been fucked in the ass before except for your finger just now. I'm wondering what it'll feel like to have your cock ramming me in the ass."

  Jackson's smile disappeared, replaced with a fierce intensity, his face tight with arousal. "Let's find out," he rasped gutturally. He flipped me on my stomach, drawing me up until I was on all fours. "I need your wetness on me first." He slid his length into my wet warmth and I gasped as my muscles clenched around him. Jackson groaned as he quickened the pace, sliding his shaft almost completely out before slamming back into me. He reached down, rubbing my bud that was already swollen and sensitive from my previous climax, making me desperately push back against his thrusts, reveling in the sensations. I didn't even remember my earlier request until I heard Jackson speak, his teeth gritted as he forced out words between grunts.

  "Sweetheart, this feels too good. I...don't know...if I can leave your pussy-"

  Before Jackson finished his sentence, I felt him pull out of me completely. I whimpered at losing his hard length, pushing my bottom back, desperate to be filled by him again. I cried out when I felt the head of his shaft pressing against the opening of my anus. I automatically relaxed myself, wanting to take him inside.

  "Fuck. So tight. So...fucking...tight." Jackson was grunting like an animal behind me, and that fueled my desire. "Baby, tell me if I'm hurting you."

  I pressed my rear back, gasping as I slowly took his head inside of me. The sensation was completely foreign yet wildly arousing, totally different from when he had fingered my anus. The fit was incredibly tight, almost to the point of pain, but the thought of committing such a taboo act with Jackson made me wild with desire.

  "Are you okay?" Jackson asked between gritted teeth.

  "I'm okay. Just go slow."

  It was a torturous process as I hovered on the edge of pain and pleasure, but I desperately wanted Jackson to have this part of me. I was panting by the time he was fully sheathed inside of me.