Ride or Die 2

by Claire C. Riley

  But if it wasn’t for me, then why had I kissed her? And why was I still buried balls-deep in her magical fucking pussy?

  “Casa?” She said my name, and my cock twitched at her voice. Fuck, I was turned on by even her voice, what was wrong with me? “Are you okay?” she asked, and concern fluttered across her eyes and she frowned.

  I never kissed women.

  It was my number one rule.

  And I’d broken it with her for some fucked-up reason that I couldn’t explain. And now? Now everything was all motherfucking fucked up. I couldn’t think straight with her so close, the scent of her orgasm suffocating my senses and filling me with more than just heady desire. I staggered back, my still-hard cock slipping out of her body. I took another step back, my hands dragging through my hair.

  She stood up too, reaching for me as I moved out of her reach. “Casa? What’s wrong?”

  My blood was pumping, a loud ringing in my ears as I looked away from her. I needed her gone. I needed her to leave, right the fuck then so I could think.

  “I need you to get out,” I said, hating the taste of the words on my tongue. Because as much as I needed her gone, I wanted her to stay. I looked away from her, hating to see that look on her face and knowing that I’d put it there. Because if someone else had put it there I’d have fucking killed them. Gun to the skull, full on brain mush.

  “What?” she asked, confusion and hurt flashing over her features. “What did I do?”

  Nothing, I wanted to say. You didn’t do anything but be perfect.

  But I didn’t.

  I couldn’t.

  Because if I said that then she’d know I cared.

  And if she knew I cared, then I’d have to admit that shit to myself. And I was not ready for that. Probably never would be. Always swore I’d never fall in love. But Harlow just made me break my solemn vow.

  “I said get out.” I looked back at her, hating myself even more as realization flashed across her face. “You fucking deaf, H? I said get out,” I barked out with a snarl.

  “But, I thought…” Her words died on her lips, and she nodded and started searching for her clothes. “Right.” She nodded as if understanding, but she had no idea, really. How the fuck could she?

  My dick was still rock hard, the sight of her beautiful naked body moving around my room as she searched for her clothes the hugest fucking turn-on ever, but I couldn’t bring myself to fuck her anymore. Because fucking Harlow was like fucking an angel. It wasn’t fucking at all. It was more than that. So much more.

  Harlow slipped on her T-shirt and pulled up her shorts. She started to walk toward the door, her chin raised high like she was showing me how she couldn’t give a shit how I was treating her, though we both knew that was a lie.

  “H, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine, Casa,” she bit out. “I should have known that you were just using me like all the others. It’s my mistake, not yours.”

  She turned back to look at me, and in her eyes I saw pain and confusion mixed together with anger—the same feelings that mirrored my own. Today hadn’t gone as planned. At all. I had never wanted any of this. I had never wanted anything more than sex—from her or anyone—before. Yet now, I did. I wanted it all. But mostly, I wanted it to stop.

  “You deserve better,” I said, meaning every word of it.

  And she did. This beautiful, fiery fucking woman, with more strength than she even realized deserved the motherfucking world. Not some piece of shit like me who didn’t know how to love. All I knew was how to fuck and to fight.

  I couldn’t give her any of the things she needed or deserved.

  I had never felt like a coward in my life, but right then I felt like the biggest fucking coward ever as I sent Harlow away because I was too scared to admit what I was feeling.

  Fucking pussy, my subconscious mocked.

  A smile touched the corner of her mouth. “I know, Casa,” she replied before she turned and walked out of the room.

  I sat down on the edge of the bed, my condom-covered cock bouncing. The front door clicked shut and I listened to the silence descend around my house once more. My cock was still raging hard, almost painful to the touch with its need to come, but when I tugged on it it only began to soften. Spurned by my own motherfucking body.

  It’s what you deserve.

  Ain’t that the fucking truth of it.

  I was a simple man with simple needs. All I cared about was my club, my bike, my art, and fucking. That’s how I’d been raised. Or at least that’s how I would have been raised if my father hadn’t died early and left me to be raised by my gran, and my mother hadn’t skipped town. Because that was all my father had ever cared about too. Right up until he got stuck with a kid—me. Then his world had gone to shit and he’d lost it all. I’d sworn to live by his code after he died, and I had, until now.

  But after sex with Harlow, the world could fucking burn to the ground, because nothing would ever be the same again. Because sex with Harlow wasn’t sex it all. It was more than that.

  I had just made love to a woman for the first—and probably the last—time in my life.

  And then I’d sent her away with the ghost of my long-dead father mocking me from the corner of the room.

  Chapter Twenty-five:

  Harlow

  I should have left town like I had intended to do, yet instead I staggered back to Rose’s house with my proverbial tail between my legs. The walk was long, and I guess it was longer because part of me hoped that Casa would pull up and apologize before telling me to get onto his bike. But no such luck.

  All I could think about was the kiss.

  He’d suffocated me and brought me back to life with that kiss.

  He kissed me long and hard, and I fell into it, and him, headfirst, until my panties were sopping and my lips were raw. He kissed me like his life depended on it, and I kissed him back like he was my only lifeline, and when our lips separated I knew I’d never be the woman same again.

  That kiss was the sort of kiss to slay a woman, to make her drop to her knees and lose her damned mind.

  And maybe I had lost my mind, because I’d let him use me—willingly. I had known it would be like this: that he would finish things as soon as he got what he wanted. I had known he wasn’t a one woman man. But I had still gone along with it so I had no one to blame but myself.

  I felt stupid and broken, a strange sense of loss like I’d never felt before. My heart felt heavy and painful, my stomach rolling, and the tenderness at the top of my thighs reminded me with every step that I took what he had done, what I had wanted, and how good things could have been.

  I’d never given my keys back to Rose, and by the look on her face she wasn’t too surprised to see me walk back in the door. She was getting ready to leave for the club, slinging her purse over one shoulder as I dropped my backpack at my feet.

  With one hand on her hip, she quirked an eyebrow at me. “Men suck,” she said.

  I slumped down on the sofa that was next to her. “Tell me about it.”

  She walked toward me, crouching by my knees, and placed her hands on my legs before giving them a soft squeeze. “You’ll be okay, Harlow. You’re much stronger than you think.” With that, she stood up and headed to the door. “I’ll be back late, but you can always call me at the club if you need me. The ice cream’s in the freezer.” She winked and left the apartment.

  Ice cream, yes, that was exactly what I needed right now. I got up from the sofa and headed to the kitchen before finding the vanilla goodness. I didn’t even bother with a bowl; instead I grabbed a spoon and settled back on the sofa while I came up with a new plan.

  My plan had been to leave town and head…somewhere, anywhere that wasn’t here, surrounded by dominating men that thought they could either rule or ruin my life. I was sick of being someone’s plaything. The soreness of my core from Casa’s cock begged to differ with that thought. Okay, so maybe I didn’t mind being a plaything, but I was no one’s
whore, not anymore, and that’s exactly what men had been treating me like my whole life.

  I’d had enough of that.

  I could still work and earn my keep; sharing with Rose was great, and we got along really well. Just because she was with the club didn’t mean I had to be. I just needed to find another job. How hard could it be? I could still have my own life and stay here. And Dom…well, he’d saved me from myself, but I had only been in that state because of him, so now we were even. We couldn’t be together because I wasn’t his type. And I was okay with that. I still loved him, but not in the same way anymore. Certainly not in the way that I would be his cover while he hid his secret from his club and family. No way.

  I could be his friend, once he apologized for turning into the Hulk on me earlier. Sure, for the first time ever I had been scared of him, but deep down I knew that he wouldn’t ever hurt me. That wasn’t his way. Plenty of bikers hit their old ladies, but Dom wasn’t that type of man.

  I spooned another scoop of ice cream into my mouth, because now my thoughts turned down the dark road I didn’t want them to go down: Casa.

  What the fuck had happened between us was a mystery. I had thought it was going well—better than well, if I was being honest with myself. We got along better than I could have imagined, our personalities matching perfectly. Behind his cocky and arrogant mask, Casa was a gentleman—well, as far as bikers ever could be. I’d felt something for him, and there had been no doubt in my mind that he had felt something for me too.

  Sex with him had been amazing, and my traitorous nipples hardened at the memory, but then he’d flipped a switch and the man I had spent the afternoon with was gone, and the man he left behind was no one that I recognized.

  I put the lid on the ice cream and went and put it back in the freezer, deciding a shower would help me feel more human. Or at least it would wash Casa’s scent off me and allow me to think clearly.

  I took my clothes off and stood under the pounding water, willing it to wash away my troubles and come up with a solution, but when I stepped out of the shower everything was still the same—my problems just as big, and my confusion about what to do about them even bigger.

  The slam of a door downstairs had me creeping to the top of the stairs, and I peered over the bannister, seeing the back of Rose as she stormed through to the kitchen. I wrapped my towel tighter and went down after her.

  “You forget something?” I asked with a grin, but then she turned around and I caught sight of her tearstained face. “Fuck, what’s wrong?”

  “I’m done, Harlow, I’m done with that whole club. I can’t do it anymore. Lord knows I’ve tried real hard, but that’s it, I’m done.”

  I ran to her and drew her into my arms, where she continued to sob relentlessly. Rose pulled out of my arms and wiped at her cheeks.

  “I’m leaving. I’ve got family out in Cali, so I’m going to go and stay with them for a little while. I’ll send for my stuff at some point, but I can’t go back there.”

  “There?” I asked.

  “The clubhouse. I’m done with all of them. They don’t give a shit about the women, or how they treat people, and I can’t do it anymore. I’ve waited and waited, but I’m done now. I won’t wait any longer, not now that I can see it’s a one-way thing.” She shook her head and pushed past me and out of the room.

  I hovered around in the kitchen, my hair still sopping wet from the shower, having no clue what to do with myself. I could hear Rose banging around upstairs, but it was obvious that she needed her space, and I didn’t know her well enough to give her the right kind of advice. Hell, I had no right to give anyone advice, given my current state and my track record.

  I grabbed my purse and pulled out my cell so I could call Laney or Charlie because they’d know what to do. Lucky for me Rose had given me their numbers when I’d moved in incase I ever got into any trouble and needed help. Charlie picked up on the second ring, and I explained who I was and the state Rose was in.

  “I’m heading right over. Stall her,” she said.

  “Umm, okay,” I replied, but she’d already hung up.

  Though Rose wasn’t officially anyone’s old lady, she and Pops had been a thing for a long-ass time, so she said. And by the urgency in Charlie’s tone, she was important to the women of the club, too.

  Rose thundered down the stairs, dropping some bags at the bottom of them and grabbing her jacket.

  “You’re really leaving?” I asked, going to her and praying that Charlie hurried the fuck up.

  “I told you I was,” she replied on a shaky breath.

  “I know, I just—what happened?”

  She shook her head. “I was treated like a whore for the last time, that’s what happened.” She looked away from me. “I’ll call my landlord on the way and let him know that you’ll be staying here for a while, but if you want my advice, get out while you can. Those Highwaymen will only break your heart and then drop you.”

  I blinked at her, not sure how to take those words. She seemed angry and heartbroken and desperate, yet beneath all of that she also looked confident in her decision. This was something thought out, not just something quickly thrown together, like my plan had been.

  Rose grabbed my arms, her eyes staring into mine. “You can always come with me, if you want. There’s room for you—we can help each other get settled, find jobs. This could be a new start for us both.”

  The sound of an engine outside had her stepping back from me, and she went to the window and looked out. Her shoulders fell and she looked back at me. “You called Charlie?”

  “I’m sorry, I was just trying to help,” I stammered.

  The look of hurt on her face was almost more than I could handle, but she shrugged it off with feigned indifference. “Whatever, I’m still going.”

  “Don’t go,” Charlie said as she let herself in. “Rose, girl, come on, you don’t really want to leave.”

  Charlie was a total badass, thick makeup, tattoos, and a hard-ass expression that warned anyone off from trying to be an asshole with her. Yet right then she looked completely different. Concern covered her face as she tried to stop Rose from leaving.

  “Tell me what happened,” she said, grabbing Rose by the arm.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Rose replied. “The facts don’t matter anymore. The only thing that matters now is that I make a change before it’s too damn late. I’m getting older, Charlie, and I’m wasting my life with this club for no damn reason. There’s no loyalty to me.”

  “Was it Pops? What did he do? You know he’s just an old fool—he doesn’t mean half the shit he says.” Charlie continued as if Rose hadn’t spoken.

  “It was Pops and it was Dom and it was the whole damn club. I thought I was cut out for this life, but I’m not. Now let me go!” Rose said, her tears trailing down her cheeks again.

  “Of course you can handle it. You’ve been handling it for a long time, girl.”

  Rose’s shoulders sagged, and I thought for a moment that she was going to give in and stay; but then just as abruptly, she righted herself and looked Charlie in the eye.

  “I gotta go, I’m sorry. I love you all, this club, this life, but I can’t be someone’s whore anymore. I want more, and it’s become obvious today that I’ll never be more than that to Pops or the other men.”

  She leaned in and gave Charlie a brief hug before heading to the door and picking up her bags. She looked back in at us, her gaze moving to me.

  “The offer still stands if you change your mind. Just message me and we’ll figure something out.”

  And then she left.

  Charlie and I stood silently in the living room, listening to Rose’s car back out of the driveway and head down the road.

  Charlie looked up at me. “What happened?” she asked, her gaze softer than usual.

  I shrugged, wishing I could tell her more, but Rose had told Charlie more than she’d told me. “I don’t know. She didn’t say anything other than she was done with
the club.”

  “Fuck,” Charlie replied. “Fucking men always fucking things up. She was a good girl, I liked her, but she’s right—Pops was never going to claim her as his.” Charlie took a deep breath and pulled out her cell. “I better let Rider know what’s happened.” She started to walk away but looked back. “What she said, about you going with her, is that the plan? Are you walking out too?” She flicked her dark hair off of her shoulders and looked at me seriously, the don’t fuck with me look back on her face.

  I shrugged again. “I have no clue what I’m doing anymore.”

  “Well you better think fast.”

  “All I know is that I need a new job—somewhere not attached to the club,” I said, rolling my eyes when Charlie snorted on a laugh. “I know, I know, the Highwaymen have their hands in almost everything around here, but there must be something.”

  She looked thoughtful for a minute before replying. “New bar in town. I say new, it’s not really new, but under new management—and not the Highwaymen’s. They’re probably hiring. If you want to check it out, I can drop you before I head on over to the club.”

  “Hell yeah,” I replied, already heading for the stairs so I could go get dressed. “Thanks, Charlie,” I said, and she smiled at me as she put her cell to her ear.

  “Rider, baby, we got a problem. What do you mean you haven’t got time for it right now? You better start listening!”

  I let the conversation drown out, because it was none of my business. What was my business was getting a job where there was no Casa, no Dom, no Highwaymen or Bangers, and no drama. Of course it was a bar, so there was bound to be drama, but non-MC drama I could handle, if it meant I could keep the apartment.

  Today had been a total clusterfuck, but maybe everything had happened for a reason, because for the first time in months I felt like I was getting somewhere in life, moving on. And on my own, with no help from a man. Finally.