by Donna Alward
“Be careful, Connor. Don’t get in the way. There are people walking.”
Connor could see people coming and going, but Ronan decided he wanted to walk like a dog, up on his toes and hands. He was prancing around with his head down when Willow saw the cyclist turn the corner, heading straight toward them.
Connor scooted out of the way, but Ronan gave an awkward doggy-hop and lost his balance, tottering erratically on the sidewalk.
“Ronan, look out!” Aiden yelled, but it was Willow who jumped toward the pavement. She hooked her hands around his little waist and pulled him out of the way, tossing him in a heap onto the grass in front of the café. The cyclist tried to avoid them, but Willow leaned backward after letting go of Ronan, her body trying to counterbalance the abrupt action. Teenager and mountain bike careened into her, sending her sprawling. The cyclist fell one way, the bike another, the pedals and handlebars landing on Willow’s arm and thigh.
Ronan was wailing, Connor didn’t know what to do with himself, and Laurel was by her side in seconds. “Oh my God, Willow. Are you okay?”
The cyclist picked himself up from the pavement. “I’m so sorry,” he said, taking off his helmet and kneeling beside her. “Oh my gosh. You’ve got a cut on your head. Are you hurt? I didn’t mean to … I came around the corner and…”
Aiden put a hand on the lad’s shoulder, and the kid turned around and paled.
“Oh God. Officer Gallagher.”
“You should be on the road, not the sidewalk, if you’re going that fast.”
“I’ll slow down, sir. Promise.”
“Hey, it was an accident. Don’t panic. I’m not going to arrest you or anything.”
Willow waited for the kid to lift the bike off of her. The boys stood a few feet away, still crying, and Laurel helped her to her feet. A pain shot through her right hip and she cried out a bit. When she looked down, a scratch from the teeth of the pedal ran down the side of her leg, marked by a thin line of blood and a dusty smudge where her skin had been rubbed by the metal and plastic.
And she might have been able to wave everyone off and insist she was okay if Hannah hadn’t come running out of her office.
“Oh my God, are you okay? I saw you fall from my window.”
“I’m fine, really.” Willow smiled through her teeth.
“You should get checked out. You’re bleeding.”
Willow looked down at her leg. “It’s just a scratch, Hannah. Stop fussing.”
“Not your leg, you ninny. Your head. I saw you get hit, Willow. You need to go to the hospital and be sure.”
“I’m fine,” she insisted, shifting her weight onto her left leg more, trying to smile so that Hannah didn’t see the agony she was in. But as she tried to move, her hip pained her again and she gasped. When she touched her face, her fingers came away sticky with blood.
“Willow. For the baby’s sake,” Hannah said the words down low, but Laurel and Aiden both heard. Suddenly Willow felt like a bug beneath a magnifying glass in the sun. Trapped and on the hot seat.
“Willow?” Laurel’s hesitant voice broke the silence.
Tears stung her eyes and her throat closed. Aiden sent the cyclist on his way, the boys sat on the grass and whimpered instead of crying, and Hannah had the grace to look guilty as hell.
“Fine,” Willow said harshly, angry at Hannah for being such a big mouth, sore from the fall, tired of it all. “Thanks a lot, Hannah. Maybe you’d go grab my purse from the apartment so I’ve got my ID with me.”
“I’ll take you, Willow.” Aiden was by her side and said it quietly.
“I’ll watch the boys,” Laurel said. She reached out and touched Willow’s arm. “I wish you’d told me,” she said, and looked like a kicked puppy.
Willow fought for serenity. For calm. For peace. None of it came to her. She was simply hurting, and nothing was going to fix that right now. The only way past it was through it. She’d told Ethan that once.
“I’ll take you to the hospital,” Aiden repeated gently, helping her into his truck. “You’ll … you’ll need an ultrasound won’t you? You won’t find that at the clinic here in town.”
“Sure.” She doubted she was far enough along for an ultrasound, but at this point she wasn’t going to argue with anyone.
Hannah brought out her purse. “Sorry,” she offered weakly.
Willow didn’t trust herself to say anything; she took the bag and dropped it by her feet. She wanted to simply sit and cry, but she wouldn’t do that in front of Aiden. For his part, he pulled away from the curb and didn’t attempt to make conversation much on the drive. Once they hit the highway, he looked over. “The bleeding on your forehead is stopping. Are you feeling okay? Any cramping or anything?”
“Not really.”
“Good. That’s good.”
He waited a minute.
“It’s Ethan’s?”
“Yeah. I’m not up to a lecture or anything, Aiden, so if that’s what you’re—”
“Not even close. It’s got to be a complicated situation and it’s none of my business. But he’s my brother and you’re Laurel’s best friend and we’ll do whatever you need us to do. That’s all.”
She looked over at Aiden. He resembled his brother so much, in coloring and mannerisms. His face had a softer look, probably due to his well-known sense of humor. But right now he was as serious as she’d ever seen him, and without warning she started to weep.
To his credit, he just kept driving. After a bit he told her there were napkins in the glove compartment if she needed them, and she took one out and blew her nose. She’d needed the cry so badly, and had been trying not to fall apart. The pain of the crash along with the spilling of the beans and then Aiden’s consideration toppled her over the edge.
They arrived at the hospital and he parked in the emergency lot, then went around to her side and helped her out of the truck, putting an arm around her waist and helping her hobble to the doors. “I’m sorry I cried,” she said quietly.
He only smiled softly. “I’m married to a pregnant woman. I’m getting used to hormonal tears. It’s no biggie, honey.”
* * *
Ethan checked the speedometer and wondered if he dared drive any faster.
Hannah had called him at work and he’d clocked out right away, citing a family emergency. Even though she’d assured him Willow was fine, she thought he’d want to know what happened. A tumble, some cuts and bruises. Sounded innocent enough, but any fall could have consequences when a woman was pregnant.
And he hadn’t been there for her. It had been Aiden who’d taken her to the hospital to get checked out. Was she scared? Hell, he didn’t even know how she was feeling. Hannah was right. He was a stubborn asshole who put himself in a bubble rather than deal with the issues right in front of him.
She was having his baby. His child. What if she lost it now? Getting pregnant had been a total accident, and one that was guaranteed to mess up their lives and put a strain on their relationship. To someone on the outside, a miscarriage might look like a blessing.
Instead, the idea pierced him right in the heart, stealing his breath. He didn’t want her to lose the baby. He wanted to see him or her be born and grow and giggle and play and be a brother or sister to Connor and Ronan. How that would all play out, he didn’t know. But for the second time in his life, he experienced that moment of clarity when everything that was important became crystal clear.
Did the drive usually take this long?
Eventually he pulled into the lot and parked, then jogged to the emergency doors. He scanned the waiting room and didn’t see her; his stomach dropped to his feet. Then he saw Aiden, sitting solemnly in one of the vinyl chairs, checking his phone.
“Aiden.” His brother looked up and stood as Ethan approached. “Where is she?”
“They took her right in, on account of the baby.”
“You knew?”
“Hannah blurted it out when Willow was getting up. I don’t think Wil
low’s too pleased with Han right now.” Aiden put a hand on his sleeve. “But I think she’s okay, E. It’s just a precaution. We’ve both had first aid. She’s got some cuts and bruises but she said she wasn’t having any cramping or anything. Take a breath.”
He did. He let out a deep one, then sat in the chair next to Aiden. For a few seconds he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to quell the panic cramping his chest.
“Oh man, she really has done a number on you. Are you … meditating?”
Aiden’s warm voice drew him out of his focus. “No. Now shut up. The breathing helps. You should try it. Besides, you’d be the same way if it was Laurel in there.”
Aiden nodded, his smile slipping. “I know. Except I’d be in there with her because we’re a team. Why don’t you tell me why you and Willow aren’t?”
Ethan didn’t have a good answer. Yes, he was still scared. Yes, he was still wondering what the hell they were going to do. But he’d pushed her away rather than holding her close. He should have been assuring her it would be okay, instead of stubbornly refusing to call. He loved her. He did, and he’d known it for some time. It had hit him like a truck the night of the drive-in movie, when he’d nearly taken her to bed.
“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “Probably because I’m a first-class jackass.”
“That’s a given. What else?”
Ethan laughed a little. Maybe he should have talked to Aiden earlier. Truth was, he’d been embarrassed. He was the responsible one. The boring one. “It’s your fault, you know,” Ethan said, trying to keep the mood light so he didn’t worry so much about what was happening inside the exam room. “You probably don’t even remember, but you told Mom that I needed to get laid.”
“Well, brother, there’s a difference between scratching your ass and tearing it all to hell. Getting laid is one thing. Being irresponsible is another. See, Laurel and me, we did it right. We got married first.”
Ethan snorted. Aiden had a different way with him. He’d joke and commiserate, whereas Hannah lectured. “Don’t be smug,” he said. “I know I should have told you. I just didn’t know how. I was trying to wrap my head around it, and Willow … she’s not what she seems. She comes across as so sweet and … uncomplicated. But she’s been hurt, a lot. And so have I. And we both let that get in the way. Me especially. She’s the brave one, and I’m the coward.”
“It’s never too late.”
“She might not want anything to do with me. I’d deserve it.”
“Why don’t you ask her?”
Ethan’s brow furrowed, and then he turned toward the sliding doors that came out from the exam area. Willow stood there, in a skirt and a shirt that had streaks of dirt all over it. Her leg was red and scratched and she had a bandage on her forehead, the white square standing out against the tanned skin of her face.
Oh, God. He’d failed her in so many ways.
He got up from the chair and started toward her, and she took a few halting, limping steps, and before he knew it she was in his embrace, her arms around his shoulders and her face nestled against his neck.
The backs of his eye stung. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Willow, are you okay?”
She nodded against his skin and he let out half a breath.
“And … the baby? Are you both okay?”
She pulled out of his arms a bit and met his gaze, her face streaked with tears. “Everything’s fine. We’re both fine.”
“Oh, thank God,” he said, and pulled her close again.
“You mean that?” she asked, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades.
“I do. We have so much to talk about. And I have so much to apologize for.”
“Oh, Ethan.” She sniffled against his neck, and he blinked rapidly, trying to clear the moisture in his eyes.
Aiden laid his hand flat on Ethan’s back. “I think you’ve got it from here, brother. I’ll be heading out. Willow, let us know if you need anything, okay? And take your time. We’ll take the boys to Mom and Dad’s. They were going to stay there anyway while you were on shift, right?”
Ethan nodded. “Thanks, Aiden.”
“That’s what family’s for. Check in later, let us know how you’re doing.”
Aiden left them there, and Willow pulled back, wiping at her face and looking a bit chagrined. “So much for no public scenes,” she joked, biting down on her lip.
“Maybe it’s time we both stop hiding away,” he suggested. “Come on. Let me take you home.”
CHAPTER 23
Ethan handed her into his car with such care that she wanted to start crying all over again.
She couldn’t believe he was here. That he’d left work—he was still in his uniform—and rushed to her side. More than that, he’d seemed so relieved that she hadn’t lost the baby.
She was, too. The entire time she’d sat in the exam room, she’d prayed for her baby to be safe.
Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe this was more complicated than she wished it was, but when the doctor had come in and said everything looked okay, she’d realized that none of that mattered. She wasn’t going to be a mother; she was a mother already. And it was a blessing.
“Are you in a lot of pain? Hannah said something about your hip, and your head.”
She shook her head slightly. “It’s okay. The doctor said I could take some stuff for it, but I’d rather not. I’ll put some ice on it when I get home and take it easy for a couple of days.”
“I know what ‘take it easy’ means to you. Stay off your feet, listen to your body, and take rests, okay? When Lisa…”
He halted, but she reached over and touched his hand. “When Lisa what? You can talk about her, you know.”
He looked over at her briefly before focusing on the road again. “When Lisa was expecting the boys, she said she got tired really easily, especially at the first and the last of the pregnancy.”
She smiled softly. “I do get sleepy, right around two o’clock every day. Thanks for telling me, Ethan. For sharing.”
“I haven’t shared much of anything lately. Mainly myself. I want to change that, Willow.”
“I’d like that. I’ve…” She swallowed against a thick lump of emotion. “I’ve missed you.”
“Me, too.”
They drove in silence after that, somehow tacitly agreeing that they’d hold off on the serious conversation until they were home. He took her to her apartment, and when she would have hobbled up the stairs to her door, he picked her up in his arms instead and carried her to the top.
She didn’t want to be thrilled, but she was. He was so strong, so capable. When he wasn’t around she’d felt a little lost. When he was nearby she felt safe, protected. It had nothing to do with not being able to do for herself, but everything to do with feeling cherished and valued, something she’d been missing for too many years.
Willow Dunaway was strong enough now to realize that caring and loving someone made her stronger, not weaker. It made her vulnerable, but brave. He put her down on the futon and then sat beside her, brushing a strand of hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear. “Do you need anything?” he asked. “Ice? Something to drink? Do you want to lie down?”
She smiled at him. “All three, but later. Thank you for bringing me home.”
He took her hand between his. “When Hannah called … you know how sometimes people say they have a moment of truth? Mine was when she said Aiden had taken you to the hospital.”
“It wasn’t that serious. It was just a bike, you know. Hannah overreacted and honestly, going to the hospital was just a precaution.”
“Of course it was. You’re pregnant, Willow. I know I’ve been a jerk. More than that. I’ve been a coward. You shouldn’t have had to deal with this all alone. I should have been there with you. It took two of us that night. And yeah, I was upset when I found out you lied, but to shut you out? That was fear, pure and simple. Fear and denial.”
He rubbed his thumb over the top o
f her hand as his gaze held hers. “I understand why you did what you did. And I’m so, so sorry that you ever had to go through that as a girl. But it’s made you into the woman you’ve become, and…”
He inhaled sharply, searched her eyes, and said, “And I love her.”
She hadn’t expected such an admission, and she didn’t have a response right away. Love? Had he really just said he loved her? The man who was so determined not to put himself out there again? Who wasn’t ready for whatever love might mean for a relationship?
“You’re not just saying that because of the baby, are you?”
“I get why you’d think that, and all I can say is that I’ll spend as long as it takes trying to convince you. I love the stripe in your hair—I like the blue by the way—and the way that you laugh, and how pale blue is your favorite color. I like how you smile and that you take care of everyone without them really noticing.” His voice broke a bit. “I love walking in here and finding my son curled up in your arms in that silly chair, both of you asleep. I love how you kiss me and make me feel about nineteen again, and like I can conquer the world. I love it all so much it scares the hell out of me, because I think I’d die if I lost you, too.”
“Oh,” she said, the word barely more than a squeak. As speeches went, it was rather magnificent, and she suspected that if she tried to say more, she’d burst out crying—something she was doing more often lately.
“I pushed you away rather than deal with those fears. And a funny thing happened.”
“What’s that?”
“I lost you anyway. And it still hurt, even though I tried to tell myself it didn’t.”
She put her free hand over his. “You love me? But I’m … oh, Ethan. I’m so flawed. I thought I had my shit together and clearly I don’t. Maybe I never will, and maybe that’s the point. We’re both so damaged…”
“You told me once that your last relationship ended because you brought each other down rather than making each other stronger. Willow, you make me stronger. I was a grumpy hermit when we met. I tried to be happy for the boys but I know eventually they would have figured it out. Then suddenly I wasn’t snapping at anyone anymore. I looked forward to seeing you. I thought about you when we were apart. You took a moment when I was hurting and you kissed me and made me feel like a man again. You made me more, just by being you.”
