The Long Gray Goodbye: A Seth Halliday Novel

by Bobby Underwood

  “You don’t have to be ashamed of anything you did, Holly. Or any decisions you made at that age.”

  “Thank you. I love you, you know?”

  “I love you too, Holly. Is that where he found you, Los Angeles?”

  “No, he caught up with me in Seattle eighteen months later. God knows how he found me, but he did. He was rolling in money, nice clothes, the whole shmear. The strange part was, he didn’t act mad. He said he understood, but insisted we were forever. I guess a part of me wanted to believe him, even after all that. I know it’s stupid, but I let him take me back to Miami.”

  “He got you hooked again?”

  Holly sighed. “Heroin this time. Harder to break. And harder to hide if I was getting clean behind his back.”

  “But you did.”

  “Yeah, but it took me five years. I’d try, and then fall back. Try again, and slip up. But I finally made it stick. One night after sex, I clobbered him with his own gun while he slept. I even tied him up with electrical wire from a lamp and gagged him so he couldn’t holler for help. I unplugged the phone and ran for my life. I had a lot of money this time, because I’d taken it off him. I got a passport and went to Greece. It’s so beautiful there. But look who I’m telling. Anyway, I finally made it here, to Paris. The wad I’d taken off Boon was getting pretty thin by then so I lived lean for a while, waiting tables and stuff while I tried to catch a break singing at the clubs, doing sessions. I’d always wanted to sing. It was the only thing I’d ever been good at, really. I felt free when I was singing, you know?”

  “Because you were in complete control.”

  “Exactly! I could channel all that pain, or a happy mood, and give it to people. Make the lyrics really live! I could give the words a real voice, a life of their own.”

  “Your album is finished?”

  “Yeah, it’s kind of exciting. I don’t really need it to be a big success. Just to have a few people have it in their homes, playing it and enjoying it, thinking, wow, that’s wonderful. Then I’ll feel like I did something with my life.” Holly’s voice suddenly changed. It became a mix of despair and fear. “It may be all I ever do, that album. I can feel him, Susan. I can always feel him when he’s near. It scares me. I don’t think I’ll have the strength this time.”

  “We won’t let that happen. I’ll only be a phone call away. You can reverse the charges.”

  “I’m afraid for you, too, Susan. He won’t hurt me, but he’ll kill anyone who gets between us. I’m glad this is our last time. I just couldn’t bear it if he hurt you. I think I’d kill myself if he did.”

  That was all there was. It hadn’t been any easier listening to it the second time, even knowing what to expect. Caroline had been leaning against me on the love seat the entire time. I noticed once that she had her eyes closed. I wondered if she had been trying to tune it out. I reached my arm across her midriff and caressed her side. She smiled up at me and squeezed my arm.

  “Well, that’s all of it. There isn’t much there in the way of a clue yet as to how a young girl in Ecuador got hold of it, or why she felt it was worth dying for.” I looked at Jeanette, who was still writing. Laura said, “It was so good to hear Susan’s voice. I’m not sure I can help you with any of this, however. I don’t even see that there’s anything there to go on, but maybe that’s why I’m in television and not a detective.” She managed a smile.

  “On the contrary, Laura, that tape tells us a great many things,” Jeanette said gravely, yet quietly.

  “Care to share what those things are with the alleged detective in the room?” I said smiling.

  “First let’s examine the relationship of the two women. This is far from a patient/therapist relationship. The latter part of the tape makes that clear, of course, but long before then, it was obvious to me. I was counting the number of times Susan used the patient’s name, Holly. I finally stopped counting at seven. Once or twice might have been within professional bounds, but that is all. There is no distance here, between patient and therapist. Both of them are fully aware of this, however.”

  “How do you know that?” asked Laura.

  “I’ll answer that in a bit, because it is part of another startling revelation, and a mystery we must solve before we can go forward.”

  “Okay.”

  “Let us focus on the contents of the tape, as they pertain to Susan. I’m certain, Laura, that your sister would have had the same reaction to Holly’s sad tale as you no doubt have, which is to immediately identify with her because of her own past. Susan too, as well as yourself, were physically abused by a drunk father, so she would have understood Holly’s reaction to Boon. It’s certainly possible that she, being a few years older than yourself, fantasized about someone coming along who would protect her.”

  Laura nodded, her eyes intense and focused. I couldn’t help wondering if, even at a young age, she also had fantasized about a young boy who would whisk her away to safety, and love. Caroline took my hand and pulled it over into her lap as Jeanette continued.

  “For both of them, their chosen professions were therapeutic. Even the language surrounding their outlet to ease the pain is similar. A therapy session, a music session.”

  “Next we come to Holly and Boon, which for Seth’s purposes, might at first glance seem secondary. I believe, however, after listening to this session, that it is the single most important element on the tape if we are to discover how that young girl in Ecuador ties in with one or, perhaps, both of these women.”

  I asked, “Why?”

  “Because of what it tells us about Boon. He was a manipulator, to be certain. A blind monkey could see how he groomed her. He hung around an inordinately long time to do so, in fact, which is unusual. Why? We can surmise he not only wanted to have her, but he needed her to love him. And he needed to possess her and make her dependent on him.”

  “Are you saying he actually loved her?”

  “Quite probably. Also quite probably, she filled a pathological need in him. He is smart, and not someone to underestimate, Seth. Remember this if you confront him at some point. His instincts are almost animal in nature. How he seduced Holly, for instance, is quite brilliant, and cruel. By telling her he would stop if she wanted him to during his moment of triumph, and citing his own love for her as the reason he had to have her — probably quite true — he made Holly an accomplice in her own molestation. A willing participant. When he got her to ask for him to continue in his sexual pleasuring of her, he shifted the blame, and guilt, from himself to her. After all, his motives had been pure, had they not? He loved her.”

  “I sort of gathered as much when I listened to it,” I said softly. Jeanette nodded and asked, “What did you make of him finding her after she broke free?”

  I frowned. Laura and Caroline were both looking at me. “It confused me a bit, because there were no repercussions for running away from him. I expected there would be.”

  “Yes!” exclaimed Jeanette. “That tells us a great deal, and it is all bad.” She qualified her thoughts. “Keep in mind, that this is all conjecture, based on listening to one tape, but…I would be surprised if I am wrong in this case.”

  “So why didn’t he like, beat her up or something?” inquired Laura. “It seemed strange to me, too.”

  “It is only strange if you think of Boon as being in control of the relationship. He was not, and never was, in fact, despite being the predator. Since this was apparently their final session, there would not have been time for your sister to bring her around to this realization. Holly may have been beginning to realize it on her own, however. Remember her comment near the very end of the tape? That Boon wouldn’t hurt her, but she was afraid for Susan? She may have been realizing as the smart submissive in a BDSM relationship does, that she had the real power.”

  “So she’d worked some of it out already,” Laura murmured.

  “Yes. Boon needed Holly, but Holly did not need Boon. Boon was so obsessed with her, I would not be surprised if he
became sexually incapable with anyone but Holly. And the more he obsessed over her, the more he would begin to hate her. But hurt her? I would think it unlikely. He would need her near at all times, to reaffirm his manhood. It would have been pure hell for him, the times she escaped. Even if he came to loathe her for emasculating him where other women were concerned, as long as he had her, he could be comfortable in his manhood. He surely hated Holly for the great strength she possessed in weaning herself off the drugs he used to control her, but killing her would never be an option.”

  She paused, and looked directly at Laura. “No more than suicide would be an option for someone like Holly.”

  Laura looked confused. “But on the tape…”

  Jeanette cut in. “Her awareness that she would have trouble kicking whatever he put her on this time shows that she had given it a great deal of thought, gathering strength for the task.”

  “What if Boon, had, you know…” Caroline let it trail off, not wanting to hurt Laura. Laura smiled at her, to let her know she too had been wondering that same thing.

  “They were very close, these two. I believe it is more something she said in the moment. Remember, this is toward the end of the conversation, before they part.”

  Caroline said, “But if she didn’t kill herself, and Boon didn’t murder her…”

  Jeanette smiled at her. “Yes, Caroline, there’s the rub. We cannot be certain of anything, it is all guesswork. But I certainly think there is at least a possibility that Holly is still alive.”

  “Could this all have to do with her, then, and nothing to do with Susan?” Laura’s question was a good one. If Holly Carmichael was alive, that tape might get someone looking for her. But why send it to Laura Garner?

  Jeanette answered Laura’s question. “I couldn’t say. We have to assume someone on that tape is alive, or why would that poor young girl in Ecuador die for it? That required great loyalty, presumably to the person who gave her the tape. If that hypothesis is sound, either one of these women is dead, and the other living, or they are both alive.” Jeanette placed her palm up to ward off Laura’s next question.

  “Think about these two women for a moment. I took the liberty after Seth called me of looking up Holly Carmichael on the internet. I also looked for photos of your sister, Susan. I could only find two or three from newspaper articles, but in all of them there is a striking similarity to Holly. They were both about the same age, height, weight. They were pretty and dark-haired. I think we need to be absolutely one-hundred-percent certain that the body fished out of the river all those years ago actually is Holly, before we can go any further.”

  A heaviness descended on the bright room.

  “And not Susan,” Laura said quietly. Jeanette nodded sympathetically.

  “Nothing is certain, so there is hope. Boon might have found a ringer and faked Holly’s death so he could whisk her away to some exotic locale. Some place which would make it virtually impossible for her to escape again.”

  “Like South America?” I said.

  Jeanette nodded but kept her focus on Laura. “I would be lying to you, Laura, if I did not tell you that if it proves not to be Holly, I suspect it is your sister who was buried in Paris.”

  Laura took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She whispered, “At least I’d know then, for sure. It’s been ten years. Not knowing is worse, I think.”

  Jeanette shook her head knowingly. “Again, Boon was brilliant, in a cruel and devious way, if such is the case. Holly’s album was not released until a couple of months after her death. She was a nobody. Who would care? How much time would the police spend on it, after all?”

  “And with Susan’s hi-profile disappearance to concentrate on,” I said, “the only person who might have come forward to refute suicide, and point to Boon, made it easy for the French police to call it suicide.”

  “You’re assuming he knew about Susan, and had found Holly, then?” asked Caroline.

  “Oh, of that I’m certain. Her instincts would have been honed razor sharp where Boon was concerned. If she felt he was near, he probably was.”

  Laura asked, “What did you mean earlier, about both of them knowing their relationship had gone too far?”

  “Susan was a good therapist, you call tell from the tape. She is guiding Holly in all the right directions, even if she is acting more as friend than counsellor at this point. Susan would have known she’d crossed that line. We all do. At the same time, Holly needed to break from her therapy because she feared for Susan’s life. Notice there is no mention of Holly continuing therapy, only that she can contact Susan at any time by phone. Long distance. Holly would have known where your sister was going. They were friends.”

  “Greece,” I said. “Mykonos.”

  Laura nodded. Then she walked over and handed me a folded check. “Find whoever killed that young girl, and find out who was killed in Paris. If it was Susan, I want this Boon animal brought to justice.” She frowned and added. “Or if it was Holly, or someone else.”

  “I’ll do all I can, Laura.”

  She smiled sadly and said she would make us some tea. I think it was simply an excuse to leave the room for a few moments. I had given her hope and then crushed it, or at least cast a dark cloud over it.

  “You have to find out whose body that is in Paris, Seth,” commented Jeanette. “For that lovely woman’s sake.” She nodded toward the sound of glasses clinking.

  “I’m still a bit fuzzy on how that young girl with the tape fits into all this,” I reflected.

  “That’s because there are pieces of the puzzle missing.” Jeanette frowned. “I doubt Susan’s office fire was an accident, Seth.”

  “I’ve thought of that, too. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Laura. Presuming you’re right, which is always a safe bet,” I grinned, “and Holly didn’t commit suicide, and Boon didn’t murder her, torching those records would only have meaning if Holly were alive.”

  Jeanette glanced behind her. Laura wasn’t finished. We could hear her emptying ice trays.

  “Unless he murdered Holly because he found someone so similar, he was able to transfer his obsession to her.”

  My head began spinning and I felt the grip on my hand from Caroline’s tighten. That would change everything. It might even explain why the tape was sent to Laura. If Susan were alive, she might have used the girl to get the tape out to her sister. But if so, why not simply a note, giving her location? Or why not have the girl go to the police? Unless she had a reason not to trust the Ecuadorian authorities…

  “It’s a very remote possibility,” I heard Jeanette saying. “I don’t want Laura to be grasping at straws. Hopefully you’ll find the answer in Paris.”

  Before I placed the check I’d been holding into my pocket, I glanced at it out of curiosity. Beneath the clouds and angels background was written the sum of fifty-thousand dollars.

  Caroline whispered, “I hope they’re both alive. I want to believe Laura’s sister is alive, but that means I’m wishing for Holly to be the one buried in Paris, doesn’t it? So I want them both to be alive.”

  I kissed her while Jeanette smiled brightly. “Lovely thoughts come from lovely people. I’m so happy Seth found you, and you him.”

  “Thank you. It’s nice to finally meet you. Seth has spoken about you. I’ve written it down.”

  The fate of Holly and Susan hung in the air like smoke from a cigarette. Moments before Laura returned with tall glasses of iced tea, suggesting we go back out into the sun and fresh air, Jeanette declared, “The girl murdered in Ecuador is the key, I think, Seth. Once you know which woman on the tape is no longer alive, you might be able find the remaining woman by tracking the dead girl’s movements.”

  “I also might find Eugene Boon,” I commented, feeling a trepidation which surprised me.

  “Eugene?” Jeanette said. “Gadzooks,” she laughed, “no wonder he went off the rails.”

  I knew there was a reason I loved her.

&nbs
p; Eighteen

  A beautiful Florida morning had become a beautiful Florida midday as we drank iced tea and enjoyed the comfort of the small breeze crossing the inlet. The sun was bright so Laura had rolled up the table umbrella and we were sitting in the shade. Talk began slowly. Mundane things at first, to cleanse ourselves, if only momentarily, of the bitter toxin left by death and murder. In a lull, as we relaxed, Laura began laughing.

  “Well, I guess you guys know more about me than anyone else, and we’ve only just met.”

  Then something unexpected happened. Caroline reached over and squeezed her hand and said softly, “I was gang raped and brutalized at a party in Cozumel years ago. They drugged me with something that…took some of my memories.”

  Caroline was speaking matter-of-factly, mostly to Laura, so that she wouldn’t feel as if she were the only one stripped naked at the table.

  “I don’t even know my birthday, or how old I am. Seth’s friends, my friends, gave me one. A birthday, I mean. They threw me a wonderful party. I wrote down the date so I wouldn’t forget it. I still forget things, sometimes. Not as often as I used to, though, I don’t think.”

  “It must have taken great courage to come back from that,” said Jeanette warmly.

  Caroline smiled and continued. “I had dreams when I came to Cozumel that I had to…abandon. I have to believe that God brought a woman named Rosita into my life in Cozumel. She cared for me, gave me a life. She’s gone now and I miss her.”

  Caroline turned away from Laura to smile at me. I reached out and squeezed her hand and then let it go. She rarely talked about what happened, and never like this.

  “And then Seth came along. I’m happy and at peace with what happened. Maybe if things hadn’t happened as they did, I wouldn’t have the happiness I have now. I just have a different dream now, one Seth and I share.”