Accidental Deception

by Tina Martin

  “Why not?” Shayla asked, her heart beating faster, her hands planted on his back.

  “Because I’m not ready to end this morning.” Carter stared at her lips, remembering them being cold and purple when he found her, when he performed CPR on her that life-changing February day, but now they were alluring, warm and attractive. “How about we stay here for a lil’’ while longer and talk?”

  “Okay,” Shayla said, feeling her heart skip a beat, wondering if Carter was really feeling something for her. Could he feel something deeper? She remembered him telling her that he was wired differently and couldn’t feel emotions for a woman, just physical attraction void of love. He was the type of man who took advantage of women without conscience. A man who selfishly went after women for his own desires, but could never see himself loving anyone.

  Carter retreated to his sleeping position, but summoned Shayla to come closer. With her back to him, he threw his left arm around her. “Just so you know, I don’t want you to leave, Shayla. You can live with me for as long as you like. You can stay forever if you want.”

  Shayla closed her eyes and found his hand. “I can’t stay forever.”

  “Yeah you can.”

  “No. I can’t.” She twisted and turned her body to face him. “What’s gotten into you this morning?”

  Carter focused on her lips then back at her eyes. “I’m just being real with you.”

  “So you want me to stay? Forever?”

  “Let me rephrase that. If it was up to me, you’d stay forever.”

  Shayla smiled shyly. “Okay. Shower time.” She sat up, but Carter pulled her down again. “Carter…”

  “I’m not ready for you to go,” he said, leaning over her.

  Shayla couldn’t determine if he was referring to her going to take a shower or physically moving out of his home.

  “I love the way I feel when I’m with you,” he added. He wanted her to ask why, and when she didn’t, he continued, “I feel like I can be myself. You make that so easy.”

  Shayla, though she loved spending time with Carter, wasn’t ready for any type of relationship that went beyond a simple platonic friendship. Jacob still had her heart. Plus, she knew Carter wasn’t a relationship person by his own admission. But if a relationship is not what he was hinting toward, what exactly did he want?

  “Can I go take a shower now?” she asked, pushing against his chest to keep him from pressing her to the bed.

  “I don’t know. Can you?”

  Shayla tried to hide a smile. “Well, I’m not stronger than you so I guess not.” She watched his eyes, his face, studying his pearl white teeth, remembering how Jacob had a similar smile – something she loved about him.

  “I’m just playing with you, hun,” Carter said rolling off of her now.

  Shayla eased off the bed, sat there for a moment, letting her body wake up before she stood to walk out of the room.

  She stepped in the shower, set the water as hot as she could stand it. Shampooing her hair under the steady stream, she thought about Carter – the beautiful morning they shared of waking up together, their bodies interlaced, his gratifying smiles at her touch, his lips brushing against hers. She took a loofa and some shower gel then massaged it over her body, cleaning and moisturizing her skin. As she was preparing to squirt more gel, she heard Carter banging on the door, yelling her name.

  “Yeah,” she yelled back, but assumed he couldn’t hear her over the rushing shower water. She stepped out, soaking wet, wrapped a towel around her body and opened the door as her long, curly hair dripped water.

  “Hey,” she said, shivering a little, teeth chattering as she crossed her arms. “Jeez…it’s a little chilly in here. What’s up?”

  Carter stared her up and down, blinked a few times and opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but words were hard to come by. He was simply stunned by her sheer beauty.

  “Something wrong?” Shayla asked him.

  “Ah…um,” Carter stuttered. “I was just making sure you were okay.”

  “I’m okay…just showering and washing my hair. Are you okay?” Shayla asked, analyzing him as he stood before her in boxers, his arms crossed. His mind appeared to wander as he gazed at her.

  “Yeah.” He unfolded his arms and stepped closer to her as if it was necessary. “I’m gonna try to put some breakfast together for us.”

  “I’ll cook breakfast if you give me a second.”

  “No, I got it.” He stared at her hard, finding himself getting lost in her eyes. “Any special requests?”

  “No. Whatever you make is fine.”

  “Okay, well when you get dressed, come on downstairs.”

  “Aw’right,” Shayla responded, about to shut the door but Carter remained standing there, perplexed and in a daze. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

  “Ah’ight,” he said, but didn’t move. Had he ever looked upon a woman in admiration? He could admit this was the first time he found himself doing so.

  “Car…ter…” Shayla said smiling, waving her hand slowly in front of his face, trying to break his trance, not wanting to close the door in his face, but why was he still standing there?

  He made another step closer to her, as if he could get any closer, touched her face gently with his right hand and placed his left hand on her wet shoulder. Water from her soaked, curly hair dripped onto his hand.

  Shayla cringed at the touch of his warm hands, felt goosebumps tickle her damp skin, crawling up and down her back and made her feel a rush of affection for him – feelings that lay dormant since Jacob. Feelings that Carter was able to awaken with a single touch. She closed her eyes, thought about Jacob briefly before directing her attention back to the man who was standing in front of her. The man who couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her lips.

  Carter buried his hands in Shayla’s wet hair, brushing water away from her forehead.

  Shayla closed her eyes, her body trembling a little out of nervousness. What was he doing to her?

  Carter licked his lips and watched her bite her bottom lip – not in a seductive type way, but a fidgety, uneasy one. He ran his thumb across them, feeling their softness, watching her eyes close again. Leaning closer to her, so close they shared the same breath of oxygen, his nose touched her nose. His face grazed her face. His lips bumped into hers first, a test to see if she would resist. But when she didn’t back away, he went for a real one – one he’d wanted for quite some time now but didn’t feel comfortable enough given their situation and who she was to him – to his brother. But now, as he looked upon her, instead of thinking about all the reasons why this was wrong, he only thought of Shayla as a woman he was developing real feelings for. A woman who needed him. A woman who evoked feelings within him that no other woman was able to accomplish. A woman he shared an incredibly amazing morning with.

  “Mmm,” Shayla breathed and mumbled, welcoming his lips, but with each passing second, she thought of Jacob – how she desperately missed him, missed kissing him. In many ways – weird, unexplainable ways – kissing Carter felt like she was connected to Jacob again. A wrong thought to explore in the arms of another man, she knew, but how could she resist? Jacob was the man she was in love with after all. That didn’t change at his death.

  Carter pinned her against the wall, gripping her face with his powerful hands to direct his aim towards her lips. They’d been calling and he was answering with feeling, firmness and passion. He opened his eyes as they kissed, studying her. Her eyes were closed. Her face soft. Her skin warm, gentle to the touch and as inviting as her lips. What was she thinking at this very moment? Was she enjoying this? If he didn’t end the kiss, would she?

  He closed his eyes again and embraced the moment, loving the way she felt in his arms, her body as wet as her lips. As their lips. Was this love? Or was this the same as when he was with any other woman – lust? Did he actually have it in him to love someone? In his mid-thirties, was he now ready for that responsibility? He gripped her eve
n tighter, while feeling a sudden shock of guilt pierce his soul. This was Jacob’s woman, not his.

  “I’m sorry,” he said suddenly breathless, stepping away from her. “I better go…ah…get breakfast ready.”

  “Yeah.” Shayla shamefully looked away and raked her hair into a wet ponytail, her heart pounding. What just happened?

  * * *

  Carter had since took over the kitchen, beating eggs in a clear, glass bowl with a fork, still wearing his boxers. No shirt.

  Shayla joined him in the kitchen fifteen minutes later. She sat at the table while he worked, observing him, watching the strong muscles of his chiseled back, his pretty skin, blemish-free with the exception of a reddish, nickel-sized spot near his right shoulder. She hadn’t paid enough attention to have seen it before.

  “Is that your birthmark?” she asked, assuming he already knew what she was referring to.

  “You checking out my body again, Shay?” Carter asked, turning around to see her reaction.

  “Noo,” Shayla said, red-faced, her eyes rolling down to his chest then back up again. “Just curious.”

  Carter grinned. “Yeah, that’s my birthmark. Do you care to share where yours is, since we’re sharing?”

  Shayla chucked a bit. “It’s ah…it’s just above my navel.”

  “Really?” Carter removed the frying pan from the stove, setting it on the counter and began walking over to Shayla with a silver tablespoon in his right hand. “Let me see it.”

  “No,” Shayla said frowning, feeling uneasy especially after the kiss they shared, that for some strange reason or another, Carter failed to acknowledge as if the whole thing had been something they both imagined.

  “Don’t be shy.” He dropped the spoon on the table, it making a clanking noise.

  “No, Carter.”

  “Don’t no Carter me, girl,” he said with a devilish grin. He stooped down in front of her, lifted her shirt, tracing her birthmark with his index finger. The sensation made Shayla’s body jerk.

  Shayla smiled big, watching Carter become serious again as he looked up at her, probably thinking about the kiss from moments ago. Did he want another? Why was he staring?

  “What?” she finally said to take him out of his daze.

  “I’m really trying to fight the urge to kiss you again.” He waited for the green light from her.

  “This coming from a man who told me he didn’t kiss. Wasn’t that a part of the whole, no strings thing?”

  Ignoring her, Carter said, “So was that a yes or no?”

  Shayla brushed her fingertips across his curly coils of hair, feeling herself conceding to him but had enough control to stop the enticement by saying, “Maybe we should eat.” She wanted to kiss him, but didn’t want the image of Jacob popping in her head while she was doing it. Not again. Carter’s kiss made her think of him, of when she and Jacob were happy, close and in love. It would be difficult to move on from Jacob if, when any other man touched her, she could only think of him. Was it even possible to love someone while you were in love with someone else?

  Carter stood, sunk his lips in her jaw, making a loud smacking noise with them. Like many men, he didn’t like rejection. He was never rejected by women. He was the one who dominated relationships, not the other way around.

  He took two plates from the cupboard, raked scrambled eggs in both with strips of turkey bacon and toasts. He walked over to her with the plate and set it on the table.

  “Thanks.” Shayla picked up a fork.

  “Welcome.”

  Carter walked back to the stove, took his plate then sat across from her sipping on hot green tea, watching her eat, studying her. “Question for you,” he said, setting his mug on the table, transitioning into business mode. “Why haven’t you made any attempts to move on from Jacob?”

  Shayla frowned a little, caught off guard by his question. “Where’d that come from?”

  “Just something I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of weeks.”

  Shayla bit into a piece of toast. “Um…well what exactly do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. You’re always talking about him…about how happy you were with him, how much you love him and how much you miss him. My question is, why haven’t you tried to move on?”

  Shayla looked up at him to see if he was serious. He was, and he gave off a jealous vibe, one that she’d never felt from him. Men like Carter Williams didn’t get jealous, or did they? “Mentally, I have tried to move on.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “How would you know?” Shayla mumbled with a mouthful of eggs. “You’re a smart man, but I doubt if you have the power to read minds.”

  “No, but I’m excellent at reading people, and I’ve watched your behavior, Shayla. You cry almost every other night and I have observed you sitting alone, daydreaming on countless occasions. So be upfront with me. Lay it all out on the table,” he said, spreading his large hands flat on the surface for emphasis, the same hands that were wrapped around her face upstairs a few moments ago.

  Shayla cracked a nervous smile. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I mean—”

  “I want you to tell me why you’re having such a hard time moving on,” he said, his irritation apparent in the tone of his voice and the darkness of his eyes.

  Shayla thought quietly for a moment, could feel the vibe between them suddenly become tense. She stirred eggs around in her plate, feeling her stomach tighten. Carter was right in his notion – she was having a hard time letting go of Jacob. But what would she accomplish by discussing this with him this very moment? Over breakfast? The psychology of it all was too much to deal with, especially first thing in the morning.

  She looked up at Carter and watched him lean back in his chair, still staring at her, completely reading her, probably knowing what she would say before she even had a chance to say it. Finally, after the longest minute ever, she said, “Well, honestly, I don’t believe there is anyone who could be as good for me as Jacob was.”

  “Really?” Carter said, trying to mask his aggravation.

  “Yeah. Really.”

  Carter squinted and glared at her, actually feeling offended but trying not to show it. Had he not already proven he could be everything Jacob was and more? Did he not rescue her? Take care of her? Provide for her? Albeit he wasn’t pursuing her but it would still be nice if she recognized all the hard work and effort he put into her rehabilitation. “If that’s the case, and you really feel there isn’t a better man for you than Jacob, then how is it that you’ve mentally tried to move on, so you say?”

  Shayla cringed. Carter was going hard with questions and she was fearful of the outcome of this discussion. So to put an end to it, she said, “Carter, can’t we talk about something besides Jacob?”

  “We can when you answer me.” He crossed his arms and stared her in the eyes.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say. I have tried moving on.”

  “How? How can you say you’ve tried in one breath, but then turn around and say there isn’t a better man for you in another?”

  “I don’t know, okay?” Shayla said growing agitated.

  With raised eyebrows, he asked, “You don’t know?”

  “No.” Shayla glanced at him, then stared down at her plate.

  “Shayla?”

  “What?” she said, rolling her eyes.

  “What’s with the attitude?”

  “I told you I didn’t want to talk about Jacob. You just won’t let it go.”

  “Yeah, ‘cause I want to know the truth.”

  “The truth?” Shayla said frowning. “I mean, how am I supposed to just stop loving someone? Maybe you can teach me since that’s your area of expertise.”

  Carter glared at her again with a roguish expression taking over his face. He wasn’t a man that was easily offended, but she was right on the border. Still he kept his cool. “We’re talking about you right now, and had you been paying attention when we’ve talke
d in the past, you would know that I’ve never been in love, so how can falling out of love be my area of expertise?”

  “Whatever,” Shayla said shrugging.

  “No, it’s not whatever. You need to explain yourself, especially since you seem to be so heavily opinionated about my lifestyle. Surely you know why it’s hard for you to get over him.”

  “Doesn’t mean I want to discuss it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t, Carter. Jeez. Just leave it alone, or better yet, let’s talk about things I want to talk about sometimes.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like why you moved me into your house in the first place. Let’s talk about that.”

  “Okay. Let’s…” Carter corrected his posture, pushed his cup aside and interlocked his fingers as his arms rested on the table.

  “So why?” she pressed.

  “Because I cared.”

  “You cared…really? It’s not even like you to care about anyone. From the way you described yourself to me thus far, the only person you’ve ever cared about is yourself. So why spend so much time trying to help me? You don’t owe me anything. There’s no connection between us.”

  Carter reached for his cup, took another sip of tea and sat back in his chair. As in business, he never made a move until he had all the facts, hard numbers, then he could make a flawless analysis. He had all the facts with Shayla. She was engaged to his brother. She had to suffer through Jacob’s suicide. She found herself homeless. She was near death when he found her and now, she’s better, even though she has to take medication. And after all that had happened, she was still in love with Jacob – so in love that she couldn’t recognize the love he’d been showing her by moving her into his home and taking care of her. And for her to make the statement that he only cared about himself had him on fire. He was able to keep his cool before, but she crossed the line this time.

  “So I only care about myself?” he asked, glaring at her.

  “From your own admission, yes,” Shayla said, trying to remain firm in her observation of him.