Accidental Deception

by Tina Martin

  They drove for about fifteen more minutes and he turned into the business parking lot, found a suitable parking space then walked with her to the door. The time was 10:40 a.m.

  Shayla saw the business name on the door, Charlotte Psychotherapy Associates, and felt a fleeting closeness to Jacob. He’d been there, she acknowledged, recalling that this was the same practice on the business card she’d found in Jacob’s pocket.

  “You okay?” Carter asked her. He could see she made the connection.

  Shayla nodded, following him to check-in.

  “Hi. We have an appointment at 10:45,” Carter told the receptionist.

  “Oh, you’re the new patient,” the woman said excitedly, cheesing at Carter.

  “Well, actually, she is,” Carter said, throwing his arm around Shayla, showing his support.

  “Right.” The woman handed Shayla a clipboard with a few papers secured under the metal clasp. “Fill these out and bring it back up to me when you’re done.”

  Shayla took the clipboard and followed Carter to a waiting area. They were the only ones waiting at the moment. He watched her fill out the forms and take them back up to the receptionist. She sat down again, and clenched her hands, looking towards the floor.

  Carter unfolded her hands and held one of them.

  “Ms. Kline,” a woman came out and said. “I’m Dr. Michelle Westbrook. You wanna come on back?”

  Shayla stood and looked at Carter with the same sense of loss and separation she had on her face at the hospital, the day she was discharged. “Can he come with me?”

  “Well, that’s up to you. I do some intense sessions, so if you’re sure…”

  “Yeah. I’m sure.”

  “Okay, well come on back.”

  Shayla and Carter followed Dr. Westbrook back into her office, both noticing the two couches, large coffee table, tropical plants and huge windows. The doctor instructed Carter and Shayla to take a seat, to which she shook their hands.

  “So I’m Dr. Michelle Westbrook, and you are…Shayla Kline?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you are…?” she asked, looking at Carter.

  “Carter Williams,” he said, shaking her hand. He watched her squint and stare like she knew him but wasn’t really sure.

  “Your name sounds familiar. You don’t work in the medical field, do you? Presbyterian Hospital? Carolina’s Medical Center?”

  “No. I’m in the banking industry.”

  “Hmm.” Dr. Westbrook walked over to her comfortable chair. “And what’s your relation to Ms. Kline.”

  “We’re…friends,” Carter said, sending a soft smile Shayla’s way.

  “And I live with him,” Shayla added.

  “And you’re sure you want him to sit in on your session, Ms. Kline?”

  “Positive.” Shayla locked eyes with Carter. “I trust him.”

  “Aw-righty.” Dr. Westbrook flipped through Shayla’s notes. “So what brings you here today, Ms. Kline? Is it okay if I call you Shayla or would you prefer Ms. Kline?”

  “You can call me Shayla.”

  “So tell me what brings you here.”

  “Um…I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.”

  “What’s been causing this stress?”

  Shayla watched Dr. Westbrook scribble a note. “Well, it started when my fiancé committed suicide and granted, I was under stress before the incident because I couldn’t find a job and I felt like a failure…like he couldn’t count on me. Our lives got so difficult and Jacob couldn’t handle the pressure.”

  “Jacob was your fiancé?”

  “Yes,” Shayla said fighting back tears. “Jacob Dempsey.”

  Dr. Westbrook stopped writing and looked up at her as if Jacob’s name jogged her memory. She glanced at Carter, watching him throw his arm around Shayla to console her. She noticed the way he closed his eyes, inhaled deeply. This suicide was closer to him than merely being in her office with a friend. A lot closer.

  “When did the suicide happen?”

  “June…last year.”

  “And how did it affect you?”

  “Um…I just broke down, I guess…couldn’t function. I lost the condo…our cars…I lost myself,” Shayla said, tears running from her eyes.

  Carter held her hand, squeezed it slightly.

  “Did you and Jacob have children?”

  “No.”

  “Tell me how you feel about his suicide at this very moment?”

  “I feel anger. I’m mad at him for leaving me. I’m confused because he said he loved me, but how can you love someone then do something like that?”

  “Shayla, these are normal feelings to have when you lose someone to suicide, but the most important thing is how you deal with your feelings. How have you been coping with Jacob’s loss?”

  Shayla shrugged and felt Carter squeeze her hand tighter. “Um…Carter helps me. I really don’t know how to cope on my own. All I do is cry, and I’m tired of crying.”

  Carter took a box of Kleenex from the table and snatched a couple sheets of tissue from it, handing them to Shayla.

  Shayla dabbed her eyes, then her nose and continued. “I guess I needed to understand why he did it. The day before it happened, he was fine. He even told me he was okay.”

  “Had he been exhibiting any warning signs before then?”

  “Warning signs?”

  “Yeah, like was he sleeping more than normal? Not motivated to do anything? Did he cry for no reason?”

  “He was stressed out. He’d just lost his job and we were struggling financially. He did sleep a lot and I found him crying once but it was only one time so I didn’t think much of it. Days before it happened, he would tell me that he loved me a lot…told me he would always love me…still doesn’t explain why he would kill himself.”

  “Shayla, sometimes, people never find out why their loved ones decide to end their own lives. In most cases, the deceased leaves behind a suicide note.”

  Carter cringed, appeared flushed and was so uncomfortable now, he wanted to get up and walk out of the room. But Shayla needed him, so he didn’t leave.

  “Jacob didn’t leave a note or anything. I can’t tell you how long I’ve searched for one. He didn’t leave anything.”

  Carter swallowed hard.

  “Well, there are never any easy answers when it comes to suicide. All I can do is present the facts to you and the truth of the matter is, people commit suicide when they feel there’s no way out. Their emotional pain is so horribly excruciating, they feel that taking their own lives is the only way to get rid of it.”

  “And they don’t even care who they leave behind?”

  “No. No they don’t. Their only focus is ending their pain. At no point are they concerned about the people who will suffer because of their actions…the people who love them.”

  Shayla wiped her eyes.

  “Shayla, I want you to do an exercise for me. I want you to buy a notebook, and in that notebook, I want you to make a list of five memories you shared with Jacob that were happy times. We’ll talk about it in our next session. By the way, are you employed?”

  “No.”

  Dr. Westbrook nodded. “I want you to do something you enjoy, and I don’t mean like watching TV or playing video games. I want you to do something you love.”

  “She likes playing with flowers…arranging them or whatever you call it,” Carter pointed out.

  Dr. Westbrook nodded again. “Great. If flower arranging is your thing, Shayla, why not volunteer at a local flower shop? Keep yourself busy so you’re not constantly thinking about Jacob. Okay?”

  Shayla nodded.

  “Our next session will be the full hour and we’re going to dissect your list and get more in depth with your feelings. Does that sound good?”

  “Un huh.”

  “So for now, stick to your homework, keep yourself busy and I will see you the same time next week.”

  Carter stood and Shayla followed suit.

 
“Thank you, Dr. Westbrook,” Shayla said.

  “You’re welcome. See you next session.”

  Carter thanked the doctor as well, and turned to walk away, following Shayla to the door.

  Dr. Westbrook watched Shayla step out into the hallway. She took a deep breath. “Ah, Mr. Williams, can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

  Carter glanced at Shayla and back at Dr. Westbrook. “Sure.” He turned to Shayla and said, “I’ll be right back,” then stepped back in her office.

  Dr. Westbrook shut the door. “Does she know?” She crossed her arms.

  “Know what?” Carter said looking confused. “I’m not following you.”

  Dr. Westbrook glared at him. “You know, I thought your name sounded familiar, and now I know where I’ve heard it before, Mr. Williams. Your brother, Jacob, was my patient.”

  Carter swallowed hard, feeling like he’d just been caught in the act.

  “So my question is, does Shayla know you’re his brother?”

  Carter cleared his throat. “No. She doesn’t know.”

  “Don’t you think you ought to tell her?”

  “Yeah, and I will eventually but—”

  “She trusts you. Didn’t you hear her say that?”

  “I’m gonna tell her. I just haven’t found the right time to tell her yet.”

  “Well, then, guess I gotta give you some homework too, Mr. Williams. Tell her. This could be what she needs to heal.”

  Carter nodded.

  “And I’m very sorry about your brother. I’m not at liberty to discuss any of the sessions I had with him—”

  “You can’t even tell me about his demeanor? Something?”

  Dr. Westbrook sighed and struggled mentally on how to answer his question while keeping her integrity in tact. “He was disturbed. On the outside, he looked like everything was fine…like he was a happy, productive member of society. When he came here the first time he put on a smile, turned on his charm…tried to make me believe he was okay. But why would you schedule a visit with a psychiatrist if you’re okay? Didn’t really make any sense.”

  Carter nodded.

  “I saw him three times and each of those sessions, he mentioned you. Said he wanted a relationship with you. He wanted to start over, but he always felt like he was beneath you.”

  Carter sighed, shook his head. “I never did anything to make him feel that way—”

  “That’s not for me to judge.”

  “And what did he have to say about our Mother?”

  “Look, Mr. Williams—”

  “What did he say?” Carter asked forcefully. “My Mother is dead…died a few months after him and I’m left trying to put all these pieces together on my own. I just need to know something?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Doctor—”

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Williams,” Dr. Westbrook said raising her voice. “My main concern at this stage is Shayla. Now you didn’t have a chance to save your brother. But you have a chance to save her. From what I’ve seen today, she’s headed down the same road as Jacob. Sorry to put it to bluntly, but it is what it is and you need to change that.”

  That was a hard pill to swallow. Carter wasn’t expecting the doctor to be brutally honest with him, but she was in the business of giving it straight, something he could appreciate, because who gets things done by beating around the bush? Still, he had no clue how to spring this news on Shayla.

  “I have no idea how to tell her. I’ve tried. I’ve tried many times and I don’t want to hurt her.”

  “So you have feelings for her?” Dr. Westbrook inquired.

  “What?”

  “Do you care about her, Mr. Williams?”

  “Of course I do. I’m the one who made this appointment.”

  “I see.”

  “Anyway, ah…she’s waiting for me, so I’m gonna go.” Carter walked away, back out the door again and saw Shayla talking to the receptionist at the end of the hallway.

  “You ready?” he asked her.

  “Yeah,” Shayla said, telling the receptionist to have a good day then walked off.

  In the car now, Carter started the engine, turned onto Randolph Road, heading for home.

  “So what was all that about?” Shayla asked him.

  “Nothing.”

  “Nothing? You were in there with her for like ten minutes.”

  “That was not ten minutes,” Carter said smiling. He watched her smile but all he could think about was Dr. Westbrook’s words. Was Shayla really heading down the same path as Jacob? Was he a guilty party to her demise? Could she be here one day and gone the next, taking her own life the same as his brother did?

  * * *

  Later that night, Carter walked in her room to say goodnight. He sat on her bed, watching her lie there under the covers, her eyes slowly batting.

  “I’m proud of you, Shayla.”

  “Why?”

  “For recognizing you needed help and owning it. You’ve come a long way since February.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I know so.”

  “Well, I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

  Carter squeezed her warmly. “Goodnight, hun,” he said, standing, preparing to leave her room.

  “Goodnight,” Shayla gently, watching him standing at her door. “Oh, and Carter, just for the record, I don’t think about Jacob when you hold me.”

  Carter cracked a half smile, told her to have a good night for the second time, then pulled her door shut. Dr. Westbrook was wrong about Shayla. She wasn’t heading down the same path as Jacob. She wasn’t planning on killing herself. She was just confused and now that he’d gotten the proper help for her, everything was going to be fine. At least, that’s what he thought.

  Chapter 19

  A week later, Shayla sat in the parking lot of Dr. Westbrook’s office, waiting for Carter. He’d gone into the office for work in the morning but told her that he’d meet her for her follow-up appointment.

  Still sitting in her car, she glanced at her watch. The time was 11:59 a.m., and Carter had not yet shown up. She sighed, got out of the car anyway and walked in the office.

  Dr. Westbrook immediately called her back into the office, sat down in her usual chair and after Shayla was settled on the couch, she asked, “So, how do you feel this afternoon?”

  “I’m okay.” Shayla crossed her arms.

  “Will Mr. Williams be joining us today?”

  Shayla glanced at her watch. “He was supposed to…probably running a little late but we can go ahead and get started.”

  “Aw’right. Well let’s get into it. So last week, I asked you to make a list of memories you shared with Jacob, and I see you have your notebook, so why don’t you tell me what you came up with.”

  Shayla opened her notebook. “Well, I wrote down our first date…um…the first time he told me he loved me, a day we spent at the park, all the times we spent curled up on the couch watching movies and when he’d proposed to me.”

  “How do you feel about those memories?” Dr. Westbrook asked, crossing her legs.

  “I’m actually okay,” Shayla said, feeling surprisingly good. “These memories are what I hold on to.”

  “Now the question becomes, are those memories enough to allow you to move on with your life?”

  Shayla thought for a moment. “But how can I move on based on this? I mean, Jacob and I were planning on getting married.”

  “If you don’t allow yourself to move on, Shayla, then you’ll always feel the way you feel right now – alone and lost with no real reason why you’re still in love with Jacob. Let—”

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I stop you right there for a moment?”

  “Yes, sure.”

  “Are you telling me that something is wrong with me because I still love Jacob?”

  “Um…yes and no. I say that because of course you will still love him. The danger lies in being in love with him.”

  “Why?”<
br />
  “Because he can’t love you back, Shayla.”

  Shayla dug her hands in her hair. Frustrated.

  “It’s like this,” Dr. Westbrook continued. “Let’s say that you meet a guy. You’re head-over-heels for this guy but he won’t give you the time of day. Still, you persist in your efforts to make him your man, but he makes it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship. But you can’t let it go. So you dream about this man. In your mind, you’ve made him yours. You spend all your time thinking about a man you can’t have. That kind of behavior would be destructive. Do you agree?”

  “Yeah.”

  “As humans, we desire give and take relationships. Right now, you’re giving Jacob all of you, because that’s what you’re accustomed to doing. But Jacob can no longer reciprocate your love.”

  Shayla lips trembled. “I never thought about it that way.” Tears welled up in her eyes.

  “The memories of Jacob will always keep him dear to you and should also give you the courage to move on and love again because in the end, I have to imagine that Jacob wanted you to be happy. Wouldn’t you agree?”

  Shayla nodded.

  “So are you beginning to understand why it’s so important for you to move on?”

  Shayla nodded. “Yeah. It’s difficult to accept but I get it.”

  “Good. Now on to the next order of business…have you taken on any hobbies? Mr. Williams mentioned last week that you were into flower arranging.”

  “Yep. I’m volunteering at a flower shop near my neighborhood. They only need me a few days a week right now.”

  “Excellent. It’s very important for us to have special interests, you know. It helps to give us some purpose. You’ll find soon that doing this will help you to relax and keep your mind on something positive.”

  “It’s already uplifting my spirits.”

  “That’s what I want to hear. Keep up the nice work, Shayla.”

  Shayla smiled at the doctor then took a well deserved sigh of relief.

  “So, how did you and Carter meet, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “Um…he…ah…he saved my life actually.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. After everything went down with Jacob, I had no where to live and I don’t have family, so—”