Let Me Love You

by Jessica Jayne

  Ren’s eyes widened. The text notification flashed with Stacey’s name. His heart raced, pounding out an erratic beat. She hadn’t responded to the text he’d sent her, let alone initiated one in the last three weeks.

  Fear and hope rippled through him in an ebb and flow that might make him dizzy if he were standing. He feared their encounter this evening would make her want to close the door on any possibility of a relationship. He knew he took that chance when he confronted her. And hope—he hoped that she listened to his words and opened her mind and heart to him.

  “I’ll be right back.” He rose from the couch, slapping Tyler on the back as he did so.

  “Sure thing.”

  Ren slipped through the sliding glass door and onto the small balcony, his hands sweating in anticipation. All the words that could be in the text swam through his head. He swiped across the screen and sucked in a breath.

  Stacey: Love me.

  He blinked once, twice, three times. He had to read it several times before he believed he had read correctly. What did it mean? He knew what he wanted the words to mean. He did love her. More than he could ever express in words. He tapped out two words.

  Ren: I do

  He paced the balcony of the apartment in three steps. Back and forth, waiting for her response. What if she’d fallen asleep after she sent the text? Should he call her? Head to her house? Every second felt like eternity.

  Finally, his phone dinged

  Stacey: I’m going to let u

  Ren inhaled and blew out the breath, dropping his head back and staring up at the night sky. Stars twinkled and the moon hung low. He wanted to throw up a fist pump. Dance across the balcony. Scream at the top of his lungs. Cry. Tears filled his eyes.

  Relief replaced the weight that had been sitting on his chest for the last several weeks. All he wanted was a chance. He was finally getting one.

  Ren: R u home?

  Stacey: Yes

  Ren: I’m on my way

  He slipped his phone back in his pocket and pulled the sliding door open. No need to wait for a response. He needed to see her, hear her say those words out loud and in front of him where he could touch her, kiss her. Otherwise, he might believe this was nothing but a dream.

  “Ty, I’m heading out.” He strolled over to the counter where his keys sat.

  “You okay to drive?” Tyler paused the game and set the game controller down, rising from the couch.

  “Yes. I haven’t touched anything since Mahuffer’s. I could walk a line straighter than an arrow, dude.”

  Tyler nodded his approval. “Where ya headed?”

  “Stacey’s. She just texted.” Ren grinned ear to ear. Containing his excitement was impossible. He’d been waiting for this opportunity for quite some time. Tyler knew that. He had offered nothing but support to him. Well, except for offering up several questions about how good the sex was. And for the first time ever in their friendship, Ren didn’t share that information, at least not the details.

  “From the look on your face, I take it was a good text.” Tyler squeezed Ren’s shoulder.

  “I might have a shot at making this work.” Ren patted his back. “Thanks for everything, man.”

  “Are you two going to kiss, too?” Simon said, crouched on the floor clutching a game controller. He snorted at his own joke.

  “Shut up, mother fucker. This dude here is like my brother.” Tyler flipped Simon the bird, who returned the gesture. Everyone laughed. Ren scooped up his keys and bounded for the door.

  “I’ll see you later.” He jumped down the staircase two steps at a time. Anxious didn’t even begin to describe the feeling coursing through him.

  “Good luck,” Tyler called as Ren climbed into his Jeep and tore out of the driveway.

  ****

  Ren parked in Stacey’s driveway and jumped out. He didn’t run up the walkway, but his movements would probably put him in a qualifying round at a speed walking competition. He needed to see her. Touch her. Hear her say she’d give him a chance, them a chance. He hopped the steps and rapped lightly on the door, tapping out a beat of impatience with his foot.

  How was it that five minutes could seem a blur and twenty seconds could feel like eternity?

  He pushed his fingers through his short hair, leaving the strands standing on end.

  The click of the lock sliding knocked him out of his anxious state. The door cracked open and Stacey peeked out. She’d pulled her hair up in a messy knot on the top of her head, revealing her makeup free face and sparkling blue eyes.

  Good God!

  Beautiful. And she was his.

  “Ren.” A whisper on her lips, but hearing his name made him smile.

  He pushed the door open and stepped inside. She backed up to let him, standing in nothing but her black yoga pants and a hot pink tank top. No bra. Her nipples pushed on the fabric of her top. He clenched his hands and his jaw to gain composure. She’d never looked more beautiful, more desirable to him than she did in that moment.

  “I need to hear you say it, Stace.” He closed the door and strode three steps toward her. He cupped her face with both hands, his thumbs caressing her jawline. She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, letting the air out slowly before opening her eyes to look at him.

  “You’ve been telling me you want more. You asked me to let you love me. I’m going to let you.” She blinked and a shy smile stretched her lips. This look on her—innocence and uncertainty—was beautiful. A big step for her. He knew that. Her usual confidence from years past had been replaced with trepidation, something else besides the house her ex had left her. Yet, she still decided to take this chance.

  He couldn’t be more grateful. More in love.

  “You won’t regret this.” He dropped his mouth to hers and kissed her tenderly.

  The feel of her lips caused his blood to rush lower. He couldn’t help it. She had this instant effect on him. A part of him wanted to slam her against the wall and sink into her. Make love her to her in a frenzy, especially after three torturous weeks of being apart. The thump of his heart, the pump of his blood, his thickening erection were all signs his body wanted to claim her. But he had made a promise to himself on the ride over. Until he was confident she understood sex wasn’t the only reason he was there, no more. As he thought this, she inched closer, rubbing her body against his and moaning into his mouth.

  Good luck with that!

  He broke their kiss. “Can we talk?” He needed to lay everything on the table. His feelings. His hopes. What he wanted out of this relationship and what he wanted to give her.

  She pushed up on her tiptoes and pecked him on the lips.

  “Sure.” Grasping his hand, she dragged him down the hall to the family room. They sat on her leather couch facing each other. Folding her leg and pulling it into her chest, she rested her chin on her knee. She looked adorable. Wisps of hair framed her face. Blue eyes big and hopeful. Her full lips twitched with anticipation.

  “What made you change your mind?” He leaned forward and brushed a few loose strands of hair behind her ears.

  “The sweet things you’ve been doing for the last several weeks. Tonight. You.” She tucked her leg underneath her bottom. “What you said to me on the patio at Mahuffer’s hit me like a ton of bricks. I never saw this coming. Honestly. And I kept telling myself this couldn’t happen. But when you told me that you loved me, that you wanted to give me the life I’d dreamed of since I was a little girl, you sounded serious and I couldn’t help but hope it was true.”

  “I’ve crushed on you forever.” He chuckled. “Seriously. If I told you how long I’ve been lusting after you, you’d think I’m crazy. But at some point, I fell in love with you. I don’t know if it was last summer, spending all that time together working on your yard, jogging the neighborhood with you when I was home from school, or just sitting around your pool talking. I got to know so much more about you. What makes you laugh. Your passions. Your dreams. And I could talk to you. You list
en. I don’t know when my heart became involved, I just know it did. But you were married. Now, you’re not. And I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”

  She smiled, a big, sappy smile, showing her happiness. This was the only look he ever wanted to see on her face. Well, that and a sated look after he rocked her world.

  She grasped the back of his neck and pulled him toward her, meshing their lips. Her hunger seared him. He gripped her hips and yanked her closer, their chests colliding. They growled. She fisted his shirt, tugging and pulling as if she couldn’t get close enough. He understood the feeling. Even being inside her wouldn’t be close enough.

  She licked his bottom lip and nipped. He grunted. If he hadn’t already been harder than stone, that move would have done it.

  He may have won this battle, getting her to give them a chance, but he hadn’t won the war. Not yet. This relationship would be tenuous. She lacked trust in men. Feared a broken a heart. He needed to prove to her that this relationship meant more to him than sex. He didn’t want her to give in because she also missed their physical connection, only to see a look of regret on her face in the morning. He couldn’t ride this rollercoaster any longer. He wanted it all.

  She swung her leg over his hips without breaking their kiss. Her toned thighs gripped him in a vise, and she rocked along the ridge of his erection, the thin material of her yoga pants no barrier to her warmth. Ren moaned against her mouth. He dug his fingers into the flesh of her thighs, trying to stop her movement, or in the very least, slow her. His cock ached already, begging to sink inside her. His commitment to no-sex would have him walking around for the next couple weeks with balls bluer than Papa Smurf.

  She traced her tongue along a vein in his neck, which thrummed with his rapid heartbeat.

  Stars. He couldn’t decipher if the twinkling in his peripheral were actual stars he could see through the large picture window or just his mind reacting to the pleasure she elicited. Dropping his head back against the couch, he huffed out a breath. After weeks of no physical contact, he’d either come in his pants or he’d flip her on her back and fuck her senseless. Either scenario would be a blemish on his plan. But a man could only take so much.

  Stacey Williams would be the death of him. A blissful end, of that he was sure, but death nonetheless.

  With an immense amount of effort, he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back. Her lips were swollen from their kissing and a hunger twinkled in her eyes. A hunger he knew was also evident in his own.

  “What’s wrong?” Her voice rasped with lust.

  “Nothing’s wrong.” He smiled, not wanting her to think he had second thoughts. Her ego was fragile, but he needed to stay firm.

  “Okay. Good.” She leaned forward and brushed her lips over his, swiping her tongue over his bottom lip. She tasted tangy, like a citrusy white wine, but a hint of cinnamon lingered. Divine. “I need you inside me.” Her words floated from her mouth to his as she dipped her tongue into him.

  She pitched forward, her pelvis making direct contact with his cock and sending a jolt up his spine. A growl bubbled up from his chest and his eyes rolled back in his head. He’d dreamt of this woman wanting him the way she did right now, not being able to keep her hands off him, kissing him into next week. This was exactly what he’d wanted, but he wanted more and she did, too. The only way to ensure they both got what they wanted was to stick to his promise.

  With great reluctance and even greater effort, he broke their kiss again.

  “We’re not doing this.”

  The shock on her face panged in his chest. The words came out gruffer than he’d intended, but he walked a fine line. He sat on the precipice of sanity, his body vibrating with desire.

  Though fully aware of the promise he made to himself, Stacey knew nothing of it. He didn’t want to give her any reason to think he rejected her. She’d had enough of that.

  “Why not?” Her bottom lip turned down into a pout. It was almost too much. Almost made him say “fuck it” and give her exactly what she wanted, what he wanted.

  “We’re going to do this right. No sex.” The words sounded absurd out loud.

  “How is ‘no sex’ right?” She shifted her hips forward and ground into him again.

  Fuck! A devilish glint sparkled in her eyes. She knew exactly the affect she had on him and planned to use it to her advantage. When she pulled her plump bottom lip between her teeth and rolled into him again, he ground his teeth together to bite off the growl that would only encourage her.

  “I want to go out with you. On dates. To dinner. The movies. The theatre. The beach.” He seized her hips and pushed her down his legs, making her contact with his dick more difficult. “I want to hold the door for you, buy you flowers, hold your hand, do things in public like a real couple.”

  She leaned forward, resting her forearms on his shoulders. “We can date and make love.” She licked down the side of his neck. His fingers dug into her thighs hard.

  “Are you trying to kill me, baby?”

  “No. I’m trying to make you feel good.” She slid her hand down his chest and over his abs until she reached his throbbing cock. She cupped him through his shorts and squeezed gently. His breath lodged and he swore he could see his brain, that’s how far back his eyes rolled from the pleasure. “Your body is telling me you want this.”

  The irony of his words from their first encounter being thrown back at him wasn’t lost on him. She smirked and squeezed him again.

  “I never said I didn’t want this,” he said, and hissed. “I want it more than almost anything. Almost. But not more than I want a future with you.” He released a frustrated breath. “I never thought this would be easy, but fuck, I didn’t think it would be this hard either.” He grasped her wrist and tugged her hand from his crotch. “I need you to understand I want more than your body. More than sex. I don’t ever want you to think I’m here just to fuck you. We’re going to date for a while. Do things like other couples.”

  “Other couples have sex.” She smiled brazenly, playing with him.

  “Very true. Maybe after a few dates, we’ll make our way around the bases.” He winked.

  “We’ve already been around the bases.” She huffed in faux-frustration and rolled her eyes. “You hit a grand slam from day one.”

  He burst into a full belly laugh. God, he loved her.

  “How many dates?” She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. Her breath tickled his skin with each burst.

  “However many it takes.” He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.

  “This is going to be harder for you than it will be for me.” She kissed him back.

  “Oh, I realize that.” He pulled her into his embrace, her head resting on his shoulder. “But it will be so worth it.” He squeezed her tight. Their life together just began and he planned to make every second worth it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Stacey turned her car onto Beachwood Street. Her creative writing class invigorated her. It was the second Thursday of the class and she had begun teaching the students one of her favorite parts of writing. Story plotting. She loved that process in her own writing, and seeing all the students’ creative juices flowing was fun. She was eager to get home and spend some time working on her new novel.

  Still a good two hours before Ren got home from work.

  It had been five blissful days since she’d agreed to give them a chance.

  He’d stuck to his guns about the no sex rule despite her efforts to derail him. Truth be told, she enjoyed it. She’d relish the sex, too, but talking to him, laughing, and just being themselves was fun. Taking the physical aspect of their relationship out of the equation allowed her to feel more confident about her decision to move forward and reassured her about his reasoning for wanting to move forward. He was a lot smarter on relationships than he gave himself credit for.

  He hadn’t spent the night with her. Tempting fate, that’s what he called it. But he stopped ov
er every night after work eager to tell her about the newest project he worked on and how much he learned that day. His enthusiasm was contagious. He reciprocated with a listening ear for her day and played an integral part in crafting the main character to her new romance novel. She was having more fun than she’d thought possible. Unlike her ex, he respected her career and showed genuine interest in what she did. This dating thing wasn’t so bad after all.

  She turned into her driveway, threw the car into park, and climbed out. Her mind had been so consumed with how good things had been going that she hadn’t noticed Shannon sitting on the front porch steps. Apprehension percolated through her and her heart dropped into her belly. She hadn’t seen Shannon or Jay since before she’d agreed to give her relationship with Ren a-go. Stacey had no idea what their reaction would be.

  “Hi Shannon,” Stacey said in almost a whisper, walking the pathway to where she sat. Stacey’s purse and attaché swung from her shoulder.

  “Hi. I thought maybe we should talk.” Shannon scooted over on the stairs to make room.

  “Did you want to come in?” She climbed the three steps to the front door. “I’d like to set my stuff down inside.” She pushed the door open. Shannon rose from her spot and walked in behind Stacey.

  She placed her things on the floor near her desk in the den and led the way into the kitchen.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” She opened the fridge and pulled out a pitcher of iced tea. “It’s not sweetened, but I do have sugar.” She set the pitcher on the island countertop and grabbed two tall glasses for the tea.

  Her mind raced a mile a minute. This was the same place she and Ren christened on their first sexual encounter. Her face flushed. She was nervous about this conversation to begin with, particularly since the last time they came face-to-face she’d received a slap. Knowing she was sharing a drink with Shannon in the same place she and Ren had sex had uncomfortable written all over.

  “Sure. I’ll have tea. Sugar not necessary.” Shannon’s voice was strained but light.

  Stacey dropped ice in each glass and poured the tea. She slid one of them across the granite island.