Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

  All true. She simply wouldn’t mention that she was desperate to have him hold their son, to have him wake up next to her in the house he’d bought for them, to grow old with him.

  Sex. Red was going to concentrate on sex because there wasn’t so much pressure that way. Red would offer Master Theo pleasure and harmony and peace, and sometimes that came in the form of a tart tongue and letting him smack her ass.

  Yes, she would get pleasure and harmony and peace, too.

  “You say potato. I say topping from the bottom,” he said with a grin on his face. “If you do it again, you’ll find yourself over my knee.”

  Unfortunately, that was pretty much where she wanted to be. This was how it had been for them. Play. Fun. Some people took the D/s relationship super seriously, but for her and Theo it had always been a way to seek pleasure and let off steam in a healthy, consensual way.

  How would it change now that he truly needed the control? Before, it had been a fun game. Now, he needed this, needed to be the top. Could she truly submit?

  “Yes, Sir. I’m sorry for cursing, Sir.”

  He frowned. “Don’t think I hate your smart mouth. And don’t hold back on me. I’ll be disappointed if I don’t get a chance to slap that pretty ass.”

  Warmth spread through her. Yes, he was still in there somewhere. She simply had to find him.

  His hands came up as though he couldn’t quite make himself stop touching her. He smoothed back her hair, letting his fingers play in it. “Have I told you how pretty you are?”

  So many times she’d started to believe it. “Once tonight, Sir. I appreciated it.”

  “I’m going to kiss you before the night is over. I’m going to spank you and then you’re going to sit on my lap and let me kiss you. We’ll watch some scenes and then finish with some impact play and I’ll kiss you.”

  It was the Dom’s way of asking for permission. He would tell her what he would do and then it was up to her to agree or to call an end to the play. She wasn’t about to do that. “Yes, Sir. That sounds like a lovely way to spend an evening.”

  He reached for her hand again. “Come on. I think I heard that someone was doing a suspension scene. Let’s go watch.”

  She followed him, her hand warm in his, but her mind had flown back. Back before TJ. Before Theo died. Before Africa.

  To their first kiss.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Dallas, TX

  Two and a half years before

  Erin slammed the door to her office. This was utterly ridiculous and she wasn’t putting up with it. It had to be some kind of a damn joke. There was not a file sitting on her desk with the contents of her next job laid out all Mission: Impossible style. That stupid file didn’t include the fact that she was going undercover for what might be six damn months of her life as freaking Theo Taggart’s submissive.

  It wasn’t happening. It was some kind of a sick joke and she knew exactly who was responsible. Her boss was an asshole.

  She strode down the hall, stopping at Li’s office. Luckily the door was open. She’d learned the hard way that sometimes her partner had his wife up to the office for some afternoon fun that involved seeing way too much of Avery naked. Today, it was just Li, staring at his computer screen.

  “Do you know where Big Tag is?”

  “He’s meeting with some Hollywood types this morning. Apparently one of his childhood friends is now a reality TV producer. Why do you…” Li grimaced. “Got that assignment, huh? If it’s any consolation, I told him you would be upset.”

  Upset didn’t begin to cover it. According to that report, she was going to spend the next few months working and living in Africa, befriending a woman named Faith McDonald. Doctor Faith ran a clinic in Liberia. She was some kind of do-gooder, but her father was the real target. This was a long game meant to get Tennessee Smith into Senator McDonald’s Caribbean compound so he could prove the senator had ties to an organization known as The Collective. Ten Smith was sure the senator had been the one to get him burned with the CIA and he was out for blood.

  She totally understood revenge. She got that sometimes blood needed to be shed. Africa? She could live there and work there. No problem.

  Theo Taggart was a problem. A big, gorgeous Viking god of a problem.

  She’d managed to hold him off the whole time they’d been in Dubai. She’d even tried to convince him that she had a thing for that walking, talking venereal disease Kash Kamdar, who’d actually turned out to be a pretty decent guy. Oh, she had zero interest in sleeping with the man. How the hell could she when all she could think about was a ridiculously young, sunny piece of man meat?

  It had taken everything she had not to go to Theo in Dubai when he’d made it so plain he would welcome her in his bed. Now she was supposed to pretend to be his sub for months at a time? In the middle of a dangerous mission? When they had only the two of them to hold on to?

  Yeah, it was a fucking romance novel Serena would write. It was also a disaster in the making.

  “I’m not doing it.” She wasn’t going to let Big Tag manipulate her. He thought he was so sly, but she saw right through him. This was all about putting her in a position where she had to give Theo a shot.

  She wasn’t going to make a complete fool of herself. She wasn’t sure what the hell that kid thought he was doing, but she wasn’t going to play along.

  “You’re going to refuse the assignment?” Li frowned as though he hadn’t thought that scenario through. Li always thought everything through.

  And that told her something. “This was your idea.”

  He put a hand up. “You’re the only one who can do it. Everyone else has kiddos. You can’t expect them to leave their babies for months at a time.”

  He wasn’t understanding her. “I’m more than happy to go. It’s not the assignment I have a problem with.”

  He sighed. “You have to work with him sometime, love. He’s here now. He’s not going away.”

  Because he was the boss’s brother. It hurt her heart, but she might have to think about quitting. She couldn’t win this battle. Blood always won out. Well, unless it was her blood and then anyone else won. She turned and saw the one person who might be able to save her. Big Tag was walking down the hall with Alex, probably headed toward the main conference room at the front of the building. She marched down the hall, calling out to him.

  “Boss, you can’t be serious.”

  Big Tag stopped, his broad shoulders taking up most of the hallway. “I’m never serious.”

  She practically shuddered with relief. Maybe she could keep her job. “Thank god. I was hoping it was a joke.”

  Alex sighed, sending Big Tag a nasty look before turning back to her. “It’s not a joke, Erin. You can pick up your tickets with Grace. You and Theo are set to fly out early Thursday. You have a meeting with the security head of the hospital on Monday, so rest up. It’s a long flight and you’ve got a half a day’s layover in Frankfurt. Grace gave you a nice long layover so you don’t miss that flight to Monrovia. Also, since your cover is that you’re an ex-military, down-on-her-luck girl looking for work, we put you in coach. I’m really sorry.”

  She felt herself flush.

  A snort issued forth from her ever-sympathetic boss. “But we made sure Theo’s got the seat right beside you. After all, a Master always looks after his precious submissive.”

  If only the idea was truly distasteful to her, she could probably handle the job. The trouble was the idea of Theo Taggart topping her made her whole body tighten in anticipation. Damn it. She was not going to be his fool.

  She gave Big Tag her full attention, her body straightening as it would when she’d been in the military. He was her CO and maybe if she showed him some respect, he would do the same for her. “Send someone else with me. Send me in with Case or Hutch or Michael Malone. I understand that I’m the only female operative who can handle this mission. Hell, I believe in this mission. I want to take out Senator McDonald as much as anyone, b
ut I don’t think Theo is ready.”

  Big Tag’s eyes narrowed and she wondered if she hadn’t made a mistake. “In what way? Is his SEAL training not sufficient? Was his time as a CIA operative too short for your liking? Or is there something else you would like to tell me? Has he harassed you?”

  It was her chance. All she had to do was explain to Ian the multitudinous ways his brother had crossed the line. The little ass wouldn’t take a hint. He’d asked her out and she’d turned him down. So he’d asked her again the next day. She’d told him to fuck off. The trouble was, she liked hanging out with his group. They were fun, so she ended up actually spending time with him. He’d backed off and they’d kind of become friends. Sort of. They had a few beers together. Talked some shit. Every now and then he would get this dumb wistful look on his face and ask her out again.

  It was getting harder and harder to say no.

  She could lay out all the shit his brother did. He’d taken to calling her lately and when she wouldn’t answer, he would leave long voice mails asking about her day. Between that and the continual way he asked her out, she could easily call him a stalker and say he was sexually harassing her.

  Except he wasn’t. Maybe in some men it would be, but Theo wasn’t aggressive. He didn’t push her. His voice mails weren’t threatening. They were…sweet.

  She couldn’t do it. “No, Sir. You know he’s actually very kind. I don’t know how to handle it. I would be more comfortable with Hutch.”

  Big Tag crossed his arms over his massive chest. “Hutch is incapable of looking like he’s in love with you and he has zero training in D/s. Faith McDonald has been in the lifestyle for longer than you have.”

  “Longer than Theo, too.” From what she understood, he’d only started training in the last few weeks.

  “But Theo has been training day and night,” Tag explained. “Theo is perfectly prepared for this mission and you’re the right operative to get close to Faith McDonald. You’ll be her personal bodyguard and you can bond over giggling and tea and whatever girls bond over.”

  He was such an ass. She flipped him off since the whole respect thing definitely didn’t work on Big Tag when he wasn’t wearing a set of leathers. “I’ll take care of Faith. I actually kind of admire her. She’s smart and seems to be trying to do good in the world.”

  Tag shook his head her way. “Don’t go into this expecting a lifetime friendship. She’s the target. Talk to her. Convince her to come to Dallas with you so she can meet a new Master. She’s single right now, but the word is she always indulges during her off time. Get her back here with you and Ten will handle the rest.”

  It was exactly the kind of mission she would be good at. She was ready to show them all how good she could be out in the field. She would likely be bouncing up and down at the shot if it hadn’t been for one thing.

  “And Theo?”

  “Don’t sleep with him. It’s just your cover. Sometimes operatives don’t use their covers to get a little something something.” Ian scratched his head. “Alex and I went undercover once and we did not sleep together.”

  “He tried but I wanted someone a little more tender,” Alex snarked. “Li used to go undercover with Karina and he’s never once slept with her. Then there was that first mission we sent Jesse on at the strip club.”

  Ian cleared his throat pointedly.

  “JoJo, Eboni, and Misty Rose weren’t his partners,” Alex pointed out. “Simon was. Si swears up and down they’ve never cuddled. Not once. So you’re safe, Erin.”

  They weren’t going to help her. It was obvious she hadn’t been selected for this op because they thought she was smart and could handle the job. She’d been chosen because Big Tag was trying to give his baby brother an in. She wasn’t about to let them know how much that hurt.

  “You’re all jackholes, you know that, right? And Liberia? Really? I left the damn Army so I didn’t have to spend all my time in the world’s shit holes.” She turned and started back toward her office. “Simon gets to go to Venice. Li’s biggest op was in London. I get fucking West Africa.”

  “Don’t forget the Ebola,” Tag called out. “You’re welcome.”

  She didn’t turn back. She walked right past Li’s office without a glance.

  She had a decision to make. It might be time to pack it up. It was awesome here, but she wasn’t some toy they could toss around. Erin stepped into her office, closing the door behind her and shutting them all out. Deep breath. Don’t fucking cry. Don’t let the happy, shiny people with their babies and husband and wives see the dipshit divorcee who couldn’t even stay in the Army cry.

  “You honestly don’t want to work with me?”

  She went still. Damn it. Had he been freaking following her? She’d closed the door and he was on the wrong side. Erin took another deep breath and forced herself to turn around. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  He was leaning against her desk, his muscled chest molded against the material of his T-shirt. “Why? You don’t think I would take care of you?”

  She clung to the one thing she could. “The fact that you would think I need taking care of is why it’s a bad idea.”

  His face fell. “I don’t understand how giving a shit about you makes me the bad guy. I really don’t. I’m not trying to play you or manipulate you. Could you please explain it to me? We have fun. We laugh together. Why can’t we do this thing together, too?”

  Because I want you so fucking bad I can taste it. Nope, she couldn’t tell him that. “You don’t respect me as an operative.”

  “Of course I do,” he shot back. “Are you kidding me? You worked counter for years. Look, Erin, I’m a great shot. I’m excellent in the field when it comes to taking someone out, but I’ve never done what you have. You’re smart. You know how people think. I wouldn’t want to do this mission with anyone but you because I think you’ll figure Faith McDonald out quickly. You’ll be the one to reel her in, not me. I’m arm candy. I’m there because you need a Dominant partner.”

  Why did he always have to say the right things? “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “Why? Why did you run to my brother and try to get me kicked off this op? I would never do that to you. I would face you and tell you what I thought and give you the damn option to go to Tag together as a united front.”

  “Would you?”

  His jaw tightened. “If I seriously thought you couldn’t stand me, yes, I would. I would do it for you and I would do it for me. I would do it because I don’t want a partner I can’t trust. I thought I could trust you. I would let you watch my back in a heartbeat. I know how good you are.”

  She stared at him. This man always knew exactly what to say to her. It didn’t mean he was being honest. It didn’t mean he would still want her five minutes after he’d had her. She knew what she was like in bed. It had been told to her many times over.

  Frigid. Unfeminine.

  “I know you’re an excellent soldier,” she explained. “I respect your talents, but unless you’re willing to give up this foolish pursuit thing, we’re never going to be able to work together.”

  His eyes closed briefly and when he opened them there was pure frustration there. “Why? I don’t get it. Again, I need you to explain it. I’m not crazy, Erin. We have chemistry. You’re the single most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I don’t think you’re repulsed by me. I’ll give up. You don’t want me. I’m okay with that. Not really. It kicks me in the balls because I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you, but I care about you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Tell me why. Friend to friend.”

  Damn it. Why couldn’t he get nasty? He wasn’t the first dude to decide he wanted to sleep with her. He was the first who didn’t either walk away when she said no or get nasty when she kept saying no. He was standing there looking at her with big, sexy puppy eyes and asking her what he’d done wrong. She wanted to kick his ass out, to tell him she didn’t give a damn what he needed to know.

>   “I don’t believe you,” she said quietly. “Look, you’re a sweet kid, but I’m not looking for romance. I did the marriage thing once before. I’m not doing it again. Tell me something, you want to hit the sheets and work this out between us and then go back to being friends?”

  She wasn’t sure she would actually do it, but she was interested in seeing how he would handle the offer. It would tell her everything she needed to know. She was fairly certain given the way they’d met that fucking her would be a balm to his wounded masculine ego. She’d given him a hard time. There were a ton of guys out there who would see banging her as a way to get back at her.

  He sighed, a sad sound. He moved toward her and invaded her space. “I would in a heartbeat if I thought you meant that. Not the stupid, get-each-other-out-of-our-systems crap. I don’t want you out of my system. I like you there. You’re funny and tough and you make me want to be better. I’m not a kid, Erin. I haven’t been for a long time. I might be optimistic, maybe more optimistic than I should be, but I figured out why. You need me this way. You need some damn sunshine in your life because you think it’s all gloom and doom, and maybe it has been until now, but I swear I won’t let you stay in the dark. You’re too vibrant, too smart, too amazing to stay in the dark. I could love you.”

  His hand cupped her face and her heart nearly stopped. Who the hell was he? Why would he say those things to her? She could feel the tears welling in her eyes. “You don’t have to spout this crap to me. I don’t know who’s writing your material, but he goes overboard. I told you. I’m offering you a weekend in bed. Free and clear. No mushy shit needed. We’ll do it and then maybe we can work together.”

  She suddenly knew that she would do it. If he took her up on the offer, she would take him in, soak in every second she could have with him, and then move on at the end of forty-eight hours secure in the knowledge that he was like everyone else. Maybe he would be a better lay, but he would be like all the other men in her life. Temporary.