Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

  That was what scared the hell out of her. Hope McDonald had made it clear she was coming back. It wouldn’t be long now and Theo would be out there all alone. Robert had shown up an hour before and explained that he would serve as one of the fake Theos because he was staying behind to help out with the search for McDonald.

  Theo would be alone and he would find a way to get himself into serious trouble. He was reckless. Theo had been a bit reckless before, but nothing like what he was now. Before his recklessness had been about arrogance. Now it was because he didn’t care about his own life.

  Damon started talking about the ins and outs of the plan, how they would stay in contact without a computer footprint and so forth. She listened, but she couldn’t help but wonder how she would handle it this time. When she got the word that Theo was dead, how would she accept it? Would she always be waiting for him to walk back through her door?

  Why couldn’t that giant ass of a man accept that she loved him as he was today?

  “All right, you have your assignments.” Damon stood up. “We move out at eight in the morning. I want to get lost in London traffic. I’m going to speak with a friend of mine to make sure the traffic lights are as friendly as they can possibly be for the route our Harrys will take.”

  Phoebe would be so proud.

  Erin sat as everyone around her got to their feet and started talking about how and what they needed to do to get prepared.

  “Don’t worry,” Kay said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “That was a stupid thing to say. Of course you’re going to worry. I promise I will take care of your baby.”

  She nodded up at the younger woman, secure in the knowledge that she meant what she said. Kay had done a lot for her country, suffered for her work, and still a deep cloak of humanity and kindness clung to her. Somehow, this woman had come out whole. She wished like hell that Theo had.

  “Thank you. I’ll make sure he has everything he needs. The most important thing is his stuffed dog. You can’t ever let him think Spot might get left behind. He can throw a fit about that.”

  “Take special care of fake dog.” Kay gave her a sassy salute. “Will do. See you in the dungeon tonight?”

  Not a chance. “No, I’m going to spend my night with TJ.”

  Because it could be a while before she saw him again. Even the few days it would take to ensure she was secure would feel like forever. It was hard to conceive of a time when she’d been alone. It wasn’t that she didn’t like those quiet times when he was sleeping, but she knew he was there.

  Theo might have started the job of teaching her how to love, but TJ had driven it home in a way she would never forget.

  God, she’d wanted a chance to catch lightning in a bottle again and give that kid a brother or sister. She would make sure they loved each other, accepted each other. They wouldn’t be put in the situation she had been, her childhood a constant competition where the siblings were ranked and viewed as successful or failing.

  “He could come around, you know.”

  She looked up and Nick was the only person left in the room. He sat back, his massive body making what should be a large chair look somewhat tiny. Nick. She should have known he would stay until she left. They’d formed a sad friendship, she and Nick. They’d both lost so much that day. “I don’t think so. I think he’s made his choice.”

  “He can always choose again.”

  “Taggarts are stubborn.”

  He stared at her for a moment. “Do you wish he hadn’t come back? Do you think it would be easier than to lose him again?”

  Before Theo she likely would have bristled at that question, but now she saw it for what it was. Nick was asking because he wondered what would have happened if Des had miraculously survived. He probably thought about it every day. “No. I wouldn’t take back this either. Every second I had with him was precious. Even the ones where I was miserable.”

  “And if he shows up five years from now? If he goes out into the world and finally figures himself out? What will you do then?”

  She wanted to say she would have moved on. She would be happy and dating and looking for love. That wasn’t the truth and she knew it deep inside. She would move on, but not from him. She would build a life for her son. Hell, she might find one or two of those kids who needed a mom like her. She would give herself to her family. “I would open my arms and welcome him home. I can say anything I like, but that’s the truth. I’ll die waiting for him to come back to me. I can’t do anything else.”

  Nick stood, pacing over to the windows that overlooked the quiet neighborhood below. “I think I owe Desiree this kind of devotion, but I don’t feel it. Does that make me a bad person? I’ve been sleeping with subs. Many of them.”

  She knew a bit about their relationship. “I didn’t realize you and Des had been exclusive.”

  One shoulder shrugged up and down. “We understood what it meant to work. In our line of business, sometimes seduction is the only way to get the job done.”

  “It never bothered you?”

  He sighed heavily. “It would have stopped when we married. Des was caught up with the adventure. She would have settled down. I miss her, but I worry that I’m not as faithful to her memory as you were to Theo’s. Does this make me a bad man?”

  Her heart softened. “No. It doesn’t. It makes you human. By the time I began to process that Theo was gone, I knew I was pregnant. I had TJ to concentrate on. Who knows what I would have done if I hadn’t. I might have torn through Sanctum looking for solace. I don’t think that makes me bad. But you might think about spending more than one night with one of them. Maybe learn a last name every now and then.”

  He turned, his brow furrowing as though the thought was disturbing. “This does not help me to pleasure them more.”

  Men. At least he’d made her smile. “The next time you’re at Sanctum, I’ll be sure to hook you up. I know a couple of subs who like to tear through some dicks, if you know what I mean. They won’t mind helping you through a rough time.”

  He smiled, looking younger than before. “You are too good to me, Argent.” He sobered suddenly. “But you understand that you cannot fix him, right? Where he is right now, it is not your fault. No one can fix another person. He has to want to find himself again.”

  And that was what hurt the most. He didn’t want to find himself. He didn’t want to be with her and TJ. She knew what today had been. Staying with TJ for a few hours had been a gesture of guilt. He was leaving and this might assuage his conscience a bit.

  “He needs to find some peace and he doesn’t think he can do that with us right now.” She’d given him her ultimatum, but she knew the truth. She would take him back the minute he asked. Maybe she should be tough and put up her walls again, but he wasn’t rejecting her because he didn’t care. He’d been through something terrible and it had changed him.

  Maybe forever.

  She wished Nick well and started toward her room. How would she say good-bye to Theo? Her feet felt heavy, as though they knew it would be the last time and sought to hold back, to make the moment last so she didn’t have to say good-bye.

  Inevitably, she ended up at her door, and there was nothing to do but walk through and face what would happen.

  Her mind went back to that first time they’d met. She wished she’d taken him down then and there, hadn’t fought what turned out to be the best time of her life.

  There was a masculine shout from inside the room and her heart nearly stopped. She fumbled for her card and rushed into the room.

  “Dude, what is it with you and the peeing?” Theo stood over TJ’s small changing table, his shirt a wet and stinky mess.

  TJ was giggling, his little legs kicking as his father covered his offending boy parts with a diaper.

  She waited for Theo to explode, but he simply shook his head and grinned down at TJ. “I need you to do that to your Uncle Ian. He’s only got girls. I don’t think Kala and Kenzie have your aim. You’re the only boy in th
e family right now. It’s your duty to protect your female cousins and pee on your uncle as often as possible. And don’t tell your mom how many outfits we’ve managed to ruin. Dada will get faster with the change.”

  She stood there watching them. They were so freaking alike. TJ was the spitting image of his father. Even with the scarred side of his face toward her, she could see the way he was smiling. Just like TJ. He had a smile that could light up any room when he wanted to. Her heart ached watching them.

  “You have to put the teepee thing on him or he’ll get you every time.” She could watch them for hours, but it was time to wake up and face the music.

  Theo’s head turned at the exact time TJ’s did, their expressions so alike it made her heart hurt. While TJ started doing his grabby hands thing, Theo changed the diaper quickly.

  “I’m afraid I thought that was some weird kind of hat,” he admitted with a grin. He pulled the offensive shirt over his head and dropped it on the changing table. He picked up TJ and walked him over. “Yeah, we might have played around with those. Our son is a menace.”

  She took her baby, cuddling him close. “He is not. He’s a sweet boy.”

  Theo frowned in a shockingly paternal manner. “He peed on his dad on three separate occasions and giggled while he did it. He attempted to climb up the bookcase. He managed to pull on Daddy’s laptop bag and dump the whole thing on the floor.”

  She gaped his way. “What was he doing on the floor? Theo, he has a playpen. If you didn’t want to hold him, you should have put him in there.”

  Theo shook his head. “Boys need to be free. You can’t cage him forever. He’s a Taggart. He needs to be out in the wild, catching fish and learning to be a man. Climbing some trees and making his place in the world.”

  Had he lost his ever-loving mind? “He can’t walk yet. Not sure how he’s going to climb a tree. And you live in Dallas. You’re not exactly a mountain man. What did you do to him?”

  Theo reached over and put a hand on TJ’s head. “I started his training. He needs to learn how to be a man. He’s got the belch part down.”

  TJ flashed her a toothless grin. “Dada.”

  Erin backed off, tears starting up again. He couldn’t possibly be this cruel. “That wasn’t fair, Theo.”

  His face fell but he stood his ground. “Not a lot I’ve done to you lately has been fair, baby.”

  “I don’t care what you do to me, but you can’t make him love you and then walk away from him.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  She continued on, her anger taking hold. “How can you walk in here and teach him to call you Dad when you have no intention of actually being his father?”

  “I can’t.”

  “He’s a kid. He needs stability. He needs to know that the people in his life aren’t going to come in and out. I would think of all people you would know that. Your father walked out.”

  He winced. “I don’t actually remember most of that, but I know I can’t do it to him. Or you.”

  She started to open her mouth to let loose a torrent of anger his way when she finally heard what he was saying. “You’re not leaving TJ?”

  He stepped up and this time his hand found the side of her face, his eyes shimmering as he looked down at her. “I’m not leaving you. Either of you. Please don’t leave me, Erin. I know I might not deserve another chance, but I’m going to beg you for one. I’ve been scared and it might be the first time in my life I’ve ever been truly close to breaking, but I know what brought me through. It was you, baby. It was always you.”

  She held herself back even as TJ was trying to reach for his dad. “You said that before.”

  “But I didn’t believe it.” His jaw went tight. “You love me.”

  Her heart felt constricted with the sweetness of his words. They were even better than hearing he loved her. She’d said those words to him once. She’d said them the moment she’d opened her heart and truly let him in. She’d said it because she’d finally believed him, believed in what they could be. “I love you.”

  “You love me the way I am. It doesn’t matter that I might never remember all of our life together.” His hand stroked back her hair, his eyes on her like she was some miracle he was witnessing.

  No one in the universe, no one for the rest of time, would ever make her feel as beautiful as Theo Taggart did. “We’ll make new memories.”

  “I didn’t want to be weak, but I can be with you. That’s what I figured out. I can be anything I need to be with you. Let me hold on to you so I can get through this.”

  So they could get through this. She couldn’t speak, could only manage to nod her head.

  Theo’s arms came around her, encircling her and TJ, completing them for the very first time.

  “I’m staying here with you tonight and in the morning, we’ll face this together,” he promised. “As a family. But you should know something, Erin Argent.”

  Even if he said he needed some time, she could handle it. “What’s that, Taggart?”

  He leaned over, his mouth hovering above hers. “You’re changing your name when we get married. And you will marry me.”

  There was nothing she wanted more. “Yes.”

  He started to kiss her, but TJ leaned forward, going in for a sloppy kiss.

  Theo laughed, the sound freer than she’d heard in over a year. “He’s going to make things difficult. We’re going to have a talk, son. You can’t interrupt Daddy when he’s making out with your mom.”

  Somehow, she thought they would get by.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Theo kissed TJ’s head and felt an actual pain in his heart. How could he leave his son behind? He’d just found him and now he was saying good-bye.

  He’d sat up most of the night watching TJ sleep. They’d brought him into bed, cuddling their child between them and bonding as a family for the first time. It would be him and Erin for a few days, and though he craved the time with her, he already missed the little guy.

  Erin leaned against him, her body a comforting weight. “It’s going to be okay. It’s a few days and then we’ll decide if we stay or find another safe house.”

  Kayla put TJ on her hip, holding him with the confidence of a woman who liked and spent a lot of time around kids. “I promise, I’ll protect him with my life.”

  Knight stepped in behind her. “We all will. He’s going to be safe here until we’re ready to get him out. He’s going to be much easier to smuggle out. Besides, I have a feeling something is about to happen. Ian wouldn’t leave his girls for more than a week or two. He’s got something up his sleeve.”

  There was no doubt in Theo’s mind that his brother was definitely up to something. He wouldn’t be out of touch if there wasn’t something going on. He’d talked to Sean yesterday, needing to hear one of his brothers’ voices, but Sean had no idea where Case and Ian had gone.

  They were out there. They were doing whatever they could to deal with the situation, and he had to honor that by taking care of his own.

  He found Erin’s hand, threading their fingers together as they watched Kayla take TJ back toward the playroom. TJ looked over her shoulder, his eyes wide as the distance grew, but he didn’t cry.

  Oh, but his momma did.

  “It’s going to be okay.” He drew her close, knowing damn well if he hadn’t been here with her, she wouldn’t have shed a tear. She would have bottled it all up and been the tough chick. He kissed her hair and murmured into her ear that they would all be back together soon.

  Nothing in the world ever felt as good and right as soothing his woman’s heartache. He was the only person who could. That was better than any memory, better than being the strongest person on the team. He was the only man for her and that was all he needed to be.

  “It’s time,” Damon said quietly. “The cars are ready and we’ve found an extra Theo decoy. You’re all wearing roughly the same clothes. I sent one car out early. It will have a police escort and travel toward Heathrow. I’m
hoping if anyone’s watching, that will throw them off.”

  They started to walk toward the elevator that would take them to the garage level.

  “Have you seen any signs that the building is being watched?” Erin had dried her eyes, but her hand was still firmly in his.

  “We can’t detect that anyone’s cut into the CCTV feeds, but then Hutch would be careful about that,” Knight explained. “I have arranged with some powerful friends to have CCTV cut out for five minutes when we go. They’ll be dark for three blocks around us. That doesn’t mean they won’t have people on the ground.”

  She would find a way to watch. He would spend the next few weeks praying she wasn’t watching his family. He hoped that whatever Ian was planning, it happened quickly.

  And with the maximum amount of pain.

  “Who’s driving us?” Erin asked. “Are we going all the way to Norsely tonight?”

  The country house that was owned by Clive Weston’s family was somewhere in the north of England, deep in a county called Yorkshire. He’d been told it was a hunting cabin, but that English royalty tended to “hunt” things like luxury and that they were all “posh bastards who wouldn’t know how to rough it.” At least that’s what the Aussie had claimed at dinner the night before. The hunting cabin was apparently very comfy and secure.

  It was good to know he wouldn’t be roughing it with a baby.

  “I thought I would send Nick with you, but he’s not feeling well this morning,” Knight said with a frown. “Damn Russian and his vodka. It appears he overdid it last night, so Owen is going to take his place. Clive has assured me he’s got everything ready for you. It’s a long drive, but you’ll get there tonight.”

  He would have to send his deepest apologies to Simon’s brother. Now that he was comfortable with his place in the family, he knew he’d been a possessive moron. Clive hadn’t done anything a man with eyes wouldn’t have done. His sub was gorgeous and every Dom in the world would want her. And she would politely turn them all down.