Only Heaven Knows

by Sable Hunter

  The Mother Superior’s statement was so unexpected and so unreal that Bryn had to struggle not to emit a nervous giggle. She swallowed and blinked, trying to maintain her composure. Finally, she was able to speak. “I wasn’t a stranger.”

  “You were when you came to us and I’m afraid I have rejected a gift from God himself, in the form of you, my daughter.”

  Bryn rubbed her eyes. “Mother, we’re also told that all things work together for good to those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. I’m sure good came from your decision to send me on my way. I know that I have found a world I didn’t know existed outside of these walls.”

  “Perhaps. However, I must tell you that I have petitioned the Bishop to have your excommunication reversed. I am certain there is no evil in you, my child.”

  Clasping her hands together, Bryn struggled to find the right words. “I am no angel, Mother. I have…lived since I left the convent. I have done things that the Order would not approve of.”

  “We have all done things we wish we could erase, but the Lord forgives.”

  “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think.”

  “At the moment, you need do nothing. We cannot proceed until we receive word from the diocese. Today, I just wanted to let you know my decision and I wanted you to hear an apology from my own lips.”

  “Thank you.” Bryn understood what a major concession the Mother Superior had made. “I appreciate you telling me.”

  The Mother rose and so did Bryn. “My Secretary will see you out and you’ll be hearing from me in the near future.”

  Bryn bowed and backed out of Mother Superior’s sanctum. She felt dizzy and completely bamboozled by the day’s events. As she left the premises and started home, she contemplated the possibility. Returning to the convent seemed inconceivable. How would she go back, knowing what she knew now of life and love? It would be hard, but knowing she might have the option was something to consider.

  * * *

  When Denver finished at Tebow, he felt at loose ends. Despite Lance’s news about his possible promotion to foreman, he was glad the day was coming to a close. Seeing Bryn with another man had been horrific. Mentally, he could reason how she was doing just as he’d invited her to do. He was the one who ended their relationship. She’d begged him to stay.

  Stay.

  He could still hear her soft voice telling him she was willing to accept him. She knew the worst about him and wanted him anyway. He well remembered Bryn saying almost the same thing about herself, the moment she told him she loved him.

  I can’t believe it. You know the real me and you wanted me anyway. There is no one else like you in the whole world. I love you, Denver Bolden. I love you so much.

  How long until those words no longer haunted him?

  He drove out to the end of the lane to check his mailbox. He didn’t go every day. Most of the time, all he would find were bills and circulars. Pulling his truck off on the side of the road, he leaned out and opened the box, pulling out a handful of mail. Laying it on the seat next to him, he angled his truck further off the road, so as not to be a traffic hazard.

  Glancing over at the small pile, he noticed a blue envelope. It looked different, so he reached over and picked it up. When he read the return address, his foot slipped off the brake and every muscle in his body grew stiff with shock.

  The letter was from his parents.

  “What in the world?” With hope in his heart, he ripped into the letter and found a card. A birthday card. “It’s not my birthday,” he whispered. As soon as he muttered the words, the truth hit him like a ton of bricks.

  Today was Louis’s birthday.

  With trembling hands, he opened the card to read the sentiment his mother had written. As he began to read, he wanted to scream.

  Denver

  Today would be your brothers twenty-sixth birthday. It’s been nine years since you took him from us. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him. You will never know the hurt you have caused your father and me. I hope you have repented. I hope you have suffered every day, as we have suffered. I will never be able to forgive you. I hope this day finds you miserable.

  Happy Birthday to Louis

  Denver flung the card into the floorboard as if it were red hot and burning his fingers.

  Blindly, he flung the truck into gear and gunned the engine. He knew right where he was going, a place he’d passed a thousand times without stopping. Today, he would show no restraint. When he arrived at the liquor store, he parked the car and went in to buy enough liquor to put six men under the table.

  Back in the truck, he flipped on the radio, then pulled onto the highway. Reaching into the sack, he took out a big bottle of Jack Daniels and opened it. After taking a large swig, he let the liquor run down his throat, burning all the way. “To hell with it! To hell with everything!” He threw his head back and took another long drink. “Fuck my life!”

  As he sped down the road, a new song came on the radio.

  Broken Halos.

  “God, no, please no.”

  He took another drink, but his heart wasn’t in it. Denver could feel Bryn’s presence as clearly as he felt his own. “I need this.” He held up the liquor bottle. As the song continued, he admitted the truth. “I need you more, Miss Bryn. I need you so much more.”

  Seeing a roadside park up ahead, he whipped in and got out, taking the Jack Daniels, and the sack of liquor he’d just purchased with him. Without ceremony, he tossed the whole thing in the trash. For a moment, he stood there, staring into the nearby woods. “I’m tired of this. I’ve had enough. How much longer must I pay for a sin that I would give my life to reverse?” He strode to the passenger side of his truck and opened the door, finding the card he’d thrown on the floorboard. Picking it up, he looked at it one last time, then strode to the garbage, tearing it into a dozen pieces, watching them flutter down into the sphere of dank darkness.

  Turning, he crawled back into his truck and eased out of the circular drive onto the right-of-way. Glancing into his rearview mirror, he saw no traffic behind him. Broken Halos was ending, and Denver didn’t want to hear anymore. As he reached over to hit the off button, he pulled back into the highway…and right in front of a car which crashed into the driver’s side door at full speed.

  * * *

  On her way home, Bryn listened to the radio, trying not to think about anything. Her nervous system seemed to be on overload. So much had happened, some good, some surprising, and some devastating. Bryn felt overwhelmed by it all. She wished she had a best friend in whom she could confide. It was times like that when she missed Sister Mary Estelle the most. There’d been no reason to hide anything from her. Bryn wondered what the older lady would think about Denver.

  As she traveled, she caressed the steering wheel, remembering her excitement when he gave her the keys and told Bryn it was hers. Denver’s heart was good. He’d been hurt and damaged by one incident that changed his life forever. How unfair if his whole future was ruined because of one mistake that he’d never have chosen to make in a million years, had he only known the results of his actions.

  Bryn knew she also was a victim of circumstances beyond her control. Even though she’d done good in her life, she never would have chosen to have these powers she possessed. The price she paid for them was far higher than she wanted to pay. If she could be certain of their source, perhaps she would be more comfortable with them. Even after Mother Superior’s edict that reversed her personal condemnation, Bryn felt no assurance of her guiltlessness. She also understood that if her gifts were deemed righteous by the world, she would have no peace. Instead of a person, she would become a conduit, a transmitter of power. Like the springs at Lourdes, people of all creeds and colors, with manifest disease and disorders, would flock to her en masse and she would cease to be thought of as human and become like the garment of the Lord, who people touched to draw forth power. And that was the more favorable outcome. She could
be deemed evil and burned at the stake or taken into custody by the government to be studied and used for their own benefit.

  No, it was far better if she kept her abilities to herself. She’d been too free with them. If she returned to the fold, she wondered what Mother Superior’s plans for her would be? Surely, they would protect her.

  As Bryn drove, she pondered these things. As the wheels ate up the miles, she became aware of something strange. An urgency. An overwhelming urgency.

  Something was wrong.

  But what?

  Bryn became alert, but for what she didn’t know. Her eyes searched the horizon, looking for an indication of why she felt like something was looming over her like an approaching storm.

  And then she saw lights in the highway, pointing at an odd angle. When she drew closer, Bryn could see there was an accident. She grabbed her phone to call for help, pressing 9-1-1 and giving the dispatcher the location. As she hurried, she realized one of the vehicles looked exactly like Denver’s truck. “Oh, no. Please no.” Terrified, she stopped and ran, finding one man stumbling around and looking dazed, but not injured in any life-threatening way. Not so with the familiar pick-up. Bryn was terror stricken to find the cab crushed and Denver laying half out the door onto the pavement, covered in blood. “Denver!” She screamed, throwing herself to the ground next to him. With a trembling hand, she felt for his pulse, and found it weak and thready. To her horror, Bryn realized he was dying.

  “No. No. No.”

  She refused to let this happen.

  “You can’t leave me. I won’t let you.”

  She found the source of the blood, a deep gash in his thigh. Bryn was very afraid he was bleeding out. She ripped her slip off and held it over the wound, desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood. Draping herself over him, Bryn poured all her love and power into him. With every bit of strength she possessed, she prayed and willed his life not to leave his body.

  When the EMT’s came, they attempted to move her, but she held on. “No, I have to do this. I have to.”

  “Help her, Shane. I’ve got to examine this guy.”

  A kind woman took Bryn’s arm. “Come on, Miss. Let Brodie work on the patient, he’s the best. If your friend can be saved, Brodie can do it.”

  At first, Bryn fought them. She was near hysterical, crying and begging Denver not to die.

  “Are you injured, ma’am?” Brodie asked her.

  “No, no, I’m not. I wasn’t in the crash,” Bryn explained. “I came along after it happened.”

  Brodie shrugged, glancing at Shane. “I can’t explain it.” He looked around. “There’s so much blood.” Brodie pointed to Denver. “But this guy doesn’t seem to be hurt that bad, just a few scratches.”

  “Let’s load him up, take him to the hospital. He needs to be checked out,” Shane said as they lifted Denver onto the gurney. “You can follow us, ma’am,” she told Bryn.

  Bryn walked on shaky legs to the car, hoping against hope that she’d been able to save him. When she arrived at the hospital, Bryn ran to see where they were taking him. When she was stopped by a nurse from going into the examination room, Bryn called Tricia to let her and Lance know that Denver had been injured.

  “How is he?”

  “I don’t know, they won’t let me back there.”

  “Just hang tight, Bryn. We’ll be right there.”

  After hanging up, she paced. Up and down the hall. Back and forth across the waiting room. “He’ll be all right. Surely, I found him in time.” Several times she asked for an update, but the nurse told her the doctor would come talk to her when he was finished.

  “Bryn, Bryn, we’re here!” A very worried Tricia and Lance came hurrying into the waiting room. “How is he?”

  “They won’t tell me anything,” Bryn said, still shaking with worry and nerves.

  “I’ll find something out,” Lance declared as he marched over to the nurse’s station.

  In a few minutes, the doctor came out of the ER to speak to them. “He’s going to be fine. We’re still checking him over and there’s a few more tests I want to run, but I can’t see anything that would prevent him going home tomorrow.”

  Bryn felt weak with relief. When Tricia and Lance got ready to go back and see him, Bryn begged off. “No, I think I’ll go home.”

  Tricia put her arm around Bryn. “Are you sure?”

  “Yea, I’m pretty tired. I just wanted to make sure he was okay before I left.”

  “So, you came upon him by chance?” Lance looked confused. “That was fortuitous.”

  “Lucky, I suppose,” Bryn muttered.

  “How was your trip to Boerne?” Tricia asked with a pointed stare.

  “Can we talk about it tomorrow at work?” Bryn felt desperate to leave. If she stayed any longer, she would go to Denver, whether he wanted to see her or not.

  “Sure, sweetie, I’ll tell Denver you were here.”

  “Please, don’t,” she begged Tricia. “Please don’t mention me.”

  Tricia nodded, but it was obvious she didn’t understand why Bryn would make such a request. “You don’t even want him to know it was you who found him?”

  “No, not now.” She crossed her arms across her chest and hugged herself. “There’s no use upsetting him. He needs to rest.”

  She could tell Lance was questioning her motives. “You and Bolden need to sit down and have a long conversation, Bryn.”

  “Maybe.” Bryn wouldn’t make any promises. She remembered how Denver had sped away from her, obviously doing his best to get away before she saw him.

  “All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She gave her boss one last hug, then ran to her car, anxious to put distance between herself and the man she loved.

  * * *

  When Denver came to, it was a minute or two before he could determine what had happened. He grabbed his head. “Where am I?”

  “You’re in the hospital, hard head. You don’t remember what happened?”

  Denver tried to think. Images of the card from his parents, the bottle of Jack Daniels, and the cracking glass of the windshield bombarded his skull. “A wreck, I had a wreck.”

  “The EMT and Sheriff Saucier want to talk to you,” Lance said in a lower register, so his voice wouldn’t carry across the room to where his wife was talking on her cell phone. “You weren’t drinking, were you?”

  “I had two sips, that’s all, Lance. I swear to God. Let them test my blood, I couldn’t possibly be drunk.”

  “Aww, Denver, what kind of mess are you in now?” Lance shook his head. “I told you to straighten up, not dive off the deep end.”

  “I got a card from my folks, it upset me. I bought the liquor, but I just tasted it twice, then I threw it in the garbage. The cans were in the park, right where I pulled out in front of the car.” Denver realized what he was saying. “God, the accident was my fault, wasn’t it? How about the other guy? Was anyone else hurt?”

  “I don’t think so. I don’t know. Let me bring in the others and we’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  As Lance left to get the men who were waiting to talk to him, he saw Tricia bringing in a big balloon bouquet. Standing outside were more of the McCoys. He could see Avery, Isaac, Aron, Libby, Joseph, and Cady. “You’ve got a lot of visitors waiting to see you as soon as you finish with the authorities.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Denver strained to see. Was Bryn with them? He looked hard, but she never appeared.

  He laid back against the pillow, taking a moment to assess his condition. Other than some bumps and bruises, he felt fine.

  Tap! Tap!

  Before he or Tricia could say anything, Sheriff Kane Saucer came in, closely followed by Lance and Brodie Walton. Denver didn’t know Brodie well, but he’d seen the big man around town. “Sheriff, Brodie. Was anyone else hurt?”

  The sheriff shook his head. “No, you both were very lucky.” He sauntered over. “The nurses could smell liquor on your breath, Denver, bu
t your blood levels came back normal. Can you explain that?”

  “Yea, I can.” He proceeded to tell Kane some of what he’d told Lance. “I’d just taken a sip, had second thoughts, and thrown the whole mess into the garbage can.”

  “I see. Well, I guess that makes sense.” The Sheriff scratched his head. “I’m not pressing charges, but your insurance will take a hit for the accident. You were at fault.”

  “I know.” Denver was just grateful no one was hurt.

  Brodie came close to Denver’s bed. “You know, it was the damndest thing. When we drove up, this woman was with you, and for a split-second, we couldn’t see you for this light glowing around you.” He snapped his fingers. “And then it was gone.”

  “A woman? Who?” Denver wondered aloud, an odd feeling coming over him.

  Brodie didn’t answer his question. Instead, he just continued to talk in a marveling sort of way. “Even odder was all the blood. You were covered in it and lying in what we thought was a pool of your own blood.” He shrugged. “But you didn’t have a wound severe enough to bleed out like that…but it was your type. Very strange. No one else was there, were they?”

  “No,” Denver murmured. “Not that I can remember.”

  “What about the woman?” Brodie asked. “Was she hurt?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t see her,” Denver answered slowly.

  “Well, we’ve searched the surroundings. We can’t find another body. The man you hit, he was alone too.” The Sheriff made a note on his phone. “Unless something else turns up, this case is closed.”

  “This woman, did you get a good look at her?” Denver asked hopefully.

  “Yea, long dark hair, pretty smile.” Brodie said as he was leaving. “Pity she got away from you, Bolden.” He pointed at him and pretended to pull a trigger. “Glad you’re okay. Catch you later.”

  When the two men were gone, the McCoys approached the foot of his bed.

  “What some men won’t do to get out of work.” Isaac shook his head.