The Old Curiosity Shop

by Dickens, Charles

  turns upon its own axis, and has Lunar influences, and revolutions

  round Heavenly Bodies, and various games of that sort! This is

  human natur, is it! Oh natur, natur! This is the miscreant that

  I was going to benefit with all my little arts, and that, even now,

  I feel so much for, as to wish to let him go! But,' added Mr Brass

  with greater fortitude, 'I am myself a lawyer, and bound to set an

  example in carrying the laws of my happy country into effect.

  Sally my dear, forgive me, and catch hold of him on the other side.

  Mr Richard, sir, have the goodness to run and fetch a constable.

  The weakness is past and over sir, and moral strength returns. A

  constable, sir, if you please!'

  CHAPTER 60

  Kit stood as one entranced, with his eyes opened wide and fixed

  upon the ground, regardless alike of the tremulous hold which Mr

  Brass maintained on one side of his cravat, and of the firmer grasp

  of Miss Sally upon the other; although this latter detention was in

  itself no small inconvenience, as that fascinating woman, besides

  screwing her knuckles inconveniently into his throat from time to

  time, had fastened upon him in the first instance with so tight a

  grip that even in the disorder and distraction of his thoughts he

  could not divest himself of an uneasy sense of choking. Between

  the brother and sister he remained in this posture, quite

  unresisting and passive, until Mr Swiveller returned, with a police

  constable at his heels.

  This functionary, being, of course, well used to such scenes;

  looking upon all kinds of robbery, from petty larceny up to

  housebreaking or ventures on the highway, as matters in the regular

  course of business; and regarding the perpetrators in the light of

  so many customers coming to be served at the wholesale and retail

  shop of criminal law where he stood behind the counter; received Mr

  Brass's statement of facts with about as much interest and

  surprise, as an undertaker might evince if required to listen to a

  circumstantial account of the last illness of a person whom he was

  called in to wait upon professionally; and took Kit into custody

  with a decent indifference.

  'We had better,' said this subordinate minister of justice, 'get to

  the office while there's a magistrate sitting. I shall want you to

  come along with us, Mr Brass, and the--' he looked at Miss Sally as

  if in some doubt whether she might not be a griffin or other

  fabulous monster.

  'The lady, eh?' said Sampson.

  'Ah!' replied the constable. 'Yes--the lady. Likewise the young

  man that found the property.'

  'Mr Richard, Sir,' said Brass in a mournful voice. 'A sad

  Page 313

  Dickens, Charles - The Old Curiosity Shop

  necessity. But the altar of our country sir--'

  'You'll have a hackney-coach, I suppose?' interrupted the

  constable, holding Kit (whom his other captors had released)

  carelessly by the arm, a little above the elbow. 'Be so good as

  send for one, will you?'

  'But, hear me speak a word,' cried Kit, raising his eyes and

  looking imploringly about him. 'Hear me speak a word. I am no

  more guilty than any one of you. Upon my soul I am not. I a

  thief! Oh, Mr Brass, you know me better. I am sure you know me

  better. This is not right of you, indeed.'

  'I give you my word, constable--' said Brass. But here the

  constable interposed with the constitutional principle 'words be

  blowed;' observing that words were but spoon-meat for babes and

  sucklings, and that oaths were the food for strong men.

  'Quite true, constable,' assented Brass in the same mournful tone.

  'Strictly correct. I give you my oath, constable, that down to a

  few minutes ago, when this fatal discovery was made, I had such

  confidence in that lad, that I'd have trusted him with--a

  hackney-coach, Mr Richard, sir; you're very slow, Sir.'

  'Who is there that knows me,' cried Kit, 'that would not trust me--

  that does not? ask anybody whether they have ever doubted me;

  whether I have ever wronged them of a farthing. Was I ever once

  dishonest when I was poor and hungry, and is it likely I would

  begin now! Oh consider what you do. How can I meet the kindest

  friends that ever human creature had, with this dreadful charge

  upon me!'

  Mr Brass rejoined that it would have been well for the prisoner if

  he had thought of that, before, and was about to make some other

  gloomy observations when the voice of the single gentleman was

  heard, demanding from above-stairs what was the matter, and what

  was the cause of all that noise and hurry. Kit made an involuntary

  start towards the door in his anxiety to answer for himself, but

  being speedily detained by the constable, had the agony of seeing

  Sampson Brass run out alone to tell the story in his own way.

  'And he can hardly believe it, either,' said Sampson, when he

  returned, 'nor nobody will. I wish I could doubt the evidence of

  my senses, but their depositions are unimpeachable. It's of no use

  cross-examining my eyes,' cried Sampson, winking and rubbing them,

  'they stick to their first account, and will. Now, Sarah, I hear

  the coach in the Marks; get on your bonnet, and we'll be off. A

  sad errand! a moral funeral, quite!'

  'Mr Brass,' said Kit. 'do me one favour. Take me to Mr

  Witherden's first.'

  Sampson shook his head irresolutely.

  'Do,' said Kit. 'My master's there. For Heaven's sake, take me

  there, first.'

  'Well, I don't know,' stammered Brass, who perhaps had his reasons

  for wishing to show as fair as possible in the eyes of the notary.

  'How do we stand in point of time, constable, eh?'

  The constable, who had been chewing a straw all this while with

  great philosophy, replied that if they went away at once they would

  have time enough, but that if they stood shilly-shallying there,

  Page 314

  Dickens, Charles - The Old Curiosity Shop

  any longer, they must go straight to the Mansion House; and finally

  expressed his opinion that that was where it was, and that was all

  about it.

  Mr Richard Swiveller having arrived inside the coach, and still

  remaining immoveable in the most commodious corner with his face to

  the horses, Mr Brass instructed the officer to remove his prisoner,

  and declared himself quite ready. Therefore, the constable, still

  holding Kit in the same manner, and pushing him on a little before

  him, so as to keep him at about three-quarters of an arm's length

  in advance (which is the professional mode), thrust him into the

  vehicle and followed himself. Miss Sally entered next; and there

  being now four inside, Sampson Brass got upon the box, and made the

  coachman drive on.

  Still completely stunned by the sudden and terrible change which

  had taken place in his affairs, Kit sat gazing out of the coach

  window, almost hoping to see some monstrous phenomenon in the

  streets which might give him reason to believe he was in a dream.

  Alas! Everything was too real and familiar:
the same succession of

  turnings, the same houses, the same streams of people running side

  by side in different directions upon the pavement, the same bustle

  of carts and carriages in the road, the same well-remembered

  objects in the shop windows: a regularity in the very noise and

  hurry which no dream ever mirrored. Dream-like as the story was,

  it was true. He stood charged with robbery; the note had been

  found upon him, though he was innocent in thought and deed; and

  they were carrying him back, a prisoner.

  Absorbed in these painful ruminations, thinking with a drooping

  heart of his mother and little Jacob, feeling as though even the

  consciousness of innocence would be insufficient to support him in

  the presence of his friends if they believed him guilty, and

  sinking in hope and courage more and more as they drew nearer to

  the notary's, poor Kit was looking earnestly out of the window,

  observant of nothing,--when all at once, as though it had been

  conjured up by magic, he became aware of the face of Quilp.

  And what a leer there was upon the face! It was from the open

  window of a tavern that it looked out; and the dwarf had so spread

  himself over it, with his elbows on the window-sill and his head

  resting on both his hands, that what between this attitude and his

  being swoln with suppressed laughter, he looked puffed and bloated

  into twice his usual breadth. Mr Brass, on recognising him,

  immediately stopped the coach. As it came to a halt directly

  opposite to where he stood, the dwarf pulled off his hat, and

  saluted the party with a hideous and grotesque politeness.

  'Aha!' he cried. 'Where now, Brass? where now? Sally with you

  too? Sweet Sally! And Dick? Pleasant Dick! And Kit! Honest

  Kit!'

  'He's extremely cheerful!' said Brass to the coachman. 'Very much

  so! Ah, sir--a sad business! Never believe in honesty any more,

  sir.'

  'Why not?' returned the dwarf. 'Why not, you rogue of a lawyer,

  why not?'

  'Bank-note lost in our office sir,' said Brass, shaking his head.

  'Found in his hat sir--he previously left alone there--no mistake

  at all sir--chain of evidence complete--not a link wanting.'

  'What!' cried the dwarf, leaning half his body out of window. 'Kit

  a thief! Kit a thief! Ha ha ha! Why, he's an uglier-looking

  Page 315

  Dickens, Charles - The Old Curiosity Shop

  thief than can be seen anywhere for a penny. Eh, Kit--eh? Ha ha

  ha! Have you taken Kit into custody before he had time and

  opportunity to beat me! Eh, Kit, eh?' And with that, he burst

  into a yell of laughter, manifestly to the great terror of the

  coachman, and pointed to a dyer's pole hard by, where a dangling

  suit of clothes bore some resemblance to a man upon a gibbet.

  'Is it coming to that, Kit!' cried the dwarf, rubbing his hands

  violently. 'Ha ha ha ha! What a disappointment for little Jacob,

  and for his darling mother! Let him have the Bethel minister to

  comfort and console him, Brass. Eh, Kit, eh? Drive on coachey,

  drive on. Bye bye, Kit; all good go with you; keep up your

  spirits; my love to the Garlands--the dear old lady and gentleman.

  Say I inquired after 'em, will you? Blessings on 'em, on you, and

  on everybody, Kit. Blessings on all the world!'

  With such good wishes and farewells, poured out in a rapid torrent

  until they were out of hearing, Quilp suffered them to depart; and

  when he could see the coach no longer, drew in his head, and rolled

  upon the ground in an ecstacy of enjoyment.

  When they reached the notary's, which they were not long in doing,

  for they had encountered the dwarf in a bye street at a very little

  distance from the house, Mr Brass dismounted; and opening the coach

  door with a melancholy visage, requested his sister to accompany

  him into the office, with the view of preparing the good people

  within, for the mournful intelligence that awaited them. Miss

  Sally complying, he desired Mr Swiveller to accompany them. So,

  into the office they went; Mr Sampson and his sister arm-in-arm;

  and Mr Swiveller following, alone.

  The notary was standing before the fire in the outer office,

  talking to Mr Abel and the elder Mr Garland, while Mr Chuckster sat

  writing at the desk, picking up such crumbs of their conversation

  as happened to fall in his way. This posture of affairs Mr Brass

  observed through the glass-door as he was turning the handle, and

  seeing that the notary recognised him, he began to shake his head

  and sigh deeply while that partition yet divided them.

  'Sir,' said Sampson, taking off his hat, and kissing the two forefingers

  of his right hand beaver glove, 'my name is Brass--Brass

  of Bevis Marks, Sir. I have had the honour and pleasure, Sir, of

  being concerned against you in some little testamentary matters.

  How do you do, sir?'

  'My clerk will attend to any business you may have come upon, Mr

  Brass,' said the notary, turning away.

  'Thank you Sir,' said Brass, 'thank you, I am sure. Allow me, Sir,

  to introduce my sister--quite one of us Sir, although of the

  weaker sex--of great use in my business Sir, I assure you. Mr

  Richard, sir, have the goodness to come foward if you please--No

  really,' said Brass, stepping between the notary and his private

  office (towards which he had begun to retreat), and speaking in the

  tone of an injured man, 'really Sir, I must, under favour, request

  a word or two with you, indeed.'

  'Mr Brass,' said the other, in a decided tone, 'I am engaged. You

  see that I am occupied with these gentlemen. If you will

  communicate your business to Mr Chuckster yonder, you will receive

  every attention.'

  'Gentlemen,' said Brass, laying his right hand on his waistcoat,

  and looking towards the father and son with a smooth smile--

  Page 316

  Dickens, Charles - The Old Curiosity Shop

  'Gentlemen, I appeal to you--really, gentlemen--consider, I beg

  of you. I am of the law. I am styled "gentleman" by Act of

  Parliament. I maintain the title by the annual payment of twelve

  pound sterling for a certificate. I am not one of your players of

  music, stage actors, writers of books, or painters of pictures, who

  assume a station that the laws of their country don't recognise.

  I am none of your strollers or vagabonds. If any man brings his

  action against me, he must describe me as a gentleman, or his

  action is null and void. I appeal to you--is this quite

  respectful? Really gentlemen--'

  'Well, will you have the goodness to state your business then, Mr

  Brass?' said the notary.

  'Sir,' rejoined Brass, 'I will. Ah Mr Witherden! you little know

  the--but I will not be tempted to travel from the point, sir, I

  believe the name of one of these gentlemen is Garland.'

  'Of both,' said the notary.

  'In-deed!' rejoined Brass, cringing excessively. 'But I might have

  known that, from the uncommon likeness. Extremely happy, I am

  sure, to have the honour of an introduction to two such gentlemen,

&
nbsp; although the occasion is a most painful one. One of you gentlemen

  has a servant called Kit?'

  'Both,' replied the notary.

  'Two Kits?' said Brass smiling. 'Dear me!'

  'One Kit, sir,' returned Mr Witherden angrily, 'who is employed by

  both gentlemen. What of him?'

  'This of him, sir,' rejoined Brass, dropping his voice

  impressively. 'That young man, sir, that I have felt unbounded and

  unlimited confidence in, and always behaved to as if he was my

  equal--that young man has this morning committed a robbery in my

  office, and been taken almost in the fact.'

  'This must be some falsehood!' cried the notary.

  'It is not possible,' said Mr Abel.

  'I'll not believe one word of it,' exclaimed the old gentleman.

  Mr Brass looked mildly round upon them, and rejoined,

  'Mr Witherden, sir, YOUR words are actionable, and if I was a man

  of low and mean standing, who couldn't afford to be slandered, I

  should proceed for damages. Hows'ever, sir, being what I am, I

  merely scorn such expressions. The honest warmth of the other

  gentleman I respect, and I'm truly sorry to be the messenger of

  such unpleasant news. I shouldn't have put myself in this painful

  position, I assure you, but that the lad himself desired to be

  brought here in the first instance, and I yielded to his prayers.

  Mr Chuckster, sir, will you have the goodness to tap at the window

  for the constable that's waiting in the coach?'

  The three gentlemen looked at each other with blank faces when

  these words were uttered, and Mr Chuckster, doing as he was

  desired, and leaping off his stool with something of the excitement

  of an inspired prophet whose foretellings had in the fulness of

  time been realised, held the door open for the entrance of the

  wretched captive.

  Page 317

  Dickens, Charles - The Old Curiosity Shop

  Such a scene as there was, when Kit came in, and bursting into the

  rude eloquence with which Truth at length inspired him, called

  Heaven to witness that he was innocent, and that how the property

  came to be found upon him he knew not! Such a confusion of

  tongues, before the circumstances were related, and the proofs

  disclosed! Such a dead silence when all was told, and his three

  friends exchanged looks of doubt and amazement!

  'Is it not possible,' said Mr Witherden, after a long pause, 'that

  this note may have found its way into the hat by some accident,--