Esias exhaled, then looked at their daughters again. “Girls, go to your rooms. Mommy and I need to talk.”
“But I’m not finished yet,” their oldest protested.
“Me neither,” followed her sibling.
“Just take your plates with you and be very careful about making a mess, OK?” Esias instructed.
Both girls looked at each other, and then looked at Jess, who always told them that eating in their rooms was forbidden.
She nodded and said, “Go now, girls.”
“Can we turn the TV on?” their youngest asked.
“Sure,” Esias said, leaning over and planting a kiss on her forehead. “Just remember ... no making a mess.”
“OK, Daddy.”
Both daughters got up from the table, grabbed their plates and minicups, and left the dining room.
When they could be heard in their bedroom upstairs, Esias looked at Jess with a frown. “You’re really being ridiculous, Jess. All I was trying to say was that I wish you would have explained better how bad things were. Failing’s not something you want to do.”
“Oh, well, thank you for helping to clear that up for me, Jayson, because I certainly have been trying my hardest to do that!”
Jess pursed her lips and turned her gaze away from Esias as he stared at her with a hard, unflinching glare. She didn’t want or need this. She’d been beating herself up enough as it was for her inevitable failure in her PHP class. A failure that had everything to do with Jayson and the focus that she had placed on chatting and doing things she shouldn’t have been doing with him. She had skipped online tutoring sessions. She had been in the weekly seminars, but instead of paying attention to the professor and participating in the discussions, she chatted with Jayson. The fact of the matter was, her outburst to Esias had more to do with her anger and disappointment in herself for ignoring her voice of reason, than it did with the things he had said.
She could feel Esias’s gaze on her. She turned her head and looked at him. “What, Esias? What more advice do you have to give me?”
Esias narrowed his eyes. “Who’s Jayson?” he asked.
Jess’s heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. “What?”
“You called me Jayson,” Esias said. “Who is that?”
Though not yet visible, Jess could feel her body tremble. She’d said Jayson’s name. When?
“Who is he, Jess?” Esias asked again, the edge in his tone sharper.
Jess took a short, quick breath as the temperature beneath her skin rose. She’d said Jayson’s name out loud, and not just in her thoughts, which is what she had been doing with him in her mind.
“Who the hell is Jayson?” Esias demanded again, his volume level rising.
Jess swallowed hard. Her hands were flat on the table and while a few seconds ago, her trembling may not have been visible, she knew that were she to lift them, Esias would see them shaking violently.
Esias watched her as he waited for her reply, his eyes dark, his body taut, looking as though he were about to explode.
Jess needed to answer him, and she needed to answer him quickly. She swallowed again. “Jayson,” she said, her throat tight, “he’s my tutor.”
“And why the hell did you call me by your tutor’s name?”
Jess shook her head. “Don’t take that tone with me, Esias.”
Esias pounded his fist down on the table. “You just called me by another man’s name, Jess! What do you mean ‘don’t take that tone’?”
“Jayson is my tutor, Esias. I’ve been online with him, harassing him, doing all I could to try to pass this goddamned class. I called you by his name only because of this stupid argument we’re having! Again ... it was an accident!”
Esias looked at her, his stare filled with skepticism.
Jess’s heart continued to pound as she hoped her words and reactions were believable enough.
“Jayson,” Esias said. “You’ve never mentioned him before.”
“He’s just my tutor.”
“How often do you talk to him?”
Jess looked up at the ceiling. “Oh, Jesus, Esias. I talk to Jayson for help. And like I said, maybe if you had bothered to care about my classes, you would have heard me mention him.”
“That’s bullshit, Jess. I’ve asked how things were going before. Hell, I asked you last week how things were, and you chewed my head off, remember?”
Jess groaned and ran her hands furiously through her hair. “I’ve been stressed, Esias. Talking about school has been the last thing I wanted to do, OK? Shit!”
Esias watched her as she shoved both hands through her hair again. “So,” he said after a few long seconds of silence, “this Jayson. Do you deal with him a lot when I’m not here?”
Jess threw her hands in the air. “Christ! He’s my tutor!”
“It was just a fucking question, Jess.”
“No ... it’s an accusation, and it’s bullshit. I have enough on my mind. I don’t need this.” Jess pushed her chair back hard from the table and stood up.
“I didn’t accuse you of anything,” Esias countered.
Jess curled her lips. “Whatever, Esias. Whatever you say.”
As quickly as she could, she stormed away from the table. As she did, her voice of reason skipped behind her and whispered, I told you so.
Chapter 18
I hve my ticket.
U do?
Yeh. I fly in @ 4 in the afternoon on Fri.
Wow!
Wht?
UR really coming.
I said I was. Did u thnk I wsn’t serious?
No.
Bcuz I’m very serious, Jess. U said u wntd 2 see me.
That u wntd 2 b wth me. That u wntd me 2 help ease ur stress. Were u jst tlkng shit or did u mean evrythng u said?
I’m serious, Jayson. As wrng as this is ... I’m serious.
I wnt 2 see u.
R u gng to b shy whn we’re face 2 face?
I ... I don’t knw. I’ve never done anything like this bfre.
Can I ask u a qstn?
Of course.
U said as wrng as ths is ... do u thnk ths is wrng?
I’m married.
I rmembr u mentioning smthng abt a hsbnd.
Funny. Seriously ... I’m married and I’m a mother.
A MILF!
I’m tryn 2 explain why ths is wrng. Stop distracting me!
LOL! OK. Contnue on wth tryn 2 expln how smthng so obvsly rght cld possibly b wrng.
Sigh. I promised God 2 honor and respect my marriage. I vowed 2 b faithful.
Jess ... didn’t ur hsbnd promise 2 care 4 u?
Yes.
And didn’t he promise 2 put nothng and no one abve u?
Yes, but ... it’s not tht simple.
Wht cld be simpler thn luvng and pleasing u, Jess? I mean really, tht’s all he has 2 do. Luv u, tke care of u, pay attn 2 u. Make sure tht there’s nvr a doubt in ur mind how spcl u r 2 him. How beautiful u r 2 him. Tht’s all he has 2 do. Rght?
Yes.
So thn why isn’t he doing it? Why isn’t he home gvng u the attn u deserve? Why isn’t he thre now makng luv 2 u?
He ... he’s busy.
Tht’s no excuse, Jess, and u knw it. I bet no mattr how busy ur life became, u always made time 4 him.
Yes. I did.
I bet he nevr had 2 deal wth u not pyng attn 2 his needs.
No. He didn’t.
So thn wht’s really wrng, Jess? The fact tht ur husbnd neglcts u emotionally and physically, or the fact tht since we’ve knwn one anthr, u’ve nvr felt more stimulated? I hvn’t been inside of u yet, Jess, yet I’m stsfyng u in a way ur hsbnd hsn’t and can’t. Isn’t tht rght?
Yes.
So how is tht wrng?
I ... I
Ur married but ur hsbnd’s not. Not the way u desrve, Jess. Unless u back out and stnd me up, I’m gng 2 shw u ths wknd wht u desrve. That is a promise tht I’ll fulfill multiple times.
Multiple?
&
nbsp; If u can hndle it.
If u can give it u mean.
O trust me, gorgeous, I can.
If my grls ever did anything like ths I’d strangle thm.
Well, let’s hope ur grls find the rght man 2 b wth.
Hmm.
Dammit I can’t wait 4 Fri.
I’m excited 2!
I’m gng 2 make sure u explde, Jess. I’m gng 2 make sure ur body purrs 4 me.
Mmmm. Tht sounds good.
Don’t hld bck, OK. I wnt u 2 let it all go. My dick is urs to dominate. OK?
Mmm. OK!
U promise?
I do.
I’m hldng u 2 tht.
U can.
Good. Unfrtnly I hve some errands 2 run.
OK. O wait ... bfre u go. Where r u gng 2 b staying when u come 2 town?
I hve a room bookd at the Gramercy Park Hotl in Midtown.
The Gramercy. Expensive!
I’m gng 2 fulfill u, sexy. I wnted ur nght wth me 2 b smthng u wldn’t forgt.
Sounds so good.
Ur gng 2 b my prisoner, Jess. R u ready 4 tht?
Defntly.
Good. Thn on Fri @ 6, I’ll expct to get a call frm u sayng that u r in the lobby downstairs.
OK!
Untl Fri.
Untl Friday.
Jayson signed out of AOL, shut his laptop, and set it down beside him on the passenger seat of his Escalade. He smiled and took a breath in through his nostrils. He could still smell Debra from his Networking Administration class. He had fucked her so good in his backseat right in front of her home. She’d done so much talking about it being crazy of them to be out in front that way, yet when she set foot inside of his leather-clad interior, all apprehension she had, had disappeared. Debra had been loud when she’d ridden him, and she’d been even louder when he took her from behind.
Jayson took another whiff of sex scented with berries. Debra. Maybe after New York, he’d make a trip back to Houston for one final fuck. Perhaps he’d leave her pregnant too, the way he had Alisa.
He chuckled to himself as he thought of Alisa’s chat message to him saying that she was pregnant. He would have loved to have seen the look on her face when she discovered she was. That shouldn’t have happened because they had been safe and had used condoms. But Alisa didn’t know that he’d stuck a needle through the condom he had used.
Jayson chuckled again.
Women were such beautiful whores. Famous words spoken by his father, who had shown him at an early age how easy it was to manipulate them.
“Women are toys,” he’d said. “You play with them, and then get rid of them before they get too worn. A worn-out toy is never fun to play with.”
“But what about Mommy? How come you haven’t gotten rid of her yet?”
“You always keep one special toy for display, li’l man. Remember that. In a sea of whores, there’s one female out there that’s a cut above the rest. No matter what you do, you make sure you find that special one. The rest you just fuck and throw away.”
Jayson nodded his head as he turned it and looked out through the tint of his driver’s window and watched Jess’s husband emerge from his job.
During one of their conversations, Jess had mentioned the printing company Esias worked for. After a quick online search, Jayson had the address to the sole New York location. The next day he flew to the city to see him.
With an elongated box filled with six roses, Jayson walked into the building Esias worked in, approached an overweight security guard sitting behind a counter almost too small for his hefty frame, and announced that he had a delivery for Esias Richards. Minutes later, after a quick call from the guard, Esias appeared from an elevator off to the right.
Jayson had clenched his jaw tightly as Esias approached and stared at him with a scrutinizing eye. He was taller than he’d expected, about five feet ten, five feet eleven, with a slightly athletic frame and a small paunch in his midsection. His hair was shaved low all the way around. He had a goatee connected to a thin line of hair that outlined his jawline and connected to his sideburns. Not bad looking, Jayson thought, but definitely not a complement to Jess’s beauty. Not the way he knew he was.
“Those are for me?” Esias asked, coming to a stop in front of him.
Jayson, wearing khaki shorts, a white T-shirt, with white sneakers on his feet, a pair of shades, and a New York Yankees visor around his head, nodded and said, “Are you Esias Richards?”
“I am.”
Jayson held out the box. “Then these are yours.”
Esias looked at him with a skeptical eye. “Who are they from?”
Jayson stared at Esias for a brief second that to him felt like hours and imagined shoving the bone of his nostril up into his brain before replying, “Dude, I don’t know. I just deliver the stuff.”
By the look in his eyes, Esias hadn’t been happy with Jayson’s response. Unflinching, Jayson stared back, his heart pounding, his body tense. He thought again about hitting Esias viciously, but the guard was there watching. Besides, that would have ruined everything, so he forced his expression to soften and said, “Are you going to take them, or should I just throw them out?”
Esias looked at him for another moment, and then shrugged. “I’ll take it.”
Jayson handed him the box.
“Is there anything I need to sign?”
Jayson shook his head. “Nope,” and then turned to leave.
As he did, the guard said to Esias, “They from your wife?”
Jayson began to walk away slowly, and as he did, he heard Esias open the box. Inside, Jayson had placed a small card that read: Truth or dare?
Nearing the entrance door, he heard Esias say, “It’s from my wife. She says she loves me.”
“Nice,” the guard replied.
Jayson walked out of the building with a smile, knowing the roses would only end up in the garbage. He was determined more than ever to make Jess his.
Jess.
So special, Jayson thought. She was the one he was supposed to have. The special one among the sea of whores.
He watched as Esias made his way to a Camry halfway down the block. “Your time is up,” he said. “You’ve had her long enough.”
He thought momentarily about following Esias home, but as badly as he wanted to see his woman, he didn’t want to push it, so he started his Escalade, put it in drive, and pulled into traffic and headed in the opposite direction to go back to the Gramercy Hotel.
Three days, he thought. He would need a fuck before then to occupy his time.
Chapter 19
“Thank you so much, Courtney, for letting the girls stay over.”
Jess’s sister smiled. “No problem, sis. I don’t get to see my nieces enough anyway.”
“That’s because you’re always on the road.”
Courtney shrugged. “The life of a sister trying to make it.”
Jess smiled. She’d been listening to her sister’s demo CD on the way over. “I think this is going to be the one, girl. I listen to it all the time.”
Grinning proudly, Courtney said, “Esias gave me some great material. Just wait until you hear it when everything is mixed properly.”
“I can’t wait.”
Courtney turned her head as a loud bang erupted in her apartment behind her. She opened her apartment door. “Ladies!” she said forcefully. “If you break it, you buy it back!” She turned and winked at Jess.
Jess called out to her girls, who both appeared at the door’s threshold. “I don’t need to remind you two to behave, do I?” Jess asked.
“No, Mommy!” both girls answered in unison.
“Good answer. Now ... I’ll be back to get you tomorrow afternoon, OK?”
“OK!”
Both girls were fidgety, itching to get back to the romping they’d been doing with their two cousins. Jess leaned forward, planted kisses on both of their cheeks, and as she did, a feeling of guilt came over her. She was getting rid of them to go and be w
ith a man that wasn’t their father. The guilt that encompassed her wasn’t because of that fact, but rather because she couldn’t seem to get going fast enough.
She hugged her daughters, and then let them run off. She then stood up, looked at her sister, and said, “Thanks again. I owe you big time. With Esias going away, I really need the night to focus on my schoolwork.”
“Like I said, girl, it’s not a problem.”
Jess gave her a hug. “Love you.”
“I love you back,” Courtney replied.
Jess waved good-bye and headed to her car. All that was left now was to drive Esias to the airport; and then she would do what she knew she shouldn’t do.
Chapter 20
Six weeks ago ...
Reggie ... before you read what I have to say, please know that despite what it’s going to seem like, I did love you with all my heart. You treated me like no man ever had before. With respect, with kindness. You were selfless with your love, Reggie. No matter the time or day, you loved me unconditionally. There was never a day that went by when I didn’t look at you and know that, in you, I had a man that loved me and not the money I had. You were a godsend. A knight in shining armor, and I wish I had been as self-giving, as honorable, as you were. But I wasn’t.
I was unfaithful to you and your love, and just writing these words makes the pain for my foolishness hurt even more. I did things, Reggie, things I’m so ashamed of. Please believe me, Reggie, I wasn’t unfaithful to you because I was unhappy, because that wasn’t the case. In fact, I was very happy. You may find it hard to believe after you read about all of the things I’ve done, but I swear to you that I was so very, very happy. I was also selfish. And my selfishness caused me to do things that no wife should ever do. It also caused me to be raped, and ultimately, it caused my death.
Reggie Starks looked away from the handwritten letter he’d found in the inside pocket of his black suit and let out a hard, grief-stricken breath of air as the ground which had already been crumbling to pieces now fell apart completely.
His wife had been unfaithful.
She had been raped.
And now he was gripping tightly, with violently trembling hands, her suicide note.
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