Jingle Belled and Mistletoed

by Jeanette Lynn

  "Now, where was I?" he mused.

  It was hysterical, watching him stay in character, how well he pulled it off.

  "Oh, yes,” he continued, “I have your accomplice with me and she's being held prisoner until such a time when she can be held accountable for her crimes." He released his hold on the talk button then, letting Dean have his say.

  "You get back here with her! No fair! You know I can't go out there like this!" Dean grumped.

  Vincent waved into the camera and then went for my wrists, pulling my hands behind my back. Grinning towards the camera, he used my scarf to tie them securely behind me.

  "For your crimes against Pirate Lord Lovelace, I sentence you to at least half an hour in the wood shed," he said authoritatively.

  "Is that so?" I giggled out, letting him lead me towards the small wood pile on the side of the cabin where the wood shed was located. Got a lotta wood going on around here. Heh. Heh.

  And peaking of wood, I knew a certain randy pirate lord who’s always up to the challenge.

  "Yes, it is so," my pirate lord intoned gravely, then picked up the walkie again, pressing the button to talk. "If you even think of sending someone out here to interrupt us, gimp," he growled into it at Dean, "I'll keep the talk button held and truly make your ears bleed."

  "I could just turn the walkie off," Dean said thoughtfully, after a rather long, drawn out pause.

  "And I could just screw Jinny on top of the dinner table and any other food bearing surface in this place when everyone goes off to bed. Would you be able to eat then, brother dear?"

  "Touché," Dean conceded.

  We barely made it to the wood shed, Vince untying my hands quickly, the both of us hurrying to rip each other’s pants off so we could come together as fast as possible.

  It was over in a flash, but the short, hard ride to heaven was worth it, leaving both of us grinning like loons, our bodies humming with happily spent lust.

  Round two, though, I let him tie my hands back up with my scarf and that... well, let's just say that man is flexible and oh what fun! Pirate Lord indeed!

  My pirate lord could plunder my depths any time.

  •˜ • ˜• ˜•

  We managed to drag ourselves back to the house and sneak off into my room, where we showered together and started what would have been foreplay for round three if we hadn't been interrupted.

  "Jinny." My mother knocked on the bathroom door, causing me to freeze mid suck and release a very happy Vincent Jr, while big Vince whimpered and leaned his head back against the tiles of the shower wall.

  "Um, yeah?" I called back.

  "I need to borrow some of that lotion you've been telling me about, sweetheart. My hands are just so dry lately."

  "Okay, I'll get it when I get out," I called back, hoping she'd get the message and come back later. Much later. Glancing at the thickness in my hand, I grinned, eyeing Vince's magical love wand like a lollipop.

  Vince eyed me warningly and, with a grim look plastered to his mug, cupped his hands over himself. "Don't you dare!" he hissed at me, "I'll never be able to look your mother in the eyes if every time I look at her it reminds me of the time you sucked me to oblivion in the shower, while she babbled away, just outside the door. That's a whole world of wrong I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for." Scowling even harder, he shuddered.

  “Ah, come on, Stuffy," I murmured seductively, cajoling, just to mess with him, "don't you want me to play with you?" Blinking up at him prettily, I pouted, running my fingertips under his sac, eliciting a gasp and a round of shivers from him.

  "God... you’re evil." His scowl blackened, jaw clenched as he turned around and tried to block my malevolent hands from fondling him.

  "Where is it, Jinny?" Mom called from the other side of the door.

  "It's in here!" I shouted back, ogling Vince's sweet, tight little ass as he studiously examined all the tiles on the wall, offering me a lovely view of his lean hips and broad back, as well.

  Delight lighting my features, an evil grin playing at my lips, I smacked his ass and jumped back, muffling my laughter at his yelp of surprise. My dirty pirate lord whirled around to give me a Vincent-sized scowl, filled with the promise of retaliation. Bring it, I thought. I’m ready.

  The bathroom door knob turned and we both jumped, glancing around wildly for an escape route, quickly realizing there were none. Garbling out whispered gobbledygook, I panicked, hopping over to the curtain to pop my head out.

  Staring unblinkingly, I watched, horrified, as the knob turned and Mom walked right in, oblivious to my couples shower in progress.

  "Oh, it was unlocked,” Mom started conversationally, “I'll just be getting this and be on my way." She smiled over at me as she picked up the lotion off the counter, waving it in my direction.

  Smiling and nodding along, lifting my fingers off their death grip on the curtain in a little wave, I squeaked when Vincent's hand suddenly slid over my rump. His wide palm smoothing its way down the crack of my ass, dipping down and under to play at the folds of my sex, ignoring my foot as I tried to use it to shoo him away, the man was having a grand old time. I vowed, once he’d lost his purpose, sexy pirate lord or not, I was going to murder him.

  Mom paused as I tried to school my expression, that lotion bottle in hand still waggling as she made her way back towards the door, readying to leave. "You know," she said after a moment, "I always wondered..."

  "Hmmm?" I hummed, not sure if I should attempt to speak at this moment or not, Vincent’s magical fingers doing wonderfully wicked things to my person, unsure if I was capable of speech right now.

  "Do you have a tinder for Dean, sweetie? Is that why you don't date much? Why you haven't dated anyone in three years?"

  Vince paused in his ministrations, and I clutched the curtain tighter, my face turning pink at the sudden turn in conversation.

  "I never have and never will, care for Dean in that way, Mom. I've dated, Mom... I, uhm, just haven't, uh, dated. You know?"

  "I don't follow," Mom said after a moment, her brow tugging down, puzzled. "I'm afraid I've never been hip to the lingo.” Shrugging, she laughed, smiling at me expectantly.

  "I've, uh, dated guys. It just never really went beyond the first few dates," I admitted.

  "Oh, I see," Mom replied quietly, nodding her head sagely. "You have intimacy issues."

  "NO!" I gasped out, squirming when Vince laughed soundlessly against my back, leaning on my lower back as he silently guffawed his lily white booty off at my predicament.

  "You know, Mom, I'm actually seeing someone right now," I said truthfully, feeling him stiffen behind me, and not in the fun way. "He just has a... pole up his butt sometimes and I'm trying to help him remove it. Before I introduce us as a couple," I tacked on lastly, hoping she bought it.

  Take that, Stuffy!

  "Jinny! I'm so happy for you, honey! I can't wait to meet him!" she gushed, preening.

  "You will, soon enough. Heh. Heh. Okay, bye, Mom, I'm going to finish up showering now."

  "Okay, hun! And don't you worry, your secret is safe with me!" she cried out happily, hurrying from the room. With a new pep in her step, she closed the door behind her harder than necessary, and I pulled my head back into the shower, ready to get back to business.

  His movements jerky, Vincent shut the water off, made his way over to me, squeezing his way past, and hopped out, not bothering looking at me as he grabbed a towel and angrily dried off, then wrapped the material around his waist.

  "Hey? What's wrong?" I asked, surprised, concerned by the sudden change in his demeanor.

  "Do you really have to ask me that?" he growled out at me, stomping out of the bathroom once he’d heard my mom leave.

  "Jeez! Excuse me!” I spluttered at his retreating form.

  Vincent hurried out without another word, his damp, bare feet stomping heavily.

  “Who would have thought that Stuffy, was truly so... stuffy," I muttered under my breath, hurrying to towel
off and catch up to my grumpy natured lothario.

  ˙˜˙˜˙

  Let’s make an ass out of u and me’

  ˙˜˙˜˙

  My tempting morsel of a man was nowhere in sight when I went out looking for him, so I detoured and headed straight for Dean's room. "Hey, Captain, how's it hangin'?" I asked a frowning Dean.

  "Did you know the camera also had volume? Watch." Nodding, Dean pressed play and turned the volume up all the way on the television.

  William popped up into view on the small screen a few minutes after Vincent marched me to the wood shed for our little rendezvous. I watched in surprise, my eyebrows winging upward, as Will started to pace nervously. A cell phone chirped on the video and Will answered it, talking loudly to the person on the other line.

  "Hiya, Ma,” we could clearly make out him saying, “no, she's not feeling well right now. Yup. She's completely excited about seeing you guys, too! Uh-huh, okay, love you, too, Ma. I'll let kitten know. Yes, Jinny has been talking about you guys nonstop, too. Ah, yup. Alright, love you again, bub-bye." Frowning down at it, he hung up the phone, stuffing it into his pocket, whistling happily as he headed for the house, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

  My mouth turned down and I balled my hands up into fists, glaring at the frozen image of William on the television.

  "That little weasel!" I ranted. "That... that slimy little... worm!"

  "Jinny..." Dean started, but I ignored him and marched out, making my way down the hall, pausing when I heard Vincent and William's voices drifting in from the front door’s entryway.

  "Are you the guy with the pole up his ass she's been seeing?" Vincent snarled at Will, holding him up as he pinned him to the wall.

  Will's hands were held up in surrender and he had a wide-eyed, bewildered look about him.

  "Excuse me!" I bellowed, rushing up to them, startling the pair. "What kind of person do you think I am, Vincent Mistletoe Miller?" I screeched at him, poking him in the chest as I emphasized my pokes on each part of his name. It was my turn to snarl.

  Vincent frowned, ignoring my stabbing jabs, and glanced between me and Will. "But you said..." He frowned thoughtfully.

  "Put him down! Now!" I shouted, drawing the attention of everyone else in the house.

  Vincent set him down and backed up a little, but looked like he didn’t want to and didn’t quite understand why he was doing so.

  "Thank you," I said politely. See? I can be a lady sometimes, too!

  William straightened his shirt, his hand lifting to rub his throat, and after a brief pause made a bee line for me, walking right up to me, his mouth opening, words about to spill out. What? I didn’t care. This happened right as I pulled my arm back and let it fly, punching him right in his pretty little face.

  Lips curving, I smiled in satisfaction when I landed a good, solid punch near his eye and he reeled back from the blow. Will howled in pain, stumbling back, and grabbed at his face, gaping at me, stunned.

  "Kitten!" Will gasped out, shocked.

  "Oh, don't you kitten me! I heard everything you told your parents, you lying, sniveling, poor excuse for a man! You should be ashamed of yourself! Grow up and grow a pair, Geralds!" I snarled at him. "And as for you!" Whirling on him, I pointed at Vincent accusingly. "I was referring to you in the shower! You dimwitted nitwit! Who the hell else would I be talking about!? I can-not believe you!" Face flushing angrily, I shrieked indelicately, then marched right out the front door, leaving it wide open behind me as I took off into the snow.

  "Are you the one who needs to get the pole out of his ass first?" I heard Mom asking Vincent.

  ˙˜˙˜˙

  If all else fails, grovel

  ˙˜˙˜˙

  "Baby, please open up," Vincent begged for the millionth time from my driver's side window.

  Clearing my throat, I studied my nails and ignored him, hurt that he would think I'd stoop so low as to cheat on someone. He didn’t even have the decency to try and talk things out with me first. This better not be a constant thing for him, I told myself, or I’m going to have to nix his ass. Ugh! Like I would ever cheat on him! Or be with him if I was seeing someone else! Guess he doesn't really know me all that well after all, now does he?

  This tiny little part of me was happy to see the shiner Vinny boy now sported, compliments of a very pissed off Dean on my behalf. Bestest friend ever! What was it he’d bellowed out before tossing his crutches into the snow and pummeling my sorely mistaken lover...? Oh, yeah. It went something like, "This is for implying she's a whore, this is for making her cry!"

  With a faux sniffle, I wiped an imaginary tear from my eye and glanced over at Dean. With a genuine smile, I offered him another cookie.

  "Thank you, madam," he said politely and took my offering, holding his cookie up to salute Vince with it.

  "You are quite welcome, sir," I said just as politely as we watched Vincent plead his case to my window, all the while Dean and I sipped hot cocoa from a thermos my mom had brought out to us.

  Dean finished off his cookie, smacking his lips exaggeratedly, and eyed his brother, staring him down critically. "He looks really sorry. Maybe you should cut him some slack," he said thoughtfully. “I mean, I’ve already kicked his ass for you,” chuckling at the memory, he winked at me, “and then he gave Willy boy another shiner for trying to use you, and now he’s begging you at your car window in this freezing assed cold weather.”

  Hmmm. I lifted an eyebrow in my bestie’s direction and he just shrugged his shoulders, looking rather sheepish.

  "Why, Dean," I gasped, my hand pressing to my chest, "are you getting soft in your old age?"

  "Nah." With a waved of his big hand and an unconcerned look, he sloughed it off, easily denying it. Dipping his chin to his sibling, he motioned to a very repentant looking Vincent. "Stuffy's like one of them little dogs, you know? High strung and temperamental. Eh.” Like that said it all, he shrugged his shoulders again in that nonchalant way of his and gave me a look that said give the guy a break, would ya.

  "Mmmm… alright." With a sigh I pressed the unlock mechanism on my door, unprepared for the ice cold kiss Vinny boy planted on me once he'd gotten it open and practically leapt on me. Shivering instantly, I gasped as his frozen nose nuzzled me, then gasped for an entirely different reason when he used my open-mouthed surprise to dive right in, his tongue tangling with mine as he wrapped his arms around me, his hips straddling mine, the both of us cramped into the front driver’s seat of my car.

  Vincent slammed the door closed behind him and reclined the seat back, ignoring Dean's running commentary as he kissed me silly.

  Vincent’s lips were on mine again in an instant, but he pulled back after a moment and cupped my face, cradling it in his hands, staring intently into my eyes. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm an asshole. I suck. I don't deserve you. I won’t do it again, I swear! Forgive me?" Stuffy was babbling really fast, promising me everything but the kitchen sink if I would just give him another chance. My pirate lord was wearing his heart on his sleeve, and I completely melted at the earnest expression on his face.

  I should probably make him sweat it out a little more, but...

  Grabbing at the man, I grinned and pulled him back down on top of me, pausing long enough to giggle when Dean started making gagging noises and grabbed his crutches, trying to hurry out of the car, muttering about his brother ruining his best friend as he tried to hobble out and head towards the house. It was a good thing Dad had spotted my little car stunt intended for Mom and moved their car over, otherwise Dean would’ve been stuck with no escape. Unless he’d wanted to climb over the back seat, that intent to escape.

  Who knows how long later it was when bright flashes shot over my eyelids, blinding me a little as we pulled back from each other, automatically shielding our faces as our mothers stood by my car, bundled up for the weather and bright-eyed, happily snapping picture after picture of us.

  With a groan, I buried my face in Vincent’s chest, while he
chuckled happily and waved at Miriam.

  "Stop waving!" I protested, tugging at his jacket sleeve.

  "Why not, they're marking the occasion?" Stifling a laugh, he grinned even wider, catching my attention.

  "What occasion?" I asked him curiously, looking up into his beautiful, twinkling green eyes.

  "The holiday week long trip when Vincent Mistletoe Miller got to jingle Jinny Belle Reynolds bells." amused with himself, he laughed, wiggling his brows at me, pulling me up enough so our mothers could get my face clearly in those godawful pictures, too.

  "You know, you still owe me for your little flub, don't you, Stuffy?" I muttered warningly.

  "Yes," he said honestly. "And I'm girding my loins for whatever my mistress has in mind for her pirate lord," he teased, jumping into character.

  "Oh, don't you worry, Stuffy," I said slowly, speaking of things to come, "I have something really... fun in mind for you." I smirked at him.

  "Oh, joy," he muttered glibly, getting another grin from me. Snuggling back down against his chest, I sighed happily and shooed our mothers away, promising that we'd be there in a minute, then pulled my man back down for another long, hot smooch.

  •˜ • ˜• ˜•

  When we made it back into the house, everyone had already scattered about. Running down the hall hand in hand, grinning like little kids, we barricaded ourselves into our room and tried to figure out which was better, regular sex or make up sex.

  I’d say each has its merits, but have yet to get Stuffy's opinion on it.

  ˙˜˙˜˙

  Sugar and spice and everything nice

  ˙˜˙˜˙

  The next morning we slept in really late, happy to discover our mothers were chomping at the bit to go out and run to the small strip mall a little ways away since the storm had obviously died down. How much did I wanna bet they just wanted to get those damn pictures developed?