Of course, Royce and I had hopes of having a whole passel of children, maybe six or eight. We were prepared to love and enjoy each child we would have, no matter how many, and by that time we were looking forward to the next little one that was on its way. Royce was hoping for a boy, but only time would reveal that answer. By my figuring, the wee one was due in mid-January. If we did have a boy, his name would be Chase Allen, and if it were a girl, Royce really wanted to name her Savannah. He loved my name and was one of the few people that never shortened it to Anna. It was a form of endearment between us, and I always liked the way it sounded when he said my name. It was the tone of his voice. It sounded soft and sensual, but taunting at the same time. I still melt when I think about it. It’s funny how those things stay with you, Beth. Even after all these years, I can still hear him say my name.”
“I’m glad you and Royce got together, Gran. He brought happiness back into your life. I know he still holds a special place in your heart by the way you speak of him.”
“Yes, dear, he does. Royce was a good man.”
no good-bye
“Well, winter settled in early as 1922 came to a close. A huge snowstorm hit us at the end of October. The temperatures stayed cool after that. We were very well prepared for whatever Mother Nature had to throw at us. Our larder was stocked and the wood shed was full. We were all doing fine.
As the months passed, I had grown as big as a house and was getting quite eager to give birth. The baby was due in the middle of January. I found it a real challenge to get through Christmas carrying around the extra weight. I was so cumbersome and felt exhausted all the time. It didn’t matter whether I was sitting, standing, or lying down, I was very uncomfortable. That baby couldn’t come soon enough to suit me.
I gave birth to Chase Allen Coalter in January, 1923. He was a really big baby. It was a much more difficult delivery with him than it had been with Charity. Thank goodness Royce had set out so early in my labour to fetch the doctor. Both of us may have perished otherwise. By the time the doctor arrived, I had worn myself out pushing to bring the baby into the world. He had to do some fancy work to pull him out. I’m not sure who was sweating more, me or the doc. Royce was quite distraught by the time Chase was born. I wasn’t sure whether he was crying tears of joy or relief when the doctor told him he had a son. He was just glad it was over and that we were both alive and well.
It took a few months for me to get my strength back and recuperate after such a traumatic ordeal. Royce’s mother was such a gem. She pampered me and helped with Charity and the baby. Chase was doing well and growing like a weed. He was a little fussier than my other babies had been, but he’d had such a difficult birth. By the time he was three months old, he settled into a routine that we all could live with.
Charity had her nose out of joint, though. She didn’t like sharing her Mom with a new brother. She was still just a babe herself at thirteen months old. It took a bit of time for her to warm up to the idea of being the big sister. Mary Beth was so good with her and kept her occupied when she wasn’t at school.
Royce loved his son. He was so pleased to have someone to carry on the Coalter name. His brother Ned had gotten married by this time, but only had two girls. They were prim and proper little ladies, as was their mother. Real city women. There was no hope that they’d ever move to this northern country to farm.
By the time spring came along, I was back up and running. There was always lots to be done around the farm, and I needed to do my share. The extra work that had been dumped on Royce’s mother was taking its toll on her. She wasn’t a young woman anymore. She was in her early sixties and didn’t need the extra burden.
That summer proved to be a less productive season. It started out too dry. Then too much rain came and things flooded. Royce was thankful that he hadn’t fulfilled his whim to purchase a truck. The extra cash saved from the good year we’d had the previous summer would be needed to get us through until the next.
The twins were in their second year of school that fall. Mary Beth was a real bright student. Murray wasn’t so keen on book learning, but he enjoyed socializing with the other boys. Royce and I were enjoying life together. Charity and Chase were growing like weeds and doing well. We often spent our leisure time attending local house parties and work bees. On Sunday morning we all went to church. In the afternoon we usually went to visit Ma and Pa. Sometimes the whole brood would show up. What a house full that was. The children always had fun with their cousins.
Life was moving along, and everything seemed to be working out. We had put all thoughts of the tough times we’d endured during the war years behind us. Royce and I were such a happy couple. We were content with the life we were building together and wouldn’t have wanted anything different. All seemed so good.
Then in the early part of 1924, shortly after we celebrated Chase’s first birthday, the unthinkable happened, and the bottom fell out of my world. Royce was killed in a fluke accident. He died in a gravel pit cave-in. He was gone without any warning or good-bye.
Back then, there were no land taxes collected to be used for maintaining roads. Everyone took a turn working on the roads. Gravel was spread in the winter using horse-drawn sleighs. Sleighs were loaded by hand and hauled to the road site. Then it was spread on the roads by hand. That’s what Royce was doing when the accident happened. He was shoveling gravel into his sleigh when the side of the pit unexpectedly caved in. Royce was trapped under the gravel. His friend John Brenner and John’s father had been working with him that day. By the time John uncovered him, it was too late. Royce had smothered. He was gone. Dead. He was only thirty years old.
I knew something was wrong that morning when I looked out the kitchen window and saw John driving Royce’s team up the driveway. John’s father was driving his team and was right behind him. I ran out the back door to meet them. As soon as John brought the horses to a halt, I ran over to him and asked, “What’s going on? Where’s Royce?” That’s when I noticed that his face was as pale as a ghost. John got down from his sleigh and came over to me. He was shaking like a leaf. He was so upset his teeth were chattering, and he could hardly speak. He looked down towards the ground for a minute, as if to collect himself, and then he raised his eyes and looked at me. His lips were quivering when he said, “There’s been an accident, Anna. Pa and me did everything we could, but we were too late. We couldn’t save him. Royce is dead. We’ve brought him home.”
I was so stunned that I didn’t really understand what John was saying at first. I didn’t comprehend the magnitude of his words and said, “What are you talking about John? Royce just left a few hours ago. He’s fine. He has to be”
“I’m so sorry, Anna, but Royce is dead. There was nothing that we could do to help. The gravel came down so fast. So unexpectedly. Royce was buried. We were all caught off guard. As soon as we realized what had happened, Pa and me dug as fast as we could. We dug until we found him, but Royce was gone. He was already dead. I’m so sorry Anna.” John embraced me to try and console me, but I stepped backwards and shook him off saying, “You’re wrong, John. Royce isn’t dead. He can’t be. Where is he?”
That’s when Mr. Brenner stepped forward. He put his hands on my shoulders and gave me a little shake hoping to snap me out of it. He said, “Listen to me, Anna. I’m so sorry, I know this is painful, but it’s true. It’s the truth. Royce is dead. We’ve brought him home.”
Suddenly, it hit me what they were saying. It all started to sink in. I started to tremble. Tears welled up in my eyes and ran down my face. I was shaking my head back and forth saying, “No. No. I don’t want to hear it! It can’t be true. This can’t be happening. God won’t let it happen again. Royce can’t be dead. He just can’t be! No! No! Not again!” Then I ran to the sleigh and looked in.”
Suddenly, I feel myself shaking. My voice cracks as I try to continue with my story, but I can’t. My eyes fill with tears and I start to cry. “I’m sorry, Beth.”
“Just give me a moment, dear. Seeing Royce in the wagon like that was just so difficult. It still haunts me.” I take a deep breath then say, “I need to talk about these things. I’ve kept these emotions penned up way too long. I’m okay.” I blow my nose and start my story again.
“When I saw Royce lying there I knew that it was true. Royce really was dead. I started sobbing uncontrollably, and I sunk to my knees. The horrendous situation was just too much for me to bear, and seeing Royce’s lifeless body was horrifying. I didn’t want to accept that he was gone. He just couldn’t be! He couldn’t be dead! Not again! Not Royce too! Life was just so cruel.
I had stayed single for years after Jed’s death, not wanting to ever feel such pain from loss again. I couldn’t bear to think of loving someone with all my heart only to lose them, and have to say good-bye to my husband, best friend, lover, companion, and all our hopes and dreams in one single moment. I had never wanted to go through that again. It was like losing my identity. I had been so proud to say I was Mrs. Jed Harmon. We were a partnership, a couple, our lives were so intertwined. It had seemed like we were just born to be with each other. He had completed me. Then he was gone! In that instant, I had felt like part of me had died, too. I never thought that I would feel whole again. Part of me had felt that that was how I had to leave it. Never to allow my heart to be so vulnerable. I would never take the chance to love someone so much again only to lose them.
But I did allow my heart to love again. I had fallen in love with Royce. We had started a life together. We had a family. We had hopes and dreams. I had allowed myself the opportunity to be happy once more. Now it was over. Royce was dead, too. I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to deal with his death. I didn’t want to let him go or have to say good-bye. I just couldn’t. My heart would surely break in two forever.
I was crippled with the pain of grief. I was barely aware of what was happening around me. Those next few days that followed are just a blur. People came and went and offered their condolences, but I have no idea how many or who. I may have been there, but I wasn’t present. Nothing registered. I feel like I was frozen in time and was stuck at the point where I saw Royce’s lifeless body in the sleigh. Royce’s parents dealt with the burden of Royce’s wake and funeral. All I could do was cry. My heart had broken. I didn’t think that I would ever recover.
Ma came and stayed with us for a couple of weeks. She helped with the household chores and children. There was so much to be tended to, and many people dropping by. The whole community was shaken up with Royce’s demise. Thank goodness for Ma. The whole household relied on her strength to get through. Ma always had a soft-spoken, quiet demeanor. She always seemed to know just what had to be done and how to go about it. She made things look effortless. Her presence was appreciated and gave me and the children comfort.
Royce was waked at home in the living room. A funeral service was held for him at the church we had attended, and he was buried in the graveyard at the church. Since there were no winter holding vaults back then, several of our neighbours offered to dig the grave. It was in the dead of winter, so they had to shovel away the snow, then man a fire over the gravesite to thaw the ground frost to dig the grave. It was a harrying task, but one that had to be done. We were thankful for their help.
Royce’s brother, Ned, and his family came home for the funeral. They had a car, but the roads were not maintained well in the winter, so they came north on the train. Royce’s father went into town to pick them up at the station. They came the day before the funeral and left the day after. Even that short of a stay seemed to be excruciating to Ned’s wife, Emma, and their daughters. They had all the modern amenities in the city. Having to go outside in the dead of winter to use the outhouse was unbearable for them. All their whining was unbearable to us. Their departure was a relief.
After several weeks of grieving insufferably, I realized how selfish I was being. Royce was gone. I had to pull myself together for the children’s sake. They needed me more than ever. I had four children, now, without a Pa. I could see how deeply Royce’s death affected Murray and Mary Beth, especially little Murray. It was heart-wrenching to see. They were old enough to realize the gravity of the situation. They knew what dead meant and that Royce was gone. They knew that they had lost their Pa and were suffering greatly. Once again, I had to be strong and be both parents. It would be no easy task, but I knew I was a survivor. Deep down somewhere inside, I knew somehow I’d get through this terrible time. I didn’t know how; I just knew I had to. I had no other choice.”
tumultuous times
“The months that followed Royce’s death were excruciating, to say the least. His death took a huge toll on all of us. The tone of our household turned from a happy jovial atmosphere to one that was very sad and somber. We were struggling to keep things going around the farm. Murray and I tried to help with the milking and other barn chores, but my absence from the house put the responsibility of Chase and Charity on Mary Beth and Grandma Coalter. They had their hands full. We all missed Royce’s presence beyond belief. Things just weren’t running smooth at all.
Royce’s father really had a hard time dealing with Royce’s death. It was such a huge blow to him. He and Royce had really enjoyed working the farm together. They had been great partners and had shared a close bond. Royce had been young and strong and had been the muscle needed to sustain such a physically demanding lifestyle. Now Mr. Coalter was struggling to keep things going. I wasn’t sure what would become of us.
Come seeding time at the end of May, I could see that Mr. Coalter was looking thin and haggard. He was wearing himself out. I was worried about his health. I suggested hiring my brother, Newton, to come and help for the summer. Newton was still at home on the farm with Ma and Pa. He had never married. His health had never totally recuperated after he had returned from war. Pa had lots of hands. My brother Colt and his family had moved there to help quite a few years before, and their children were of an age to be able to pitch in. I felt that Pa could spare Newt’s help for a while until we could get things caught up.
Well, as things turned out, Royce’s father never had to make that decision. He died in his sleep a few days later. The doctor said he had a heart attack. I think he died of a broken heart. We waked him in the living room at home. Then we had a funeral service at the church down the road. He was buried in the church graveyard beside Royce where we had laid him to rest just four months before.
Ned and his family came north, once again, to attend his father’s funeral. This time they could drive their car to our farm. After the funeral, Ned drove his wife, Emma, and their daughters into town and put them on the train back to Toronto. He said he would stay on with us until we figured out what we were going to do.
Ned thought the farm should be sold, and he’d take his mother back to Toronto to live with him. He felt that if the farm sold, I could take some of the money and buy a small house in town for me and the children. He suggested that I could get a job to support us.
His mother was horrified at the thought of moving to Toronto. She wouldn’t hear tell of it. She said she had lived there on the farm for over thirty years, and it was her home. She and Allen, Mr. Coalter, had put their life blood into it. They had built it from the ground up. There was no convincing her she was going anywhere. She made it quite clear to Ned that he should pack up his things and head back to Toronto without her.
She told me in secret that she wouldn’t abandon me and the children. She wanted the farm to go to Murray and Chase someday. She felt the children had all been through an awful lot, and uprooting them just wouldn’t be stood for. The farm was their home and mine, and she wasn’t going to leave and abandon her family.
I wasn’t sure whe
ther I had the right to voice my opinion on the subject. With Royce and his father gone, I felt it was her farm and her decision. I knew Royce would have been heartbroken to know his children were being put out of their home. I just wasn’t so sure we’d be able to manage and make a living elsewhere. We had some savings, but I wasn’t sure how far we’d be able to stretch them. I had forfeited my government Dependents Pension when I married Royce.
After a couple of weeks, Ned knew his mother wasn’t about to change her mind. She was staying, and so were we. He said he’d leave it go for awhile, but he’d be back in the fall to see if his mother had come to her senses. He was sure we’d be ready to give up then. It would take a lot of doing for two women to keep the farm going and get prepared for the winter.
After Ned’s departure, Mother Coalter told me she was sure Ned just wanted the money. He had never taken to the hard labour of running a farm. Royce had been the one who loved the land and had wanted to farm. It broke her heart to see how things had turned out. There was no way she was going to sell the farm so Ned and Emma could line their pockets with money we’d all worked mighty hard to get. They’d never have any appreciation for a nickel of it. She thought that we needed to sit tight and make plans to keep things going until the boys were old enough to take over.
The first thing we did was sell off four of the milk cows. There was no way we could milk six cows morning and night by hand. We kept the rest of the stock, though. Then we hired Newton to come and help put the crops in and do the field work. Royce and his father had ploughed up ten acres of land the previous fall. That land had to be seeded, or otherwise, it would just grow up into a patch of weeds. We needed the oats and straw for the coming winter. If we had a good crop, we would sell some.
Three Score and Ten, What Then? Page 10
