His Wounded Light

by Christine Brae

  Isa looks straight at Betty and slightly shakes her head. You know, the one that says, “Not now, Betty.”

  Betty won’t let her up. She wants a response from her friend. “We can time our trip to coincide with their winter fashion events!”

  “I don’t think so, Betts. Not this year. I really just want to stay close to home. And to Alex and the kids.”

  “I’m thinking that it might be a good thing, baby, to take a little break,” I interject. “I’ll make sure I don’t plan anything then.”

  “No, it’s okay. No. Not this year.” She waves her hand flippantly, which Betty takes as a sign to keep her mouth shut.

  “Okay, guys!” Betty says cheerfully. “Thank you for dinner. See you next week!”

  We hug and kiss and let them out the front door. The moment I latch the lock on the door, I turn around to find Isa heading up the stairs.

  “I’m so tired,” she says. “I’m going to check on Eddie and Maddy and then go to bed.”

  “I’ll be up in a few minutes,” I reply as I walk towards the living room to make sure that all the lights are turned off.

  My trip back upstairs takes longer than I’d planned. I stop by my office to find an urgent email about some minor contract revision that needed my approval. By the time I get upstairs, thirty minutes have passed. I swing by Eddie’s bedroom and see him playing a game on his Xbox.

  “Are you going to bed soon, Ed?” I ask as I take a seat next to him on his bed.

  “Soon, Dad,” he answers, his gaze focused on the television screen, his hands busily working the controls.

  “Okay. Brush your teeth before bed.” I lean down to kiss him on the head.

  I don’t normally visit Maddy’s room this late at night, knowing that her nanny is sleeping on the bed next to her crib, but I missed tucking her in and so I peek in and silently wish her good night.

  The TV is on in our bedroom, but Isabel is nowhere to be found. I hear some activity in the bathroom and I find here there, leaning against the sink, brushing her teeth. She’s wearing a beige silk nightie with lace cups on the bodice and a ribbon gathered up at the waist. I stand right behind her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She leans back into me at the same time she rinses the toothbrush off.

  “Talk to me, Isabel,” I breathe intimately into her ear.

  Her eyes are closed and her head is relaxed against my chest. “About what, baby?” She moves to gather her hair up into a bun.

  “Those dreams.”

  “What dreams? Oh...those. There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine.” Her voice is shaky. Isabel doesn’t lie very well.

  “Why won’t you go to New York with Betty?”

  “It’s summer and I want to stay home with you and the kids.” She’s distracting me by turning around to face me and unbuttoning my shorts.

  I look down to see her skin peeking out of the lace bra and she reads my mind by pulling her cups down to reveal her breasts. She knows it gets me every single time. By the time she kneels down and takes me into her mouth, I’m lost. I pump into her a few times until I can hardly control the fact that I’m about to burst. I gather enough sense in me to stop myself and finish this conversation. I pull out of her and gently coax her to stand up.

  “Alex—”

  “Isa, please, I want you so badly, but this has been going on for a few weeks now and I want to know what you’re so afraid of.”

  “I’ve decided that we’re going to Hong Kong with you.” She sits on the sink with her legs wrapped around me.

  “For two months?”

  “Yes, me and the children. For two months. Or maybe two weeks less so I can take them back in time to begin the school year. Please don’t ask me why. It will be fun to live there with the kids. We’ll find another bridge to leave a little souvenir.”

  Her voice is smooth and calm and music to my ears. Whipped, I know.

  “What about work?”

  “I called Ali to tell her and she was totally cool with attending some meetings for me. The non-critical things can wait until we get back.”

  “That’s it? You’re already decided?” Somehow I know the answer to this but ask her anyway. “Don’t you want to talk through it first? Tomorrow?”

  “That’s it,” she responds definitively. “It’s great timing. Eddie’s on summer break and things are a bit slow at the office.”

  She takes my right hand, which is holding her waist, and brings it to her lips, kissing a trail down from the tips of my fingers down to my wrist, then bringing the same hand down towards her legs, arching her back and pushing my two fingers inside of her. I try to move them on my own, but she continues by pulling them out and bringing them back to her mouth to taste herself.

  That’s it. We’re done talking.

  She hops off the counter, turns around and guides me inside her from behind. Her hands grip both sides of the sink and as I thrust into her, she commands, “Watch, Alex. Watch us in the mirror.”

  I don’t need to be told twice.

  ***

  “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.”

  —Alfred Tennyson

  “Emmy, will you please remind Mrs. Ailey that we’re running late for the event?” I take Maddy from her as Emmy runs upstairs to get Isa. I’ve been downstairs in my office attending to last minute stuff while waiting for her to finish getting dressed, but we really need to get going. “Dada loves you, my pretty baby,” I whisper as I cuddle my daughter in my arms.

  “Da?” She grabs my nose with her tiny hands. Attagirl, Maddy. You’re focusing!

  I wrinkle my nose, hoping to dislodge her pinching fingers. “Yes, Mommy and Dada will be back soon. I love you, Maddy baby.”

  She smiles back at me. My little angel. I never imagined being smitten by another woman in my life besides Isabel, but here I am, completely enthralled by this bright-eyed little beauty who has completely stolen my heart.

  Emmy comes running down the stairway with Isa following right behind her. Once again, she’s a vision to behold. The sight of her never fails to take my breath away. Her normally straight brown hair is loosely curled, her doe eyes lined with something that makes them look dark and sultry, and she’s wearing a gold gown that accentuates her tiny waist and her rather deep cleavage. I will always be blown away by the fact that she’s mine.

  “Sorry. I got carried away earlier playing with Maddy. I started getting ready thirty minutes late.”

  Maddy stretches her arms out and Isabel lunges forward to hold her in a tight embrace, kissing her as Eddie walks out of the theater room.

  “Eddie, please have your dinner and don’t forget to take a shower before bed. You had basketball practice today, so you’re stinky.” She laughs as she gives him a gentle hug.

  “Daddy, do I have a bedtime tonight?” Eddie asks as Isa hands Maddy back to Emmy.

  “No, it’s Saturday night. Just do what your mom said and take a shower before going to bed.” I take Isa’s hand and pull her towards me. “Oh, and don’t wait up for us, we might go out with the Uncle Leigh and Aunt Betty after the benefit.”

  Eddie takes his sister in his arms as she starts to cry the minute we walk away. “Don’t worry, Maddy, they’ll be back soon. Want to hang out with me in my room?” he asks her gently as he tries to simmer her down.

  Isabel stops me as we stroll out the front door and reaches out to adjust the bowtie at my neck. “Gosh, husband, you look gorgeous,” she gushes.

  “Not as gorgeous and sexy as you do, wife.” We grin at each other like smitten teenagers as she allows me to help her into the car.

  Flash bulbs and video cameras greet us as we open the car door to walk the red carpet at the gala event. Isa and I have done this countless times and yet we’ve never really gotten used to it. I see her take a deep breath every time we arrive at our destination right before the car door is opened. This time is not unlike any other. She holds on to my arm a little bit too tight
ly.

  “Are you nervous?” I ask as I lead her through the crowd and into the ballroom.

  “Always.” She winks at me and then expertly strikes a pose for the photographers. “I’m really hungry, though, so I’m excited to see what they’re serving for dinner.”

  I laugh at her statement and give her a kiss on the cheek. “You can have my cake if it’s chocolate.”

  Our table assignment is smack in the middle of the room, right in front of the podium. It looks sort of like a VIP table and I know it’s because my father is the keynote speaker and Isabel was the former leader of the foundation sponsoring the event. After having Maddy, Isabel made the conscious decision to resign from some of the many board positions she held and this foundation was one of the ones that she gave up. Her involvement now only entails behind-the-scenes visits to orphanages and women’s shelters. She’s still active in a lot of charitable organizations, but I think she’s enjoying the step back she’s taken. She can still help, but without the time commitment she used to pledge as a board member.

  We’re stopped numerous times on the way to our table by friends, relatives, and colleagues all wanting to speak to us, to take pictures with us. When she plays this part, I see so much of her mother in her. She’s warm, social, and utterly charming, yet genuinely involved and respectful at the same time. She has a real passion for people and their causes; she remembers them all by name and never fails to give every single person her undivided attention.

  My father arrives and takes Isabel by the arm to introduce his daughter-in-law to the other business leaders at the event; I’m again distracted by my beautiful wife as she works the room. Betty and Leigh show up right before we’re asked to take our seats. We’re at a table for ten and so far, we’ve filled up eight spots, making me wonder who we’re waiting for. As the moderator walks up to the podium, the room goes quiet and the dinner service begins. Isa and Betty are deep in conversation while Leigh and I are seated at the opposite sides of our wives.

  Over the women’s heads, Leigh asks in a whisper, “Have you told her yet? Customs releases it on Tuesday.”

  I shake my head and put my finger to my lips. Minutes later, we’ve finished our salads and are being served the main course. The chair next to me is still empty. Isabel and I are huddled together talking about one of the people that we met.

  “Did you see that Maura McPherson came with a date?” I glance around consciously to make sure that no one hears me. “Where’s her husband?”

  “Didn’t you know? He left her for their son’s teacher.” She looks at me like I’ve been hiding under a rock.

  “What?!” I screech, genuinely surprised.

  “Yeah, he—” She stops mid-sentence and looks at me wide-eyed, like she’s just seen a ghost.

  “Good evening, everyone. So sorry we’re late.”

  I turn my head in the direction of her eyes.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I mutter under my breath.

  It’s Jesse Cain. I glare at Betty, and she responds by shrugging her shoulders. I remember that she said she no longer bothers with the seating arrangements. I’m left with no choice but to get up from my chair and shake his hand.

  “Cain, how are you?” I ask rather hypocritically. I can’t even stand to be in the same country as him, let alone share a table with this guy. One at which he sits so close to my wife, no less.

  “Ailey,” he says coolly. “This is my fiancée, Rose.”

  I offer my hand to her and she shakes it warmly. She’s very pretty, almost beautiful, but certainly not Isabel stunning, at least to me. She’s quite voluptuous and her dress leaves little to the imagination. I guess she has to compete for his attention, given that he is one of the most eligible bachelors in the country. He’s clearly a crowd drawer at fundraising events like these. I’ll never know why, since he’s such an arrogant ass. Cain pulls her seat out for her and remains standing. Sure enough, he walks over to Betty and Isa.

  “Betts.” He gives her a hug and offers his hand to Leigh, who shakes it disinterestedly.

  Okay, here it comes.

  Wait. No. She’s getting up. Why is she getting up?

  He leans down to give her a hug. “Hi, Isa. Nice to see you.”

  She embraces him a little too warmly. The smile on her face as she says his name slays me. “Hi, Jess.”

  Jess?

  As soon as Cain takes a seat next to me, I lean over and whisper in her ear. “It’s Jess-e. There’s an E at the end.”

  She responds by taking my hand, slipping it through the slit of her dress and resting it on her thigh. If I stretch my finger out far enough, I’ll be able to touch that part of her that might get her attention. Out of the blue, I have the urge to take the napkin on her lap and tie it around her neck to cover up her chest. Sort of like a bib in a seafood restaurant.

  “He looks at you all googly-eyed like that one more time and I’m going to poke his fucking eyes out,” I whisper, punctuating my words with light squeezes of her thigh.

  She thinks I’m kidding so she laughs.

  We make small talk through the rest of the evening. I find out that Rose is a grade school teacher who also gives belly dancing lessons at the local gym by our house. She actually looks like a lot of fun. Vivacious, with an outgoing personality. From the corner of my eye, I notice him glancing at Isa every so often. My wife is totally unaware of it, but I’m angry at her just the same. I get up several times to refill my drink at the bar. Every time I return to the table, they’re talking. About little things. Like the kids. And Eddie’s basketball. She’s filling him in on her life and he’s soaking it all up because he’s a damn bastard who doesn’t really care that she’s married to someone else. Then I arrive and sit between them so they stop and go about speaking to their legitimate dates. She thinks nothing of it. She’s all innocence and good intention, but it’s driving me crazy.

  This goes on and on. And the more I drink, the more disconcerted I become.

  “Baby, you’ve gone to the bar six times. Your dad hasn’t even spoken yet.” She speaks rather softly so as not to call attention to the rest of the table.

  “That’s because they’re taking so goddamn long. We’re leaving right after his speech.”

  She nods her head agreeably. “Okay.”

  I get up to go to the bar once more but this time she follows me.

  She doesn’t reprimand me; her eyes are exceedingly kind and gentle as she says, “Baby, your dad will understand if we don’t stay. I know you’re so tired. Let’s just leave now.”

  The drinks have gone to my head and I’ll admit I’m feeling a little bit swirly. “No, we haven’t even danced yet,” I say loud enough to distract the bartender as he takes another order.

  “That’s okay, we can dance at home,” she responds calmly, a smile on her face.

  I nod my head and she steps in to wrap her arm around my waist. All I can think about is my need to get her as far away from him as possible, and I’m entirely surprised at my reaction.

  “I’ve texted Tony to let him know that we’re leaving.”

  Great. Now my brother is going to be asking what happened to me.

  Once we’re in the car, I sink into the seat and lean my head on her shoulder. She traces my face in the dark with her fingers. Her touch soothes me, but not enough for me to give it up.

  “I’m pissed off that you got up to give him a hug. Why did you stand to greet him?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispers.

  “He was staring at you every chance he got. Do you still have feelings for him?” I ask without the slightest hint of accusation in my voice.

  “No. I’m not his. I’m yours.” Her tone is lifeless and even, like she’s trying to show me how neutral she is about the entire situation. My wife has a high propensity for tolerating unreasonable crap like this until she’s pushed to the limit and then her heart shuts down.

  I know I’m acting like a jerk, but I can’t help it. “Why do I feel lik
e he still wants you?”

  “He doesn’t, Alex. And if he still did, isn’t that his problem, not ours?” She doesn’t wait for the driver to open her door as we pull into the driveway. She steps out and waits for me to slide out of my seat.

  She’s good. Her stoicism is really making me feel better. I lean into her as we walk into the house.

  “Remind me, if we ever decide to build a new house, not to have so many steps,” I slur as she drags me across the hallway.

  She leads me to the bed and props some pillows on the headboard before helping me to lie down. She loosens my bow tie, unbuttons my shirt, removes my shoes and socks, and then helps me unbuckle my pants. I pull her down on me swiftly, roughly. My hands are under her dress in a moment, pushing her panties to the side. Her eyes grow wide and she gasps as I stick my fingers inside her.

  “Mine,” I grunt. “I want you,” I declare as I press my lips against hers.

  “No, you don’t. That’s the alcohol talking. Go to sleep, A. Let’s talk tomorrow.” She pulls the blanket over me and casually struts away.

  I’m sure I’m fast asleep by the time she gets into bed next to me.

  I get up once in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. My head is pounding and I can’t see straight. When did I turn into a wuss and get blasted after seven drinks? I look over to Isabel, who is sleeping soundly next to me, curled up on her side and facing away. I’ve got a lot of explaining to do in the morning. I’d better sleep this off before I have to face her.

  A few hours later, I open my eyes to the light filtering in through the shades. My headache is almost gone and I’m actually feeling rested. Isabel is slowly stirring so I scoot my body next to her and hold her in my arms. She opens her eyes lazily and blinks a few times.

  “Hi,” she whispers.

  “Good morning. I’m so sorry about last night.”

  “What happened to you? What was that all about?” She wraps her body around me and lightly trails her fingers on my stomach. With her, it’s all about the touch.