by Thorn, Ava
“You’re scared?” he asked.
“Just a little,” she said, holding her finger up inches apart. “Can you hear our parents?”
Shane sat there and thought about it. He had his parents and Sarah’s parents who were still active in his life and treated him like family. Yep, in a few days all hell was going to break loose. “I don’t even want to think about it.” Standing up from the table, Shane went to the sink, rinsed his plate and placed it in the dishwasher.
“Oh, you’re shaking in your cowboy boots now,” she snickered.
Shane was about to walk out the kitchen but stopped and made a beeline to Jasmine. Leaning forward, he braced his arms against the table behind her, causing Jasmine to jump slightly. “I’ll have you know that I don’t ever shake in my cowboy boots.”
“Is that what you say Ranger McBride?” Jasmine said softly.
When she turned her head toward him, Shane inhaled the light smell of strawberries. Without thinking his lips grazed hers gently. The kiss wasn’t heated or rushed. Her lips were soft and tempting but most importantly his heart started to flutter unlike anything he’d ever felt. A simple kiss made him experience something he never felt.
“Waa-aaa.”
Shay’s cries tore their lips away from one another. “I umm…should get Shay,” Jasmine stammered, nearly tripping over her own two feet as she tried to get up from the table.
Shane had caught her before she hit the floor. “Here,” he said, steadying her. “I’m going to go shower.”
“Okay,” she said, going over to pick up Shay.
He left the kitchen and went to his bedroom where he was in desperate need of a cold shower. Shane didn’t know what he was doing. One minute he was trying to keep everything strictly platonic, but the simplest things that Jasmine did were making him see her in a different light. What is he saying? There was always chemistry between him and Jasmine. At the time when he was married to Sarah, he always felt like he wasn’t doing something right. Their marriage was about to become DOA, dead on arrival. The thrill was long gone and the pulse of their union was dying. Pretending to be happy was becoming difficult for the both of them.
Stripping out his basketball shorts and tank top, Shane stepped into the shower and let the cold water rain down on his body. He tried not to remember the arguments that he had with Sarah before her untimely death. Shane wished that he was the man who invented time travel, so he could bring his wife back and right the wrongs between them. The worst things about loving someone who died, you were left on this earth wondering What If. The only person who knew that his 16-year-old marriage to Sarah was sinking faster than the titanic was Benjamin. He would always ask his older friend advice since he was also married.
Shane knew that people in his situation would say, “Oh you guys got married too young.” Maybe that was the cause in the failing of a sixteen-year-old marriage. They had a long and rich life together but somewhere down the road, they grew apart. He commended the young woman who stood by his side during his army career and then his law enforcement. The fact of it all was they’re were both unhappy but neither one of them could find the courage to walk away. Was it because they didn’t want to change? When Sarah died he blamed himself for not being a better husband, she was gone and out of touch. Now there was no way of really setting her free and making her happy.
Two Years Ago
Shane just walked through the front door of the house. He was bone tired and praying that Sarah prepared a nice dinner. All he wanted to do after working twelve hours was to eat, shower and get some good shut eye. Instead of smelling a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen, a burnt stench filled the house along with a smoky haze.
“Sarah!” he yelled, tossing his bag onto the floor and running to the kitchen where he heard kitchen cabinets being slammed.
“What?” Sarah yelled, turning around looking at him.
Shane knew this wasn’t the same Sarah he left at home when he went to work early this morning. This Sarah appeared to be worried, her blonde hair was rumpled, and her eyes were red from crying, not to mention the mascara running down her face.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder.
Sarah pulled away from him quickly. “I don’t want her around you,” Sarah screamed, and went back to slamming doors.
This wasn’t how Shane pictured how he would spend the evening at home. Especially with an angry wife who was apparently distraught. He stood there for a few moments listening to her yelling, cursing and slamming doors.
“Who?” he said, looking at her.
“Jasmine St. Clair,” she sneered. “You don’t think I know that she likes you?” Sarah pointed her finger in his face.
“I don’t understand where this is coming from. Jasmine is like family, shit Benjamin and I’ve been partners for four years now,” Shane said, but he could tell that Sarah wasn’t listening, she was grabbing a chair to stand up on. “Calm down and tell me how can I help you.”
“Where is that mug, she brought for you?” Sarah snapped as she peered up into the cabinet.
“Jasmine is a beautiful young girl,” he admitted. “But I don’t like her in that way. Shit, do you know how old I am?” How could his wife of fourteen years assume that he was smitten with a college girl?
“Age never stopped anyone before,” Sarah shot back.
“When did you become so insecure?” Shane asked.
“Where is the damn cup?” Sarah yelled.
“What the hell have you been up to?” Shane looked out the sliding glass door and saw flames flickering from the fire pit. Walking outside he saw a pile of items that Jasmine bought him over a course of four years; small trinkets from her trips abroad, college t-shirts and pictures of them at her high school graduation. He could smell wood burning, he peered into the fire and witnessed a picture frame that Jasmine purchased for Sarah and him on their wedding anniversary.
“Don’t worry about the cup,” Sarah huffed going to the pile.
Shane shook his head repeatedly. “This is not what we do.” He managed to snatch two t-shirts from Sarah. “Stop!”
“Do you cherish these gifts?” she asked, taking what was left and dropping it into the fire. “I think you do, the way your eyes light up when Jasmine brings you these funky old t-shirts.”
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“You’re my problem!” she shouted. “You don’t look at me the way you look at her.”
Shane was dumbfounded; he didn’t understand what Sarah was saying, he never flirted or did anything outrageous to make her suspect he was doing something wrong. “What?”
“That longing look in your eyes….the way you used to look at me.” Sarah wiped the tears from her face. “Everyone sees it.”
Shane didn’t have a slightest idea what Sarah was talking about. The longing in your eyes. “Jasmine is like a little sister to me.”
“Is that what you tell yourself at night,” she laughed. “That little bitch has a crush on you.” Sarah began to pace the pavement. “The worst thing about it is you’re not man enough to admit it.”
Running his fingers through his hair, Shane took a deep breath and exhaled. “I’m not having some childhood crush on a barely of age female. You can sit here and try to emasculate my manhood, but I’m not going to sit here and listen to you.”
Turning around Shane went through the sliding glass he just walked through a minute ago. Normally he would have stayed and tried to talk this out, but he could see that there was no talking to Sarah especially when she was being irrational. By leaving the house, it would give them both the opportunity to calm down and blow off steam.
“Where are you going? Are you going to her?” Sarah screamed after him.
Shane could literally feel Sarah breathing down his neck as she ran after him. Grabbing his bag off the floor, making his way to the door, Sarah ran in front of him and stood in front of the door.
“I’m going to go to the ranc
h,” he said. “I can’t talk to you when you acting this way.”
“No!” Sarah pushed her hair behind her head. “You’re not leaving.”
Shane threw his hands up in the air. He turned around and made his way to the office downstairs and closed the door, locking it. Sitting in his office, he rubbed his temple and listened to Sarah ranting and raving behind the closed door. He changed over the years but Shane realized that Sarah hadn’t changed much, she was always worried about what others thought, and when he says others he was referring to family and friends. They were growing apart every day, but tried their best to ignore the problems in their relationship.
“I’ve had enough,” Shane exclaimed.
***
Jasmine sat on the sofa breastfeeding and thinking about the light kiss she shared with Shane in the kitchen. Was it wrong for her want more? Shane was a single man now, but Jasmine couldn’t help but think it was wrong, for the longest time she wanted him but she had to let that fantasy go. Sighing, she tried to figure out how something so wrong feel so right?
The last time they kissed, it felt so good at that moment that they’d got carried away and the worst thing about it she didn’t regret finally getting what she always wanted. But she did feel guilty because of that and if the opportunity presented itself, she would do it again without a doubt.
Sometimes when Jasmine looked into those green eyes, she saw his raw vulnerability. Shane had a weakness, he was afraid of letting someone in who could potentially hurt him. He was a sweet, sensitive man who deserved happiness even if he wasn’t with her.
Two years ago, Jasmine made a promise to herself to stay the hell away from Shane McBride. Nine months ago, fate threw them together and now they had a precious baby girl together.
“Jazz,” Shane called out softly.
She snapped out of her thoughts and looked up. Jasmine had to remember to breathe, Shane stood in front of her. Damn he was sexy in that tan cowboy hat, white button up shirt, where his Texas Ranger badge pinned proudly over his heart. Jasmine didn’t realize she licked her lips when her eyes roamed over his tight-fitted blue jeans.
“Hey…I thought you were gone,” she stammered. Jasmine tried to keep her eyes off his midsection but couldn’t.
“My face is up here,” Shane chuckled.
“I was looking to see if you had a stain in front of your pants,” she blushed.
“There is no stain.” Shane walked over to her, bent down on his knees and looked at Shay sucking from Jasmine’s breast.
“You’re not ready to leave her,” she said softly.
“Nope,” he said, clearing his throat.
“You do know she is going to look like this when you get back home.” Jasmine lifted her hand to touch his face, but played it off by brushing imaginary lint from his shirt. “Have a great day at work.”
“Not leaving yet, are you trying to push me out the house?” He teased, standing up. “I left a printout of all the people to invite to the party; it’s on the kitchen counter.”
“Do you want to burp her?” she asked.
“You don’t even have to ask.” Shane needed to get a few more quality moments in with Shay before he left for the day. When he took the baby from Jazz’s arms, his eyes traveled over her full breast, with milk on the nipple. At that moment, he wondered what she tasted like.
“Shane…”
“Oh yeah.” He walked away from the sofa with Shay and patted her back gently.
Getting up from the sofa Jasmine went to the bathroom to freshen up, on her way back to the living room, she stopped in the kitchen for the list. Her eyes became a huge when she saw a familiar name on it.
“Shane, why are you inviting Sarah’s family?” she demanded, as she held up the list in her hand.
“Oh,” he said, an expression of mild surprise resting on his handsome face.
Oh, Jasmine took a steady breath. “I don’t think it’s appropriate for them to come here.”
“Because they’re still my family,” he said through clenched teeth. “You know what don’t worry about sending out invitations, I’ll do it myself.”
Jasmine mouth was half open. “Fine.” She shrugged and went to get Shay from him. “Let’s let Mr. McBride get to work.”
Since Shay’d been born Jasmine would refer to him as daddy, but now that she was pissed at him she was calling Mr. McBride. “Have a great day.” He tilted his hat at her and left the house.
Going over to the bay window she pulled the sheer curtain back and watched as Shane climbed into his truck. He wore scowl on his face. Was she wrong for getting mad at him for inviting Sarah’s family? He tossed his flashing lights at her, Jasmine waved good-bye to him and walked away from the window. She would get Shay settled down for a nap and start working on the party.
***
It felt great to be back at work with friends and colleagues. He wasn’t prepared for the intensity of leaving his new baby. Shane had two weeks with Shay and to bond with her. He loved caring for his baby, waking up in the middle of the night, changing diapers; it didn’t bother him that his day consisted of the same regime. His mind drifted to the disagreement he had with Jasmine early this morning about inviting his former in-laws to the celebration. He still viewed them as a second set of parents and they still saw him as a son. What if they didn’t support him moving on so quickly? Sarah had only been dead for a year before he slept with another woman. A woman his wife despised.
He was starting to pick up the phone to text Jasmine when someone slapped him on the shoulder.
“Damn man, it’s been almost a month since I’ve seen your ass,” a deep voice said from behind.
Shane turned around and saw his best bud and partner, Benjamin St. Clair. Unlike Jasmine’s creamy brown skin, Benjamin skin was darker. It was obvious that Benjamin took more after his father African American heritage where Jasmine appearance reflected her mother’s Native American heritage. His friend reminded him of Idris Elba from the show “The Wire.” Benjamin had a southern accent, that many of ladies found sexy, but they also gravitated to him because they considered him to be fine, dark chocolate.
Shane put his phone down quickly. He didn’t want his friend to see his screensaver which was Jasmine holding Shay.
“What’s been going on?” Shane said, clearing his throat.
“Man, glad that you’re back at work, I need you out there watching my ass,” Benjamin said as he sat down at his desk in front of Shane. “How was vacation?”
Shane wanted to tell his partner and friend that he welcomed a baby daughter three weeks ago. Instead of showing him pictures of Shay, he whipped out his iPad and showed him pictures of his vacation in paradise.
“Man it’s beautiful, I need to take Stacy there for our anniversary.” Benjamin handed Shane back the iPad.
“Yeah, you should do that.”
“If only I can get Jasmine to babysit the twins.”
Just him mentioning Jasmine’s name made Shane nervous. Damn did it get hot in here? “How is Jasmine? I haven’t seen here in about a month,” he lied. Shane hated lying becausehe wasn’t a good liar. He lived by a certain code of conduct and didn’t like beating about the bush.
“Jasmine been AWOL for the longest, my mom and dad are worried about her. She calls every day and always says she’s too busy to come home for a visit.”
“Well, she is trying to make a name for herself at the new station in Denver.” Shane hoped that Benjamin bought what he was trying to sell about Jasmine being absent from the family.
Benjamin leaned back in the chair and looked at Shane with curiosity. “Well, Mom and Dad are going to Denver this weekend to visit Jasmine.”
“Well…” Shane started to stay.
“McBride and St. Clair step into my office,” Captain Joe Boggs said as he walked out the office. Joe Boggs was an older gentleman that favored Harrison Ford, with his stature and greying hair.
They both stood and up and walked into their supervisor’s of
fice. Shane and Benjamin worked the drug division. Taking a seat in front of Joe’s desk, he looked around the office that was decorated with awards and achievements Boggs accomplished before he took a more administrative role.
“I don’t have time to beat around the bush. I was informed that there was corruption coming from Clark County Sheriff Office.”
“What kind of corruption?” Shane asked. Clark County Sheriff Office was in a small city of Hillsdale, Texas that was only thirty minutes from Dallas.
“We’re told that officers are escorting Mexican drug dealers. We all know that the war on drugs in Dallas is getting worst every year. The city has become a major hub in the drug game and when we have officers of the law helping these thugs, it’s only going to become catastrophic.”
Since his days working on the narcotics unit in Dallas, Shane had his share of drug arrests and busts. The importing of cocaine, heroin and marijuana from Mexico and shipped through North Texas happened all the time.
“I want to bring charges to those who are helping traffic drugs and money from Mexico through the Dallas-Fort Worth Area and into Atlanta, Baltimore and Nashville.” Col. Joe sat back in his chair with a scowl on his face; he pushed two files to the front of the desk for Benjamin and Shane.
“Do we have intel on the suspected cops?” Benjamin asked as he scanned the files.
Shane read the files on the law enforcement officials they would be investigating. Officer Ricardo Alverez was a ten-year veteran on the force, Rick Summers was right behind with nine years. There was also a rookie, Mitchell O’Neil, and even the Sheriff was being implicated in the scandal.
“We’re dealing with corrupted cops who are playing both sides of the law.” Shane shook his head. He had seen corruption over the years and it made every police department look bad. Most citizens thought Dallas was corrupted, which wasn’t true. When all this shit hit the fan, it was going to give the agency a black eye.
“I want you guys to set up surveillance for now. This conversation doesn’t leave this office. In a few weeks we’ll do a joint operation with Drug Enforcement Administration and the Federal Bureau of Investigation. In the report, you will find information regarding the informant who sent the tip. I want you guys to question her.”
