by Thorn, Ava
Jasmine didn’t reply. She pointed at an all-white crib that matched the one that she purchased in Denver. “I want that crib and….. oohh look at the cute butterfly bedding,” she gushed.
“Jazz,” he groaned. “No more pink stuff. Can we get something neutral instead? What if I have to take her to a doctor’s appointment and all I have is the pink and black diaper bag, not to mention everything you have purchased for Shay is a tad bit Pepto-Bismol.”
“Okay…This is nice and sophisticated.” Jasmine held up bedding with large rings of dots in shades of turquoise, off red, soft grey and black. “It’s a 10-piece set so we’re getting everything.”
“We should,” Shane said, looking at the price on the bedding set. It was over a hundred and thirty dollars. “This is what I need,” he said wheeling the shopping cart to the daddy diaper bags.
Jasmine made a face at Shane as he went to pick out a diaper bag solely for his use. “Shane, you don’t have to get a fifty-dollar man bag.”
“Yes I do,” Shane said, holding the bag in his hands and looking at it. “It’s perfect.”
“I think we’re done.” Jasmine looked down Shay, who was snug in the baby sling on her chest. She was surprised they managed to get all they need while the baby slept.
“We have to get a baby tub,” Shane said.
Jasmine watched as Shane looked at different bath tubs, he stood there comparing safety and durability. A smile crept onto her lips as she watched him; he was a man full of secrets. Shane never talked about his years in the military; she knew that he served for seven years before getting out after his last tour.
“Jasmine,” Shane said, standing directly in front of her. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…did you pick out a tub?”
“Yep.” He pointed to the white tub with a cream sling in it. Shane was about to say something when he saw Jasmine’s body stiffen…Then he heard the voice.
“Jazzy is fine! She called and told me to expect her in town next week.”
“Is that who I think it is?” he asked.
“My mother,” she said in a hushed voice. Jasmine eyes traveled to the front of the store and saw that it was raining cats and dogs outside. “Damn,” she swore. Her mother Dena had a loud mouth, you could never get lost in the store because all you had to do was follow her voice.
“I’ll go pay for the items, you stay here and maybe she will see me and strike up a conversation. Watch for me to pull the car up.”
“Okay,” she said, and walked over to the girls baby clothing section, far away from her mother’s voice.
Shane sighed and walked toward the front of the store. He almost made it to the checkout counter when he heard his name being called.
“Shane is that you?” Dena St. Clair called out.
Shane grimaced and turn around slowly and came face to face with a lady he called his third mother. Dena reminded him of Clair Huxtable from The Crosby Show; a woman who wore an age with beauty and grace along with her Native American heritage. Her brown eyes sparkled as she looked back and forth between him and the buggy filled with baby items.
“Hi.” He greeted the woman with a hug and kiss on the cheek.
“It’s been almost what… a month since I last saw you,” Dena said, with her eyes glued to the shopping cart.
“I went on a mini vacation with my cousin’s soon-to be-wife,” Shane said as he tracked Jasmine near the baby clothes.
“Why are you buying all this baby stuff?” she said, looking through the cart and back at him.
“Ranger Townsend is expecting his first child, so I purchased a few things.” He chuckled uneasily. “Wouldn’t you believe that my cousin, Austin, is expecting a child too?”
Dena's eyes became huge “You don’t say,” she said with her hand on her hips. “Something must be in the water.”
You have no idea, Shane wanted to say instead he nodded his head. He was never a person to lie, what was that saying? If you tell one lie, you have to tell a couple more to cover the first one. Plus, Dena was like a mother to him, he couldn’t just stand up there lying. The truth was eventually going to come out in a few days.
“When are you going to have one?” Dena asked. “I was telling Reginald just the other night that I was worried about you.”
“Worried about me?”
“In three months, it will be two years that Sarah passed.” Dena’s face softened as she touched the side of his arm. “I don’t want you to waste the years you have left on this earth mourning. Think about moving on.”
“I know your intentions are good but you can’t put a time limit on grief after the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with passes on.” Shane moved away from Dena like her touch burnt him.
“I’m sorry.” Her face became sad. “Shane, I think of you like a son and want the best for you. Learn to move forward.”
Shane knew that Dena just wanted to help. Mrs. St Clair was a psychologist who always seemed to give her unsolicited advice to unwillingly parties. He heard his daughter cry, and it took all his strength not to go to Shay. Looking toward the sound of cries, he saw the back of Jasmine as she walked to the bathroom.
“I should be going,” Shane said. “Maybe we can finish this conversation later.” He kissed Dena’s forehead and went to the checkout counter. A sigh of relief washed over him as he watched Jasmine’s mother put her items on the counter across from his to check out. They could finally escape the store without being seen. “I’ll be glad when everyone knows,” he said under his breath.
Jasmine waited under the safety of the store’s awning as Shane pulled his shiny new Ford F150 up to the curb. Jumping out, he ran to the store with an umbrella and held it open for her. Shane helped her into the truck. Jazz smiled when she saw the envious expression on the ladies standing at the front of the store.
Settling Shay into the car seat, she leaned her head back on the headrest and stared up at the roof of the vehicle. “What did my mom say?”
“Well if you asking if Dena knows our secret,” he said looking in the review. “Then your answer is no, corn muffin.”
Shane’s southern accent made her inside tingle. “Okay,” she said softly. Jasmine didn’t want to think about the man who was an arm’s length from her. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on something else beside the way he smelled and his deep country voice.
“What’s wrong?” Shane asked, looking back at her.
“This is not how normal people co-parent,” she mumbled.
“How do people co-parent?” he asked.
“I shouldn’t be living with you,” she sighed, and took a deep breath. “Most people I know who have children co-parent with their ex by scheduling visitations.”
“What happen to putting our child’s needs before our own? This means us trying something unconventional.”
“It doesn’t have to mean us living together.”
“What is your problem?”
“Max doesn’t like the fact that we’re living together.” Her eyes met his in the rearview mirror.
“Who the hell is Max?” he growled.
“A friend,” she replied. “We’ve kind of been seeing each other since I moved to Denver.”
“You guys have sex?” Shane couldn’t picture Jasmine having sex. Especially, having sex while she was pregnant with his child.
“No,” she said with disgust. “That would be nasty.”
“Why are you just mentioning him? If Max is such a friend, where was he when you were giving birth?”
“He was supposed to be there for the birth, but he was called away on business in Boston.” Jasmine could tell Shane so much more, but she wouldn’t. Her relationship was on a slow path because she was pregnant.
“I don’t want you to talk to him anymore,” he snapped.
“No.” She folded her arm across her chest. It took me a man to get over my crush from you, she wanted to tell him but instead she continued to stare out the window and gave him the
silence treatment.
“This conversation is not over,” Shane said.
“Yes it is,” Jasmine said, getting the last word in.
She thought about Max the man who befriended her for two years. Just when the thought of thinking that only; her father Reginald, brothers and Shane were the only good men left on this earth, but she was sadly mistaken when Max came into her life.
When Jasmine thought about a good man, it wasn’t about his deep pockets or if he was overly handsome. Let’s face it, some of those guys with those characteristics were the ones you had to watch with one eye open. The man she wanted to fall in love with and spend her life with would share the same values and morals as she did. Such as selflessness, intelligence, faithfulness, goal-oriented and loving, respectful, family oriented, honest and most importantly God-fearing.
Looking at Shay sucking on her pacifier, Jasmine considered the characteristics that she wanted in her dream man, but she had to admit those were the reason why she crushed so hard on Shane. Slowly her mind started to drift to Max and she tried to picture herself with a man who brought her ice cream in the middle of the night during her cravings. It was hard imagining Max and her bridal toppers on top of a wedding cake. Lifting her head up, she caught Shane staring at her. They peered at each other for a moment until his eyes went back to the road.
***
Shane laid in bed thinking about the woman lying in the other room. Jasmine transformed in his eyes the day he watched her give birth to their daughter who changed their lives for the better. Just a few weeks ago he sat on the beach telling Farrah he would never experience the joy of fatherhood. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that he was a father when he looked into Shay’s eyes. His firstborn was absolutely perfect.
He sat up at the sound of Shay’s little cries. Getting out of bed, Shane hurried out his room and went to Jasmine’s door, opening it. He wasn’t surprised that she was already holding their daughter.
“Does she needs changed?” he whispered.
“Can you?” Jasmine said sleepily. “I need to use the bathroom.”
“Yeah.” Shane sat on the bed and took the baby from Jasmine. Grabbing the diaper and wipes, he proceeded to change her. Shay started to whimper in her sleep. Looking at her black silky hair, he still couldn’t believe that Jasmine and he made this precious blessing.
The toilet flushed and water in the sink turned on and off. Jasmine walked out the bathroom with a blank sleepy facial expression. “I’m sleep deprived,” she whined, taking Shay from his arms.
Shane watched as Jasmine breastfed. “Do you want to hire a nanny?” he asked.
“We can’t afford that and no one will raise our child except me and you.” Jasmine yawned, looking down at Shay. “She’s looking more like you every day.”
For two weeks and five days, Shane been memorizing Shay’s features. He always thought she looked more like Jasmine; especially when she smiled in her sleep. “Why does she do that?” he asked, when Shay rolled her head back.
Jasmine chuckled lightly and looked at him. “Um… she’s full of milk, here you can burp her.” She handed the baby to him and buttoned up her button up her nightdress.
Shane was burping the baby, but his mind was on Jasmine, as she buttoned her nightshirt, covering her juicy, delicious breasts. Her once round belly he’d witnessed two weeks ago was now deflated, he couldn’t even imagine a baby inside it. Her black mid-length hair flowed to her shoulders, and Jasmine still had that glow about her even when she was complaining about her lack of sleep.
He wanted to broach the subject about this Max dude, but decided it wasn’t the right time especially since it was one o’clock in the morning. Settling into the bed holding onto his baby girl, he started to hum a song that his mother would sing to him until he was six years old, the age when he asked his mother not to sing to him anymore because he was a big boy. Shane hoped that his daughter would never tell him that.
“I can put her back in the bassinet,” Jasmine whispered.
“Jasmine, why can’t we just sleep in the same room?” Shane said, looking at the baby and back at her.
“I don’t want to share my bed with a married man,” she said while staring at the wedding band on his finger.
“What...” His eyes went to the ring on his finger that he hasn’t been able to take off. “You didn’t say that nine months ago.”
Jasmine raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him. “Nine months ago, I slept with a drunk, emotional man, who needed comforting and one thing led to another.”
“Man?” he said, looking at her strangely. “I thought we were friends.”
Jasmine chuckled. “Friends? I wouldn’t call us friends.”
“You wouldn’t… why not?” he asked. Shane noticed how Jasmine looked a little lost as if she was contemplating on her words carefully, placing the receiving blanket down on the dresser.
She opened her mouth to only close it. “There is no together between us, just Shay. Just because we have a baby together doesn’t mean anything.”
“Is this because of what happened?” he asked, hinting at the time he called Sarah’s name during sex.
“No.” She shook her head. “You’re still grieving for her and it wouldn’t be fair to me or you. It would be a lie if I said I didn’t feel some type of way about sleeping next to a man who is emotionally still married to his dead wife. It’s a little uncomfortable.”
“What do you want me to do, Jazz? I cannot pretend like Sarah never existed,” Shane replied.
Jasmine nodded her head. “You’re right,” she said softly. “It’s time for you go to your own bedroom.”
Shane watched as she walked toward him and took the baby from him. “Jazz…” he started to say.
“It’s getting late,” she said quickly. “I want to get a few hours of shut eye before this little one wakes up again.”
Shane stood up and exited the room. He went back to his bedroom where he laid in bed with thoughts of the lack of conversation he had with Jasmine. Lifting his hand up, he touched the wedding band on his finger. The ring was a symbol of his commitment and failure to Sarah. He tried to close his eyes, but he couldn’t, his mind was on Jasmine and Sarah.
Chapter Four
Shane walked through the front door at six a.m. He was just returning from his morning jog, when he spied Jasmine in the kitchen and Shay sitting in her bouncer, sucking on a pacifier. The smell of scrambled eggs, bacon and biscuits greeted him. Shane's stomach grumbled but not only for food by what Jasmine was wearing, she was utterly cute in her black and white leggings and white tank top. Her hair appeared frazzled but he thought it was sexy.
“Good morning,” she said cheerfully
“Morning, baby,” Shane said before he caught himself.
Jasmine stopped taking plates out the cabinet and looked at him. “Baby?” she said, looking at him.
Shane face turned a nice shade of crimson red with embarrassment. “I didn’t think…I’m sorry.” It felt natural for him to call her baby and he didn’t know why. Was it because she was in the kitchen like Suzy homemaker?
“Okay,” she said, looking at him strangely. “Sit and eat.”
“Yes ma’am.” He went to the sink, washed his hands, and took a seat at the breakfast table. She placed the steamy plate of food in front of him. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome…I only know how to make breakfast food,” she confessed.
“Only breakfast?” he said, looking up at her.
“See, I’m the baby and the only girl. My brothers cooked for me and I never wanted to be in the kitchen.” She shrugged. “That’s why there are like hundreds of restaurant at my disposal.”
“Well,” Shane chuckled. “Darling, you do have a point.” Standing up, he pulled out chair next to him.
“I wasn’t going to eat.” She patted her stomach. “I can stand to lose fifteen pounds.”
“Eat,” he said. “I can always feed you; we can chalk it up to me gettin
g some practice in when it’s time for Shay to be fed.”
Jasmine laughed at him. “Fine.” She went to the stove and fixed herself a plate of food.
Her laughter was like gold. He couldn’t and wouldn’t tell Jasmine how beautiful and perfect she was. Shane was fearful that if he mentioned his observation of her it would destroy the little comfort they’d achieved.
Sitting down, Jasmine popped a piece of bacon in her mouth. “See, I’m eating.”
“You think you’re ready to have all day with Shay?” Shane asked, looking at the sleeping baby in a baby swing.
“I can manage.” She shrugged. “I use to babysit the twins.”
Jasmine was referring to her twin nephews, Brody and Brady. “The difference between babysitting your nephews is that you only watched them for a few hours and gave them right back to their parents.”
“I know, but Shay is our daughter, and she doesn’t cry that much. It’s all about eating, diaper changing and hanging out with her cool mama.” Jasmine smiled. “The real question is if you’re going to be okay with being away from Shay?”
“Nope,” he said truthfully. Shane was acting like a new mom who was preparing to leave her firstborn after maternity leave. “I will call every two hours to check on you guys, not to mention I will come home for lunch.”
“Errr…You might want to bring lunch,” Jasmine said.
“I will.”
“Also, you will be working with my brother today,” she said softly. “I shouldn’t have to tell you how imperative that, Benjamin doesn’t find out about us.”
“While I’m at work I want you to think about planning the party to celebrate the birth of Shay. Hire a planner for all I care, better yet I can see if Farrah can cater the event,” Shane said. All he wanted was for everything between Jasmine and him to be out in the open. He didn’t want to have to sneak around, for crying out loud, her family didn’t even know Jasmine was back in Dallas.
“Fine, the event will be held on Saturday. Make sure you email me people you want to invite. I will send invitations out via email and mail.” Jasmine’s voice was shaky.
