A Girl, a Guy, and a Ghost

by Patricia Mason

  “I can’t come now,” Giselle shouted into the phone, and disconnected the call.

  She punched 9-1-1 into the cell but received no help from the police. The officer she spoke with said that there was nothing they could do until Ry had been missing for at least twenty-four hours. Giselle then told him frankly what she thought of that policy. She probably, no definitely, used some bad words. So much so that her mother would have washed her mouth out with soap. In reply, the officer had stated the opinion that her boyfriend had probably disappeared deliberately to avoid Giselle and he called her a name that began with b and ended with ch and didn’t have to do with the sand on a waterfront. Great. She’d alienated the Savannah police department. Good job, Giselle.

  With no answer at Lester’s door, Giselle had only one choice. It was a disgusting, revolting, nauseating choice, but for Ry she would do anything.

  Swallow.

  Even go see Madam Divinity.

  * * * * *

  It took an hour and a half to drive to Madam Divinity’s house. Okay, it really took only five minutes. It just seemed like an hour and a half. Every second had been excruciating. Fear for Ry threatened to overwhelm Giselle. Motion pictures of every conceivable torture Ry could be experiencing constantly played in the theater of her head. But she preferred pictures of torture to pictures of Ry dead, so she let them keep playing.

  When she reached Madam’s door, Giselle’s pounded. What would she do if Madam wasn’t at home? Giselle kept knocking. Madam had to be there. She switched from fist on door method to clanging the gargoyle knocker.

  After an eternity, actual time less than three minutes, the door opened. Madam stood in the entryway. Her white hair streamed down around her face and fell almost to her waist. She wore a long, green kimono-style robe with a dragon print. Madam looked quite beautiful, although Giselle would never admit to anyone that she thought so.

  “You. What are you doing here?” Madam shouted. “No.” She held up her hand, stopping Giselle’s answer. “I don’t care why you came. Just go.” Madam began closing the door.

  Startled, Giselle managed to get a foot and one shoulder past the doorframe a split second before the door shut. She pushed against the door to open it as Madam shoved with the door to close it.

  Madam seemed to be winning the tug of war, and the door pinched Giselle’s foot and arm.

  “Owww. Madam, you’re crushing me,” Giselle ground out.

  “There’s a solution to that problem,” Madam replied through gritted teeth as she pushed the door. “Just get out.”

  “I can’t,” Giselle gasped. “I have to talk to you.” She set her entire weight against the door.

  Madam apparently decided that a driving rather than constant pressure might make Giselle back up.

  “Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Stop it!” Giselle said

  “Go. Away. You. Horrible. Girl.”

  “I. Can’t. Go. Ry needs you.”

  At Ry’s name, Madam released pressure on the door. Giselle, who hadn’t let up on her own weight in the opposite direction, tumbled through to the hallway and landed splat, facedown on Madam’s parquet floor. Oh well. At least she was inside.

  “What did you say about Ry? Where is he? What’s happened to him? My poor little boy. I knew you would hurt him. You awful girl.”

  “I’m not terribly fond of you either.” Giselle’s rubbed at the bruise forming on the hip where she’d landed as she sat on the floor. “But could we save the mutual insults for another time? Ry has disappeared and I think he’s been kidnapped or man-napped, whatever. He’s been abducted. Well, probably. I didn’t see him taken with my own eyes. But you had that vision of him in danger. And although I don’t actually believe in your psychicness, it did contribute to my thinking he was abducted. And also he’s gone and his cell phone and car keys aren’t. Also, those Renfield guys drove away in that big land boat. The one I was trunked in. But the police don’t care. They think Ry ran away from me. The officer said some very insulting things. But Ry wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t just leave his car like that. Plus, Ry wouldn’t want to run away from me. We were going to go do something kinky later.”

  Omigod what had she just babbled?

  “Ahhhh!” Madam shrieked.

  Giselle rose to her feet. “Ry’s disappeared and I think the Vampire Lester’s goons took him. Since you know Kopeleski and Kopeleski knows Lester, I thought you could help me talk to Kopeleski. Then Kopeleski can talk to Lester and we can find his goons before they do something dire to Ry.”

  “Ahhhh!” Madam shrieked again.

  “Hey. Now what? I’ll accept the first scream. The first scream was justified. But that last statement was coherent and not at all insulting. Plus, it’s logical. Kopeleski definitely knows something about Lester and this VICTIM organization he’s running. And Kopeleski definitely won’t talk to me. You’re at least on speaking terms with him, aren’t you?”

  The sound of running feet could be heard on the floorboards of the second floor of the house over Giselle’s head. Then the feet hit the staircase and barreled down the stair treads into the hall.

  Giselle looked over and saw bare feet at the bottom of the staircase. Her gaze traveled up the feet to bare legs and then upward to bare everything. Ewww. Kopeleski in all his glory.

  His gray hair fanned out around his head in the usual wild electric shock style he favored. “Snookyookums. Are you all right?”

  And what was this? Madam Divinity a snookyookums?

  “Yes. You are on at least speaking terms with Kopeleski all right.” Giselle looked from Kopeleski to Madam. She didn’t want to think too hard about what kind of terms Madam and Kopeleski were on. In fact, whatever they were on, Giselle was definitely not going to think about it at all. Yuck.

  A heavy red flush crept into Madam’s cheeks. Ooooh. Good. At least Madam had a chance to take her turn on the mortification carousel. Things would be just perfect if only Ry were here. Under the circumstances, Giselle couldn’t even take the time to enjoy gloating. Dammit.

  * * * * *

  “You’re right, snooky. If your little boy is missing it is undoubtedly this fake ghost hunter’s fault.” Kopeleski glowered at Giselle. “I would ordinarily cast a spell to turn this phony into something vile like a slug, but I’ll refrain from doing so until we find your boy.”

  Madam had reluctantly invited Giselle into the parlor. Giselle sat primly on the edge of a Victorian-style high-back armchair, taking the verbal abuse. Madam and her wizard sat, not so primly positioned, on a settee with a similar style and fabric. Kopeleski, sans decent attire, was cross-legged next to Madam. As if that didn’t cause Giselle enough nausea, Kopeleski continuously twirled a strand of Madam’s long hair between two of his fingers.

  “I don’t think we should degenerate into a discussion of the degrees of fakeness in this room, because I happen to think I would be on the lower end of the scale,” Giselle retorted.

  Kopeleski and Madam both bristled. Kopeleski spoke first. “Now listen here—”

  “No. You listen, Mr. I-saw-you-arrive-with-my-third-eye Wizard. I know you really found out about me from the Vampire Lester.”

  He had the grace to look uncomfortable as he shifted on the settee. Yuck. Giselle found herself playing the game of look everywhere in the room but at the naked wizard. It didn’t work.

  “Oh for goodness’ sake, put on some clothing, would you please?”

  “What prudes you young people are. You should appreciate that one is in better touch with the elements when unclothed.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you said. But I would appreciate it if you would refrain from touching any elements while I’m here. Just put something on.”

  “How dare you,” Kopeleski huffed, only to be interrupted by Madam.

  “Why don’t you cover up, darling?” Madam offered him an afghan from the back of the settee. It was loosely crocheted but it was better than nothing.

  “Anything you say, snooky,” Kopeleski cooed in her
ear as he adjusted the afghan around him like a toga. It covered him, just barely.

  Stifling a gag, Giselle said, “Tell me about the Vampire Lester and those Ren and Field guys. Assuming they abducted Ry, where would they be taking him?”

  Kopeleski fixed a hostile glare on Giselle. His eyes warmed when Madam took his hand in hers.

  “Please, darling, where could they have taken my little boy?” Madam asked.

  “I don’t know much about Ren and Field. I’m just the accountant for Lester and for VICTIM.”

  Could he be believed? He seemed sincere as he made smoochy faces at snooky, er, Madam. Gurck.

  “I could perform a locater spell,” Kopeleski offered buoyantly.

  “That would be great, darling,” Madam said.

  “I’ll just need some of the hair from his head,” Kopeleski said, starting to stand.

  “Great,” Giselle complained, and he sat down again. “If we had his hair, we’d have his head. And if we had his head, hopefully we’d have the whole Ry.” She didn’t even want to think of the alternative. She swallowed hard. “If we had the whole Ry we wouldn’t need your locater spell.”

  “We could get some hair from the hairbrush in his home. We’d have to find a hair with a root on it of course,” Kopeleski said.

  “What is it? A locater spell or a DNA test? Never mind, we don’t have time for that. Besides, I have a feeling that it might be more definite if you would just tell me if Lester has some kind of contacts or connections in South Carolina. When Ren and Field abducted me, they drove over the big bridge from Savannah toward Hilton Head. Maybe they’re heading the same way with Ry.”

  Kopeleski got a thoughtful look on his face. “Well there is some property that Lester owns. But I don’t think that it’s ethical for me to talk about a client’s holdings.”

  “Ethics, schmethics. This is Ry we’re talking about.” Giselle jumped up to pace about the room. “Lester never needs to know you told us. We’ll just say that we discovered the location with Madam’s third eye. You’ve got one, haven’t you? You’ve got at least two faces you should have a third eye.”

  Giselle held up a hand to stop the comments that threatened to erupt from Madam. “I’m sorry,” Giselle said. “It’s a habit.”

  Madam calmed. “I hate to admit it but Ms. Hunter has a good point.”

  She did? “I do?” Was it about the second face? “Of course I do. I always have good points. I’m just surprised that you think I have a good point.” She paused. “What was my good point again?”

  Madam didn’t hear her. She was deep in thought. “I can locate Ry psychically.”

  “Oh Lord help us,” Giselle said, slapping her forehead.

  Madam crossed the room to sit at a small table in the corner. She lit a candle in an ornate holder at the center and then placed her hands, palm down, on its surface. She gazed into the candle’s flame. Several seconds passed. Then a minute.

  “How long is this going to take?” Giselle asked.

  “Shhhh. I need complete quiet to concentrate.” Madam didn’t even open an eye. Another few seconds passed. Madam began breathing loudly in and out. She chanted, “Ohm. Ohmmm. Ohmmm.”

  “This is ridiculous. This is taking too long.” Giselle sighed in exasperation.

  The lid lifted on one of Madam’s eyes. “If someone hadn’t broken my crystal ball this would be a lot easier.” She went back to her trance.

  Giselle wanted to argue that it was Madam who had broken the crystal ball. She held her tongue. It was her sacrifice for Ry.

  Finally, Madam spoke. “Ry is outside. He’s definitely outside.”

  “Well, that narrows it down,” Giselle said.

  “Quiet, you stupid girl,” Kopeleski hissed.

  Madam spoke again. “It seems like he’s outside because I feel there is a breeze wherever he is. He could be inside, if it’s a drafty room. But I think he’s outside.”

  “So, he’s outside or possibly inside. That’s just great.” Giselle whirled on Kopeleski. “Why aren’t you helping?”

  “You’re absolutely right,” he said from his sprawled position on the settee. “I can join my vast psychic powers with Madam to increase the telepathic intensity of her trance.”

  That hadn’t been what Giselle had in mind. From what she had observed, if psychic powers were electricity, these two couldn’t light a fifteen-watt bulb between them.

  Kopeleski rose from the settee but his afghan didn’t rise quite as quickly. Ewww again. He went to the table and sat opposite Madam. They joined hands. Madam began swaying back and forth. It made it look like the two of them rowed the table like a boat. “Ohm. Ohm.” Madam stopped. Silence.

  “I’m seeing the letter F. The letter F is very prominent in the name of the vampire’s property,” Madam intoned. Then her eyes snapped open. “The name starts with an F,” she said excitedly to Kopeleski.

  “No, snooky.” He shook his head.

  “How about a G, H, I?”

  Kopeleski shook his head after each letter.

  “Is F in the name?”

  “Yes.” Kopeleski clapped his hands together. “It’s in the middle of the name.”

  “Aha. I was right.” Madam closed her eyes again. “I’m seeing the first letter in the name is a P.”

  “No, snooky, it’s a B.”

  “Same thing,” she snarled. “They look and sound the same.”

  “You’re absolutely right, snooky,” Kopeleski soothed.

  “Arrrrr! We don’t have time for this not-so-psychic hangman game. Ry could be the one getting hanged while you’re guessing at letters.”

  “It isn’t guessing. It’s very highly tuned psychic waves and you are obviously causing static, which is disrupting my ability to read clearly. You don’t understand the psychic process,” Madam said, not breaking her contact with Kopeleski. “Is there a U in the name?”

  “Yes, snooky.”

  “There is an S in the name.”

  “No, snooky, I’m sorry.”

  Giselle marched to Kopeleski’s side and grabbed him by the afghan. “Listen, Mr. Wizard. If you don’t tell me right now exactly where that property is, I swear I will find a way to sabotage every psychic endeavor, every séance, every reading, every spell you are involved in from this day forward.” Giselle growled it. She felt every bit of fierceness she possessed shone from her eyes. “I’m chaos, I’m poison. Remember me? You know I can do it.”

  Good. Kopeleski looked worried.

  “All right. I’ll tell you. The Vampire Lester has property in Bluffton.”

  Giselle pulled him, afghan then man, out of the chair. “You’re taking us there.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  This time when Giselle passed across the Talmadge Bridge, over the Savannah River, she rode in the passenger seat of the car and not its trunk. The bridge, a suspension type with dozens of cables, stretched from the downtown Historic District to a point on the border of Georgia and South Carolina. It had been built high enough to accommodate the enormous ships that sailed from the Atlantic Ocean to Savannah’s port.

  Even though the moonlight brightly illuminated the night, Giselle concluded, after a look down, down, down, to the dark water below, that being in the trunk had been easier. The full moon shone off the gold dome of the city hall, and Savannah’s riverfront looked postcard perfect from this height, but Giselle felt her palms becoming moist and her breath a little too breathy.

  Her hydrophobia had kicked in. Wait. Was hydrophobia fear of heights or fear of water? Maybe it was fear of rabies. She couldn’t recall. It didn’t matter. Whatever it was called, the distance off the ground made her nervous. Giselle exhaled in relief when the car arrived on firm, solid earth just the other side of the water.

  Madam drove her car, an enormous newish-model, white Cadillac. She had donned her usual psychedelic caftan garb and oversized glasses. Kopeleski sat in the backseat, at least in part since he perched with his face pressed between the two front seats. He was dr
essed in a burnt-orange-colored shirt with a blue-and-white-plaid kilt.

  Strange, Kopeleski didn’t sound like a Scottish name. But then the wizard definitely had a strangeness about him.

  “You take a right at highway forty-six,” Kopeleski blurted from between the seats.

  “I know how to get to Bluffton. I’ve lived in this area all my life,” Madam said in a testy tone as she gave the evil eye to the wizard via the rearview mirror. “Just give me the directions I don’t know.”

  “Yes, my little snooky doodles. But what don’t you know? I don’t know what you don’t know, you know?”

  “Argh.” If Giselle didn’t get away from these two soon she’d tear her hair out.

  “Just tell me when to turn,” Madam directed.

  “But, snooky, I did.”

  “Just tell her when to make a turn that isn’t obvious,” Giselle said impatiently.

  “Exactly,” Madam concurred.

  Uh-oh. Madam had agreed with Giselle on something. Did that mean that there’d been a dangerous misalignment of the stars that signaled the end of the world?

  “Although, if Ms. Hunter had agreed to sit in back it would have been a lot less difficult for you to guide me. But what can one expect,” Madam said in a martyred tone.

  What a relief. An insult from Madam. The stars slid back into their proper alignment and the world turned safely again.

  A cell phone rang. It wasn’t the Scooby theme, but it came from Giselle’s purse. She fished inside and drew it out. Ry’s phone. No ID for the caller could be observed on the face of the phone. She pushed the talk button.

  “Hello?”

  “Giselle?” It was Ry’s voice.

  “Ry, where are you? We were so worried. What happened to you? I came out of Lester’s house—”

  “Giselle—”

  “And you were nowhere to be found. And then I saw those guys Ren and Field peel out of—

  “Giselle.”

  “The garage and your cell phone and car keys just lay there. And the police were so mean to me. I went to your mother.”

  “My mother!”

  “And Kopeleski was there. But they wanted to waste time on locater spells and psychic hangman and—”