Wizards on a Rampage: A Tale of Two Realms (Mayr Stories Book 1)

by Lee Walsh

  “Let me introduce myself, my name is Eric Grindstone and it's a pleasure to finally meet you,” he said.

  “Eight, nine, and it's landed,” I whispered to myself and I turned to look at the man who had staked his claim to the name Eric Grindstone.

  +

  A CUNNING PLAN

  The evil mastermind, the ring-leader, the genius of the underworld, Percy Sunsword had a plan.

  Percy's frown upon realising these words grew more intense.

  “How many times do I have to tell you? I wasn't evil, or a mastermind, or any type of ring-leader,” the thuggish brute said.

  +

  AFTER CARVING A further seven lines into the wooden wall of my claustrophobic hut, I became more familiar with my new home and the criminal masterminds with whom I shared Hanging Gardens. I came to the conclusion that these people weren't criminal masterminds; they weren't even criminals mostly and very few of them could ever be called 'masterminds'.

  The revelation from the previous week had played on my mind frequently during the nights and I spent most of them wide awake trying to figure out if this guy was an honest criminal and the Eric Grindstone I once knew had been lying all along. Could the man I had met really be someone who wanted to be Eric Grindstone and introduced himself to everyone as Ecklewood's second most famous anarchist – behind Melody, purely for the attention?

  I decided it didn't matter. I was going to spend the next one hundred or so years suffering from travel sickness. This man, as far as I was concerned, was the real Eric Grindstone and it didn't matter to me whether he was or wasn't – he went by that name so that was what I should call him.

  Eric Grindstone and I became the closest of friends and he introduced me to a number of other friends who were convicted of crimes that could hardly be called crimes at all. One man had spent the last fifty years there for nothing more than talking to an orc in the wrong tone. Others had been there since The Great War and others for some of the pettiest crimes one could think of.

  The population fluctuated quite wildly as people found the travel sickness far too much to bear and threw themselves off the floating island. Others had coped and served their time before being released back on the unsuspecting town of Ecklewood.

  As the population went down, it went straight back up again with another wizard coming via the route of the hot air balloon. Eric was always the first prisoner to greet the newcomer; partly through nosiness to see who they were and partly to see what lame excuse the elves had thought up to imprison another innocent person.

  +

  Eleven minutes was all the wise men would allow due to their meditation and important appointments. Being wise men, they were quite popular as people went to them with all kinds of problems from the mundane to the quite serious. Eleven minutes of their time seemed adequate for everyone. Eric and I visited the wise men once again.

  The wise man who spoke the most said, “Perseus Sunsword,” so I corrected him.

  “Percy Sunsword, you are the one wizard who can help our party with the one of the kinds of quests that legends are made from. A quest which carries the hopes of all of Ecklewood. A quest which shall see you challenged mentally and physically. This quest will bring dangers beyond all other dangers and at worst, death. Our entire hopes are laid bare in your hands. We hope you and Eric can finally overcome these wicked elves and bring their oppressive regime down once and for all.”

  “Hang on a minute!” I said. “I haven't accepted it yet.”

  “You have to accept it,” said another of the wise men.

  Eric looked at me and I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to accept it.

  “All right, so I accept it,” I replied. “But what kind of quest are we talking about, here?”

  “To bring down the elves once and for all,” Eric answered. “We've all been imprisoned here because the elves are threatened by us. Our magic at this altitude doesn't work perfectly and that's the best way to imprison a wizard who appears to be threatening.”

  “But where do I come into this? Can't you sort all this out yourselves?” I asked, not knowing what I was getting myself involved with or if I met the criteria to be 'the one'.

  “Percy, we know what you did in the human realm. It caused the elves excruciating headaches and it was fantastic. Your actions spoke much louder than the words anyone could have uttered. You became an instant, powerful wizard, Percy. It is what we have planned for an eternity.”

  “I didn't do that much,” I answered.

  “Oh, but you did, Percy. You most certainly did,” one of the wise men said.

  +

  The first day of spring arrived six months later and the sun rose over Mayr and the blossoms on the trees bloomed at seven o'clock in the morning. Eric and I went to the edge of Hanging Gardens to look over at Ecklewood as we had done every day up until that particular day.

  “Here comes another,” Eric said pointing out the hot air balloon in the distance. “I wonder what this one has done.”

  “Probably turned a light on when the sun was still up,” I replied.

  “Yeah,” Eric said, looking on at the balloon as it slowly made its way up to Hanging Gardens transporting the latest not-so criminal not-so mastermind the elves had caught to what could be their final destination.

  I was becoming more and more curious as the balloon got closer to Hanging Gardens. I didn't expect it to be someone I knew but I was wrong.

  The balloon landed in its usual landing zone as orcs stood guard to make sure there was no trouble from the on-looking prisoners.

  There were more orcs than usual for this prisoner. A celebrity criminal? Perhaps one who'd actually committed a crime against common sense rather than again elvish sense. No, it was Melody Rangalf. The rebel witch with her rebellious good looks had finally been caught. Given her and Eric's rendezvous, she was sure to know who the fake Eric Grindstone was.

  Two orcs escorted Melody to her hut and stood guard as she entered. I waited patiently for the orcs to leave her hut and they did after a number of hours.

  “That's her,” I said to the real Eric.

  “Who?”

  “The witch I told you about,” I said.

  “Oh, that Wanda something?” he asked. “She's better looking than you made out,” Eric stated while rubbing his hands together and grinning.

  “No, not that one, her sister, Melody. She knows the man who uses your name in Ecklewood,” I said.

  We approached Melody's hut with caution. Taking one step at a time not knowing if Melody would welcome us or kill us. We got closer to the hut and the faint sound of a woman crying echoed. The sound of a broken-hearted woman is a sound that one can never forget. I wanted to find out why she was so upset.

  KNOCK, KNOCK.

  The crying stopped. “Who is it?” Melody asked through the door.

  “An old friend,” I answered.

  Melody came to the door and opened it. She threw her arms around me as though I was there to rescue her and set her free.

  “Hello,” I said. “Long time no see.”

  “Eric is a bastard!” she shouted.

  “Well, that's not nice,” Eric said.

  “He deserves it,” Melody replied.

  “Melody, the man you knew as Eric Grindstone wasn't Eric Grindstone. Eric Grindstone is here,” I replied.

  “A Pleasure, I'm sure,” said Eric, holding out his hand in order to shake Melody's. Her hands remained still as she looked at him dead in the eye and said nothing. She blinked.

  “What happened to you?” I asked, noticing the healing scars on her face and arms and the black streaks running from her eyes.

  “I spent time on Earth after you were caught and did some bad things within the human realm. They punished me by beating me every day before sending me here,” Melody claimed as she lowered her head.

  She turned to Eric, “who's this?”

  “The real Eric Grindstone, madame,” Eric said. “Now, will you shake hands with me? My a
rm is aching.”

  “And Eric?” Melody looked puzzled.

  “The man you knew in Ecklewood has been the bane of my life for a long time. His name is John Pietta. You might know his sister,” Eric claimed.

  “Agatha,” I said with a deep sigh.

  “The one and only,” Eric said. “Agatha and John work together to capture anyone who can rebel against the authorities; John persuades them to do bad things, Agatha arrests them. John frequently does bad things to gain the respect of other criminals whilst Agatha looks in the other direction. Together, they plot to bring down any type of rebellion. Agatha gains promotions for her troubles and pays John for the help. The criminals rarely do anything serious – often panicking at the last minute so John has to do some things himself. Agatha still convicts the others and never convicts her brother. He's too useful to her.”

  “How didn't I know about him?” I asked.

  “Because they hide it from everyone. I suppose they also told you John's father also works in the maintaining of the fabric. He doesn't. He's a smuggler from the human realm for the elves,” said Eric.

  “But that's illegal,” I said.

  “It's illegal to do it without permission,” Melody corrected.

  “Are you going to shake my hand or not?” Eric asked with his arm still dangling out reaching for Melody's. The two shook hands and Eric rubbed his arm better.

  The three of us continued talking about Hanging Gardens and Melody, after a few times of throwing up in a bush, came to the understanding that she would be there for the length of her sentence – two hundred and fifty-one years. More than double mine. I thought mine was harsh.

  “What can we do about John and Agatha Pietta?” I asked, turning to Eric.

  “Nothing much, we're here for too long. They will be heroes by the time we get back,” Melody answered.

  “Better late than never,” I said.

  At that very moment, I gained inspiration. Some might say a twinkle came to my eye – I came up with the moment cunning plan that anyone had ever had. “Don't speak too soon. I have the most cunning plan anyone has ever had,” I said.

  +

  We visited the wise men after deciding that we had no idea what to do and my title as 'the one' surely meant I should do something about it – maybe it just meant I was destined to have a plan.

  The three wise men sat there; one with his eyes covered, one with his ears covered, and the other with his mouth covered.

  “What are you doing?” Eric asked the one with covered eyes.

  “We saw it once in the human realm and it seemed like a positive message,” the wise man answered.

  “What positive message?” I asked.

  “I don't know,” he replied. “Just a sensible, positive message. The humans seem to like positive messages.”

  “Wait, you've been to the human realm?” Melody asked.

  “WHAT?!” yelled the one with his ears covered.

  “No need to shout,” Melody answered. The man with a covered mouth then started to mumble a little bit through his hands but we couldn't make out what he was saying.

  “Ignore these idiots,” the first wise man said. “They drew the short straws. The important thing is that we're nearly all here, I think. Are we all here?”

  “All who?” Eric asked.

  “All of the Wizards on a Rampage, the true an' originals,” the wise man replied.

  “That's our name, you can't take that,” I argued.

  “Yes, and thanks to your friend here, your name spread across Mayr very quickly. We liked the name and given the circumstances, we figured you wouldn't mind us using it,” said the wise man with his eyes still covered. “Anyway, are we all here?”

  “Yes, we're all here,” Eric answered.

  “Great,” he said. “We are three wise men.”

  “We know that,” I replied. “But have you really been to the human realm?”

  “Of course,” he said. “We went to the human realm during The Great War to recruit some help from an ancient race. The only thing we didn't count on at the time was that Ivor Pietta, the father of John and Agatha, would betray us and hand us into his daughter and the elves. They told everyone else we'd become insane and the humans had locked us up in their crazy-houses. It was all lies. They brought us here. Hanging Gardens was nothing more than a moon of Mayr back then but since convicting us, it has become a prison. We were the first ones here.”

  “That was you guys?!” shocked to finally meet the legendary wizards who had escaped and whose stories were famous in Ecklewood, my face reddened. Not from embarrassment and definitely not from anger but more than the three idiot wise men sat in front of me had much more of a story to tell. They had done things to bring down the elves and had experienced everything that I wanted to experience. The wise men weren't trapped in the human realm and imprisoned in crazy-houses. The elves had hidden them away from their families and their friends and told lies to keep the order in Ecklewood. These guys weren't cowards, they were heroes.

  “So, here's the plan,” the wise man continued. “We will have a meeting once every week and discuss how to bring down the elves and their oppressive ways.”

  “This sounds a little too familiar for my liking,” I interrupted. “I have a better plan.”

  +

  It was a dark night on Hanging Gardens; a starry sky overlooked the whole realm of Mayr with the only clouds covering Ecklewood in the distance and the ever-present rain poured down over the town. Hanging Gardens was full and there was no room for any more prisoners. Any crimes that were to be committed in Ecklewood would render the criminal in a small cell, similar to my old one, until a vacancy appeared on Hanging Gardens.

  Vacancies came up all of the time. When a criminal felt as though they'd had enough of the sickness and jump off to fall to their death; plummeting to the ground at the speed of a body falling from the sky and causing quite a mess at ground level.

  At exactly fifteen minutes past midnight, the balloon approached Hanging Gardens for the changing of the guards. Swapping over duties at the landing site of the hot air balloon.

  “What are your names anyway?” Eric asked the three wise men as we crouched in some bushes watching the balloon make its way to Hanging Gardens.

  “We cannot remember,” one of the wise men replied. “It has been a very long time and our names are no longer called out by anyone. When a name doesn't get used, it becomes forgotten. Time has long forgotten each of our names so we go by the names of One, Two, and Four now.”

  “What happened to Three?” I asked.

  “We don't know, we've forgotten him too,” the wise man replied.

  I was beginning to question the mental health of these three not-so-wise men. The six of us had planned for this moment perfectly, however, and these three wise idiots weren't going to stand in our way.

  We waited for the hot air balloon get closer to Hanging Gardens in a slow but steady motion carrying the latest orcs whose shifts were about to start. As the balloon got closer, Melody approached the guards still on-duty, walking towards them with no shoes and no socks. I could see the anguish in her eyes as she distracted them from their jobs for just a few minutes. Sliding their long pointed tongues between her toes and around the heel. Melody didn't have the same reaction as Wanda and actually seemed to enjoy it a little.

  Eric leapt off the edge of Hanging Gardens and grabbed the ropes which looped across the top of the hot-air balloon. He slid down the rope like an acrobatic monkey on a top-secret spy mission and kicked one of the orcs out of the basket with a manoeuvre he must have learnt in karate. The remaining two orcs pushed Eric out of the basket but the wise men and I merge magic together to help him float around the balloon. Another orc fell trying to get a hold of Eric.

  “Haha! Two down and one to go!” shouted one of the wise men.

  “NOW!” Melody shouted, running away from the distracted orcs. The wise men and I created a fireball and aimed directly at the hot-air bal
loon. The remaining orc panicked and jumped out of the balloon's basket but then realised the gravity of the situation he'd found himself in. Eric hopped into the basket. Melody was the next to take the leap of faith and Eric held his hand out for her as she did. She almost slipped but Eric saved her from becoming anarchist-flavoured soup on the ground. Orcs were never the most intelligent of beings and the ones chasing Melody's feet leapt off the edge after her. Needless to say, Eric didn't help them.

  Melody and Eric brought the balloon closer and landed safely on Hanging Gardens. We expected the commotion would have alerted the guards still on Hanging Gardens but they were chatting amongst themselves and playing cards. The plan was going perfectly. I jumped into the basket and we left Hanging Gardens in our getaway balloon.

  “Come with us,” I said to the wise men. “You don't deserve to be here.”

  “We should stay here,” one of them replied. “We will watch you from a distance and I want you to know that we back you in everything you do.”

  “But you were meant to come with us. That was the plan,” Eric said.

  “That was the plan, but this is our home now,” another wise man said.

  “I don't know how to thank you for your help,” I shouted as we began our ascent.

  “Don't thank us, just finish the work we once started,” the third wise man said.

  Eric, Melody, and I looked down at the three wise men as they became smaller and smaller as the balloon slowly drifted away from Hanging Gardens. The wise men waved back at us. We were finally free from Hanging Gardens and the three wise men would be avenged in time.

  Suddenly, at an unsafe height and making our way back down to Mayr, one thing dawned on me that I should have asked before coming up with this plan.

  “You know how to land this thing, right?” I asked Eric.

  “Not a clue, I thought you would.”

  “How would I know?”

  Melody looked at us both and sighed.

  “Boys,” she exhaled. “Let me show you how this is done.”

  We approached the ground slowly and Melody had a smug look on her face for knowing how to do such a thing.