Wizards on a Rampage: A Tale of Two Realms (Mayr Stories Book 1)

by Lee Walsh

  “Disgusting,” said Wanda. “It can't possibly work.”

  “Nothing that ever worked ever tasted or smelt good,” I replied. “Here goes nothing.”

  I poured the liquid into the loch. Every drop and made sure every drop went in. Immediately, it reacted with the water which started to bubble and hiss at us. We stepped back not knowing what was to happen.

  It wasn't long before the whole of the loch was bubbling and we were in a bit of a state of panic.

  “We need to get out of here,” said Wanda.

  “Wait,” replied Merlin. “I've never seen anything like this before.”

  After several minutes had passed, the bubbling stopped and all things were calm again. The human tourists who had taken photographs in amazement at what the water was doing. They didn't see what we did which is just as well considering the stories I'd heard about the humans seeing magic.

  “Nothing,” said Merlin.

  Wanda looked disappointed and lowered her head, “it's no use. She's going to be a monster forever.”

  “I'm sorry, honey,” Wanda and I exchanged looks. We looked deep into each other's eyes and could feel a sense – a sense stronger than I had ever felt before. A sense of a presence between us. This was the most unusual experience of my life. Something unusual had come between us and we both felt it.

  “It worked!” yelled Merlin.

  Wanda and I turned to him to see what he was so excited about.

  “Look!” he said, pointing to the floor between me and Wanda. “It's Nessy!”

  I looked down at the floor between me and Wanda. A woman lay there naked and confused. Face down in the gravel on the floor motionless.

  “Is she alive?” Wanda asked excitedly.

  “Yes!” Merlin replied with a wide smile exposing his teeth. “Oh, Nessy, my love. How I've missed you so dearly.”

  Wanda looked at me with one raised eyebrow. I looked back at Wanda with one raised eyebrow. Merlin seemed to have forgotten we were there and picked Nessy up in his arms, sat her down on a rock close-by, and started talking to her.

  “Aunt Nessy?” Wanda said in amazement.

  “Yes,” Nessy replied. “Have you met my husband?”

  “Husband?!” I exclaimed.

  “Yes,” Nessy replied. “We got married following the Great War but then gnomes attacked us and turned me into a monster.”

  “Gnomes?” I enquired.

  “Little bastards they are,” replied Merlin. “All sweet and innocent until they can sense power within their grasp. They'll do anything to get it without a single thought for anyone else's feelings.”

  “Uh huh,” agreed Nessy.

  Wanda and I looked at each other. There was a new, daunting quest on its way and we were the only ones who knew about it. A quest more dangerous than the last and a quest which, we thought, we surely have killed us off.

  +

  16

  WHAT DID THE GNOMANS EVER DO FOR US?

  “I know what you're going to do now,” claimed Percy. “You're going to say 'the lovers found out that they were in fact cousins' or something, aren't you?”

  …

  “Ha!” shouted Percy. “I knew it! It's fine though, we weren't blood relatives.”

  Percy and Wanda, the cousin-lovers who were also mastermind criminals, headed home leaving Merlin and Nessy to live their lives happily ever after in the surroundings of Loch Ness.

  “...” Percy said nothing. There was nothing he could say. He had no words. Percy was speechless for the first time in his life.

  +

  WANDA WAS HAPPY to help reunite long lost lovers. She made it clear how happy she was when she said, “I'm happy for those two.”

  “Me too,” I replied. “But is it a good idea to leave them in this realm?”

  “Yes,” said Wanda. “Mayr has changed and everything is different there now. This is the world they have been in for such a long time, they belong here now.”

  Wanda was, as always, right.

  “I like it here,” said Wanda. “It's different to Mayr.”

  I wasn't of the same sentiment but I wasn't to argue with Wanda. It had been a long day and we were both tired from such an eventful day. Wanda made us some delicious food but rather than cooking it, she magicked something magical up. A traditional dish from our homeland – a meal known as 'brick soup'. It was a popular dish during the rations of the Great War but tasted exactly like it sounded – like brick. The rations weren't very generous during that time for the wizards and witches of Ecklewood but it brought the sense of nostalgia to the taste buds.

  Once we'd finished the soup, we picked the bits out from our teeth and drank a glass of wine together while enjoying a talent show on television. I think the humans misunderstood the word 'talent' but whatever, it was hilarious anyway.

  One glass followed another glass and the two of us shared a sofa in the living room and enjoyed one another's company – perhaps a little too much, before heading to bed.

  +

  I couldn't sleep. Tossing and turning throughout the night, I felt homesickness creeping in. I missed the magic, I missed the different species. I even missed Billy but I had little doubt he'd have forgotten me by this point. He was living the life being the king of Mayr while Wanda and I were busy being relatively human.

  Shortly before the sun rose, I got out of bed and went downstairs without a wink of sleep. I poured myself a cup of tea in the same way humans do and went back upstairs to wake Wanda whose sleep was deep. I looked on at the wondrous beauty that was Wanda; her eyes closed tightly as if hiding from reality, her hair fell naturally over her face and the pillow, her legs – one out of the bed, one under the covers as if she feared nothing, her arms sprawled across the bed like she was looking for someone to share the bed with but that someone wasn't there, and listened as her snore grunted through the silence of the morning.

  I felt sorry for her after she'd told me about her endeavours and lust for a human. I didn't believe it to be love but Wanda was Wanda and love easily came to her. What she didn't have in looks came to her in personality and sheer awesomeness. As much as I loved the witch, I wanted her to be happy first and foremost – if that has to be with a woman, then I should accept that.

  I woke Wanda up as calmly and as quietly as I could. She stirred a little so I began to shake her softly. She stirred a little more but still wasn't for waking up so I took a pan from downstairs and shouted, “Wanda, Wanda, Wanda, there's a fire!” while clattering a wooden spoon against the pan in the loudest possible way. She woke up and didn't want to speak to me for some time afterwards.

  Wanda had her coffee strong and black and I had my tea one sugar with milk before we started to talk about the day's activities.

  “Shall we go to see Billy?” Wanda suggested.

  “That's not a bad idea,” I replied. “I was beginning to wonder how he's getting on being ruler and all that.”

  “Yeah,” replied Wanda. “We'll go back for a day or two and then come back here. I don't want to stay there for too long. This is home now.”

  Shortly after breakfast, the two of us left the house and walked to the field where we were greeted by our fairy friend. Wanda and the fairy began talking about babies and ladies stuff which I ignored and started with the right kind of magic to tear through the fabric that still separated the two realms before I was interrupted by Wanda, “I don't want to go back,” she said. I stopped.

  “What?” the fairy and I said simultaneously.

  “Well, it's peaceful here and I'm sure Billy is doing a great job back in Mayr. I'd like to spend some time with Aunt Nessy and your Uncle Merlin and catch up on the old times. Here, my life is my own and I'm as free as I'd like to be,” said Wanda. “Plus it'd be nice to bring some magic back into the humans' lives.”

  “I suppose,” I replied. “But what about us?”

  “Us?” Wanda asked. “What about 'us'?”

  “Well, after last night...” I began.

&nbs
p; “Last night?!” Wanda interrupted. “Bloody typical man! Always assuming that just because of one small thing that you own the woman!”

  “It's not like that,” I said.

  “No? So what is it like then?” asked Wanda.

  There was no more arguing. There was never any point in arguing with a woman with a tongue as sharp as a nail. I wanted to say something about the passionate kiss we'd shared while we ignored the television. Nothing else happened between us but considering our feelings were obvious, I figured it was the way it was going to be. I thought wrong.

  My eyes felt watery for those few moments before I left through the tear. I had to leave her in the human realm and make my own way to Mayr. Wanda might have been my best friend and closest ally but my home was Mayr and I had to go back, even if it was just for one last time. Wanda and I gazed lovingly into one another's eyes as I passed through the tear and finished the journey feeling a little queasy.

  +

  In the alleyway, behind Pete the Black's shop, there were no puddles – slightly uncommon as every previous time I had come back, I had landed in one and got my robe wet but this time, no rain fell from the sky above Ecklewood. The spell seemed to have been finally reversed, “well, that's certainly different,” I mumbled to myself.

  I left the alleyway not knowing what to expect but I was left unsurprised by the drunken wizards and witches and a few goblins wandering the streets as happy as they could possibly have been – just walking around, minding their own business and going about their lives as if there was no more elven control. I visited my old house which had changed for the worst. It wasn't in a great state when I lived there but now it was even worse. Where my house once stood averagely tall and averagely proud, now lay a lot of rocks and, behind it, a great big yellow bulldozer. Resting after a long day's work, it seemed.

  Unamused could be a word used to describe my feelings at that moment in time. What was a wizard to do without a house? Homelessness had never been allowed in Mayr so I had to do something. I didn't panic too much, however. Being back in Mayr was just a holiday and I was going to go back and win the heart of Wanda once I'd caught up with Billy – no big deal.

  I took my time strolling around Ecklewood and making notes on the changes that had occurred in m absence. The lack of orcs made for a pleasing sight but what didn't turn out so refreshing was when I learned that it wasn't only my house that had been reduced to rubble. A lot of other homes had been pulled down by a lot of other big yellow bulldozers. I couldn't for the life of me work out as to why Billy would have instructed such devastation to the town he once called home. To gather more of an understanding as to what was going on, I went to the one place you could guarantee knowledge would be spilt – the pub.

  Taking to the bar stool, I looked around at the fresh faces in the pub who I'd never seen in there before. Goblins and wizards and witches all chatting and mingling like Ecklewood was finally at peace. Minus the demolition squad moving into Ecklewood, this was exactly what I wanted before the whole overthrowing of the elves business – and the reduced price of beer.

  After some time, and more drinks, Eric walked into the pub but he didn't look happy to see me.

  “Have you seen what you've caused?” Eric asked.

  “What I've caused?” I replied. “I've been in the human realm.”

  “I know that,” said Eric. “You left your comrades and now everything is ruined.”

  “I'm not quite sure I understand...” I said.

  “Come with me,” Eric instructed.

  Granted, we had been successful in reducing the price of beer but the bad outweighed the good vastly. Chaos ad ensued in Ecklewood with demolitions everywhere and shops and the library closed down. Even the Bank of Wizardry had closed and that had been open for millennia.

  “What is all this about?” I asked Eric who offered little response to calm my inquisitive look.

  “That's not all,” said Eric as we walked towards the gates that once locked the wizards in their town.

  “The gates,” I said surprised at the lack of them. “Where are they?”

  “They needed the iron for weaponry,” replied Eric.

  I looked at him straight in the eyes. He was being serious. The word 'weaponry' scared me to death, “what on Mayr do wizards require weaponry for?”

  Eric didn't say anything further. He walked me out of Ecklewood and towards a hill on the other side of our town. A hill which overlooked the whole of Mayr; where you once could make out Ark-Gaiu in the distance and on a clear day you could see Raggar and the Orcish Mountains on the horizon. This was no clear day. Polluting factories and smog had taken over the realm. What I saw shocked me.

  “Industrialisation? In Mayr?” I said.

  “Yep,” replied Eric.

  What must have been hundreds and possibly a thousand factories and warehouses had been built in Mayr and littered the once-picturesque countryside. The greyness and the smoke from their chimneys corrupted the clear air once suitable for the lungs of any being. The air had become a poisonous toxin and one I wouldn't even deem fit for humans in the other realm.

  “But that's not all,” said Eric pointing up towards the sky.

  “Hanging Gardens,” I said with my jaw almost touching the ground. “What happened?”

  “They let the criminals free and Hanging Gardens went to ruins. Much like everything else around here,” Eric informed me.

  “How did all this happen?” I asked as I couldn't take my eyes off the derelict Hanging Gardens. The hot air balloon – presumably the replacement from the one we stole, lay on the ground below Hanging Gardens. The trees were as dead as doors and the windmill dysfunctional.

  “Your friend happened, that's how,” said Eric affirmatively.

  “Winston?” I asked.

  “No, the other one,” Eric replied.

  “The wise man?” I quizzed.

  “Try again,” said Eric.

  “Billy...” I sighed.

  “He's been running things into the ground. Everything is ruined and Mayr is dead.” I could see on Eric's face how much this meant to him. His entire life had been dedicated to the cause but now everything he loved had been ruined by something unknown to Mayr before. Everything the man, the anarchist had fought for had been destroyed by lacklustre rule.

  I knew, upon seeing the dirt, the smoke, and the grime, that it was up to me to do something this mess. This mess, somehow felt as though it had been caused by me. I only wanted to reduce the price of beer in Mayr but I had reduced Mayr itself to a dumping zone.

  +

  I readied myself for the adventure of my life. I was about to embark on the most important time of my life. Other than the time I became 'the one', and the time when I got caught in the human realm back when it was illegal, and the time I met Wanda, and the time Wanda and I shared an intimate moment while her naked aunt lay on the ground between us, and I suppose the intimate moment Wanda and I shared on the sofa while watching television. Oh, how I missed Wanda.

  This very moment was my moment. This time was my time. I was ready to become who I was always meant to be – 'the one'.

  Eric left me on top of the hill overlooking Mayr while I prepared myself for a journey to Ark-Gaiu. I had to put an end to this and to see how Billy was getting on being ruler. At this point, I was still unaware as to exactly how he'd become ruler but that was the last thing on my mind. What I wanted to do was to help Mayr get back to its former beautiful glory – the golden lands of magical beings. Maybe I could also reduce the beer a little bit more too, it was still expensive even at half price.

  I spent a number of hours just taking in what sights lay before me. I perched myself on the grass of the hill and contemplated what could be done. One option was to return to the human realm and be with Wanda – I could have forgotten Mayr ever existed. The second option was a courageous one filled with danger and dread – to travel to Ark-Gaiu and change the whole realm for the better, to make a difference. Then I could
return to Wanda and tell her my story of heroics. That of course, was the better option and the option I chose.

  I arose to my feet, checked that all was in place; my staff, my robe, my hat, and my mental state. Three out of four weren't bad so I decided it was time to make a move and set off on foot to the great city of Ark-Gaiu.

  +

  17

  A REALLY LONG WALK

  Percy's impact on the realm of Mayr was a negative one. With his anarchic ways and frustration at all forms of authority, Percy had another plan to bring down another ruling body of Mayr. Mayr hadn't been destroyed entirely and Percy's mission hadn't finished completely.

  Percy made a flippant remark, “now you're just being silly.”

  +

  UPON ENTERING THE famous Dark Forest of Really Tall Trees, I met the woodfolk who, given the current circumstances, were more than happy to talk to me. Woodfolk always travelled around the forests collecting animals before the winter but in the spring, it was unusual to see any. They travelled in herds but this one was on his own; sitting on a rock with his treetop head in his branchy hands.

  “Is crying a good idea?” I asked trying to lighten the mood. “You're wooden, wood and water don't complement one another too well.”

  The woodperson went silent for a moment, “are you mocking me?” His deep voice echoed around the forest. Birds flew out of his head.

  “Why would I mock you?” I asked. “I want to try to cheer you up.”

  “It's no use,” he replied. “You cannot cheer up the only living member of a species.”

  I couldn't argue. If you're a walking piece of rotten wood, life is difficult to say the least but being the only one must have been terrible.

  “How did his happen?” I asked. “I thought your kind just grow out of the ground.”

  “We did,” said the woodperson. “But the woods are being taken for materials. They don't have enough for their industrial revolution so they're burning my friends and family for resources.”