For him, now, she’d be the perfect companion on the circuit.
With one glaring exception: she’d never go.
To pick up where they left off—where they truly left off, not just this pretense of a friendship they’d strung between them, she’d either need to leave Martins Gap or he’d need to stay. Both were impossible, and they knew it.
Still, as he stood there with her hand in his the way it used to be between them, Luke found himself wanting that relationship back. He caught the spark of his touch in her eyes, saw the “what if” he’d begun to think himself.
“Come to San Antonio,” he repeated. “It’s beautiful there. We’ll do it up right. I’ll show you how it can be.”
He took her other hand, so that he now held both.
“I’ll think about it,” she said, her voice a bit breathy.
He gave her a smoldering smile. He still knew exactly how to sweep her off her feet. “You do that.” Not everything had changed—he could convince her to say yes, he could flood her with charm until she couldn’t think straight.
At least that’s what the old Luke would have done. He surprised himself by not wanting to pull that kind of stunt anymore. Who was this man who now wouldn’t stoop to anything to get what he wanted?
The answer came to him like a tap on the shoulder. The underdog. A man who’s been down knows the value of true friends, of real loyalty. The line about the difference between “pretty” and “beautiful” had been no line. His suffering had helped him look past the superficial and understand what really mattered. In these past weeks Luke had come to see that the very things that made Ruby seem like a bad fit for the circuit back then made her the companion he needed now.
San Antonio may be all they got together. They’d return to their separate lives after that, though he believed they’d always stay in touch from now on. As she squeezed his hands and headed back to her mom, San Antonio burned in his chest for more than just his chance to master JetPak. San Antonio would be his chance to give Ruby the farewell she deserved. Because he knew, now, that a true goodbye is not the same thing as being left behind.
The woman Ruby was now was no woman to be left behind. Which made it all the harder to know she was a woman he couldn’t keep by his side.
Chapter Seventeen
The remaining weeks flew past at lightning speed. Luke behaved in his therapy sessions, worked harder than Ruby had ever seen him work and pressed forward with such determination that she began to believe he truly would pull his exhibition off. He showed up at church every Sunday, often joining her and Oscar for their Sunday afternoon romps in the park. They would talk, and laugh and pretend neither of them felt the constant pull toward what they had once been to each other.
As the fateful weekend in September arrived, Ruby found herself driving into San Antonio with a mixture of dread and excitement. They’d worked so hard to get here. He’d pursued his training with a single-minded zeal, relaxing only when she commanded him to do so. So now, the crucial moments were upon them.
Them, not just him, because Ruby no longer fooled herself that her life wouldn’t be forever changed by what happened here Saturday night. He would either succeed and depart from her life, or he would fail and then who knew what would happen next?
Ruby had seen rodeo events before, but this one felt ten times larger in every respect. Yes, the touring division wasn’t on the same scale as the world championships—those big-purse divisions had their events in places like New York City and Las Vegas—but this event was still big, loud, frantic and relentless. The arena could have held all of Martins Gap five times over, and the thing went on for days.
Luke told her the whole event had a prize purse topping one million dollars, and it looked like it. Carnivals, shows and contests filled the grounds and packed every surrounding hotel for miles around. Concerts with big stars gave a Hollywood glitz to the place that Ruby could see suited Luke’s love for the “larger than life.”
Luke’s ride of JetPak had been tacked on to the bull riding night as an exhibition ride—no competition but loads of visibility. As such, Luke wasn’t competing against anyone but the bull and himself. Ruby couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad one.
Her hotel room had been paid for by the jeans company sponsoring Luke’s “Comeback vs. JetPak”—as it had been billed. He’d been shuttled from interview to interview over the last few days, necessitating that she scoot in to supervise his ongoing exercises during gaps in his schedule. They’d finally managed to get a pair of free hours on Friday night, during which Luke insisted they head to the carnival rather than squeeze in more therapy. She was grateful he’d chosen to relax a bit, as he’d been tightly wound since arriving in the city.
“What do you think?” Luke said as they bit into a pair of deep-fried Oreos.
The fried cookies were absurdly delicious. “I could probably only get away with eating one of these every five years. Is there anything they don’t fry here? How does anyone survive eating this stuff all the time?” Ruby replied, licking her lips.
“Hard to say. Nolan is a fan of the chicken-fried bacon, but then again Nolan sees a cardiologist.”
Seeing Luke in his element like this, it was easy to see that Nolan wasn’t the influence she’d assumed. Nolan simply cleared the path for the crazy pace Luke set for himself. A frenzy which seemed to feed Luke as much as it made her dizzy. Looking at his schedule and the way he sailed through it with aplomb, she would never guess the man had been seriously injured. It made her that much more grateful for this small break for him to wind down a little.
As they finished off another fried confection—and Ruby began to wonder if the jeans she’d brought would still fit on the drive home—Luke pointed to the event’s enormous Ferris wheel. “Wanna?” he asked, his eyes lit up in invitation.
Ruby looked up. “It’s huge.”
Luke nodded, adjusting his hat as he followed her gaze up to the top. “Best view of the place. I expect you can see the River Walk from up there. And, darlin’, this is the calmest ride I’ll consent to go on, so now’s your chance. Skip this and I might drag you onto that.” He pointed toward something doing crazy corkscrews in the night sky that made Ruby’s stomach drop out just watching it.
It would get Luke sitting down for at least twenty minutes—something she hadn’t seen him do all day. “Sure.”
Suddenly, she felt eighteen again, waiting in line at the local carnival as colored lights flashed around them. When Luke took her hand to help her up into the Ferris wheel car, she let him. When he didn’t let go but squeezed it tight as the car ascended the great glistening arc, she told herself it was okay to cling to him—it was a mildly unnerving thing to be up so high amid so many people, after all.
“Look at it, Ruby, all spread out and sparkling.” She supposed that paradise to him would look very much like this place—full of lights and sounds and thrills. Ruby’s idea of perfection would look very different—calmer and less frantic, full of people she knew and loved rather than a bunch of strangers.
It was just another way they were different.
The Ferris wheel slowly moved toward the top as each car filled. Luke pointed up to the star-filled sky. “See?” he said, gesturing wide with his hand as if the place was his personal kingdom. “Best view of the place, just like I said.”
She felt a rush at the splendor of the view. “It is amazing.” A breeze whirled around them, and she didn’t mind when he put his arm around her to shield her from the chill. It felt so much like old times, back before everything grew painful and complicated. She couldn’t deny it was fun, thrilling even, to see Luke in his element. “I didn’t think I would like it much,” she admitted, “but it’s fun.”
“A far cry from Martins Gap, that’s for sure.”
Ruby pointed to one of the smaller venues. “You
could fit the whole town just in there. Your niece is going to love the sheep and the goats when she gets here.” All the Bucktons were scheduled to arrive tomorrow in advance of Luke’s big ride on JetPak. “I’m glad they’ll all be here for you.”
He settled back against the cab, stretching out his bad leg the way he always did when it bothered him. “Me, too, but I’m glad to have some time before they show up.” He looked at her. “Time with you.” He let his head fall back, taking in the stars. “I can unwind with you, you know? You’re probably the only person in this whole place who doesn’t want something from me.”
So it did tax him. He made like it was all great fun, but she suspected the constant attention and endless demands were more draining than he admitted. “How are you feeling?” Today was the last day she could work him hard—and she had—so she suspected his leg hurt a bit. Otherwise, from a physical standpoint, Luke was as ready as he’d ever be.
“Fine. Mighty fine.” He drew the words out with a drawl. The car began its descent around the wheel, picking up a bit of speed. “We must be full up. Here we go.”
The ride became a series of stomach-lurching swoops down and up, pulling whoops from Luke and squeals from Ruby. Luke threw his hands up in the air while Ruby clutched on the bar that stretched across their laps. The pure, silly fun rejuvenated her from all the pressures of the past few days, from the worries over how bad Grandpa had looked when she left and the concerned looks Mama had been giving her for days. One little nostalgic slice of happiness in a place where everything seemed too huge and too important. Ruby laughed and screamed, hiding her eyes one moment and popping them wide open the next.
Then—because there was always a “then”—the wheel slowed to begin letting riders off. She caught her breath as the cab began to work its way up the wheel. So much of her wanted the ride to last longer, to spend a few more minutes being silly and effortless with Luke. Over the past weeks they’d managed to capture the best part of what they’d had together back then, but at the same time it was different, older, truer—if that was a word—because of who they were now.
* * *
Luke couldn’t remember a time he’d laughed this hard. He smiled all the time since he’d arrived here in San Antonio—both because he wanted to and because he had to. But laugh? Real throw-your-head-back and laugh? He hadn’t done that in ages. Ruby’s squeals seem to tickle all the way down his back, and he felt lit up like the banks of lights below them.
It didn’t take any effort. Being with Ruby had always been effortless. He’d spent so much time trying to impress the right people and say the right things and make the right connections out on the tour that he’d forgotten what it felt like just to “be” with someone. No agenda, no conversation to make happen, no impression to be made, just be.
When the car stilled at the top of the wheel, with the whole wide sky of stars sparkling above them and in Ruby’s brown eyes, it was as if his heart refused to stay put. He turned Ruby to face him, delighting at all the joy he saw in her face. “Let me kiss you, Ruby. Just once, here, now, or I think I’ll die of wanting to.”
He wasn’t the kind of man who asked for a kiss. He knew just how take one from her if he wanted to. And he knew he could take one now, and the consequences wouldn’t be too dire. He could overwhelm her with charm until she gave in. After all, his specialty in life had always been knowing how to get exactly what he wanted. But right now, what he wanted most of all was for her to willingly choose to give this to him.
She nodded, not even realizing her tongue licked those impossibly pink lips in a way that drove him crazy. He would have thrown a thousand dollars he didn’t have down to the man at the controls if it would stop the wheel for an hour and strand him up here with Ruby.
Luke slipped one hand around the back of her neck, the soft waves of her hair brushing the back of his palm. She smelled so good—soft and delicate but still bright and spirited. When he settled his mouth over hers, it all came rushing back. All the star-struck love, the way she made him feel as if he could own the world, the way his heart felt as if it found the one place on Earth it truly fit. Martins Gap was where he was born, but Ruby had always been his true home.
But this time, it wasn’t a boy kissing a girl, it was a man kissing a woman—and the difference shook him. Ruby was warm and strong and equal. He hadn’t expected that to course through him the way it did, but her strength lit something in him he’d long forgotten was even there. He’d spent the past years being liked, admired, wanted, pushed, pulled and even judged, but kissing Ruby reminded Luke what it was like to be loved. When her arms slipped around his neck, a hole opened up inside him. One he’d kept covered for years, one he’d convinced himself didn’t even exist anymore.
Who was he kidding? He couldn’t be friends with this woman. He couldn’t hope to be anything but in love with her. He fell right back in love with her with every kiss. Back when he was eighteen, he’d have told the world he couldn’t love Ruby Sheldon more than he did. Right now told him how wrong he was. What he felt now as a man was truer, deeper, stronger than what that boy had felt.
By the time they were halfway to the bottom of the ride, Ruby pulled away, breathing hard. “Luke...” Her eyes were wide, and he could feel her heart slam against his chest to match his own wild heartbeat.
“I know,” he said, breathless himself. “I know.”
She tried to pull away from him a bit, but he wouldn’t let her. He wasn’t about to back away from this moment or let her do the same. She ran one hand through her hair, flustered. He understood the response—he felt mixed up inside, too. Only it was a right kind of mixed up, a worth-it kind of jumbled that felt like things falling messily into place. A perfect order he couldn’t quite see yet but could believe was possible.
“This isn’t right,” she said.
“Are you sure?” he questioned. “It’s complicated—I get that—but it feels right to me. We were good together then, maybe we’ll be better together now.” Their car was only a few stops away from the bottom and Luke fought the panic that told him if he let Ruby back away now, he’d lose her. I can’t lose her. Not now when I’ve just figured out how much I need her.
Ruby flung her hand at the lights and noise drawing closer. “This is you. This isn’t me.”
Luke lay his hand against her cheek. “No, darlin’. This is me.” He looked right into her eyes, deep into the velvety brown of them—a color he’d never ever forgotten. “This is us. The rest is just window dressing. We can find a way.”
“We can’t find what isn’t there, Luke. What I feel doesn’t change facts.”
There was so much struggle in her tone. “What do you feel?” He felt sure the current that surged through him right now was as strong for her. He’d felt it in her kiss, but he needed to hear it in her words.
“Too much.”
He had to smile at that. “Ain’t that the truth.”
The car moved again—two more stops and the ride would be over. “It can’t work,” she said. “I still care for you but I can’t see how it would work.”
Luke still loved Ruby. He knew it with a certainty that dared any of the facts to stand in his way. “Do we have to see how right now? Can we just take today, and tomorrow, and work it from there?”
“If I say yes to this...”
She didn’t finish the sentence, but he knew her well enough to know what she was thinking. It’d have to be forever. Did he have forever in him? Did he even know what forever looked like? Ruby would need promises, assurances, vows, and those things were foreign territory to him. Luke went with the only truth he knew for sure. “I want to try, Ruby. I want to try so bad I can barely breathe. Don’t back away. Not now, not yet. Give us a chance.” The cab started descending again and he kissed her with everything he had to give. “Give us a chance,” he repeated.
She’d always told hi
m she loved him with her eyes more than anything else, and he could see the love now. It shone, true but fragile, despite the flashing lights and sounds of the carnival now surrounding them. Luke held on to her hand, an unspoken “I won’t let you go.” His heart glowed in gratitude when she kept her hand in his as they got off the ride. Holding her hand felt like a lifeline right now—one he desperately needed. “Let’s get out of this noise, okay?”
“I’d like that. But where?”
His heart knew the place before his brain did. It was the last place he usually wanted to be before a ride, but somehow it felt like the only place he’d find any peace right now. “I know where. Come on.”
Chapter Eighteen
The security guard gave Luke a suspicious glare when Luke showed his badge. Ruby suspected he had any number of reasons to question why Luke would want to be in the arena the night before a ride. The concert had let out, and the stage crews were working on the dirt floor that would host tomorrow’s rodeo events. Even with all that noise, the place still held a looming emptiness, a canyon of vacant seats.
He led her to one of the rows overlooking the stock pens. In hours it would be filled with the snuffling and shuffling of bulls and horses, but for now it was a vastly vacant space. The dark emptiness made it feel close and huge at the same time. He sat down, pulling her down next to him by the hand he’d continued to hold since the Ferris wheel. He clung to her. He’d never done that before.
“Give me tonight and tomorrow, Ruby. Just these two days. We’ll figure it out after that, I know we will.” His hand still held tight to hers.
She wanted to feel as certain as Luke seemed to, but it eluded her. There were too many complications in the way. She couldn’t plunge headlong into a wall of obstacles the way Luke could, and all she could see—when Luke wasn’t blinding her senses with irresistible kisses—were obstacles. Dozens of them.
The Bull Rider's Homecoming Page 14
