Luke grew quiet, and she looked up to see his eyes on the row of chutes below them. One of those would pull open tomorrow to unleash his battle against JetPak. What would it feel like to have your whole future hinge on eight seconds? To have everything boil down to one moment like that?
“I’m scared.” He said it softly, quickly, as if he could barely stand to voice the words.
She felt her heart crack open just then. As if her heart needed to see him drop his guard before it would admit to the power of what still flowed between them.
She wrapped both her hands around his. Whatever would come—or not come—between them, she knew what that admission cost him. “You’re ready,” she said. “You know you are.”
“My body’s ready.”
She looked at him, puzzled.
“I’m not so sure my soul is.”
Oh, Father, he’s looking for You. He’s ready to come back to You. “God doesn’t care what happens tomorrow.”
Luke practically snorted, making her realize she hadn’t put that quite right. She burst into laughter as he said, “Well, that’s not very comforting. I kinda hoped I had the Almighty on my side.”
“I said that wrong. He cares what you want. He knows how much this means to you. What I meant to say was that His love for you and your value to Him won’t change no matter what happens tomorrow. You can trust Him with the outcome. I’m trusting Him with the outcome.” The outcome of a lot of things.
“I know that. I knew it before, though I’d sort of forgotten it for a while.” He cracked a smile. “But some pushy therapist made me promise to plant my backside in a church pew a while back, and I guess some of it stuck. Or re-stuck.”
The comfort of hearing that spread a warm glow in her chest. She didn’t want to have to watch God break Luke to get his attention. “I’m really glad to hear that. It makes tomorrow easier for me—and for you.”
Luke slumped down in his seat, running one hand through his hair. “Oh, nothing about tomorrow is gonna be easy.” His eyes wandered to the chute gates again, and she could feel the tension radiate out into the air around him. He lifted his gaze to take in the huge arena. “But as tough as it is, I’ve missed this. The lights, the sound, the crowd, the all-or-nothing of it. Life feels two hundred percent in here, always did. Tough, hard, but the highs were as high as the lows were low, you know?”
She didn’t. She could appreciate the spectacle, but to live in a world like this? Do this week after week? Sure, not all events were on this scale, but that wouldn’t alter how foreign the world felt. The “all-or-nothing” that he loved had no appeal at all to her. How could she feel so much for the man and so little for his world? “You’ve always belonged here.”
He must have caught the resignation in her voice, for he turned to her. “I belong with you. It took me all this time to figure it out again. How we make this work is just another problem we’ll solve, like we’ve solved all the other stuff.” He ran one hand through her hair, sending tingles down her neck. “I want to get on the bull tomorrow knowing you’re here waiting for me afterward. I’m not asking for more than tomorrow right now.”
He left a small, soft kiss on her cheek. The tenderness of that undid her more than the power of his earlier kisses. It made her mind spiral into all kinds of “what if” fantasies about who they could be now. She knew those to be dreams, but didn’t dreams sometimes come true?
Just as many times, they didn’t. Tomorrow would tell.
She put her hand on top of Luke’s “I think it’s time we both got some rest, don’t you?”
“There you go, always looking out for me.” He rose, slowly and carefully unfolding his long legs from the tight stadium seating, and extended a hand to pull her up. “I’ll sleep better, having kissed you. Am I allowed to say that?”
She laughed as she rose. “It’s cheesy, but I’ll allow it.”
He slipped an arm around her waist once they were standing. “Pray for me tonight, will you?”
The glow in her chest doubled. “I will, just as I have been all along, but I think you ought to do some praying for yourself. And not just the part in the arena at the start of the event.”
“Believe it or not, I was planning to before you even said something. You’re good for me, Ruby. Always were. I want to show you how good I can be for you. To you. I know I’ve got a lot of time and things to make up for.”
All that felt far distant in the past. She was surprised by that, thinking the old wound would sting forever. When she’d gotten out of that car on the Blue Thorn Ranch all those weeks ago, she was only expecting closure. Maybe even a little justice, and if she was brutally honest, some payback. She’d gotten so much more. She’d healed right alongside him. That had to count for something, didn’t it? “We are good for each other. But...”
He put one finger to her lips. “No ‘but’s. Not yet. I know they’re there, but let’s just leave those for later. You’re always saying God’s a big God, maybe now’s the time we learn how to trust Him with the answers we can’t see yet. I’m not asking for forever Ruby—I don’t have the right to that yet. I’m only asking for tomorrow.”
She could give him that. She wanted to give him that. Ruby simply nodded, the moment feeling too big for words.
His smile could have lit the arena. “I’ll take you on back to your hotel now. Thanks for a wonderful night. Best I’ve had in forever.”
A large part of her wanted to say the same, but she simply kept quiet as they walked hand in hand out of the arena and back toward the hotel.
* * *
5:45 a.m.
Ruby stared at the yellow numbers of the complicated hotel room clock and the soft glow they gave to the unfamiliar room. She hoped Luke had gotten a better rest than she had, for she’d tossed and turned most of the night. Her mind had been whirring in too many directions to make much sleep possible, and she reached for the light switch with an unwelcome weariness. Today felt too big to handle on so little sleep.
Luke’s ride was set for around four, just after the opening of the special finale championship showcase event. While Luke’s day would be jam-packed, hers was surprisingly empty until the event. I’d better catch a nap this afternoon if I can, she thought to herself as she yawned. If he met with victory, Luke would want to celebrate all night. Right now, Ruby felt like she’d barely make it to Audie’s bedtime, much less Luke’s.
She padded over to the window and pulled open the curtains to see the beginnings of a sunrise peep up over the event grounds. Now that it was quiet and layered in pastels, the place seemed to suit her better than its loud and flashing state last night. Maybe all the rodeo world wasn’t so garish as she thought. Perhaps outside the actual events, a different world—a different life—could be had. Maybe Luke was right and there was a way to mesh their futures. She’d heard most rodeo cowboys worked on Sundays, so they had cowboy church at times they could attend and places convenient to their life. It could be done. There were grounded, faithful family men who also worked the rodeo circuit.
But that wasn’t Luke. At least not yet. You’ll have to help me on this one, Lord, she prayed. I can’t see my way through clearly at all.
First things first. Ruby followed the directions on the tiny hotel coffeepot and set it to brew while she climbed into the shower. The bathroom here was twice the size of the one at home, shiny and luxurious. The kingsize bed felt huge and indulgent—a waste of a sleepless night, to be sure. A deliciously long, hot shower would do her a world of good. There were certainly lots of things to like in this life, even though she knew most bull riders were barely scraping by financially. Would Luke have to go back to that scrabble of a life, or would he relaunch near the top and just keep going?
Indulging in the soft, fluffy bathrobe that came with her hotel room, Ruby sat down on the bed with her coffee and checked her phone.
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She nearly dropped the coffee when she saw three messages and a “Call me now” text from Mama.
Shaking, it took her a minute to remember how to listen to her voicemail messages. When she finally got it to work, a trio of panicked calls met her ears. Call one was “I’m calling an ambulance for Grandpa. He doesn’t know where he is or who I am.” Call two was “We’re in the ER now, and he’s angry. He’s fighting the doctors. I’ve never seen him like this. Where are you, Ruby?”
Call three was from five minutes ago—she must have had the hair dryer going—and the worst of all. “Why haven’t you answered? They’re admitting Pop and saying things I don’t understand. They’re talking about him having to have a breathing tube. I need you, Ruby. Call me!”
Grandpa. He’d been feeling badly all week, given to coughing fits and such, but she’d talked herself out of the idea of his being in any danger because she wanted to be here. A twist of guilt gripped her stomach alongside the fear. Grandpa was frail. He could die and she wouldn’t be there. Mama feared this most of all—losing Grandpa faster than she could bear to say goodbye—and Ruby was hours away.
It didn’t take a moment’s thought. Ruby threw on the nearest set of clothes and began stuffing everything else into the little suitcase she’d brought. Three hours was a long drive, but every second she stayed here was another chance for Grandpa to slip away. She called her mother as she zipped up the bag.
“Ruby! Where have you been, child? I was sure I’d wake you up when I called a minute ago, not find you gone—away from your phone.” Mama’s voice was sharp with fear and tears.
“I woke up early. I was in the shower. I’m on my way Mama. I’ll be there in three hours. Are you at Memorial?” She prayed they hadn’t found a need to move Grandpa into Austin for more extensive treatment, even though it was closer to San Antonio than Martins Gap.
“Yes. They got an IV and fluids into him, but they’re still considering putting him on a breathing machine. It’s like he just woke up a different man at four a.m.—he was so confused and upset with these horrible coughing fits. They could barely get him into the ambulance.”
Ruby yanked on her shoes. “What have they told you?”
“Some kind of infection. Kidney maybe, liver maybe, but they also think he has pneumonia. He’s got such a high fever. They’re putting so many antibiotics into him I can’t keep them straight. They’re going to do a chest X-ray in about a half hour. He wasn’t like this when he went to bed last night—it all happened so fast.” Mama’s voice broke. “I don’t want them to put a tube down Pop’s throat. I’m not ready to say goodbye to him. Not yet.”
Ruby scanned the room for any remaining belongings, letting one sharp stab of the day she’d leave behind push through the certain knowledge that right now, Martins Gap was where she needed to be. A rodeo comeback was a fine thing, but Mama’s fear and Grandpa’s health were much more important.
I should call him, she thought to herself as she pushed the elevator buttons. Stop by his room. But what would she say? He had his family with him today, she needed to be with hers. He’d be upset, but he’d understand if she used the right words. If he truly cared for her the way he seemed to last night, he’d know she needed to leave.
But it would throw him. On a day he couldn’t afford to be thrown—literally. A quick check of her phone told her it wasn’t even 7:00 a.m. I’ll think about what to say on the road, then call him in an hour or so.
Checking out took far too long. Finding her car in the vast parking lot took too long, everything took too long. She wanted to wish herself back to Martins Gap in a heartbeat, be able to reach for her mother’s hand instead of looking for the highway onramp she missed the first time.
Don’t take him now, she pleaded to God as she pulled out onto the wide highway, empty at the early hour. Not yet. If You are calling him home, please wait until I get there. I’m trusting Grandpa and Luke to your care, Lord. Don’t give me reason to regret being far from either of them.
Forty minutes later, while she refilled the gas tank, Ruby stared at her cell phone. The words to tell Luke she wouldn’t be there for his ride simply hadn’t come. Fatigue and fear kept all the right things to say just out of reach. I’ll call him from the hospital when I know more. He won’t miss me until after the ride anyway, maybe it’s kinder not to tell him yet. Or I can always have Granny B tell him. She’ll know what to say and how to say it.
Ruby would be with him in spirit, and in prayer. She might even get Ellie or Gunner to send her cell phone video of the ride while it happened. She’d find a way to be both places at once the best she could.
Going home to be with Mama and Grandpa is the right thing, isn’t it, Lord? Ruby prayed as she paid for her gas and a large strong coffee to keep her going. It’s not a perfect solution, but I don’t know what else to do.
Chapter Nineteen
Luke gaped at the desk clerk. “She can’t have checked out. Look again.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but Miss Sheldon checked out before I got on shift at seven this morning. All I’ve got is the record here, and that’s what it says.”
“Did she say why?”
The clerk gave him the look such a question deserved—of course the guy wouldn’t know why Ruby had left. But he ought to know—he had to know. He’d told her he wouldn’t have time to see her before the ride, so she wasn’t expecting him, but he hadn’t slept well and wanted to see her. Needed to see her, to get back the grounding he had to feel for this afternoon.
He needed Ruby and she was gone. Luke turned in a slow circle, one hand scraping across his chin, at a complete loss for what to do. It was after ten. He had a final interview with Rachel Hartman in an hour. His family would be here an hour after that. How was he going to find Ruby in this huge place in under an hour? If she was still here at all.
Instead of being helpful, his family’s impending arrival just made him feel worse. He’d planned to tell Gran before the ride how he was going to try and make a go of it with Ruby. He’d arranged for Ruby to sit with his family. He wanted to look up into the stands just before he settled onto that bull and know they were there for him. How could he do that now?
Luke stepped away from the front desk to stare at his cell phone again. He had to have somehow missed a call or text from her, right? Nothing. He started to call her, then stopped, stunned by a thought. Did I scare her away? He’d come on awfully strong last night. It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed too hard for something he wanted so badly. And he did want her. He needed her by his side. Once he’d figured that out, it was as if he couldn’t stop himself from convincing her that’s where she belonged.
He sank down into a lobby chair, his head in his hands. He’d had a terrible night’s sleep, and now this. For a guy who needed to be at the top of his game, he felt lost and worried.
I didn’t push too hard, did I, Lord? Tell me I didn’t scare her away. You want me coming to You, well now You’ve got it. Only if You know me as well as Ruby says You do, You know I can’t pull this off without her. So here I am. Find her. Bring her back to me.
Fatigue, worry and even anger boiled up in equal parts as he pushed the elevator button for his hotel room floor. His plan had been to surprise her by taking her to breakfast, but he might as well just get room service now. He didn’t want to be with anyone if he couldn’t be with Ruby.
Luke grabbed an apple from the fruit basket Nolan had sent while he paced around the room waiting for his breakfast. How could Ruby leave? Why would she leave? It had to be something huge—an emergency with her mom or grandfather or something—but why wouldn’t she have found a way to let him know if that was the case? It wasn’t like Ruby to just leave.
But it was like him. The realization soured the apple in his mouth. Hadn’t he done the same thing? Just leave? Oh, he’d told her why he was leaving—and had been cru
el about it besides. Some part of him had wanted to make her hate him back then, to frame it as a dramatic breakup rather than just the cowardly discarding it truly was. Nolan had fed him a bunch of hogwash about how he needed to be “handsome and available,” how a wild lifestyle was an asset to a bull rider trying to make a name for himself, how a sweet hometown girl wouldn’t fit the image he’d need to portray.
Nolan had been wrong. Luke tossed the apple into the garbage. Tomorrow, he’d sit down with Nolan and hammer out a way to make his career work on the terms he wanted. Terms that included Ruby.
He picked up his cell phone and texted four words to Ruby: Please PLEASE call me.
His thumbs hovered over the keyboard, itching to add three other words. I love you. He did love her. Hadn’t ever stopped loving her, now that he thought about it. Only a text message wasn’t the way to say those words, not for the first time in six years. He’d tell her the minute he saw her—if he could figure out how to make that happen.
Luke stared at the phone, willing it to light up with a reply. It didn’t. Part of him yearned to hunt her down, to find her and tell her how he felt right now, to make sure something awful hadn’t happened and that he’d only spooked her with his over-the-top display last night. It wasn’t possible that she’d really left him for good. He’d reached out, now he had to wait.
He hated waiting for anything, much less this.
What’s the point in making her unreachable, Lord? Could it be that the best thing he could do right now was give her time? On a day like today, it felt impossible. He needed her. He’d never been more aware of how much he needed her.
And really, how selfish was that? He’d done this whole thing on his terms. He’d never really asked her if she wanted to come—just told her to be here. He’d made the hotel reservations for her before he’d bothered to ask. Had he pressured her into coming somewhere she’d rather not be because it’s what he wanted? He’d turned on every ounce of his persuasive charm last night, determined to win her over. To make her do what he wanted.
The Bull Rider's Homecoming Page 15
