Where I Wanna Be

by Vera Roberts

  “I’m getting an apartment,” Eli replied back. “Nathan is going to start staying with me every other week and some weekends.”

  Simone stopped kissing Eli’s neck and looked up at him. Her dreams of Happily Ever After were starting to transform into Discouragingly Never Gonna Happen. “I thought we were moving in together?”

  “I can’t do that right now, Moni.” Eli rubbed her shoulders. “I don’t want to confuse Nate.”

  “You mean you don’t want to commit to me?” She corrected.

  The stress and tension that had disappeared from Eli reappeared with his girlfriend’s line of questioning. “Don’t start that shit, Moni.”

  “No, I kinda do want to start that shit, Eli,” she sat up and straddled him, “I’m tired of being your little secret. I deserve to be a part of your life in every way.”

  “And you will be,” he replied, “but on my terms.”

  Simone folded her arms. “And what terms are those?”

  The real answer was that whenever Eli felt like re-introducing her to the family, he knew they weren’t going to accept her and would only pretend to be nice for his sake. Any sisterhood Simone was expecting from Tiana and Zerrin wasn’t going to happen. He could already imagine the persistent eye-rolling, teeth-sucking, and below the belt digs that were sure to bounce between the two women; like a tennis match. The other answer was that Eli also already knew how his mother felt without her saying a word. Unlike his brothers and their respective wives, Nicola wouldn’t hesitate to tell Simone off, even in church.

  If Simone thought her re-introduction into Eli’s life was going to be like old times, filled with puppies and rainbows and unicorns, she was going to be sorely disappointed. His family was going to punish Simone for his sins. “Moni…” Eli was tired of fighting. “…we had a great evening with great sex. Let’s not ruin it, okay? I just want to enjoy tonight with my girl.”

  Simone relented. She knew if she kept on with the discussion, it was going to lead to nowhere and she didn’t want to ruin a good evening. “Okay…” She mumbled. “…but we’re talking about this tomorrow.”

  “We’ll talk about it tomorrow,” Eli agreed.

  “Good,” Simone had a sexy smirk on her face. She reached for the rope and tied Eli’s wrists together. She then moved her body down his, until she was at eye-level with his cock again. “Now let’s continue the evening on my terms…”

  Fourteen

  “So, how do you think she’s gonna react?” Cameron calmly sipped his chamomile tea as he relaxed in his chair.

  “I’m hoping she’ll be cool and not dramatic,” Kimberly shrugged, “I don’t know, papi. I think we’re going to see a new Faith.”

  “I talked to her last night and she sounded fine to me,” Krista added, “so I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

  “Yeah, they say that about all the serial killers at first,” Cameron sniped, “oh yeah, they were nice guys at first, until the knife went in.”

  The stylists at MillionHair were anxiously awaiting Faith’s return to the salon after her self-imposed sabbatical. Word about Faith’s crumbling marriage soon made the gossip rounds and the stylists were sharing their own take on what they believed happened.

  “So what do you think happened between them?” Jocelyn asked. “Why do you think Eli left?”

  “Because he’s an asshole!” Krista shot back. “End of story.”

  “No one is arguing that,” Cameron agreed, “but let’s keep it real about Faith. She’s not exactly Ms. Mature, herself.”

  “What?” Kimberly turned to Cameron. “Are you suggesting she pushed him into cheating on her?”

  “I’m not suggesting a damn thing,” Cameron defended, “but it’s never just cut and dried when a split happens. Both parties are to blame; it’s just a matter of how much both sides get.”

  “Cam has a point,” Jocelyn chimed in, “what you won’t do for your man, someone else will do.”

  “I can’t believe both of y’all are saying Faith was at fault for Eli creeping on her.” Krista shook her head.

  “I didn’t say that,” Cameron offered again, “I’m saying that while everyone loves to put blame on the guy for being an asshole, no one ever considers why he did it. Come on, Krista, keep it real. Can you honestly say you know everything that went on behind closed doors between Faye and Eli? No, you can’t say that. You only know what Faye tells you and guess what? She might not be telling the whole story. Or she might be telling you a story that makes Eli seem like an asshole while she comes out smelling like roses. This is the same woman who has admitted to all of us that she withholds sex from her husband when she’s mad at him and she’s shocked that he went out and cheated on her? Are you serious, now?”

  “Regardless of the fact, it still doesn’t excuse him for being a dick!” Krista defended. “If things were that bad, he should’ve left…”

  “He did!” Cameron interjected. “Faye gave him a choice and it wasn’t her.”

  “But let’s be real for a moment,” Jocelyn interrupted the debate, “let’s say Eli did choose Faye. Do you think things would’ve been better between them? We all know how Faye is, y’all. She still would’ve withheld sex from him or kicked him out. You cannot tell me that things would’ve been back to normal between them now.”

  “Probably not.” Even Krista could admit to that. Faith’s temperament often wavered between bad and childish. “It still doesn’t excuse what Eli did, point blank. If he was unhappy with Faye, he had plenty of time to tell her so. He didn’t have to leave her the way he did.”

  “How would you have preferred he left her?” Cameron asked. “That she came home and caught him in the act? That he just took off one day without saying goodbye? I’m not excusing what Eli did, because he was foul and he knows he was foul. But at least he said, ‘Yo, this isn’t working out and I need to figure out what I want to do before I come back.’”

  “And that’s the deal—why should he be allowed to come back?” Kimberly asked. “You’re going to go leave me for another one and expect me to welcome you back with open arms? Fool, are you serious?”

  Though she’d returned from Florida a week before, Faith took an extra week off to establish some order in her new life. She also needed the time off to adjust to being a single mother who was still married and on friendly terms with her ex.

  Another adjustment was to being a woman who could potentially date another man while she was still legally married. Faith decided it was best to keep that secret to herself. She didn’t need to be on the cover of the New York Post.

  “Good Morning!” Faith entered the salon carrying a box of pastries. “I’m back!”

  The other stylists got out of their chairs and immediately circled Faith. They were surprised to see how put together she was—jeans paired with a sweater top and finished off with boots. Her hair was on point as was her makeup. She had a bright smile on her face that indicated everything was fine with her life, not a scorned woman who was dealing with a failed marriage.

  They were convinced she was putting on a show for them.

  “Mami!” Kimberly gave Faith a big hug. “I’m so glad you’re back! The salon has been crazy since you’ve been gone.”

  “Crazy?” Krista shot Kimberly a look. “I’ve been a damn good manager, if I say so myself.”

  “You just said it,” Cameron grinned, “if you say so.”

  “Well, never fear, I’m back.” Faith handed off the pastries to Kimberly and gave out hugs to everyone. “Things are back to normal now that I’m here.”

  “Speaking of being back to normal…” Cameron sat back down at his station. “…are we still seeing Eli around here?”

  “And those arrangements from Madre’s?” Jocelyn asked to disbelieving looks. “Oh, don’t even trip, y’all. You know that man can design a damn bouquet!”

  “Eli will be around like he has been,” Faith reassured her stylists, “he might not be around as much but he’ll be ar
ound. He is still my son’s father and he’s still my husband.”

  “He is?” The stylists asked in unison.

  “Yes, he is and that’s all I’m going to say about it.” Faith took off her coat, “now we have a lot to do today. Let’s get started.” She headed back to her office.

  Krista grabbed a pastry and set it at her station. She then followed her best friend to her office. While Faith was playing like everything was okay, Krista knew better. She’d heard in details about how Eli left Faith, though no one knew too many details about his new girlfriend other than she was a pretty blonde. Faith may have acted as if she was happy to be back at work, but there had to have been a part of her that wanted to strangle Eli and she was hiding it.

  She’d witnessed the courtship of Faith and Eli from the very beginning—from the fateful night they met at her house, to Eli escorting Faith to prom, to the many breakups and makeups the pair had throughout the years. She could remember Eli picking Faith up in his brand-new Escalade when he visited her at college and Faith sharing stories about how they would have sex in the back of the truck before they made it out of the parking lot, prompting Krista to swear she would never sit on those seats.

  But behind the smile, Krista could tell Faith was trying hard to keep it together.

  “That was a nice performance you gave out there,” Krista closed the door behind her.

  “What performance?” Faith shrugged. “I was being real.”

  “Enough of that, Faye,” Krista dismissed her, “your man left you and he’s showboating his new plaything.”

  “So you’ve seen her?” Faith inquired.

  “Well… well, no. But you know my neighbor, Trey? Well, his mother’s cousin’s baby mother has seen her and let me tell you,” Krista leaned in with a shoulder, “she is ugly!”

  Faith gave a soft smile. She saw a picture of the mystery woman up close and personal. Tall, curvy, and long, blonde hair. She was either Latina or light-skinned Black, as indicated by the honey-colored complexion. Faith tried to tell herself it didn’t matter but she couldn’t help but feel she was Eli’s preference. If he had cheated on her with someone who looked closer to her, Faith could at least reason it had to be problems at home or maybe something with her attitude.

  But with Eli’s girlfriend looking the way she did, it did raise insecurities within Faith. Was she too dark for her husband? Was she not light enough? Eli always complimented her dark chocolate hue, loving how it contrasted against his complexion, especially when they made love. He always wanted them to watch each other in the mirror as they pleasured each other throughout the night. “You see that, baby? You see my cock pumping in and out of you like that?” He whispered to her as she rode him reverse cowgirl style. Eli softly reached down and played with Faith’s moist folds before he trailed his fingers back up to her hardened nipples, circling and pinching them with her desire. “I love how your body glistens against mine. You see how beautiful you look right now? How our bodies swirl together like that? We’re making our own porn, baby...”

  Faith squeezed her eyes shut as the memory faded into the background. She would always have that memory in particular—Nathan was conceived that night. “Well, that’s Eli’s choice, not mine.”

  “Well, I’m just sayin’,” Krista gave a half-shrug, “Eli was a fool and probably did you a favor.”

  Darren immediately entered Faith’s thoughts. She found herself wondering how her new friend was doing and if he’d started training camp. She hoped he stayed hydrated working out in the sweltering summer heat. No, it wasn’t just those reasons. She could still taste his kiss on her lips. She softly patted her lips with an index finger, reminding her of Darren. “Maybe.”

  “Anyway, I just wanted to see how you were really doing. You know I care about you, girl.” Krista smiled.

  “And, I thank you. It’s been rough, I’m not going to lie. Eli and I are trying to be civil to each other for Nate’s sake, but we’ll see how long that lasts. I just…” Faith looked out the window. “…I just never thought I would be a single mother. Eli is all I know. I’ve been with him since I was 17. Long enough for him to raise me, you feel me? He paid for everything—college, hair school—he gave me spending money so I could go out with my girls on the weekends, you remember that? He always gave me some money so I wouldn’t be without. He would take me out shopping, spoil me… made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He let me have the freedom to do whatever I want but we both knew where home was.”

  “But you two broke up a lot, though, Faye…” Krista smirked. “It wasn’t all roses between y’all.”

  “It wasn’t, it wasn’t. I’ll admit that.” Faith acknowledged. “But that’s the thing about love. No matter what we go through, no matter what happens between us, we always found our way back to each other.”

  “So that brings the million-dollar question—do you want Eli to find his way back to you?” Krista asked.

  Faith let out a sigh and rested her mouth on a hand. “Only if he wants to.” Her cell phone buzzed and Faith recognized the number as Darren’s. “Excuse me, Krista. I need to take this.”

  “Not a problem,” Krista excused herself out of the office and closed the door behind her.

  Faith answered the phone. “Hey, stranger.”

  “Hey, beautiful,” Darren’s low rumble greeted over the phone, “how is my girl doing today?”

  “Your girl is doing fine,” Faith smiled. Thinking of Darren did seem to make her mood lighter. “How are you doing?”

  “Good, good. I’m about to head out to camp in a few minutes but I just wanted to say hello and that I was thinking about you and Nate. How is your schedule looking this week? I would love to see you sometime if you’re available. You can bring Nate along.”

  “Well, I have to see what Nate’s father is up to. He might want to see Nate this week so I’m not sure what his plans are.” It just occurred to Faith that was the first time she referred to Eli as her son’s father and not by his name. It was a strange feeling.

  “Well, just keep me posted, Faye. I’ll call you after camp ends today.” He replied.

  “All right, Darren. Talk to you soon.” She hung up the phone. She rested her head on a hand and thought about the conversation. He called me Faye. Only Eli ever called me Faye, then everyone else started doing it. Faith wasn’t sure how she felt about her potential new love interest calling her by a pet name her husband had already established, but she wasn’t going to correct him. She still wasn’t sure about Darren and she definitely wasn’t sure about what was going on between her and Eli.

  Faith rested her head on the desk and softly swayed it. Never did I think in a million years, I would be stuck between two men…

  ****

  It was a long day at the MillionHair salon. From women getting ready for the holidays to teenage girls getting beautified for the homecoming dances, Faith and her staff were running around non-stop. Faith was lucky she was able to have lunch between heads. She stayed behind to close up and clean, promising to meet her staff at the bar in a short while.

  As she made herself a cup of tea she heard the salon door buzz up in front. “Shit!” She scoffed. “I forgot to lock the front door. I’ll just have to tell them to come back tomorrow.” She walked out into the front and was met by a tall blonde. “I’m sorry; we’re closed for the night.”

  “Actually, that’s why I’m here.” Simone smiled. “I wanted to talk to you alone.”

  “Me?” Faith questioned, confused by the woman before her. “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

  “No, but I know you,” Simone put down her purse in a nearby chair. “I’m Simone Harris. Eli’s girlfriend.”

  Fifteen

  Faith had wondered if she would ever come to face-to-face with Eli’s girlfriend. She had her looks memorized—oval-shaped face, thick, long-blonde hair. Faith was convinced she could identify Simone even in the dark.

  “We have nothing to talk about,” Faith said
after a long pause.

  “We have a lot to talk about, actually,” Simone clarified.

  Faith looked at Simone long and hard. Simone was determined to have that conversation with her, whether Faith wanted to or not. “Fine, have a seat,” Faith motioned to another chair and walked away to start her tea. “Did you want anything to drink?”

  “No, I’m fine,” Simone politely declined. “Anyway, I’ll keep this short and sweet. I came here to tell you my side of the story and inquire when you’re going to sign the divorce papers from Eli.”

  Faith briefly looked up and felt a cold chill ease through the room. She glanced at her arms; the hair was standing up on them. She peeked at a hand; she was shaking. Oh, this bitch has some nerve. “I don’t want to know your side of the story, Simone. I don’t care.”