Where I Wanna Be

by Vera Roberts

  Eli never considered himself to be a jealous person. He thought jealousy was just a sign of insecurity and only people with low self-esteem had it. He was very secure with himself. He was secure with his relationships. He never had a reason to be jealous of Faith’s male friends and knew each and every one of them.

  But Darren, though… that asshole was making Eli feeling all types of emotions. The thought of him putting his crusty-ass lips on Faith’s soft and smooth body… diving into her nectar throughout the night as their bodies collided over and over… eventually Faith would show off the new engagement ring that Darren gave her… Nate talking about his other daddy…

  Trepidation. That’s what he was feeling. Anger. That was the other emotion. Disgust. Now that was the big one.

  “You just got real quiet, real quick.” Kieran commented. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  “Until I hear it from Faye, it’s just a rumor.” Eli shrugged. “Simple as that. She would’ve told me if she was.”

  “Bro, there’s a reason why Faye didn’t tell you.” Nick smiled. “She knows you.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Eli asked.

  “It means…” Kieran got up to get another beer. “…your bite is worse than your bark. Yeah, you’re acting all calm with us because we know you. But once you see Faye and Darren together, you’re not going to be so calm, cool, and collected.”

  Eli dismissed his brother. “I’ll be fine. What am I going to say? She can’t date what’s-his-face…”

  “Darren,” Tony chimed in.

  “Whatever,” Eli rolled his eyes. “Am I really going to tell her that she shouldn’t date anyone, when I’m with Moni?”

  “Oh, you won’t tell her that,” Joey laid out his cards, “you’ll just keep thinking it and believing it.”

  “And silently hope Faith knows telepathy,” Nick smiled.

  ****

  “This is a really nice apartment, D.” Faith looked around Darren’s Brooklyn apartment. It was modern with a few classical touches. The dining room was decorated in all-white, down to the bearskin rug that housed the dining table and settings. The living room reminded her of an old cabin with a large fireplace and dark furniture. The bathrooms were spacious with shades of greens and blues decorating the rooms and Faith found herself to be a little jealous of how big Darren’s tub was.

  Darren’s master bedroom was absolutely breathtaking—with a spectacular view of New York and wall-to-wall windows flanking the large four post bed. A flat-screen TV was installed in the ceiling and only came down via remote. The bedroom was painted in a color that reminded Faith of a rich dulce de leche that simply brought out the opulence.

  Every room looked like a showcase and Faith briefly forgot she was inside an apartment. It screamed exquisite taste of a legendary Hollywood actor, not a world-famous athlete. “Much nicer than I expected.” She complimented.

  “What did you expect?” Darren poured two glasses of wine for them both. “It was going to be a pigsty?”

  “Well, you’re a celebrity bachelor who travels a lot. I’m sure if you were to entertain a woman, you would take her to a hotel and not back here,” Faith accepted the glass of wine Darren offered her. “So yes, in a sense, I thought it was going to be a pigsty.”

  Since their fateful meeting in Florida two months ago, Darren and Faith had become fast and close friends, talking every night on the phone, sending text messages, and even going on webcam with each other. Though Darren had mentioned several times about how much he wanted to date Faith, she always turned him down, citing schedules and distance.

  At least that’s what she hoped was the truth. The real story was things between her and Eli were better than ever and Faith was flirting with the idea of reconciliation, though Eli hadn’t brought it up. Maybe they’d needed that break. Maybe they’d needed to step away from each other to stop and smell the roses.

  “I treat a beautiful woman out to dinner, show her around Brooklyn, offer her to stay with me in a separate bedroom so she wouldn’t have to worry about any funny business, and yet she’s still not mentally here with me.” Darren studied Faith’s demeanor. “Am I trying too hard? Am I not trying enough?”

  It was time for Faith to come clean about everything. She had been leading him on for too long and he deserved better. “I need to tell you the story about what’s really going on between me and Nate’s father,” Faith began, “about a couple months ago, Eli left us to be with another woman. We’ve been together since our teenage years and he decided one night he needed some time to think, his words. The same weekend I met you was when it all happened.”

  Darren sat quietly and soaked up the information. “And how does that make you feel?”

  “Honestly?” Faith sighed. “Confused. I don’t know what to think or feel. One minute I’m planning our family vacation; the next, I’m a single mother trying to balance everything. Dating was and is the last thing on my mind. It’s not fair to you to expect a relationship from me when I don’t know what’s going on in my marriage.”

  “I appreciate your honesty and candor, Faith,” Darren softly rubbed her hand with his thumb. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I’m not going to lie, here, Faith. I would love to date you and I feel something between us. But I also respect what you’re going through and that you need some time to yourself.”

  “Thank you, Darren,” she gave a weak smile, “I would love to be your girlfriend, really I would. But I’m not divorced yet and honestly, I don’t know when I will be. I can’t be your girlfriend while I’m still legally married.”

  “I understand,” Darren leaned over and gave Faith a bear hug and rubbed her back, “I would still love to be a part of your life, if that’s okay?”

  “I wouldn’t want it any other way, Darren.” She finally let go of him and got off the couch. She walked over to the windows and stared out into the New York skyline. “I don’t want to lead you on when there are so many other girls you can give your time to.”

  “Quality over quantity, Faith.” Darren’s baritone echoed from the sofa. “I would rather spend time with one quality woman than a bunch of birds flocking to me.”

  “All of the guys say that,” Faith smiled.

  “Maybe,” Darren walked over to Faith and wrapped his arms around her, “but I’m not all of the guys.”

  Damn, he felt like heaven. Darren felt real good. He smelled like musk combined with some woodsy scent. His muscular build completely enveloped her petite frame. Steady, Faye… steady. She had to remind herself to breathe. It was her intention to tell Darren they could only be friends and nothing more, yet the fluttering inside her belly was signaling her to reconsider. “That, you are not.”

  Darren pulled his would-be paramour’s face closer to his and kissed her. Hot. Heavy. Sexual. She tasted like honey and sweet wine and Darren already craved more. If Faith just wanted a friendship from him, he would have to remind her of what she would be missing. “Whenever you want to see me, I’m just a phone call away.”

  Faith’s mind was spinning and she took a couple of quiet breaths to ease back into reality. It seemed time stood still between them and they were the only ones on Earth. They had long straddled the fine line between being friends and being potential lovers, with neither daring to cross that proverbial line. But Faith knew, as well as Darren, they couldn’t be anything more than just friends—not with her marriage to Eli still up in the air. “I can’t be your girlfriend, Darren.”

  Darren touched heads with Faith, while his fingers softly caressed her lips. They were so soft and moist and he already imagined how they would feel on his cock. “I understand.”

  Faith began to squirm beneath Darren. Her sex began to contract with the hottest desire for him and she wanted nothing more to feel him inside her throughout the night. “I can’t promise you commitment or anything. I’m still very much married.”

  Darren slowly rocked Faith si
de to side. “I understand.”

  “So… so…” Faith couldn’t put words together. “…so why aren’t you believing me?”

  “Because…” Darren picked Faith up and carried her back to the bedroom. “…you don’t believe you.”

  It seemed one piece of clothing was removed. Then another. Then another. It seemed like she was in another world, in another medium looking in on what was occurring.

  They stood in his bedroom, bodies pressed against each other and staring into each other’s eyes. The only sounds in the apartment were the creaks, gentle tick-tocks of the clock, and their breathing. They both knew how monumental the moment was. They both knew nothing was going to be the same between them again. Whatever happened between them that night was going to be everything.

  “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do, Faith.” Darren whispered to her as he gently rocked her in the open air. “We can stop right now and that’ll be it.”

  Faith felt the slick wetness in her sex again. She wanted this man before her. She needed him. She didn’t know what the future would hold for her and Darren, since things with her marriage had gone straight to hell. But she did know—for that moment—Darren was everything to her. “Now,” she whispered, “now.”

  Darren cupped Faith’s breasts in his hands and softly squeezed them. The nipples instantly hardened within his fingers and his cock twitched upon seeing it. His hands wandered down to her ass and he couldn’t stop caressing it. It was perfectly molded within his hands, like it was created just for him. He would later describe Faith’s ass as a perfect D-shape.

  He quickly put a condom on and rolled Faith’s body so she was on top of him, pressed against him as their lips met each other over and over. His hands slid up and down her smooth body, wrapping his arms around her back and softly tugging on her hair, seemingly not getting enough of her. Faith softly gyrated against Darren’s thick shaft, eager for him to enter, yet loving the exquisite torture he gave her.

  “Darren, please…” Faith begged between kisses as she felt him throb against her. “…I can’t wait anymore.”

  “Me, neither.” He slightly lifted her body up and slid inside her tight heat. Fuck! It was the hottest pleasure, squeezing the life out of his cock. She welcomed him with slick walls that sheathed his cock, begging him to stay and never leave. If Darren had it his way, he never would.

  Faith didn’t ease into the lovemaking, instead setting a rolling motion on his cock as Darren watched her. He saw how beautiful she looked when her mouth would gasp in pleasure, ecstasy written across her face, and her body meeting again and again with his.

  Darren usually found himself guiding the woman when she was on top, almost telling her what she should be doing and how to do it. But Faith was a pro at riding his cock, creating her own tempo; one he wouldn’t be able to comprehend or compare it to anything. He knew the passionate lovemaking was part want and part need, though he didn’t know how much of either was the majority.

  Their lips met each other’s again through hushed moans and cries. They rolled over and switched positions and Darren was on top of Faith. He wrapped her thick thighs around his waist and quickly moved inside her, feeling the delicious and addicting heat her sex gave with every movement. Her slick and tight walls encouraged him with every thrust and she met him thrust for thrust.

  As he pushed into her, Darren couldn’t help but to notice how beautiful Faith was and how he wanted to be with her. The way her lips would part slightly as she moaned. The way her back would arch off the bed with every thrust. The way her hands clasped his hot skin as she held on for dear life as he pounded into her.

  Darren wanted to take his time and savor Faith, to savor the moment between them. There would be time for that later. He drove deeper and deeper into her as her nails grasped at his arms, his name rolling off her tongue again and again, and her body responding with each thrust.

  I got you.

  His thrusts became harder and faster, banging the headboard against the wall. He wanted to stay inside her forever. He didn’t want the lovemaking to end anytime soon. Darren then saw Faith’s body shake and her moans quieted down. “Oh my God… Darren… Darren…” she screamed before she came all over his cock, her sweet nectar coating him.

  Darren drove into her a few more times and followed her off the edge, collapsing on top of her. He had marathon lovemaking sessions. He had women turn him on and turn him out. But Faith… his sweet Faye… she made him feel like he was born again. He never felt a love like this before with a woman like Faith. He rolled off her and disposed of the condom, then rejoined Faith in bed.

  “I can’t be your girlfriend, Darren,” she yawned as they cuddled together.

  Darren softly kissed Faith’s forehead and rubbed her shoulders. Damn her joke of a husband. Damn her failed marriage. Faith was going to belong to Darren by the end of the night. “I understand.”

  Seventeen

  Faith woke up to the smell of coffee. She cracked open her eyes and was almost blinded by the Brooklyn sun. She sat up in bed and quickly searched for a clock or a watch, something to tell her what time it was. She found one of Darren’s watches on the end table and looked at the time. Almost nine o’clock.

  The previous night was a blur. No, it wasn’t a blur. It felt like it was a movie she watched about two long-lost lovers coming together throughout the night, solidifying their love time and time again. Except Faith didn’t watch that movie. She starred in it and Darren was her leading man.

  Sleeping with him was a mistake, she could admit that. She had successfully avoided doing so for the past two months. But when he kissed her, something stirred within her—a yearning, a desire for more. When Darren took off his shirt and revealed a muscular build covered in tawny skin, Faith craved to see what else he would reveal. But when he took off his boxer briefs and exposed a very impressive cock, Faith almost lost her mind. She wanted to suck him, wrap her lips and tongue around the mushroom tip, feel his thickness moving inside her until they both reached their peak. Then repeat it all over again.

  And they did. They made love two other times, christening Darren’s living room and bathroom. The first time she could account for being a mistake, however, the other two times officially crept into the habit category.

  It was bad. Real bad. She knew Darren had strong feelings for her just by the way he would wrap his arms around her after each session, as if he didn’t want to let her go. She wouldn’t have had a problem with it—if it didn’t remind her of Eli.

  Eli, Eli, Eli… Lord have mercy.

  Eli was her first and only so Faith had had no one to compare him to. But since last night, she had a similarities and differences list already mapped out in her head for Eli and Darren. They both had their strengths—they both were very attentive to her body and loved to go down on her. They both had their differences—Eli was a little bigger than Darren and wielded his cock like the dangerous weapon he knew it was. What Darren lacked in cock size, he surely made up with his tongue and hands. Faith could honestly say she never had Eli pay that much attention to her sex and breasts.

  The only major difference between the two men was Eli speaking Italian to Faith while they made love. The Italian words would roll off his tongue and caress her ear… Faith must have climaxed on his words alone. And the way Eli’s fingers would play with her while he whispered delicious naughties in her ear… Faith clenched her thighs together and bit her lip. She shouldn’t be thinking about her husband while she was at another man’s place.

  What am I going to do?

  “Oh darn, you’re awake.” Darren entered the bedroom with a tray full of breakfast and a single rose. “I wanted to surprise you.”

  Eli entered their master bedroom with a tray full of home cooked Italian breakfast dishes. “You never had an Italian breakfast in bed, huh, baby girl? I told you I’ll hook up my girl.” Faith closed her eyes as the memory faded into the background. “It looks great, D. It smells wonderful.”r />
  “It’s just a little something. Some scrambled eggs, bacon, and some of my world-famous French toast,” he winked.

  “World-famous, huh?” Faith smiled.

  “World-famous,” Darren presented the tray to Faith. “You never had better French toast than mine, trust me.”

  “You’re not going to get a better breakfast anywhere.” Eli winked at her. Faith wished she could turn off her brain from the obvious comparisons but it seemed to be in overload. “I can’t wait to dig in.” Faith bowed her head and silently said grace. When she looked back up, Darren was smiling at her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” Darren shook his head, “I just love a woman who loves Christ. That’s all.”