Where I Wanna Be

by Vera Roberts

  “You got it.” Faith smiled.

  Eli went into the kitchen and set the pies on the counter. “Do you need help, ma?”

  “Actually, if you can start chopping up what’s left of the celery before Zerrin eats it all,” Nicola joked. She then put down her knife and approached her son. “So you brought your wife instead of your girlfriend? That was a wise choice.”

  “I’m not with Moni anymore,” Eli put on an apron.

  “Oh?” Nicola inquired. “What happened?”

  Eli caught the smile forming on his mother’s lips and a sparkle in her eyes. “Now are you asking because you genuinely care or because you want to rub it in my face?”

  “More of the latter and maybe a little of the former,” Nicola admitted.

  “I’d rather not talk about it now,” Eli glanced up and saw his wife and son interacting with his family. “Not in front of Faye and Nate.”

  “Okay, okay,” Nicola backed down, “I was just wondering what was going on.”

  “Nothing at the moment,” Eli began chopping celery, “we’re still trying to figure that part out.”

  “But she’s here?” Nicola replied. “Obviously, she could’ve been at the game if she wanted.”

  “She could’ve. She could’ve been anywhere but here, quite honestly.” Eli commented. “But she chose to be here.”

  Nicola motioned for Eli to lean down so he was at her level. “If that’s not a sign of a woman willing to give you a second chance, I don’t know what is.”

  ****

  After dinner was served, the ladies gathered upstairs to talk about Nicola’s upcoming nuptials. She and Art had decided not to wait for a long-drawn out engagement and wanted to get married as soon as possible. It also meant planning a huge celebration within a few weeks and there wasn’t much time to mess around.

  “The first time I got married, we went straight to the courthouse,” Nicola sat on her bed, perusing her wedding portfolio. “Now I see why I did.”

  “You can always change your mind, Nicola,” Tiana chimed in. “Kieran and I got married at the courthouse and that was the best decision for both of us.”

  “That’s probably what Nick and I are going to do,” Zerrin commented, “not that I don’t like weddings, but I just want something simple.”

  “There is nothing wrong with extravagance,” Faith held up a picture of a lace wedding gown, “you can be classy without being trashy.”

  “That gown is probably worth more than what I make in three months,” Zerrin deadpanned.

  Tiana’s nose scrunched up at seeing the gown. “All that for one day?”

  “Hey, Ms. Thang, you had a big wedding!” Faith commented to Tiana.

  “Yeah, and I had a big divorce three years later,” Tiana added.

  “Speaking of divorce…” Nicola closed her wedding portfolio. “…what’s going on between you and Eliodoro, Faye?”

  That was a question Faith wanted to know as well. She thought the weekend with Darren would be everything she needed to get over Eli but it just made things worse. The sexual thrill was short-lived. The heartache about her marriage returned with full force. “Well, I wish I had an answer for you, Nicola.”

  “I think the answer is pretty simple. Either you want to be with my son, or you don’t.” Nicola replied, matter-of-factly.

  “It’s not that simple, Nicola,” Faith hesitated on what she wanted to reveal, “it’s just not that simple.”

  “Is it your boyfriend?” Nicola asked.

  Faith looked at her mother-in-law, stunned. “H-h-how did you know?”

  “Sweetheart, I know everything,” Nicola smiled. “My grandson tells me all the gossip I need to know when his parents don’t.”

  “Remind me I need to teach Nate how to keep a secret,” Faith quipped.

  “Are you in love with this Darren fella?” Nicola asked.

  “No.” Faith was pretty sure about that. “I most certainly am not.”

  “But he’s still in the picture?” Nicola inquired. “He hasn’t gone away, has he?”

  “I made a mistake,” Faith admitted without revealing the details, “and because of that mistake, it made a situation worse.”

  “Eli made the same mistake,” Nicola pointed out, “but he seemed to have forgiven you for your transgressions while you’re still struggling with his.”

  “Darren wouldn’t have entered the picture if Eli wasn’t with Simone,” Faith defended herself.

  “Two wrongs don’t make a right, Faith.” Nicola smiled. “Now, I’m not excusing my son for his actions and he knows exactly how I feel about it. I didn’t raise him that way and none of my other sons think what he did was remotely acceptable. However, the two of you are playing games with each other. Eli had an affair and you went and had one in retaliation because, let’s face it, that’s what it was. The Disney World picture? I know what that was and so did you. You were telling Eli, ‘Look, someone else wants me if you don’t.’ If you didn’t think you were going to sleep with Mr. Quarterback, you wouldn’t have traveled to Brooklyn for a weekend and furthermore, let Eli know about it. You knew what was going to happen and you let it happen.”

  “You’re making me the bad guy, Nicola,” Faith replied, “and it’s not my fault.”

  “Both you and Eli are here,” Nicola held up her hands, flat and side by side. “Neither one of you is better or worse than the other in this situation. The reason I’m upset with this is what’s happening to Nate’s psyche. If he hasn’t already started asking questions about what is going on, he will soon. My only concern is my grandbaby. I truly do not care what the two of you do on your own time.”

  “Faye, let’s just cut to the chase—who do you want to be with?” Zerrin asked.

  Faith lay back on the bed and let out a loud sigh. “I want to be with Eli.”

  “Then forgive him and move past this.” Tiana added.

  “Easier said than done,” Faith stared up at the ceiling, “I can’t just forgive him like that.” She snapped her fingers.

  “You’re making it sound like you have to forgive him now and no one is asking that of you,” Zerrin commented. “It’s obvious both of you still love each other and you want to be together. Didn’t you tell me the other day you and Eli had gotten along better now than you had in probably the past several years? Maybe in its own twisted way, the separation was what was needed to jump start your marriage.”

  “It’s going to be a long time before I can forgive him,” Faith shook head, “a lot of prayer and a lot of therapy.”

  “But do you want to make this work?” Tiana asked.

  Faith wiped a falling tear from her face. “I want to,” she sniffled.

  “That’s the important part.” Nicola reached over and gathered Faith into a big hug and the other ladies joined in. “Do it for you and Eli; don’t do it for Nate.”

  ****

  “I’m glad you came over tonight,” Eli addressed Faith as they walked out of Nate’s bedroom after they finished tucking him into bed. “It means a lot to me to have the two of you there.”

  “It was fun and I really missed being around everyone,” Faith smiled, “and Nate loved hanging out with his uncles and cousins.”

  “Everyone loves you, Faye,” Eli shrugged, “I don’t know why you thought otherwise.”

  “Well, it’s nice to have that extra reinforcement,” Faith folded her arms.

  “Anyway, I’m done here. I already put away the food. We have a big day at the shop tomorrow and I have to be there super early,” Eli yawned, “so I need to get going. You have fun at the mall tomorrow. Don’t spend too much money.”

  “Actually, I was wondering something…” Faith stepped closer to Eli. “…um, do you want to, um…”

  “Do I want to what?”

  “Do you want to spend the night with us?” Faith asked. “You’ll sleep in the guest room, though.”

  A slow smile appeared on Eli’s face. “I would love to. I would have to leave early in
the morning, though.”

  “That’s fine.” Faith nodded. “I understand.”

  “I’ll make little man his pancakes before I leave, though, so he’ll have a good breakfast before he goes over to your mom’s.” Eli promised.

  “Nate would like that,” Faith nodded.

  “Okay, I guess I’ll head to bed now.” Eli kissed Faith’s forehead and gave her a hug. “I’ll see you in the morning, baby girl. Good night.” He then walked to his room and closed the door behind him.

  Faith stared at the guest bedroom door and sighed. Having Eli sleep in the guest room was a stepping stone in rebuilding their relationship. Soon he would move back home and eventually back into their bedroom. That was when the real challenge was going to start. “Good night, Eliodoro.”

  ****

  During the night, Faith tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable in bed. She blamed the late night macchiato she had at Nicola’s. She should’ve known better than to drink that despite how delicious it was. After being awake for a couple of hours, she came to terms that she was just going to be up. Great. I’m going to miss all the good sales tomorrow. She decided to go to the kitchen and make a warm cup of milk. That would at least guarantee her a few hours of sleep.

  She put on a robe and walked out of her bedroom. She did a quick check on Nathan and saw he was sleeping soundly. She was on her way to the kitchen when she stopped at the guest room. She tip-toed to the door and pressed an ear against it. She couldn’t hear anything. Eli wasn’t a big snorer and could pretty much sleep through the worst storm.

  Faith eyeballed the door knob and wondered if she should go in and check on how her husband was doing. Did he have enough blankets? Was he comfortable? She decided to chance it. Eli couldn’t get mad at her for caring. She gently turned the door knob and slowly opened the door. Stripped down to this boxer briefs was Eli sleeping with just a light blanket covering his waist.

  Well, he’s comfortable. Faith began to leave then stopped. She turned again and had one last glance at Eli. She stared at his muscular chest, leading down to his taut abs. Faith remembered how she ran her fingers along his body, relishing every muscle. Her next thought was his strong legs, cradling hers as they made love. His full lips trailing her body from her neck, down to her hardened nipples, his tongue making a light trail from her breasts down to the vee of her sex before he savored her honeypot over and over.

  Faith felt the flutters in her stomach and a growing desire between her thighs. She should walk out of the room and go back to bed. She had plenty of vibrators and was positive one would put her to sleep. Next door was her husband, however, and he was a real-life man with a cock she could never forget. If she went back to her bedroom, she knew she would just fantasize about Eli anyway.

  Faith shed her clothing and walked towards Eli’s bed. She pulled back the sheets and climbed into bed. She lay next to Eli and cuddled with him, softly kissing his neck while a thigh rubbed against his leg.

  Eli began to stir. He thought he was having another wet dream and woke up to stop it before he had a horrible case of blue balls. He then realized it wasn’t a dream, but Faith was in bed with him. His cock twitched in desire for her again and he wanted to give her what she needed, but only if she wanted it. “Baby girl, what’s going on? What’s…?” Eli felt Faith’s warm, naked body straddling his. “Um, are you sure about this?”

  Faith turned Eli’s face towards hers. “Just shut up and fuck me.”

  Twenty-Three

  Pastor David and First Lady Amy Sheppard had come a long way from the start-up church they had. They began in a strip mall and eventually moved to a home church. Over the past several years, they had seen their ministry grow from a budding church full of fifty members—many had to stand against the walls during sermons—to a mega-church located in Harlem. Pastor David was on TV every Sunday morning and Amy held classes encouraging spiritual growth and discipleship at the church. They had a large staff of five ministers, ten deacons, and a host of many other men and women training to be in the cloth. Their world-famous choir boasted of forty members with an additional seven spirit dancers.

  When David wasn’t preaching, he was helping out in the community, meeting with troubled youth and visiting prisoners. “Being a minister is a full-time job,” he once told his parishioners, “and I don’t work for God part-time.”

  As First Lady, Amy’s schedule was just as packed as her husband’s. She worked with the community to encourage reading programs and hosted parenting classes for disadvantaged parents. She volunteered at the local food bank, and helped some parishioners with their bills.

  But Amy had bigger problems to consider. She sat in her breakfast nook going over recipes for the upcoming Sunday brunch. She had the money to hire a caterer but she was insistent on cooking the recipes herself. She did love to cook; she was just too lazy to do it, she’d readily admit that. But when Sister Hawkins came over the other day with her homemade sweet potato pie, Amy knew hers was better.

  “Well, prove it, Sister.” Sister Hawkins said with a twinge of a smirk on her lips.

  “Prove it…” Amy harrumphed as she turned the pages in the cookbook. “…I’ll prove it when I snatch that wig off your head. Trying to show up the pastor’s wife? Girl, who are you fooling with that foolishness?”

  “Sister Amy?” The maid came to her. “Faith is here.” She stepped aside and let Faith inside the breakfast nook. “Should I get anything for you ladies?”

  “Just tea and some snacks. Thank you, Patrice.” Amy stood up and gave her daughter a hug and quickly sat back down. “I wasn’t expecting you over here. It seems like you were playing hide-and-go-find-Faith with us.”

  “Well, I’ve been busy,” Faith watched her mother study the cookbook, “preparing for the tea group on Sunday?”

  “I’m going to wipe that permanent smarmy smile off Sister Hawkins face.” Amy shook her head. “Always gotta brag about how everything is homemade. Homemade this and homemade that. But can she make her own wigs she wears every week?”

  “Mother,” Faith stifled a laugh, “that’s not Christ-like.”

  “I didn’t say anything that was not in the word of God,” Amy closed the cookbook as Patrice presented tea and pastries to the ladies, “I just made an observational point. Anyway, this visit isn’t about me and my competition with Sister Hawkins’ many wigs. What brings you over, Faith Marie?”

  Faith took a bite of her mini éclair. It had been several months since she and Eli separated, and she’d carefully avoided the discussion with her parents. Even when she saw them at church, his absence wasn’t a surprise; Eli was known to work Sundays after a major event. He always made up his absence by a substantial donation to the church.

  Except the donations stopped. Faith wasn’t sure if her parents noticed, because Eli always made the donations anonymously. As much as Faith would love to play ignorant to her parents, she knew they weren’t stupid; just because they never said anything, didn’t mean they didn’t know what was going on.

  Faith finally swallowed her pride and revealed her secret. “Eli and I are separated.”

  “We know you are,” Amy replied, “we were waiting to hear it from you.”

  The change in pronoun wasn’t lost on Faith. She could only imagine what was going through her father’s head. It had taken him a long while to warm up to Eli and she was sure the news about their separation wasn’t going to do Eli any favors. Not to mention her father’s reputation. How would he feel preaching to the world about trust and commitment when his own daughter was having issues in her marriage?

  Faith wanted to ask how long her mother had known, who she had heard it from, but decided it was best not to divulge. She spent years bragging about her relationship; how her husband bought fancy things for her, the exotic locales they had visited and for what? For him to step out on her? For him to leave her in the middle of the night? For the two of them to be co-parents instead of a couple parenting?

  Simply pu
t, Faith was embarrassed. There was no other way around it. “I didn’t know what to say.”

  “What’s Eli doing?”

  “He was with her but not anymore,” Faith answered. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that news. A part of her silently laughed in Eli’s face, taunting him with a sharp, ‘I told you so!’ A part of her wondered if Simone was simply the first of many, and Eli would soon file for divorce. A part of her secretly hoped, however, he’d finally gotten that foolishness out of his system, and had come back home.

  “Now that you told me the problem, what is your solution?” Amy asked.

  Faith glanced up to the ceiling. What did she want? To work on her marriage? To let Eli have what he wanted and not fight it? “I don’t know,” she meekly answered.