The Harder You Fall

by Gena Showalter

  She looked up, pressed a gentle kiss into his lips.

  The contact, even as brief as it was, obliterated whatever armor he'd had around his mind...his heart? His every hidden desire was suddenly on display, like exposed nerve endings, raw and sensitive.

  Suddenly he couldn't breathe. He lowered his head and pressed his lips against hers, stealing her breath when she opened for him.

  Their tongues rolled together, soft and slow, and the incredible taste of her nearly unmanned him: the sugar that was a steady part of her diet laced with a hint of cinnamon. Two flavors he would forever associate with home...home...for the first time in his life, he felt as if he was home.

  "Jessie Kay." As good as the kiss was, it had nothing to do with passion. Not in this stolen moment. Every stroke and thrust somehow deepened the emotion between them. She branded him. She took him to a place where the past no longer existed. There was only here and now, and they were the only two people alive.

  "West," she gasped--then she pushed him away.

  They stood at arm's length, both of them panting.

  Goal: get her back in his arms. Without her, he had no anchor. He was set adrift, the past threatening to intrude.

  He reached for her, but she sidestepped him. Can't let her get away.

  He caged her against the car to prevent an escape, and as she trembled, he cursed. He wasn't this man. Needy and clingy--desperate.

  "N-now that we got that out of our systems," she said, unable to look him in the eye, "the wanting should end."

  "Yes," he croaked. "The wanting should end."

  Please. Let it end.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  DURING THE NEXT WEEK, Jessie Kay did her best to forget the earth-shattering kiss that had changed the very fabric of her being. A gentle kiss, the gentlest she'd ever experienced, more about emotion than physical desire. Though the desire had been there--was always there. No longer was she JKD. She was now JKD: Property of West. He owned her. Not that he knew it. Not that she would ever tell him.

  We want different things.

  But that didn't stop her from continuing to be his friend. Which meant Operation Collage was still a go. She managed to covertly take a million pictures of him and couldn't have been more pleased--unless he promised her the world, of course.

  Why did he insist on the two-month expiration date? He'd never find happiness that way, and she wanted him happy. But...

  She'd begun to suspect he didn't want to be happy.

  When she suggested they relax and watch a movie, he turned her down because there was "cleaning" to do. Thing was, he didn't just clean the house, he cleaned the house within an inch of its miserable life. He scrubbed, polished, swept and vacuumed, and then he did it all over again.

  A way to control his surroundings, maybe? Or did the reason go deeper?

  Heck, maybe he just wanted to avoid her.

  No, not that. He often called her just to check in. Though every conversation began with "Everything all right?" As if he expected something terrible to happen at any moment.

  Didn't he know worry rotted your bones?

  And so did OCD. Besides the cleaning thing, the different computer parts he continued to bring home were always lined up a certain way. Every so often she would find a bolt in the couch cushions, and she had to wonder if he put it there on purpose. He was too meticulous not to know.

  A small rebellion against the order?

  Once, she'd taped one of those spare bolts to the fridge next to a note that read, "YOU'RE TURNING THIS PLACE INTO A NERDATORY!"

  The next day, she'd found her note replaced by another. "YOU'RE WELCOME."

  She'd also noticed he checked and double-checked every window and door before going to bed. Oh, and he refused to leave Jase and Beck--even Jessie Kay herself--if he thought they were upset with him. He stuck around until everyone was smiling.

  She thought she understood that part, at least. The last time he'd seen Tessa, the girl had been pissed at him, had made a poor decision and lost her life. He felt responsible. The way Jessie Kay felt responsible for both her parents.

  She wanted so badly to help him. And she was! Maybe. Hopefully. Every morning, he presented her with a new schedule as well as a copy of his own. She continued to interrupt him throughout the day, asking for help with this, telling him a funny story about that. Not once did he dismiss her, and more and more, he came home from work smiling.

  And maybe that was why he did his best to start her day with a smile. He would place a cup of coffee beside her schedule. When he was home, he would make quips like, Here's some sugar with a dash of coffee.

  You do realize I'm your sugar daddy, right?

  And, No wonder you have such a sweet ass.

  Yeah. He'd gone there.

  If he was gone before she crawled out of bed, he left her a note with a bad pun.

  "Drink me. I don't want you depresso today."

  "Time to get ready for the daily grind."

  And her personal favorite, "You've had a latte on your mind lately. Just enjoy the moment."

  In the evenings, he would teach her a new soccer drill. Not to pat herself on the back--she was totally going to pat herself on the back--she'd gotten pretty darn good at dribbling the ball. She'd even mastered that inside-hook thingie.

  Dang it, why wouldn't he date her longer than two months?

  The question was a poisoned seed inside her mind, growing poisoned branches and leaves until she almost couldn't see past the thick foliage.

  Thankfully, she had a distraction. A few days ago, West, the beautiful bastard, had dumped responsibility for the WOH Christmas party on her, claiming, "We're best friends now. You can't say no."

  "But Brook Lynn--"

  "Is busy planning her wedding."

  True, but Jessie Kay called her anyway. Usually her sister handled the menu, and Jessie Kay didn't want to take over something the girl enjoyed.

  "You proved yourself with the Bodies by Monica party, even with that He-Man punch," her sister said. "Good form, by the way. You did exactly what I would have done, so I can't claim victory on our bet. Yet."

  "It was a good punch, wasn't it? If ever the zombie apocalypse kicks off--"

  "When."

  "Right. When it kicks off, I want to borrow your sword. I'm one hundred percent positive that I'm sixty-three percent sure Monica will be one of the first infected, but I plan to take her head either way. It will be my trophy."

  Brook Lynn laughed. "Your enthusiasm and determination prove you can handle the WOH party, no problem. Besides, I trust you. West trusts you. And you really would be doing me a huge favor."

  That was all she'd needed to hear.

  Since then, she'd spent the first half of every day making breakfast and lunch deliveries. After lunch, she would make calls and plans for the party. Yesterday Harlow had helped her. Today Daniel had helped her.

  Both had asked about her relationship with West. Harlow, the sweetie, because she'd witnessed his alpha-tastic defense of her honor, and Daniel, the darling, because he was just plain nosy. Jessie Kay had given the two the same answer. "I don't know."

  Her desire to be in West's bed...to be wrapped in his arms...

  More and more, she forgot her reasons for denying him a short-term affair--for denying them both. And, when she did remember, the reasons mattered less and less.

  Sighing, she read over the list Brook Lynn had written at Two Farms--she'd taken a picture of it so that she wouldn't tear the paper by carting it everywhere--then fell against the pillows on her bed.

  TO WIN JK FOREVER, WEST MUST:

  --Watch a chick flick with you just to see you smile

  --Cuddle you without sex because there's nothing he likes better than having you in his arms

  --Hold you with one hand, and defend you with the other (Monica's party)

  --Know you're worth fighting for no matter how hard things get

  --Compromise with you because your wants are just as important to
him as his own

  --Never hover because he trusts you

  --Prove he'll be there for you no matter the situation

  --Sometimes give you little gifts, just because you're always on his mind (morning notes)

  --Laugh with you, cry with you and dream about you

  --See his future in your eyes

  --Forget there are other women in the world

  --Love you with all his heart

  In stark black letters, she saw everything that had been missing from her life. Everything she'd never had and really wanted. How could she ever settle for less now?

  She sent the photo of the list to Daniel, who'd left for work a few hours ago. Maybe his opinion about West or even guys in general would put her on the right track. At this point, she was just desperate enough to ask anyone.

  Be honest, Danny Boy. Impossible for me to expect???

  She waited one minute...two...but he never responded. Fine. Whatever. Deep down, she already knew the answer anyway. Only the last was impossible. How could a man love her, when she didn't even like herself?

  Oh...crap. She didn't like herself, did she? And West had known it from the very beginning.

  You need to start liking yourself. Only a crazy person would dislike you.

  For years she'd only ever focused on her faults, never really seeing her value. And she did have value! Her worth wasn't dependent on other people's opinions.

  Only her opinion mattered.

  And I'm a pretty cool chick. She had excellent taste in friends, and she would do anything for them. Absolutely anything! She could hold her own against someone of West's sexiness and intelligence. She could even talk circles around him. Dude! Time is totally circular. She enjoyed making other people happy and actively tried to help those in need.

  I'm better than cool. I'm awesome!

  Grinning, she jumped out of the bed and set the list on her dresser. She started a text to Brook Lynn to share her epiphany, only to hesitate. Her sister and Jase had driven into the city to shop for fabric so Jessie Kay could get started on the bridesmaid dresses. Why interrupt their time together?

  But she had to talk to someone about this.

  "West," she shouted and raced from the room. "West! Guess what?"

  His bedroom door opened just as she skidded to a halt. He loomed in front of her, his hair sticking out in spikes. He wasn't naked--boo! He was still sexy and masculine in a plain white T-shirt and a pair of low-riding sweatpants. And oh, good gravy, he was more dangerous to her peace of mind than ever, stealing her breath.

  He studied her with a strange expression on his face, one he'd never before projected at her, as if he didn't know whether to shake her or kiss her.

  Guess which way she would vote?

  Finally he said, "You've got a wild look in your eyes. Should I throw chocolate at you and run for cover?"

  She ignored him, saying, "I like myself." Practically bubbling over with excitement, she twirled. "I'm amazingly amazing!"

  He leaned his shoulder against the frame and crossed his arms. "Sorry to be the one to tell you, kitten, but this isn't exactly news."

  "Well, it is to me." She gripped the collar of his shirt. "How can you just stand there? This is clearly a Disney moment."

  His pupils flared. "You have me at a disadvantage. I have no idea what a Disney moment is."

  "No problem. I'll break it down in a way even your testosterone-rotted brain can understand. I'm the princess, and you're my faithful cleaning mouse. We have to sing and dance to express our feelings about the importance of my self-discovery."

  "First, I've heard you sing. I'll pay you not to do it again. Want to celebrate with a new car instead?"

  "Yes!"

  "Done. Second, why do I have to be the mouse? Why can't I be the prince?"

  "Don't be ridiculous. I said this was a Disney moment, not a far-fetched fantasy."

  He snorted. "Well, your moment is going to have to wait. Beck texted me. Harlow wants to go out tonight, with all of us, and arguments will not be heeded."

  Ohhh. Maybe she planned to drop the baby bomb tonight.

  "The limo will arrive at seven," West continued, "and we're to be ready or we'll suffer--and I quote--the pain of a thousand deaths."

  Limo? "Sorry, but I have too much work to do. And what about your schedule?"

  He hiked his shoulders in a shrug. "It's already shot. What's a little more damage?"

  She examined him intently. He was irritated, but not stressed. Another reason to like herself--she had helped him.

  "All right. We'll both go," she said, "and we'll have a blast."

  "Are you going to ask me to dance?"

  "I'm going to insist on it, sugar bear."

  "Even if I take away your new car?"

  "Especially if you take away my new car. What kind are you buying me, anyway? Since it's a bribe, it should have all the bells and whistles."

  "It will." His gaze slid over her and heated. "Make sure you wear something I can get my hands under." As she reeled, he added, "Maybe we can watch a chick flick afterward. I do enjoy seeing you smile." He smiled before shutting his door.

  Why would he say--

  Oh, crap. Crap, crap, crap. She clutched at her now churning stomach. She hadn't sent the text to him...she couldn't have...

  Leaping into motion, she raced to her room and swiped up her phone, quickly tapping in her password. She opened her texts and--

  Crap! She had sent it to West. She'd been thinking about him and must have blindly typed in his name, her stupid phone auto-filling his number. Moaning, she banged her head against the dresser.

  She'd just learned to like herself--but at the moment, she really kind of hated herself.

  *

  JESSIE KAY WAXED, oiled, dolled up her hair and makeup and picked a killer outfit. The end result pleased her. Her golden hair fell around her shoulders in glimmering waves. Her eyes were smoky and framed by spiky black lashes, her cheeks painted the perfect shade of rose, and her lips bloodred. And her dress...or rather, her sure thing. A fit-and-flare in dark blue fabric to match her irises, with cupcakes scattered about. Innocent and flirty, with a schoolgirl pin-up vibe.

  The first time she'd worn it, men had practically mauled her.

  As she swiped another coat of gloss over her lips, a text came in from Daniel.

  Dinner 2nite?

  Her: Sorry, I'm going clubbing w/ West! J

  Daniel: Fine. I'll go on the date I had planned (yes, I was looking for a way out)

  Her: Here's an idea. Don't ask out girls if you don't like them

  Daniel: That's not an idea, that's a cruelty to all womankind

  Ha! She grabbed a black clutch from her closet to fill with only the essentials: lipstick, breath mints, a small box cutter, a wine cork, a handful of business cards Brook Lynn had made for You've Got It Coming, a tiny tape measure, another shade of lipstick, a condom...no, no condom. It would only give her a reason to cave to temptation. She headed out.

  In the living room, West stood in profile at the bay window, peering into the waning darkness, and oh, wow, he looked good. A black shirt hugged his biceps. He'd tucked a pair of roughed-up jeans into combat boots, the combination lethal to her resistance. A leather cuff circled one of his wrists, and two silver rings glinted on his fingers.

  He was a bad boy in the flesh. A mountain she wanted so badly to climb. The desire only he was capable of summoning weakened her limbs. She trembled...overheated.

  "I've never seen you so street," she said. "I like."

  "Street?" He turned his head toward her. No surprise in his eyes, as if he'd always been aware of her presence. He gave her one of those startling, stunning once-overs and growled a sound more animal than human. "You are gorgeous, kitten."

  "I know, right?" She twirled, the hem of her skirt flirting with her thighs. "I am what's known as a hot tamale."

  His lips twitched at the corners. "Dinner and dessert, rolled into one."

  She snorte
d. "You'd never guess I made the dress from a tablecloth, right. Right?"

  A flash of surprise. "You made the dress that will forever haunt my dreams? I'm impressed."

  Beaming at him, she said, "In high school, I tried to sell some of my designs to classmates, but no one showed any interest."

  "Probably for the best. Had the girls bought your dresses, teenage pregnancies would have become epidemic."

  Ha! "I wonder what would have happened if you and I had gone to high school together. What were you like?"

  "Studious. Big fan of homework. Sometimes, when the teacher told us to take the weekend off, I would create my own assignments."

  "You were beat up a lot, weren't you?"

  "Maybe." He smiled. "What were you like?"

  "Always a little rowdy. I considered homework a crime against humanity and even organized a few student protests. We probably would have been bitter enemies."

  "Not if I did your homework for you."

  "You would have broken the rules for me?"

  "For a peek under that dress? I would have done anything for you."

  The words were a molten stroke of sin against her flesh, honey in her veins, tendrils of silk against her bones. "West--" What? What did she want from him?

  Everything on that stupid list.

  Things he wouldn't give her.

  "You are amazingly talented, kitten. If you decide to try again, women all over the world will buy your designs. And on that note, why haven't you tried again?"

  "Because...just because." For starters, the only girls who'd ever complimented her designs were Brook Lynn and Kenna, but they loved her so they had to, right? "You truly believe I can be a success?"

  "I do. And I'm always right." He rocked back on his heels. "If it's something you're interested in pursuing, I can help. Creating killer websites is in my wheelhouse."

  "I... Thank you. I'll think about it." Later. With the holiday, holiday party and Brook Lynn's wedding on the horizon, her sister needed more help than ever. There was no way Jessie Kay would let her sister down again.

  West glanced at his wristwatch, a habit she still hoped to break--going to teach him to enjoy the moment.

  "West." She closed the distance and smoothed her hands over the width of his shoulders. As their gazes locked, the air between them sizzled. "I know we're not a couple, but we have admitted to a major case of the hots for each other and we've kissed. We should probably create a few ground rules for tonight."

  "Like?"

  "Like no flirting with other women."