The Harder You Fall

by Gena Showalter

  He blew her a kiss, and as she pretended to catch it, the truth of their situation hit him--and hit hard. He wasn't just engaged in a passionate relationship with her, one without a time limit, he was actually having fun. Enjoying life. Enjoying her and looking forward to tomorrow.

  No thought for making things up to Jase and Beck. No thought for making things up to Tessa.

  Until now.

  Guilt climbed into the boxing ring inside his head and beat the shit out of him.

  What right did he have to enjoy anything? How could Jessie Kay want him to?

  She studied him for a long, silent moment, then traced a fingertip along his breastbone. "Do you need some time alone? It's okay if you do."

  Attuned to his mood already?

  "I just need you." He took her hand, wrapped her fingers around his shaft--once again growing thicker, longer and harder. "This is your favorite thing about me, and I'll prove it."

  *

  "WE HAVE A major problem, sugar bear." After make-out round two, Jessie Kay wedged her body between her boyfriend--her boyfriend!--and the couch, and proceeded to kick said boyfriend to the floor.

  He--her boyfriend!--landed with a hard thud.

  Won't ever get tired of those words.

  "I picked at my dinner and now I'm hungry. Starved! As my boyfriend slash gentleman lover, it's now your job to feed me." She pointed to the kitchen. "Hop to, man slave."

  He stood and fastened his pants. "How many jobs am I going to have, exactly?"

  "Thousands, but all revolve around one thing-- whatever I want, I get."

  "Well, then. I better make you a sandwich." He strode away, disappearing into the kitchen.

  Jessie Kay released a pent-up breath as worry she'd tried to fight at last bombarded her. There for a bit, West had been tense and, if she had to guess, angry. His eyes had been narrowed, his lips pulling tight over his teeth in a scowl.

  Did he already regret being with her? Wish he'd stuck to his guns and insisted on only a two-month affair?

  Maybe she shouldn't have pushed for more. What if two months passed and he grew to resent her?

  Had she done herself a disservice, insisting they do things her way?

  When had her way ever been the right way?

  Dang it! She liked him. She really, really liked him. More than she'd ever liked another man. A lot freaking more. And even though they hadn't yet had sex, she felt closer to him than she'd ever felt with another, had shared more with him than any other, and the idea of losing him already devastated her.

  Well, screw "what if." Fear shackled.

  She was enjoying the time they had together, and that was that.

  She spread a blanket on the living room floor, and when West returned with a sandwich, patted the spot beside her.

  "Another picnic?" He sat willingly.

  "A naked picnic. You're overdressed."

  He stripped in a hurry.

  To her surprise and delight, he snatched the BLT from her hands once...twice to steal a bite.

  When the sandwich--and crumbs--had been devoured, he kissed her shoulder and said, "Time for my dessert?"

  "Yep. Bon appetit."

  He paused to tilt his head to the side. He frowned. "I think we have visitors."

  "What!" She raced to the front window just in time to watch Jase, Brook Lynn, Beck and Harlow exit an SUV. With a screech, she burned rubber all the way to her bedroom to dress.

  How would West act around the others? How did she want him to act?

  Easy: totally devoted to her.

  When she emerged, she pasted a sunny smile on her face. She had to take this relationship one step--one day--at a time and not expect everything to be perfect now, now, now.

  Jase and Brook were already snuggled on one side of the couch, and Harlow sat in Beck's lap on the other. West, who'd pulled on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans, had claimed the center, right where they'd made out.

  The memory alone heated her blood.

  Jessie Kay waved at the lot of them. "Hi, guys. I'd like to say I'm glad to see you, and if I can find a way to sound convincing, I will. What's going on?"

  "Well." Brook Lynn grinned. "Jase and I had just experienced the most romantic hot-air-balloon ride ever when everyone in town decided to call me to ask if you were okay. Seems your roommate decided to get physical with you. Not only did he carry you over his shoulder, he made you beg for mercy."

  For goodness sake. Mrs. Brashear! "I never begged for mercy."

  "The way I remember it, I was the one who begged," West said and everyone laughed. He cocked a finger at her. The moment she was within reach, he grabbed her by the wrist and tugged her onto his lap.

  She curled close, loving his heat and scent--now fused with hers--and his unabashed affection for her in front of the gang.

  Perfection!

  "We decided to check on you, make sure you hadn't been killed--by pleasure," Harlow said with a toothy grin of her own.

  "You two certainly seem more relaxed than usual." Jase rubbed his jaw. "A day at the spa must have been just what the doctor ordered, huh, Jessie Kay?"

  "You know who's going to die tonight?" She waved her fist at him. "You guys."

  "Please. You need me alive." Brook Lynn rested her head against Jase's shoulder. "Tomorrow is Christmas Eve."

  "Oh, crap. My last day to shop."

  West stiffened against her. "Are you staying in Strawberry Valley or going into the city?"

  "City."

  "I'll go with you. I--"

  "Oh, no, no, no. You're staying here. I'm picking up your gift."

  He really stiffened. "We're exchanging gifts?"

  Did he think it was too soon for that?

  "Yes. We are all exchanging gifts." Beck wrapped a lock of Harlow's dark hair around his finger. "I've already been informed. And found not-so-discreet hints about what to give."

  Harlow shrugged, unabashed. "I figured you could use the help."

  West scrubbed a hand down his face before standing, forcing Jessie Kay to stand with him. "You guys have officially overstayed your welcome. Get out." He pointed to the door.

  She slapped his hand. "So rude."

  "I know," he said. "They're still just sitting there."

  The guys laughed while Brook Lynn and Harlow snickered, but they did leave.

  Brook Lynn gave her a hug and whispered, "I'm so happy for you," before following Jase out the door.

  "Lincoln West." Jessie Kay stomped her foot. "What's wrong with you?"

  "I'm tired." He led her into his bedroom, stripped her, then himself, and moved the covers for her to slide underneath. He settled beside her.

  He held her all night long without making a move on her--another item to scratch off the list her sister made for her.

  Jessie Kay tossed and turned. She remembered what he'd said when he'd given her the watch. Not a gift, but a necessity. What he'd said when he'd given her the car. Not a gift, but an insurance policy. And yet, they had been gifts. He just hadn't liked the label. Why?

  As the sun rose, she finally said, "If you don't want to exchange gifts--"

  "It's fine. It'll be fine."

  Fine. "You sound like a girl."

  "Isn't that better than sounding like a man?"

  Smart ass. "Talk to me, West. Tell me what's bothering you."

  He sat up, balanced his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his face. Ignoring her plea, he said, "Be careful today. Text me often." Then he rose and padded into the kitchen. Soon pots and pans rattled.

  Stomach twisting, she returned to her own bedroom to shower, brush her teeth and dry her hair. She dressed in a tacky holiday sweater and leggings, trying to decide whether she should push West for answers or let him come to terms with whatever was bothering him on his own.

  She'd seen Jase and Beck push him before, and she had pushed him before. Look where it had gotten her. Unsure, questioning every decision. Well, this time, she would wait him out and see what happened.

>   As she left her room, he rounded the corner at the end of the hallway. He was more handsome than ever, his hair damp and darker, a T-shirt hugging his chest, and a pair of sweatpants hanging low on his waist. Clearly he'd just come back from a run.

  His stride never slowed; he just kept coming toward her. Without a word, he yanked her against him, swooped down and smashed their lips together. His tongue invaded her mouth and demanded a response. A response she willingly, happily gave, melting against him.

  He teased her, tempted her and thrilled her to her soul. His hands cupped her breasts, his thumbs ghosting over her nipples. Her knees went weak, threatening to buckle.

  He revved her up--and then he pulled away.

  She gripped the collar of his shirt to remain steady on her feet. "Good morning to you, too," she said, her voice breathless.

  His eyes glittered down at her. "You better miss me while you're gone."

  "Every minute." The rasped words were revealing, far too revealing, but she didn't take them back. Truth was truth.

  He withdrew a pen from his pocket, lifted her arm and began to write. "Here's your schedule. Follow it, and I'll make you glad you did." Then he walked away, shutting himself inside his own room.

  She glanced at her arm--and burst out laughing. NOW O'CLOCK: TEXT WEST

  She might not ever understand him, but she would always enjoy him. Smiling, she anchored her purse over her shoulder and poured herself a cup of coffee. What the--

  Her fridge and cupboards were fully stocked with food and juice. All her favorites, meaning almost everything was high in sugar and/or her drug of choice, high-fructose corn syrup. The things that weren't, West had taped little messages to the boxes.

  "You should try this. Your body will like it."

  "This has vitamins. No, vitamins aren't a myth."

  "Eat me. I will increase your life expectancy."

  Her eyes burned with tears, her hands coming up to form a steeple over her mouth. West had done this. Sweet, beautiful West, making sure she never went hungry again.

  I'm so going to screw his brains out.

  Before she gave into the temptation to jump him now, now, now--can't give my sister a macaroni necklace I made by hand...not again--she headed to the farmhouse. In her brand new car. The sleek black Mercedes practically floated over the roads.

  When she arrived, Brook Lynn bounded outside. She settled into the passenger seat, looking gorgeous in a white sweater and worn boot-cut jeans. "Please tell me you made a list of everything you want to buy this time. And wow, West has good taste. This baby is tricked."

  "Only the best for his woman." Her heart swelled with pleasure. "As for presents, I know what I'm getting West, but everyone else...well, let's just say I'll know it when I see it."

  Her sister groaned as if she'd just been stabbed in the gut. "That's what you said last year and we ended up running around the department stores looking like chickens with our heads cut off--and not buying a single thing."

  "Why are you complaining? You got a beautiful macaroni choker, a JK original, that you can wear with anything."

  Snort.

  Snow-covered trees blurred as they soared down the highway. Not many drivers were out and about this early in the morning. Well, not in the stretch of flatlands between Strawberry Valley and Oklahoma City, but traffic picked up when they hit the shopping district. Slackers like her always came out in droves the day before Christmas, desperate to find those last-minute gifts.

  "You look so happy," Brook Lynn said. "West is good for you."

  "He really is." She opened her mouth to tell her sister his suggestion that she sell her dresses online. But...but...Brook Lynn might be saddened or even panicked at the thought of losing her. Why bring it up now, potentially ruining the holidays? What would another few days hurt?

  She released a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.

  Forced to park a mile from the mall, she and her sister were blocks of ice by the time they made it inside. They moved to the side, away from the crowd, to gain their bearings and devise a game plan.

  "Do you know what you want to get Jase?" she asked.

  Brook Lynn shook her head. "I shouldn't admit this, considering I just gave you a hard time, but...I have no idea. He has buckets of money, and he buys whatever he wants whenever he wants it. What do I get a man like that?"

  "Duh. A nude portrait of yourself." The scandalized look on her little sister's face made her laugh. "What? I bet Harlow could whip one up, no problem."

  "And where would Jase hang it? Over the fireplace?"

  "You guys are having a house built, and you'll need some kind of art on the walls."

  Brook Lynn wrinkled her brow, shook her head. "Not just no, but heck no."

  Jessie Kay hiked her shoulders in a shrug. "Well, I tried. But now that I've presented you with such an amazing idea, everything else is going to suck donkey balls in comparison. Be prepared."

  Brook Lynn covered her face with her hands and moaned. "She's wrong," she said to herself. "She has to be wrong."

  Can't laugh.

  Brook Lynn straightened, saying, "So, what are you getting Lincoln? Is that what you call him? Now that you guys are begging for mercy with each other, I mean."

  "I call him Mr. Hot Buttered Buns. And you'll have to wait and see what I got him. But it's awesome. Probably the greatest gift anyone has ever gotten anyone in the history of the universe. Even a nude portrait fails to compare."

  "Tell me!"

  "Never."

  "Oh, my gosh. You are such a witch."

  "Name calling?" Jessie Kay stuck out her tongue. "I'll pray for your eternal soul."

  Brook Lynn snorted then linked their arms together. "Did you ever think our lives would turn out so perfectly? I mean, I'm going to marry Jase, and you're going to marry West, and we're going to be sisters-in-law."

  "Uh, I hate to break it to you, but we're already blood sisters. And cool your jets. I'm only dating the guy. We've had one dinner and a few raunchy make-out sessions. We're not picking out china yet." But...was marriage something West would ever be interested in? Or was it out of the question entirely?

  Crap! She should have asked him before pushing for a commitment. What if they expected different things? And what about love? Would he ever love her the way he loved Tessa?

  She was well on her way to falling head over heels for him and--crap again! She was, wasn't she? Falling down, falling hard...soon to go splat.

  "Uh-oh. I know that look." Brook Lynn led her toward the first shop. "I wore it every day while navigating choppy dating waters with Jase. You have nothing to worry about. I've seen the way West watches you, the reverent way he touches you. He's in it for the long haul."

  He was, yes, but not necessarily of his own free will.

  Her phone rang, saving her from a reply. She dug the device from her purse, West's number peering up at her. "Get started without me," she told her sister. "I need a minute."

  Brook Lynn wiggled her brows and said, "I think you'll need more than a minute."

  "Ha!" As her sister wandered off, Jessie Kay answered the call. "Hey, you."

  "Everything okay?"

  The worry in his voice caused her heart to clench. "Everything's fine, sugar bear. We just got here."

  "You're being careful?"

  "I am. I'm even considering heading into the packing store for Bubble Wrap. That way, if I'm stampeded, I'll have a better chance of survival."

  "That's not funny."

  "It kind of is."

  He sighed. "I told you I'd be difficult, Jessie Kay. I didn't take good care of Tessa. I'm not going to make the same mistake with you."

  "Sweet and wackadoodle at the same time, but I can forgive you because I'm awesome and you're so good with your hands. Speaking of, I haven't seen your schedule, so I don't know what you're planning to do with me later."

  Static crackled over the line before he rasped, "You'll just have to wait and find out."

  *
/>
  WEST TURNED OFF the blowtorch and removed the welder's mask. He studied the bracelet he'd created with old computer parts and frowned. Would Jessie Kay like it? Or hate it?

  Yeah, she'd probably hate the piece of shit.

  Sweat beaded on his brow as he tossed his gloves on a workbench scattered with different tools. Forget the gift he'd given his mom, the one he'd paid for with change he'd picked up off the streets--the one she'd pawned. Forget the picture he'd drawn for his foster mom, the one that had been thrown away. He'd never given a girlfriend a gift, not even Tessa. Every year for her birthday, he'd taken her to dinner.

  So badly he wanted to hand Cora a credit card and tell her to pick something nice for Jessie Kay. But he knew, deep down, that was the coward's way. So he'd give Jessie Kay the piece-of-shit bracelet and deal with the consequences--seeing disappointment cloud her face.

  He cursed. He would hedge his bet, he decided, and give her a few other things he had in the works. He just... With every fiber of his being, he didn't want to mess this up. He owed her. She'd set him free, overwhelmed him with pleasure, excitement...joy. So much so, he was already addicted to each. So much so, guilt, remorse and resentment had lost their foothold inside him.

  Can't ruin her holiday.

  Christmas had always been his least favorite time of year. While other kids had enjoyed being spoiled, he'd been mostly ignored. Back then, he usually preferred to be ignored.

  Come over here and sit on Uncle Sam's lap, boy. I've got something for you.

  The memory breeched the surface of his mind and with a roar, he punched the wall. Metal crinkled and caved. He so rarely thought about the years spent with his mother and the men she'd allowed into their apartment. Sam in particular. Some things were better off locked in a box and hidden in a shadowed corner.

  West dunked the bracelet in a bucket of ice water, dried it off and stuffed it in his pocket. He stalked to the farmhouse, the frigid temperatures outside cooling the fire in his blood as he breathed in, out. The land distracted him. Countless trees, their branches naked and gnarled. Bramble patches to be cleaned, piles of firewood to be stacked.

  In three weeks, construction for his house would begin. Jase's, too, though they'd be on opposite sides of the property. When everything was completed, West expected Jessie Kay to move in with him.

  Would she agree? They already lived together. Why not live together in a bigger, newer house?