The Harder You Fall

by Gena Showalter

  "If you'd bothered to answer my call."

  His eyes narrowed. "Get in your car. I'll follow you home. Jase and Brook Lynn will be moving in with you and I... I'll be moved out by the end of the day."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  ONLY ONCE BEFORE had West experienced a fury as all-consuming as this, and the outcome of it had ended in bloodshed and death. A stain on his soul that could never be cleansed. His schedule had ceased to matter. Time had become inconsequential. Consequences hadn't mattered.

  As promised, he followed Jessie Kay home, reeling with every mile gained. He could have lost her today. She could have died. There one moment, gone the next. No time to say goodbye. No way to help her. And just like with Tessa, he would have to live with his guilt, loneliness and never-ending despair.

  He might have to anyway. He should have answered Jessie Kay's call, never should have assumed she was messing with his schedule again. He knew her. He knew better. And now, she had every right to her own anger.

  He punched the steering wheel. He didn't have to wonder who had set fire to the farmhouse. On his way to the city, the guy he'd hired to watch Monica had called to say he'd lost track of her bright and early, had tried to find her with zero luck.

  She must have driven straight to the farmhouse. Only one question remained: Why go with fire?

  West had done his homework the day after Monica crashed the Christmas party and learned she'd told the truth about her hunting experience. She'd grown up on a ranch several counties over, and had a competent knowledge of guns, rifles, knives and bows. Why not use one of those?

  "Call Jase," he told his car, and the number began to ring a few seconds later.

  "Did you find Jessie Kay?" Jase asked in lieu of a hello. "Brook Lynn is frantic and pissed as hell that I wouldn't let her call her sister."

  West hadn't wanted Jessie Kay distracted and panicked while driving to the store. "She's fine. I'm following her home...and then I'm moving into the office."

  A crackling pause. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

  No. Yes. If he was Monica's target, Jessie Kay would be safer without him around. If Jessie Kay was the target, Jase would protect her. As another layer of security, West had already hired Daniel Porter and his new firm. They were working on security at the farmhouse right now. Jessie Kay's house would be next.

  "It's for the best. See you in a bit." Before Jase could say anything more, West ended the call.

  At the house, he parked directly behind Jessie Kay's car then stormed up the porch, past the door. She waited in the living room, wringing her hands together. He passed her without a word and entered his bedroom. He grabbed his bag from the closest and began stuffing clothes inside.

  "West." She stood in the doorway, glaring at him. "You aren't moving out. I won't let you."

  "You can't really stop me."

  "You're mad at me, and I'm mad at you, but we shouldn't let it destroy everything we've--"

  "I'm not destroying anything." Was it already destroyed? He stuffed another shirt into the bag. "I don't want to end things, not right now, but I do think we could use a little time apart."

  She closed her eyes for a moment. "Don't do this, West."

  "Until Monica is apprehended, you'll stay here with Jase and your sister, and I'll stay at the office. We'll use the time apart to think. We're both so damaged, I'm not sure we can--"

  "No. Don't you dare say it. We can make this work." She wrapped her arms around her middle. "Damaged or not, we're better together."

  He zipped his bag with a hard yank and wound his fingers around the handles. "Certainly doesn't feel like we're better together right now."

  She stared at him for a long while. "You're going to leave no matter what I say, aren't you?"

  Like he'd told Jase... "It's for the best."

  "An excuse!" With a hiss, she closed what little distance there was between them, ripped the bag out of his hand and threw it across the room. "You've been looking for a way out this whole time, haven't you? That's why you've been so tense lately." Her temper had been unleashed, her eyes glittering wildly. Her skin darkened with a fever-flush as she beat her fists against his shoulders, his chest, anything she could reach. "Well, I'm not going to beg you to stay. Go if you want. Go!"

  "I'm trying to protect you," he snarled, his own temper pulling at its reins.

  "Bastard! You're trying to protect yourself. You're falling for me and you're scared. You can't control me, what I do, where I go, what happens to me, and you're scared. Scared--"

  "Enough."

  "Scared, scared, scared."

  One second he stood before her, struggling to breathe, the next he was on her, smashing his lips into hers. Her accusations were killing him. He had to shut her up. Had to--

  She offered no resistance and threw her arms around him, her tongue a wild thing, her sweet taste driving his need for her higher and higher. His control...utterly...snapped. He gathered the length of her hair in his fist, a tight fist, pulling at the strands. She whimpered with a combination of lust and discomfort, but he didn't loosen his grip. He angled her head, taking her mouth deeper, harder. Heat washed over him, drowned him, but it wasn't enough. Kissing wasn't enough, no matter how much he demanded or how much he gave.

  She rubbed against him and he groaned, swept up in the agony of wanting her, needing her. In insatiable desperation. He rubbed back, grinding his erection against her, earning another whimper. A prize, the sound of it going straight to his head, drugging him.

  Somehow he found the strength to let her go, severing contact. She reached for him, but he stepped back, shook his head.

  "Take off your clothes, Jessie Kay, and get on the bed."

  *

  JESSIE KAY ACHED and trembled with longing she could no longer deny, with joy and triumph. Her anger had pumped her full of adrenaline, and West's first kiss had been a jolt to her system. But then the need had hit. The need to have him, at long last. The need to hold on to him and never let go. The need to make amends, to receive amends...the need to consume, to brand.

  He's mine, and I'll prove it.

  He wanted her naked, so he'd get her naked. She toed off her shoes and socks, then tugged her shirt over her head and dropped the garment to the floor. Her bra soon followed. She unfastened and unzipped her pants, shimmied out of them. Hooking her fingers through the elastic band of her panties, she pushed the tiny scrap of fabric to the floor and stepped free. Then, she straightened, giving him a full-on frontal view.

  As she stood before the object of her fascination, she was panting and shaking. This situation, this moment...it felt different than any other. Far more significant.

  What they'd had before had died. This was the start of something new.

  West, the savage, utterly devoured her with his gaze.

  "I'm on the pill," she said. "I want you, nothing between us. I've never done that with anyone."

  He swung her around, turning with her, and prowled forward, backing her into the bed. "You are every fantasy I've ever had."

  Limbs trembling with more intensity, she sat at the edge, leaned back and parted her legs. Cool air stroked her feminine core, a lick of chill against white-hot heat. A delicious sensation, but also a torment, the ache almost unbearable now. Need him so bad.

  As he looked her over, the air thickened and crackled with a tension so strong she feared she would be wrenched in two.

  "What are you doing to me?" she rasped.

  He moved between her legs, ran his fingers between her legs, making her shiver. "The same thing you're doing to me, I hope."

  The exchange struck her as familiar, and she recalled they'd had it once before, only they'd switched roles, proving they'd come full circle.

  They were two parts of a whole.

  Slowly, so slowly, he unfastened the buttons on his shirt. His gaze remained on hers as he shrugged out of the material, baring his chest, that beautiful chest with row after row of muscle, the bronzed skin that made he
r mouth water and the etching of Tessa's name that now made her heart sigh dreamily...and with longing.

  Love me the way you loved her.

  He yanked at the button on his pants, lowered the zipper. Jessie Kay sucked in a breath. Mine, all mine. His shaft was so long and thick the head stretched past the waist of his underwear. Underwear he discarded before gripping his length.

  "You want this?"

  "I do." No reason to play coy. Desire had to be glistening between her legs. "Give it to me."

  He leaned over her, bracing his hands at her sides while sucking her nipple into his mouth, hard enough to draw a gasp from her and leave her hovering on the fine edge of ecstasy and agony.

  Then he kissed his way down...down and sucked on something else.

  Too much...not enough.

  As she trembled, he surged up to flick his tongue over each of her nipples. Then he went back down...up...down again...trying to consume all of her at once.

  "Lincoln." She wrapped her legs around his waist, hooked her ankles just over his ass and arched up. Finally. Male to female contact, and it was like plugging into a power outlet. She felt singed from the inside out. "I need you."

  "You're going to kill me, kitten." His weight pinned her to the mattress as he lifted his head to feed her the kind of kiss every woman longed to experience but so few ever did. A kiss that swept her up and dropped her straight into the middle of a storm, where lightning flashed and need thundered. Deep, all-consuming and naughty--she could taste herself on his lips.

  Every stroke of his tongue was a promise of body and soul. And for the first time in her life, no part of her felt like the slacker sister, or the disappointment, or the one unworthy of any kind of affection. The one responsible for every bit of trouble. She was desired by a man who'd managed to resist the temptation of so many others. She was cherished by him, his touch as hungry as it was reverent.

  "You want me bare?" He anchored one of his hands behind her knee and bent her leg, opening her wider.

  "Yes. Please."

  "Then that's how you'll get me." The kiss continued, not pausing as he positioned himself at her entrance--and thrust inside her.

  In an instant he filled her up, stretched her, and a scream bubbled up, an orgasm slamming through her with the force of an avalanche. Just like that. The pleasure...oh, the pleasure! Exquisite, earth-shattering. Taking her over, reducing her to nothing but tremors and gasps.

  He breathed her name, a prayer or a curse, she wasn't sure, and began to hammer inside her. He hammered hard, and he hammered fast, rocking the entire bed. A dam must have burst inside him because his control--if he'd had any--was now gone, his finesse destroyed. He was total animal aggression, a piston, and she loved every second of it.

  They were slicked with sweat, his flesh sliding against hers, creating the most delicious friction...which caused her nerve endings to gear up for another climax.

  He tilted her hips up, forcing her to take him even deeper, deeper, and she clung to him, scratched at his back, bit at his tongue and lips, her desires chained to his, her need for relief insatiable.

  "Don't stop," she gasped. "Don't ever stop."

  "Would rather die." The headboard slammed against the wall. "It's good. Not supposed to be this good." Another thrust, another and another.

  As his tongue mimicked the motions of his shaft--in, out, in, out--her heart galloped, racing the pleasure that whooshed through her veins. The two worked in tandem, clouding her mind, narrowing her focus to West, only West, and this moment--this orgasm. Screaming as satisfaction hit, she dissolved around him.

  He cursed, buried his face in the hollow of her neck, and surged into her one last time. He held her tight as he came...and came, shuddering against her.

  When he stilled, he stayed inside her, keeping her pinned. His breath fanned over her face, a droplet of sweat sliding from his temple and landing on her shoulder.

  He lifted his head and peered into her eyes. He looked...resigned.

  Her stomach sank, and she prepared herself for the worst.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  ONE MINUTE STRETCHED into another, and all Jessie Kay could do was brace herself for rejection. For West to look away and tell her, This was a mistake. Then he would pull out, dress and leave her. But he continued to hold her gaze, seeking...something.

  What?

  "Did I hurt you?" he finally asked. His voice was gruff, the emotion behind it hidden.

  Okay. Not a bad start. "No. If you couldn't tell, I enjoyed the rougher side of you."

  He peered at her a few moments longer before pulling out of her at last and...rolling to his side. He wasn't going to leave her?

  "I'm sorry I yelled at you, sorry I threatened to leave you," he said. "I should leave you. Just until Monica is found."

  "No," she said. "I want you with me. And I'm so, so sorry I worried you. I get your fear, I really do. The thought of Monica hurting you..."

  "You'll be safer with Jase."

  "He'll be busy protecting Brook Lynn, and rightly so. You and I, we can protect each other."

  He thought for a moment, sighed. "I'll call Daniel, maybe there's more he can do. Like set up cameras to alert us if anyone so much as looks at the property."

  "Thank you," she said softly, her chest clenching. He wasn't taking a break from her. Instead, he was crossing another item off the list.

  Know you're worth fighting for, no matter how hard things get.

  Beautiful man.

  "I know I'm a lot to take on," he said. "I know I worry too much and go to extremes. I just... I don't want to lose you."

  "I don't want to lose you, either." She kissed him, sweet and slow, a cocoon of warmth enveloping her, his scent--now mixed with hers--intoxicating as she breathed him in.

  "If something happens to you, or even around you," he said, "you have to tell me right away. You can't leave me to worry. And I swear to you here and now, I will never purposely ignore your calls and texts."

  "I won't purposely worry you," she vowed. "Not ever again."

  "The day Tessa crashed..." He stiffened, but continued. "I'd promised to throw her a party for passing her GED exam. She came over expecting guests and gifts and games, but it was just Beck and me, and I was already high as a kite. She broke down, yelled at me for being the world's worst boyfriend and drove off. I was in no condition to follow and ended up snorting a few more rows. A few hours later, I got a call. Tessa had crashed into a tree and flown through the windshield. She died on the way to the hospital."

  "Oh, West. I'm so sorry."

  "Her face was so mangled, I had to identify a birthmark on her lower back."

  Tears cascaded down Jessie Kay's cheeks. No wonder he always expected the worst.

  And she... Well, she'd let her own fears make her decisions for her, and as a consequence, she'd made this powerful man worry about her well-being.

  He traced a fingertip along the links of her watch, then her bracelet. "I don't think I'll ever be rational when it comes to your safety."

  "We'll work on it. We'll work on my knee-jerk reaction to lash out when I get hurt. We'll finally go all in."

  "I'm already all in, kitten."

  "Don't kid yourself. We've both done our best to keep this relationship in a box. Want each other, but not too much. Be with each other while also maintaining distance. Be intimate, but not too intimate. We've been trying to protect ourselves, not realizing we're stronger together."

  He offered no reply.

  She forged ahead anyway. "I will do whatever it takes to keep you, Lincoln West." Almost losing him had been a shower of ice water on her soul. If she wanted this man, she had to fight for him daily. A constant battle, just as liking herself was. A war worth fighting.

  Today, she enlisted.

  A moment passed in silence, and still he offered no reply. Though it bothered her, even hurt her feelings, she sucked it up. The Monica thing had dredged up guilt about Tessa, and really, West might not have fully
given up the deep-seated need to punish himself. Jessie Kay could be patient. She'd have to be.

  To lighten the mood, she said, "Now that we're finally official--"

  "Finally?"

  "--we should probably sync our schedules."

  "Agreed. In fact," he said, "your schedule will include a guard every time you leave the house."

  "Is that your way of saying you want to tag along on all my daily errands?"

  "Yes. I'll do whatever proves necessary to keep you safe."

  It was something her dad would have said to her mom, and it completely undid her, pleasure drifting through her, a soothing balm she hadn't known she needed.

  "Next time Monica strikes--" she said, and West stiffened. Oops. "I mean, if she strikes, which she probably won't, because you'll have caught her and scared the crap out of her. But if she does--which she probably won't--" Jessie Kay repeated, "I'll be ready for her."

  He brought her hand to his mouth, kissed her knuckles. "You are my favorite thing in the world. I can't lose you."

  Reeling--I'm his favorite thing!--she grazed his nipple with her teeth. "I'm proud of you for admitting such an embarrassing truth, but you still have to ace my interview before I can give you the exalted position of my boyfriend." Brook Lynn wasn't the only one with an interview fantasy.

  "Before?" he asked with an arched brow. "Even though we're naked and in bed together?"

  "Even though," she said as sternly as possible, considering she wanted to giggle.

  "Fine. Let's get the interview over with."

  How enthusiastic he sounded. "Describe your life with the title of a movie. And you have to answer honestly. If you lie, I'll know it, and then I'll have to blueball you."

  "Oh, I'll be honest. If you don't admit you're mine, the answer will be American Psycho."

  Ha! Funny man. "I guess that means my answer is Sleeping with the Enemy."

  He gave her a light tap on the butt, and her giggle finally escaped.

  "What is your spirit animal?" she asked as soon as she sobered. She did her best to sound businesslike and professional, an almost impossible task as she rubbed her knee up and down his leg.

  "I'd have to go with...Pikachu."

  Peek-a-what now? "You can't make up animals, Westlina."

  "You, kitten, need to learn nerd speak. In fact, I'm insisting on it--if you want to keep the exalted position of my girlfriend. I assure you, the Pikachu is very real."