by Lacey London
‘What are friends for?’ Flashing her a wink, I point to the stack of electronics on the bed side table. ‘Aren’t you taking those with you?’
Lianna looks over at her mobile, tablet and laptop. Three things that she normally wouldn’t be seen dead without. ‘No, I thought it would be good idea to leave them behind. An iPhone in the hands of an angry drunk woman can be a very dangerous thing.’
‘Very true.’ Letting out a little laugh I push myself to my feet. ‘I’m going to check on Janie. Do you want me to get you anything?’
‘I’m fine.’ Fighting with her long, tangled locks, she grabs a dressing gown. ‘I think I will take a shower and get an early night. It’s been a hectic couple of days.’
‘No problem, just shout if you need me.’
Gently closing the door behind me I wander into the living room. I could do with an early night myself. To say that today has been crazy would be an understatement. Just three hours ago we didn’t know that we would be leaving the apartment tomorrow, let alone leaving the country. Since then we have booked a last minute holiday, travelled across town to Lianna’s, destroyed Dan’s clothing and hit a few shops on the way back. Its’ fair to say that I am well and truly exhausted.
Spotting Oliver snoozing on the sofa I climb on next to him. Even though he clears six foot tall, when he is curled up in the foetal position he looks like a little boy. Running my fingers through his curls I plant a kiss on his cold nose as he peels open one eye.
‘Everything OK?’ He mumbles, stretching out his ridiculously long legs.
‘It is.’ I reply. ‘I’m all packed and Lianna seems surprisingly composed given the circumstances.’
‘Great stuff.’
‘Where’s your mum?’ I ask, suddenly aware of how unusually quiet it is in here.
‘She went to get bachelorette supplies.’ Rolling his eyes, he points to her sparkly suitcase. ‘Don’t worry, I made sure that she packed first.’
Feeling a little queasy, I bite my lip. ‘I don’t want anything crazy, Oliver. Make sure that she remembers that this is about Lianna, not me.’
‘Sure.’ He shoots me a lazy smile and nuzzles his face into my neck.
Trying to keep a straight face, I bat him away playfully. ‘I mean it!’
‘Jesus Christ!’ Janie’s undeniable voice floods the room making us jump apart like a pair of naughty children.
‘Successful trip?’ Oliver asks, looking over his shoulder at a wet and obviously flustered Janie.
Dusting what look like hail stones from her coat, she hastily shoves some shopping bags into her suitcase. ‘Doesn’t this stupid country ever let up? I don’t think I have seen the goddam sun once since I left Texas. No wonder you Brits are all miserable!’
Locking eyes with Oliver, I try desperately not to laugh. To anyone else, Janie would be completely offensive, but once you get to know and love her she is genuinely hysterical. Digging through the kitchen drawers she pulls out a box of Hershey bars and collapses into an armchair.
‘Are you OK, Janie?’
‘I am now.’ Shoving a handful of chocolate into her mouth she lets out an exaggerated sigh. ‘God bless America.’
Chapter 29
Watching Janie pin dozens of sunflowers into her blonde beehive, I try not to laugh. What is it about going on holiday that turns grown women into three year old girls? Excitement? Adrenaline, maybe or perhaps it’s something to do with the copious amounts of Champagne that she guzzled with breakfast. Draining my own glass of bubbles I give myself a quick once over in the mirror. Unlike Janie, my airport look is a lot more low key. My classic Converse and skinny jeans make a stark contrast to her pink hot pants and peep toe pumps. Lianna on the other hand has gone all out. Maybe all the time she is spending with Janie is rubbing off on her, but the short black dress and killer heels aren’t her normal travelling attire. She is definitely dressed to kill.
‘Are you ladies ready yet?’ Olivier asks, leaning against the door frame. ‘If we don’t leave now then you’re gonna miss the flight.’
‘All right already!’ Janie hollers. ‘Jeez! You’re like a dog with a bone! Just like your father.’
‘Stop worrying!’ Flashing him a smile I take hold of my suitcase. ‘Anyone would think that you were trying to get rid of us, isn’t that right, Li?’
‘They would indeed.’ Punching his arm playfully, Lianna shrugs on her blazer.
Dragging our cases into the lift, we ride down to the ground floor in silence, all of us pretending not to be checking out our reflection in the mirror. Thankfully, the weather has had the decency to stop raining for five minutes, so we are able to make it to the car without getting soaked. As Oliver cranks up the radio and pulls out of the car park I begin to feel excited.
Fuelled by bubbles, Janie and Lianna are happily singing along to Rihanna in the back seats. Normally the sound of cackling geese before 8.00am would be enough to send me insane. Glad to see Li smiling again, I decide not to grumble about their high pitched squeals.
Leaning across the seat I stroke Oliver’s hand. ‘Are you going to miss me?’
‘Are you kidding me? With having my mom here and The Three D’s I haven’t had the place to myself in weeks!’
‘Oliver!’
‘I’m serious! There’s an entire series of Breaking Bad and a pizza menu with my name all over it. You can have your vacation and I can have mine.’
Sticking out my bottom lip, I can’t help but think that that does sound good. I have always been a sucker for a bit of Netflix time. I remind myself that whilst Oliver might have Walter White, I will have a Pina Colada and the Atlantic Ocean. I think it’s safe to say that I win.
Feeling my handbag start to vibrate, I dig through the boarding passes until I locate my phone. Seeing Dan’s name on the screen makes my blood run cold. I immediately hit reject and drop the phone into my lap. What the hell does he want? Remembering that Lianna left all forms of communication behind, I realise that she is probably the one he wants to get hold of. As I am debating what to do about the phone call, the phone vibrates again in the form of a text message.
I need to speak with Lianna.
What a toe rag! He flees the scene of the crime without as much as an I’m sorry and now he wants to talk? Trying not to show how bothered I am, I rack my brains for a suitable response. Just what is the polite way to say, screw you, you lying piece of crap?
Sensing the tension, Oliver shoots me a questioning look and points to the phone. ‘What’s up?’
‘It’s Dan.’ I mouth, desperate for Lianna not to hear me. Holding up the screen for Oliver to see, I raise my eyebrows as he takes in the text.
‘Just leave it. Don’t upset her right now. She’s just about starting to look like herself again. Leave Dan to me, I’ll talk to him.’ Placing a reassuring hand on my thigh, his brow creases into a frown.
Hitting delete, I turn off my phone and place it in the zipper compartment of my bag. Out of sight, out of mind. I know that we are going to have to deal with Dan at some point, but I really want to forget about the whole thing for the next few days. Sun, sea and sand will do all of us some good. Janie’s constant grumbling about the horrendous English weather has made me realise just how much I crave the sunshine.
Spotting the sign for the airport, I turn up the radio and allow myself to relax. In just a few short hours we will be up in the air and thousands of miles away from all of our problems. Well, Lianna’s problems. I don’t really have any problems and the ones that I thought I had have been put into perspective by the magnitude of Li’s problems. Put it this way, you can’t really complain about your monster in law any more when your best friend has been cheated on weeks before her wedding.
The sun peeps through the clouds for a moment, giving us a quick glimpse of things to come and suddenly things don’t seem all that bad. When you look on the bright side, life really is a whole lot rosier. We are jetting off to Tenerife, Dan was always an ass hole so Lianna has had a lucky escape and I’m g
etting married in a few weeks!
Maybe we don’t always understand why bad things happen to good people, but I am a firm believer in that the people who are meant to be in your life will always find their way back to you, no matter how far you wander. Even if you wander as far as Tenerife.
6.47pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Booking Confirmation
Dear Mrs. Morgan,
Please find attached your accommodation voucher and boarding passes for your upcoming trip to Tenerife.
In response to your query, we regret to inform you that our travel insurance does not cover you for plastic surgery procedures carried out whilst in Spain.
Have a fantastic holiday!
LAST MINUTE HOLIDAY DESTINATIONS
Chapter 30
After saying our goodbyes to a tired Oliver, we make our way inside the airport. Apart from a group of middle aged golfers, the place is pretty much deserted. Makes a pleasant change from the usual crowded queues and hoards of screaming children. I think I will have to travel out of season more often.
Pulling my case over to the check in desk, I roll my eyes at the many wolf whistles Lianna has thrown her way. It seems that the greying golfers really appreciate all the effort that she went to this morning. Anyone would have thought that they had never seen a pair of legs before. To be fair, Lianna does have a great set of legs. Long, lean, tanned and toned. They are certainly a stark difference to my chubby little stumps.
Trying not to feel envious at all the attention that Li is receiving, I enjoy watching her revel in the compliments. Knowing that there are other men out there apart from Dan will do wonders for her self confidence, even if these men are a set of leering nerds. With her striking looks she always did cause a stir around the male species. I have become quite used to every jaw dropping when she enters the room.
Listening to her giggle at the men’s advances, I route through my handbag for my passport. Even though I know very well that I definitely packed it, I still get a feeling of dread until I have it in my hand.
‘Umm, Clara?’ Lianna’s voice sounds suddenly serious.
‘What?’ Applying a thin layer of lip balm, I look up at her.
Pointing at something behind me, she seems frozen to the spot. Please don’t let it be Dan. Not wanting to look, I brace myself for a round of Dan bashing. Slowly spinning around I almost choke on my Chapstick. It’s not Dan. It’s worse, a lot worse.
‘Mum?’ I squint my eyes to make sure that I’m not hallucinating. A few steps forward confirms my worst fears. Wearing a lemon twin set to match her yellow, embroidered travel case, is my mother. ‘Mum! What a coincidence! I didn’t know that you were going away? Where’s Dad?’
‘You father’s not here. I didn’t know that it is now acceptable for men to come along to these so called hen parties.’ Picking an invisible thread from my shoulder, she offers me a thin smile.
Oh, God! This can not be happening to me. How does she even know about this? It was only booked last night for crying out loud.
‘I’m guessing this is the famous Rosemary! I’m Janie, we spoke on the phone?’ Janie smiles broadly.
Janie! I should have known that she would be the one behind this.
‘Yes, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Janie.’ Her stiff British accent is almost comical next to Janie’s Texan drawl.
I watch her eyes widen as they do a quick top to toe of Janie. She once had a nervous breakdown when I got highlights in my hair. I dread to think what she is going to make of Janie and her outlandish personality.
‘Hi, Mrs. Morgan.’ Lianna raises her hand in acknowledgement.
Li has known my mother long enough to know that she isn’t the hugging type, Janie on the other hand, does not and goes straight in for the kill.
‘Can you believe that we’re gonna be family soon? How crazy is this?’ Janie cackles, pulling my mum into a huge bear hug.
I wince as my mum stands perfectly still, obviously mortified at being touched.
‘Let’s go and get checked in so we can get a drink. Are you thirsty, Rose? Can I call you Rose?’
‘Actually, I prefer Rosemary.’ Smoothing down her perfect bob she shoots me an accusing look.
I genuinely cannot believe that my mother, Rosemary Morgan, is getting on a budget airline flight for a hen do in Tenerife. My mother, the woman who won’t even eat in a restaurant if it doesn’t have a Michelin star. Shaking my head at the absurdity of the situation, I follow Janie, Lianna and my mother to the check in desk. I don’t know what on Earth persuaded her to come along to this, but I do know one thing and that’s that I need a drink, a big one.
*
‘Ladies and gentlemen, the pilot has now switched off the fasten seatbelt sign. Please feel free to walk about the cabin at your own leisure. Thank you.’
Hearing the air stewardess’s gentle voice drift through the cabin, I hurriedly unfasten my seatbelt and make my way to the toilets. After the many glasses of fizz that we consumed in the airport lounge I was in dire need of using the bathroom. Unfortunately, due to Janie’s utter refusal to leave the bar until the very last boarding call I have had to wait until now to pee. Squeezing into the tiny cubicle, I just about manage to lock the door behind my giant ass. What is it with tiny toilets on planes? We have developed phones that talk back to us and yet we can’t have plane toilets big enough to accommodate anything bigger than a grasshopper?
Suitably relieved, I wander back down the galley with wobbly legs. I think we can safely say that I have had enough of the Champagne for now. Being slightly tipsy is one thing, but I really don’t want to have to deal with my mother and Janie with a fuzzy head. Sliding back into my window seat, I try to ignore Janie’s outrageous flirting with the cute cabin crew. Catching a glimpse of my mum’s appalled expression, it’s fair to say that she is less than impressed at Janie’s flirty antics. Lianna on the other hand is having a ball. Curled up next to a rather handsome business man, she looks head over heels in lust. Trying not to think about what kind of business man flies Ryanair from Heathrow to Tenerife, I decide to leave her to it.
Enjoying a rare moment of alone time, I flip through the duty free magazine happily. Quickly deciding that I don’t want to blow all my spending money on perfume and moisturiser, I am about to slide it back into the pocket in front of me when I notice a honeymoon insert at the back of the magazine. Looking at the white sands of Barbados and the clear waters of Thailand make me think of my own honeymoon. With all the commotion of the past couple of weeks, I haven’t really thought about it. The meeting of The Three D’s, the shock of George resurfacing and my downright disgust of Dan’s actions have taken up every ounce of my energy lately.
Putting down the insert, I push back my seat and look out of the window in an attempt to drift off. I am just starting to relax when the sound of a drunken Janie pierces my thoughts.
‘All right, which one of you wants to join the mile high club?’
My mother is going to die.
Chapter 31
Climbing out of the taxi, I look up at the hotel dubiously. Situated in what appears to be a quiet, residential part of town, the traditional white building looks surprisingly nice. After a rather eventful taxi ride during which Janie barked at the flustered cab driver for his pathetic driving, I didn’t really have high hopes for the accommodation, but I have to admit that I am impressed. The sprawling gardens which surround the building are impeccably kept and the giant pool looks perfectly still with not a screaming child in sight. I have to admit, I had awful visions of run down apartments with wild teenagers causing chaos at every turn. Let’s face it, this is Tenerife and I’ve been on my fair share of 18-30 holidays to know how they work.
‘I’ll go check us in.’ Janie announces, sliding on her oversized sunnies. ‘Hand over your passports.’
Passing her my passport, I notice that my mum keeps hers firmly in her hand
.
‘What are you waiting for, Rose? You think I’m gonna steal your identity or something? Hand it over!’ Janie snatches my mum’s passport and shakes her head furiously. ‘Jeez!’
‘I’ll come with you.’ Lianna chips in. ‘I want to make sure that I get a sea view.’
Both high on alcohol, Janie and Li link arms and disappear inside the hotel. Taking the opportunity to get my mother alone, I wander over to where she is sitting. Perched on the edge of a pretty bench she looks as regimented as always.
‘How are you?’ Sitting down next to her, I offer her a big smile.
‘I have just travelled for four hours in economy with a rude, crude American woman.’ Shooting me death daggers, she folds up her tweed jacket and places it carefully on her lap. ‘How do you think I am, Clara?’
‘Well, I have to admit that I was extremely surprised at you agreeing to come along to this. I know that this isn’t exactly your idea of fun.’ Taken aback by her abrupt response I scratch my nose anxiously.
‘No, Clara. I think it is safe to say that Tenerife is not my idea of fun. It’s not exactly breakfast at Tiffany’s now, is it?’
‘Then why did you come?’ The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.’
‘Tell me, what exactly does one say when you are called out of the blue by a demanding American who insists that you must attend your only daughter’s, how did she put it, bachelorette party?’ Her voice is so sharp, the disgust is obvious.
Biting my lip I have to hand it to her, she does have a point. Janie is pretty hard to say no to. I have found that out for myself too many times to remember.
‘You know that I don’t settle for anything less than perfection, Clara and I have to tell you that a drunken vacay in the Canaries is not what I wanted for my little girl.’
‘I know.’ I reply, suddenly feeling a little sorry for her. When Oliver and I got engaged, my mum immediately starting talking spa breaks in the city and shopping trips to the Big Apple. I should have known that this would have upset her. I just didn’t have enough time to really think about it.
