by Lacey London
Surprisingly, the sobbing doesn’t come. She just sits there in silence for a few minutes, staring at the soap dispenser as if it is the most fascinating thing that she has ever seen. Just as I am starting to get really worried, she tosses the tissues into the waste bin and pushes herself to her feet.
‘You’re right. I am not going to let this define me.’ Checking her mascara in the mirror, she adjusts her bikini and marches out of the bathroom. Watch out world, it looks like Lianna Edwards is back and she means business.
Chapter 34
Applying a layer of ruby red to her lips, Lianna turns to face me. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think you look incredible.’ Nodding as she spins around, I can’t deny that she looks great. ‘Seriously, Li. You look hotter than hot.’
The slinky gold dress clings to her enviable curves in a way that I could only dream of and the killer stilettos make her long legs appear supermodel worthy. The long blonde locks that usually fall around her shoulders have been pin curled into a messy bun at the nape of her neck, completing the Hollywood look. She looks truly amazing. It seems that she is determined to forget about Dan and looking like that, she is going to succeed.
‘Good.’ She grins, twirling around in the mirror. ‘Let’s get going. They should be down there by now.’
Checking my watch I realise that she is right. We had a text from Janie earlier informing us that she had made dinner reservations in the hotel and if we don’t get going right now we are going to miss them. The hotel room door clunks behind us as we make our way down the stairs into the restaurant. As Lianna asks to be shown to our table I wait patiently behind her, wondering how long I can last in these stupidly high shoes. As much as I adore stilettos, I am always secretly more comfortable in a pair of Converse, just don’t tell anyone or I will have to kill you.
Squeezing my bum between the sea of chairs, I take my seat and order a glass of Rioja. This place is actually really nice. The interior is similar to the hotel rooms - minimalist, clean lines and very European. I like it a lot, maybe I will be able to convince Oliver to redecorate the apartment. Although with how messy Oliver is, I doubt that it would stay white for long.
‘Where the hell are they?’ Lianna’s voice snaps me out of my day dream.
‘I have no idea, but I am very intrigued as to what they have been up to. I didn’t think my mother would last more than an hour with Janie.’ Raising my eyebrows, I take a sip of Rioja. ‘Why is red wine always cold in Spain?’
Lianna shrugs her shoulders in response and flips open a menu. ‘I think I am going to have the oysters. Have you ever had oysters?’
‘Yes, but I didn’t like them very much. Too slimy and gunky for my liking.’
‘Gunky?’
‘Yes. A bit like slugs that have been drowned in Chardonnay.’ I screw my nose up and return to my own menu.
‘Eww. I thought oysters were meant to be an aphrodisiac? Who gets turned on by drunk slugs?’
Smiling at her reaction I eye up the starters greedily. I am trying to decide between the steak and the lobster when a familiar blonde beehive pops into my peripheral vision. Waving her over, I order couple more glasses of wine with the waiter.
‘Make mine a scotch!’ Janie hollers, obviously over hearing my request for wine. ‘Rose, you want another scotch?’
What? My mother has never drank scotch in her life! Looking up from my menu, my jaw literally drops. What on Earth does she look like and for once, I am not talking about Janie. Before I can stop it from happening, I burst into hysterical laughter. The mini dress, the heels, the comical drawn on eyebrows and don’t get me started on the blonde highlights!
‘Doesn’t she look fantastic?’ Janie slings one arm around my mum’s neck and motions to the glaringly obvious make over.
Totally lost for words I look at Lianna for help, but she looks more shell shocked than I do. The stench of scotch on the pair of them is hard to miss, but what is even more shocking is how happy my mum looks. Her eyes are sparkling in a way that I haven’t seen in years and her laughter is more contagious than measles. She is positively beaming. I contemplate saying something about how ridiculous she looks, but in the end I resort to a simple compliment.
‘Mum, you look incredible.’
11.58pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: My mother has highlights….
My mother has blonde highlights and is wearing a mini skirt.
Your mother is a terrible influence.
I love you
Chapter 35
She’s still wearing it. She is sober and yet she is still wearing those clothes. Glancing across the breakfast table I flash her a small smile. I thought that when the scotch wore off and the hangover kicked in, those clothes would most definitely be going in the trash. Surprisingly, my mother was the first one ready this morning. Complete with pink pout and thick drawn on eyebrows, she was looking even more Janie than she did last night. Despite the vast amounts of alcohol that she consumed, she was still knocking on our door bright and early this morning.
‘Are you OK, Mum?’ I ask, tearing off a chunk of baguette and smothering it in butter.
‘I can honestly say that I have never felt better.’ Squeezing my arm encouragingly, she smiles widely and turns back to Janie.
Did my mother really just make actual bodily contact with me? It’s fair to say that something is most definitely not right. Puzzled, I chew thoughtfully on my bread roll. For the past hour, Janie and my mum have been discussing manicures, peroxide and more worryingly, botox. The thought of my mum with a frozen forehead and bleach blonde hair is hysterical. My dad would have a heart attack.
Inwardly laughing to myself, I pick up my phone and check the screen for messages. Still nothing from Lianna. After our meal last night the four of us went out dancing, however it was only three of us that made it back to the hotel. It took Li just two tequila shots to decide that she was going to take Janie’s advice and get over Dan by getting under another man. When we left the bar at 2am, Lianna was snuggled into the arms of James, a rather hunky rugby player from Brighton. She promised to be back by midday and if she isn’t here in a minute, I am going on a manhunt.
Hearing Janie and my mum take the leap from Botox to designer vaginas, I lose my appetite and toss the end of my bread roll onto the plate.
‘I’m going to take a walk.’ Given that neither of them looks up I wander off regardless.
Making my way out of the restaurant, I slip on my sunglasses and saunter through the hotel foyer. Maybe I will have a wander to the gift shop and pick up some souvenirs. For some reason, the tourist in me just has to get a fridge magnet whenever I leave the country. Stopping to pick up a map, I push my sunnies onto my head and study the huge rack of leaflets. Oooh! A water park! Too bad that today is our last day or I would most definitely be going there.
Popping a couple of pamphlets into my bag, I jab the button for the lift and wait patiently for the doors to ping open. Being so consumed in my water park leaflet, I almost barge straight into the couple that are falling out of the lift in a cloud of love hearts and kisses.
‘Oops! Sorry!’ Letting out an embarrassed laugh I look up at love’s young dream. ‘Lianna?’
Trying to compose herself, Lianna hastily smoothes down her hair. ‘Clara! Umm… this is, Pablo.’
My eyes flit between Lianna and Pablo. It takes me a moment to realise that this is certainly not the hunky rugby player from last night, but it is the gorgeous waiter who was admiring her yesterday. Pablo reluctantly tucks his shirt into his trousers, giving me a glimpse of the perfect six pack that is hiding underneath. I watch as Lianna places a lingering kiss on his lips as he promises to call her later before disappearing behind a staff only door.
‘What the hell?’ Pushing her back into the lift, I throw my arms in the air. ‘What happened to the rugby player?’
‘He turned out to be an ass
hole. After you left he turned his attention to the blonde waitress. Total sleaze.’
‘OK, but that doesn’t explain Pablo. Where did you pick him up?’ Realising that I sound like my father, I try to tone down my voice.
‘I didn’t pick him up, Clara.’ She retorts angrily. ‘I got a cab back to the hotel and decided to have a night cap in the bar. Pablo was working the night shift and I don’t know, we just clicked.’
I squint my eyes at her suspiciously.
‘Seriously, Clara. I think I have found my soul mate.’
‘You have got to be kidding me. Please tell me that you are joking.’
Her eyes glaze over as she places her hand over her heart. ‘I love him.’
‘Love him? Twenty four hours ago you didn’t even know that he existed! How can you love him? This is insane!’ I let out a half laugh, half snorting sound and look at her as though she is crazy.
‘You can laugh, but I know what I feel. I was meant to come here. Dan was meant to cheat on me so that I would come here and find Pablo.’ She stares at me intently as she speaks. ‘The universe works in funny ways and what happened with Dan was the universe’s way of leading me to the love of my life.’
‘If he is the love of your life then what’s Pablo’s last name?’
‘Hernandez.’ She fires back cockily.
Dammit. I jab the button for the third floor and fold my arms in exasperation as her phone beeps. Watching a ridiculous smile appear across her face as she reads the text, I tell myself that it’s just a rebound relationship. Besides, we are flying home tomorrow and Pablo or whatever his name is, will be no more. Maybe a holiday romance is just what she needs to get over Dan once and for all…
Chapter 36
‘There is absolutely no way that I am wearing that.’ Shaking my head at the giant learner plate and penis emblazoned veil, I shoot Janie and Li my sternest look.
‘But you have to! It’s your hen night!’ Lianna wails, trying to fix the offending veil to my hair.
‘No chance.’ I look from Lianna to Janie and back again.
‘Please! Please! Please!’
Putting my fingers in my ears to block out their droning, I give in. ‘Oh, all right then. Can you at least take the penis off it though?’
Reluctantly bowing my head for Li to dress me up, I look with horror at my mum who has emerged from the bathroom with three pink t-shirts. What the hell are they? With the world’s biggest smile, my mother proudly presents me with three low cut tops. I don’t know if it’s the giant diamante boobs on the front or the fact that they say horny hens on the back, but I really really don’t want them to wear them.
‘Mum, you can’t be serious?’ I pick up the tacky, polyester garment in disgust.
‘Don’t worry, you don’t need to wear one.’ Janie laughs, stripping off her top and replacing it with the pink monstrosity. ‘You have got a special one.’
A special one? Oh, God.
My mother dives into a carrier bag and produces a white t-shirt with a beautiful print of a bride on the front. It’s actually quite pretty and not at all vulgar like the pink t-shirts.
‘Aww! Thank you.’ Feeling quite touched, I stand up and pull all three of them into a huge bear hug.
‘Put it on then! I just love the back!’ Janie cackles, adjusting her cleavage.
‘The back?’ Tugging on the t-shirt, I run over to the mirror.
I’m tying the knot! Buy me a shot!
Cringe alert! Seeing how happy they all are, I bite my tongue and pose for pictures. It feels kind of strange having a hen night when you haven’t made any proper wedding plans. I don’t even have a wedding dress yet and here I am on a hen do. Pushing the thought to the back of my mind, I grab Lianna’s selfie stick and usher everyone together for a group selfie. This is going straight to Gina. When she found out that we were going away she kicked up a right fuss about not being able to fly with being pregnant. This is going to wind her right up. Feeling devilish, I hit send and Whatsapp the image to her phone.
Looking around the room, it seems that this little trip has gone exactly as planned. Lianna appears to be getting over Dan, my mother has unbelievably let her hair down and I am getting my hen do. Maybe Lianna is right in that the universe works in mysterious ways. It just goes to show that sometimes good things have to fall apart in order for better things to fall together.
*
Three glasses of bubbles later I am sat in the rooftop bar wondering what on Earth has happened to the mother than I know and love. The woman who before this holiday had never been seen minus her prized pearls and twin sets, is now dancing around her handbag with my crazy Texan mother in law. Digging around in my clutch bag I fish out my phone. I have to get evidence of this. For all I know she is going to snap out of it at any moment and go straight back to being a Bree Van de Kamp copycat.
Hearing Lianna laugh loudly, I look up from my phone. As soon as we stepped foot into the bar, Janie insisted on telling anyone that would listen that it was my hen night. Despite my protesting, the manager insisted that we have free shots all night on the condition that we complete a set of tasks. Tasks which included kissing a bald man, getting a condom and flashing our boobs. It is fair to say that I straight out refused, but Lianna took it upon herself to carry out each and every one.
Watching her sidle up to a rather fat man with a head shinier than a snooker ball, I try not to laugh as she twists his tie provocatively around her fingers. That girl has been spending way too much time with Gina. At least this has taken her mind off Pablo for an hour or so. All we heard this afternoon was Pablo this and Pablo that. She is like a teenager with a crush. Come to think of it, she is exactly like I was in the 90’s over Zack Morris and A.C Slater. Ahh, A.C Slater.
Realising that my glass is empty, I slide out of my seat and prop myself up at the bar. The warm sea air washes over me as I look up at the night sky. Music pumps around the bar, dancing in time with the waves that are lapping against the shore. As far as hen parties go, this is pretty cool. I have lost track of the amount of times that I have bumped into vomiting brides to be outside KFC on a Friday night. Tacky tops aside, this is a million miles away from the traditional hen do. Hearing a lot of whooping, I turn around to see Lianna trade her bra for a condom. OK, maybe not a million miles, but at least a good few thousand.
Catching the barman’s eye, I hold out a wad of notes and motion to my glass. ‘Same again, please.’
Nodding in response, he takes the money and flashes me a cheeky smile. Well he was rather cute. What is it with all the gorgeous staff in this place? Do they only employ people with veneers and a six pack? A quick look around confirms my suspicions. The people here would make Kate Upton feel like an ogre.
The barman presents me with an ice cold glass of fizz along with a brightly coloured shot. Before I can say that I haven’t ordered a shot, he gestures to the back of my t-shirt.
‘Thank you very much.’ Taking the glass I raise it to the barman. ‘Cheers.’
This must the tenth shot that has been forced on me this evening and I am beginning to feel rather drunk, but when the buyer is so cute it would be rude not to.
Chapter 37
‘If she isn’t back soon she will miss the flight!’ My mother grumbles zipping up her suitcase.
‘Don’t worry, I am sure that she will be here any minute now.’ Rubbing my sore temples, I drop down onto the bed.
She might have had a Janie make over, but there is still a bit of Rosemary Andrews hiding in there somewhere and punctuality has always been her forte. Lianna met up with Pablo last night and disappeared back to his place. Apparently she just had to spend her last few hours in Spain with the man she ‘loved.’ Rolling my eyes at the recollection, I wander outside to the balcony to soak up the last of the sun.
I am enjoying the peace and quiet when my mum collapses down next to me.
‘This little trip has been exactly what I needed, Clara.’ Rolling up her top to get some colour on he
r belly, she makes herself comfortable.
‘Really?’ I look closely at her face. ‘You do seem a little, different, to when we arrived.’
‘Good different?’ She asks.
I bite my lip for a moment, thinking of the best way to put this. ‘I don’t really know. It’s just that, all my life you have been so regimented and prissy that it’s kind of strange seeing you like this. Not bad strange, just different strange.’
Pushing herself up onto her elbows, she removes her sunglasses and looks down at the pool below. ‘All of my life I have tried my hardest to be the perfect woman, the perfect wife and the perfect mother. I’m getting old, Clara. In a few years time I am going to be sixty. Sixty! It doesn’t feel like two minutes since I was a young girl like you, marrying the man of my dreams.’ Turning to face me, I notice that she is crying. ‘Life moves quickly don’t waste a second of it, because in the end you only regret the chances that you didn’t take, the relationships that you were too afraid to have and the decisions that you took too long to make.’
Feeling a lump form in my throat, I slide across the sun lounger and wrap my arms around her. I don’t say anything, neither of us do. We just sit there, holding each other, both secure in the knowledge that the hug itself speaks volumes.
*
‘Final boarding call for Flight 239 to Heathrow. Can all passengers make their way to Gate 14.’
Scanning the airport frantically, I look around for Lianna. She promised that she would be here hours ago! What is going on?
‘We are going to have to leave her behind, Clara. I have work tomorrow and if I miss my flight…’ My mother’s voice trails off as she grabs her case and marches through the crowd.
Come on, Li! I dial her number for the tenth time and exhale angrily as it diverts straight to voicemail. Tapping my foot impatiently, I wait for another five minutes before giving up and running after my mum. Thankfully, Janie went to the gate an hour ago, she insisted that she wasn’t standing around in six inch heels for anyone.
