Best Of My Love

by N. D. Jackson

  He loved the Taste of Emerald, had since he was he was eight years old. The first time he and Dre had had gone together, they were ten, because it was the first year they were both tall enough to get on all the rides, use their allowance to buy more junk food than either of their mothers would have allowed and then get sick on that same food. They’d won a ton of stuffed animals, action figures, foam fingers, slinkies and all other manner of junk over the years. I wonder if she still has that stuffed turtle. He’d won it for her when they were twelve and it was the ugliest damn thing he’d ever seen but she loved it. Had taken it to college with her. And probably right in the trash after they broke up. He shook it off but he couldn’t stop the memories of the Taste of Emeralds past. He and Dre splitting a funnel cake sundae and she always gave him the cherry. She hated those damn things and would only eat fresh ones. They would sneak between the tall bushes on the trail to kiss each other senseless before racing off to find old men to buy them beer. Some of the best times of his life were during this week. And all but a few had featured Dre. Smiling and laughing. Enjoying him, enjoying life. Enjoying their love.

  He’d done a quick walk through the paths to familiarize himself, or rather to walk through his memories and there were plenty. Kissing under the oak tree at the end of Main Street where the park officially began, sneaking cigarettes behind the main stage where the pie eating contest took place. Stealing other people’s places in the pie eating contest for more pie. She was so fearless and ready to take on life and he’d just been along for the ride, happy to have the seat beside her.

  “Daddy!”

  The sound of his daughter’s voice pulled him from his memories and he glanced at his phone, surprised to see how much time he’d spent daydreaming. Remembering. “Hey sweet pea, are you having a good time?” Her blonde hair bobbed up and down, thousands of tiny blonde hairs stood around her head in a halo. More of it was out of her ponytail than in. “Is that pink in your hair?”

  Her eyes lit up with excitement. “So cool, right?”

  “Orchid.” He used his best dad voice to get an answer.

  “It’s not real,” she groaned and gave an expert eye roll. “It clips in so you can’t say anything. I’m expressing myself in a healthy way.”

  Damn that was close. “It looks good.” It looked exactly what Dre used to do to her hair. Still did in fact and he knew his daughter’s inspiration.

  “Whatever,” she growled and took a seat where she could be seen pouting and watching the crowd.

  He sighed and turned his attention back to the growing line. And the day had started out so good.

  “So I think that I am getting a divorce.” Shayna leaned in and whispered the news while the kids ran ahead, but she smiled like it was good news. Welcome news.

  Dre felt happy for her. “Really? Good for you.”

  Shayna stopped, hazel eyes wide and alarmed. She leaned in until they were nearly nose to nose, staring, no searching for something.

  Dre leaned back and smacked her shoulder. “What, you freak?”

  “You mean that? Good for me, not good riddance or just good in that super snarky tone you have?”

  Dre rolled her eyes. “I need a beer.” She shrugged when they stopped for drinks and picked the conversation up again. “I think it’s a good thing that you’re thinking about whether this relationship is good for you and your children. That’s what matters.” She’d thought about her attitude to Shayna’s relationship long and hard over the past few days. Being with Erick had forced her to. If she could be with the man who’d broken her, in any kind of way, then couldn’t she understand her friend’s hesitance? She realized that she might never understand, but she could be more understanding.

  “Aunt Dre we have to get funnel cakes!” Eli ran back and tugged the scarf woven through her belt loops. He looked up at her adorably, flashing a smile that showed off a new gap.

  “We do. But first we need vegetables.” Both kids groaned at her decree. “I saw something about a fried nacho salad made up of deep fried veggies.” The kids stared at one another and then back to the adults before darting off in search of the stand.

  “You’re good at that,” Shayna told her, bumping her shoulder with an amused grin.

  She just shrugged, tucking a stray curl behind ear. “It’s true. I did see it on the map the mayor had done up of the fairgrounds. She’d also made it interactive for smartphone users.

  “You’re really not gonna gloat?”

  “I can’t say I love your disbelieving tone,” she said in as sarcastic a voice as she could muster in the humidity. “I’m not happy about it Shayna. I’m pissed as hell that he did what he did, that he made you think for one fucking second that you didn’t deserve more than him. That those kids didn’t deserve more. I hoped he would step up and be a man because I know you love him.” She knew he wouldn’t but she really had hoped, for Shayna’s sake.

  “Thanks Dre,” she beamed a smile. “I knew you were still human under that robot exterior.”

  “Robot?”

  “How else has your ass stayed so tight when thirty is around the corner?”

  “I work a lot and eat healthy. Mostly,” she said and took a long sip of her beer. “I can’t believe they still have those,” she nodded in the direction of the retro booth decorated with the old time Soda Shoppe sign, letting out a wistful sigh. She and Erick had always shared at least one funnel cake sundae at Taste of Emerald. From the age of eight when they’d first gotten sick together, all the way until they were twenty-one. The last one she’d attended until today.

  “They do. Want one?”

  More than anything. “Nope, I’m good.”

  Shayna laughed and Dre shot her a glare that only made her laugh harder. Louder. “I wonder if you’ll say that when he asks you to go halfsies on a sundae.”

  “He won’t.” Not if he wanted to have sex tonight, because she definitely wanted that. And funnel cakes would definitely set tongues wagging. She’d missed him last night, dammit. Her body had reached for him, called to him throughout the night but he wasn’t there. And she’d slept for shit, waking up at three and losing herself in work until long after the sun had lit up the town.

  “I wouldn’t be so sure. If your reaction was anything to go by, his will be just as strong.” Dre didn’t think so. He had finally realized what she’d known all along. Aside from residual lust, residual emotions, there wasn’t much left for them. “It’s okay to miss him, you know.”

  Dre sighed and took another long pull from her beer and then let out a weary sigh. “No it’s not okay, Shay. Just like it’s not okay that I’m still sleeping with him.”

  “You’re what?” She put her hands out to stop Dre from walking away, nearly spilling the beer down her arm. “Really? What!”

  “You heard me. It was only a matter of time,” she shrugged out of her grasp and started walking.

  “Dre,” she admonished with a hint of apology in her voice.

  “What? Things are fine. It’s just…inevitable.” At least it had felt that way at the moment and all the other moments. Because when they were together all the moments felt right. Alone or in a crowded room it had always been just them, sharing a joke, making out or lost in their own private conversations. “It’s just sex,” she said on an exhale, more for her benefit than Shayna’s.

  “I don’t think so. You can keep lying to yourself but I know that even you don’t believe it’s just sex.”

  Maybe not but if she said it enough times, maybe she would start to believe it.

  “You loved him once Dre and the fact that you haven’t gotten close or serious to anyone since him, I’m guessing you still do.” Her voice held so much sympathy Dre thought it might be worth it to bury her face in the vat of corndog batter. “Have as much sex as you want with everyone else and I’ll believe its meaningless. Not with him.” Shayna shook her head and took away Dre’s empty cup and replaced it with her own. “This is more than sex and you know it. He knows it t
oo. If you want this Dre, go for it. Please.”

  Dre frowned. “You don’t even like him,” she reminded her friend.

  “Of course not. I’m a great best friend and he cheated on you. Broke your heart. Drove you away.” She wrapped an arm around her friend and squeezed, not letting up when she squirmed to get free. “I’ll still give him a proper kick to the jewels if you want, but I’m guessing you’re feeling a little fonder towards those parts lately?”

  “Damn straight,” she said seriously only moments before they burst out laughing and they still laughed loud and hard when they joined the kids in line.

  “Auntie Dre! Auntie Dre!”

  She spotted the bouncing blonde girl shouting her name and grinned as she took a spot beside Zoe in line. “Hey Fern. You having a good time?”

  She gave a happy excited nod, too happy to correct Dre on her name. “Why are you eating here?”

  “Fried vegetable nachos,” she said as though that explained everything.

  Orchid sighed like an exhausted single mother. “My dad is making his special slaw and his bourbon barbecue sauce.”

  Damn him. She couldn’t believe he would bribe her to his booth with her favorite sauce.

  “Mr. H puts vegetables on everything,” Zoe complained as she pushed off the side of the booth and started walking. “You know you want to Aunt Dre,” she teased as they all left the line and started walking, in silent agreement.

  She laughed and turned to her best friend. “I think she just put me in my place.”

  “I could go for some barbecue,” Shayna added with another, more raucous laugh.

  “Et tu, Shayna?”

  Hazel eyes widened innocently. “What? I like barbecue and how often do I get a chance to eat out?”

  “I’ll buy you some anytime you want.” She urged and pleaded and Dre had no problems with resorting to bribery.

  Shayna gave an impish grin and looped her arm through her friend’s. “Okay. You hear that kids, lunch is on Dre!”

  She chugged her beer as they pushed through the crowd toward the Maverick’s booth. “Remind me why we’re friends again?”

  “Because I’m awesome and no one else will put up with your grumpy ass?”

  “Oh. That, right.” She rolled her eyes and they followed the children, chatting excitedly among themselves.

  “Cheer up babe, maybe you’ll get that funnel cake sundae after all.”

  “Want to go for a Stroll in the Park with me?” Erick gave her the same boyish smile he’d perfected years ago, hoping it would get him the answer he wanted. They’d gone to the Stroll together at least a dozen times, hands wrapped tightly together talking about everything and nothing. As long as they were talking.

  She wanted to give him the yes they both wanted, he could see the wistful glint in her eyes but he remained still, leaving the choice to her. “Don’t you have to work?”

  He smiled because he knew that defensive jut to her chin, arms crossed just under her breasts and that defiant glint in her eye. She wanted to say no but she also wanted to say yes. “I’m the boss. I can take a break whenever I need one.”

  Dark, all seeing eyes searched his before she gave a barely noticeable nod of agreement. “Sure.”

  It wasn’t exactly the excited agreement of a woman eager to spend time with a man but he knew Dre, so he knew her acceptance meant she wanted to do the Stroll with him. “Great. Come on.” He was tempting fate he knew by taking her hand but she didn’t smack him or pull away so he added another check in the win column. “Is this as fun as you remember?” They moved at a leisurely pace, carefully noticing the people who tried so hard not to notice them.

  She shrugged. “The food is better that’s for sure.” A small grin touched lush pink lips. “Company is about the same though.”

  He let out a long pensive breath. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. I’ve had a booth every year since I opened Maverick’s but I haven’t done this part in a long time.”

  “I’m sure you and your wife had some good times.”

  “Ex-wife,” he quickly corrected. “I never came here with her. I worked a booth and then the truck while she took Orchid around the grounds, then Orchid and I played games until it was time to go.” It had been a sore spot between them, like Dre herself, almost from the beginning, made worse by the fact that every year the paper and the businesses in town posted their favorite photos from the Stroll and the Taste, which meant plenty of photos of him and Dre. Together.

  “I can’t imagine she appreciated that.”

  He let out a dry laugh. “Not at all and believe me she wasn’t shy about telling anyone who would listen.”

  “So why didn’t you go with her?” Her gaze drifted past his shoulder and he turned, grinning when he spotted the Soda Shoppe.

  “Want to go in?” She shook her head reluctantly but he took her hand, clasping their fingers together and pulling her inside anyway.

  “This place looks the same.” Dre looked around and he had to agree. The red and white leather booths and stools were a little darker and sticky. Each table still had a little jukebox with a bowl full of pennies, a shiny silver napkin dispenser beside a tall glass straw holder. “It’s like a time warp.”

  A teenager in a red and white paper hat smiled and took their orders. “One root beer float and one cherry soda, please.” It was the same order they’d always gotten, switching half way through. He guided her to a booth, not their booth but one just past it. “I feel like I should check myself in the mirror for pimples.”

  She laughed and dropped her chin into her hand. “No kidding.”

  Erick’s expression sobered. “I couldn’t. Go with Calista, I mean.” He shook his head, searching for a way to explain that didn’t make him sound like a complete ass. “I planned to take her the year Orchid turned one. I had someone else scheduled to cover the first shift for a few hours but we got inside and I just…couldn’t. It wouldn’t have been the same without you. I can’t remember this without remembering you. Us.” One hand raked through his hair and he suddenly felt old. I’m not even thirty yet. “It wasn’t fair to Calista, I know that. But she was a mistake and I never let either of us forget it.” With hindsight he could see that now but in the moment he hadn’t given a damn about anything but taking care of his daughter and punishing Calista for not being Dre. “The truth is I never stopped loving you Dre. Not ever.”

  “Erick,” she began.

  “Here you folks are,” the teen from behind the counter said at the same time, dropping off their drinks.

  “Ah, thanks,” he said awkwardly, pulling out straws for each of them and tearing the paper off. “You don’t have to say anything right now Dre but I just needed, and wanted, you to know that.”

  She nodded but her gaze was someplace else, maybe another time and place where things weren’t so fucked up between them. When she did look up at him her eyes burned with uncertainty. “I don’t know how to respond to that.”

  He smiled softly at her. “You don’t have to say anything until you’re ready.” He meant it too. He already knew how she felt because he heard the shaky thread of emotion in her voice, the unnatural shine to her eyes. That told him everything.

  Soon they were back in the sunshine and walking. “Between the food trucks, artisan stands and dance music this feels more like a farmer’s market than a festival.” Dre shook her head in disbelief.

  “Except there’s not much fresh produce on these grounds.” He was glad she’d come out of her fog but he couldn’t help wondering where exactly she’d been.

  “Well you can’t have it all,” she joked, bumping her hip against his legs, or as close as her petite stature would allow.

  He pulled her along through the crowd, ignoring the stares of people he’d known his whole life, and absolutely certain they would be headline news on the Emerald Cove grapevine. Erick didn’t care. Right now he had Dre’s hand in his and the world seemed to make a kind of sense it hadn’t in a long
damn time. The walk wouldn’t last forever but right now he just wanted to enjoy it.

  Dre came to a stop beside him and he looked up as a smile lit his face. “Oh you know we have to get one.”

  Her head shook, causing black curls to bounce from one shoulder to the next. “I’m stuffed. Maybe later.”

  He was disappointed but let it go for now. They would pass the funnel cake stand again on the way back and they would have one. Tonight. The clear cut rows of the festival gave way to the lush, verdant greenery of the park. A heavy cement bench sat right at the opening, a gold placard affixed on the side denoting it as Ian McClancy’s least favorite view in Emerald Creek. It had been there since his death fifteen years ago.

  “You’d think someone would change that,” she said, half amused and half surprised it still welcomed park visitors.

  Erick laughed. “They would if old McClancy hadn’t provided maintenance and upkeep in his will. Until his estate is bone dry, that placard will be there.”

  “And afterwards too just for his generosity, I’m sure. No family?”

  He smiled again knowing how much Dre would appreciate the story. “A wife and three kids. The wife was cheating with his best friend, Clem Shaw so he left her nothing. Their three sons hadn’t been home in far too long so he told them they obviously didn’t need anything from him. So, our gain.”

  “Poor McClancy. He was ornery but no one deserves that.” Erick knew she was thinking about their own past and he was eager to sail past that today. Luck was on his side. “I can’t believe that old oak is still here.”

  “It will be here forever,” he whispered in her ear, pulling her over to the tree where he’d carved their initials in tenth grade. “This place was designated a historical landmark because its where the first female votes in the state were cast.” Erick leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, gentle but insistent the way he used to. And Dre’s arms circled his neck, pulling him closer the same way he she always did. This. This is everything. The kiss started sweet but as they tended to do when he was around Dre, the heat kicked up and the kiss turned intense. Hungry. Raw.