Tackled by Love

by Rachael Duncan

  The Shining is the movie playing. I think everyone loves a good scary classic, so it was a nice choice. Plus, it gives me an excuse to grab onto him and hide my face in his chest. Every time I hide my eyes, I can feel the vibration in his chest from his deep chuckle. After what was probably the hundredth time he’s laughed at me, I lean in close to his ear, “I guess you find my fear amusing, huh?”

  He turns to look at me and when he does, his nose touches mine. We both freeze and stare into each other’s eyes. Suddenly, Jack Nicholson and his creepy face vanish and it’s just Landon and me. The air becomes thicker, and I swear minutes tick by as neither of us is willing to make the first move. Deciding to let all inhibition fly out the window, I lean in the half inch that separates us and gently press my lips to his. For a few moments, we sit there not really moving, but enjoying the feeling of our lips touching. Then, he takes complete control and grabs the back of my neck and crushes my body to his. His tongue swipes against my bottom lip, teasing my tongue to come out and meet his. I oblige and open my mouth up just enough for him to slip inside. And when he does, ho-lee shit. I’m talking fireworks. If there was ever a kiss that deserved its very own anthem, this one did. His lips are velvety soft and his tongue demanding. Not in a bad way, but in an I-think-you’re-so-sexy-I-have-to-devour-you-now kind of way. No one’s ever made me feel that way.

  Slowly, he trails his hand from the back of my neck across my collarbone, and down my side, brushing my breast. As much as it kills me to do so, I put a palm on his chest and push him away slightly. I was really enjoying myself, but alarm bells kept going off saying HELLO?! HE’S STILL TECHNICALLY MARRIED!

  “Sorry if I got a little carried away.” His voice is soft and his eyes are filled with warmth.

  “It’s okay. I was the one that started it. I just think we should slow down a little, you know?” Our bodies are still lined up against each other, which makes it really hard to not dive back in and finish what we started. To help me control my raging hormones, I move just an inch away. With the little bit of distance, I’m able to breathe properly and think clearly.

  “We’ll go as slow as you want.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and runs his thumb across my cheekbones. His eyes are staring straight into mine with such tenderness that I know he’s sincere in what he says.

  “I’m starving. How about that dinner now?” I change the subject to try to alleviate some of the residual sexual tension that is hanging between us.

  I’d heard about this Italian restaurant from Elliot. I ran into him a few days ago and he was telling me all about it. It’s a small place with an aged brick façade and a small patio off to the side. The ride over here was pretty quiet. I think we were both still reeling from that kiss. To be honest, I was a little shocked she made the first move. I was torn between acting on my wants and being a gentleman. And there’s still that one issue called my marriage. Yeah, she’s a bitch, but I’ve never been a cheater and that makes me feel conflicted. I know I’m getting a divorce, and there’s not an ounce of love left for that hag, but I am still tied to my vows, which makes me feel a fraction of shame. With all of that going through my mind, I hesitated with Autumn. Thank fuck she took the decision from me.

  Her lips are like heaven. I’ve never kissed a mouth so soft and silky before. I could tell she didn’t have a lot of experience by the way she hesitantly touched her tongue with mine at first. But as the minutes passed, I could feel the heat and confidence building within her. There’s a tiger in her waiting to be set free, and I’m going to be the one to unleash it. If she hadn’t pushed me away, I don’t think I would’ve been able to stop.

  When we pull up to the restaurant, I hop out of the car and walk around to open her door. She gives me a bashful smile as she diverts her eyes to the ground. Yep, she’s still thinking about that kiss. Good. Because I doubt I’ll be able to wipe it from my mind anytime soon. All I’m thinking about now is when I can devour her lips again.

  After opening the door for her, we walk in and are seated by the hostess. The inside has booths scattered throughout, with candles providing the only source of light.

  Once we’re sitting, we each get a menu and start looking it over. I look up at Autumn and she’s biting her lip like she’s worried about something. I’m not sure what her unease is about.

  “What’s wrong?” I grab her hand over the table and rub the back of it with my thumb.

  “Nothing,” she says with a tight smile, “Why do you ask?”

  “You’re just biting a hole in your lip and have a worried expression on your face. Are you uncomfortable around me after what happened in the car? Because if you are, I swear I won’t—“

  “No, no. It’s nothing about that. I promise. I’m just trying to pick something that isn’t loaded with 100 grams of fat and a million calories, that’s all.” She squeezes my hand and goes back to the menu.

  “I don’t know why you’re worried about that, just get whatever you want and enjoy yourself.” I’m about to look back down at my menu, but her expression stops me. Her jaw is set and her eyebrows are slightly furrowed. Perplexed by this reaction, I ask, “What? Did I say something wrong?”

  She pauses for several seconds, just staring at me. Finally, she responds, “No, you didn’t say anything wrong.” Her voice is tight and I know she’s not saying what’s on her mind.

  “Then why do you have that expression on your face?”

  “Look, Landon, there are things about me you obviously don’t remember from our high school days. Things I don’t really want to go into, okay? Let’s just drop it and enjoy the rest of our evening.” She’s looking at me pleadingly, obviously wanting me to drop the subject, but I just can’t. If I’ve said something to upset her, I want to know so I don’t make an ass out of myself again.

  “If something is bothering you, you can always talk to me. You know that, right?” I tell her softly, hoping she picks up on my sincerity. I want to be there for her. I might not have known her for that long, but I want to be the person she unloads her problems on, the person she confides in and helps her through things; the person to make her feel stronger.

  She lets out a sigh. “Trust me, it’s not that big of a deal.” At that moment, the waitress comes up to our table and asks us what we want to drink. We decide to order a bottle of red wine and I can tell she’s hoping the interruption changes the subject. Maybe if I open up to her, she’ll want to open up to me.

  “I had a meeting with my attorney today. That was the reason I was running a little late. My soon-to-be-ex-wife and her lawyer were there and I was hoping we could settle the divorce in mediation instead of in front of a judge. That didn’t go as planned, but no surprise there. What was surprising was seeing that fuck face Brandon Smith in my bed when I ran into my house to get some shoes.”

  Her mouth opens a little in surprise. I’m sure it was nothing compared to the look on my face though.

  “I’m so sorry, Landon. That must have been hard. Are you upset?” She shakes her head slightly as if chastising herself, “What a dumb question. Of course you’re upset.”

  “Shocked, yes. Upset, not really. I don’t want Valerie anymore. She’s shown me her true, ugly, fake ass colors and I don’t need that type of person in my life. I’m pissed at Brandon because you just don’t do shit like that, but that doesn’t really surprise me either. He’s always been a fucking douchebag, so what else should I expect?” I shrug my shoulders. I would’ve thought the idea of someone else fucking my wife would have me in a blind rage. But truthfully, I feel somewhat relieved. She’s someone else’s burden now. If only I could get this damn divorce finalized, then I could be done with her for good, and move on with my new life.

  “Well, I hate that you’re having to deal with this. You’re a really good guy and don’t deserve it. I take it the mediation didn’t go well though, right?”

  Raking my hands through my hair, I say, “Nope. She wants more, but I’m not giving it to her.”

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nbsp; “What do you mean more?” She holds up her hand, “And feel free not to answer. I know I sound nosey and all.”

  “It’s okay, you can ask me whatever you want. I’m giving her the house and all the shit in it, under the condition that it’s transferred into her name under a new loan. I won’t be helping her pay the mortgage or utilities that come with it. She can keep the little sports car I bought her, since it’s paid off. She’ll get half of what I have invested, which pisses me off, but that’s pretty much it. There’s really nothing else to split since she spent it all.”

  “How is she going to be able to qualify for a new loan? Does she work?”

  I burst out laughing. “Val, work? That’s funny. She won’t be able to qualify, but I’m guessing that’s why she’s moving on to another victim. Someone who will take care of her and pay for everything.”

  “Then what else does she want?”

  “Alimony.”

  Her eyes widen slightly. “You’re kidding me? After she went through all your money, she wants more of it?”

  “That’s exactly what I thought too. I told her she got her alimony when she spent close to two million dollars on handbags and spas.” Autumn was taking a sip of wine the waitress had brought over and starts coughing when I tell her how much Valerie blew through.

  After a sip of water and a couple pats to her chest, she gains her composure. “Two million dollars?!” she hisses in a loud whisper, leaning forward.

  “I wish I could tell you I was lying, but that’s the sad truth.” I pick up my glass and take a gulp of my wine to wash the bitter taste those words leave in my mouth. How could I have been so stupid to not notice she was spending everything? Oh, because I thought my accountant was looking out for me. Fucking incompetent asshole.

  “She’s a terrible person. I guess much hasn’t changed since high school.” I’m about to ask her what she means, when the waitress comes over to take our orders. This lady has the worst timing. I order the chicken fettuccini alfredo with a salad and Autumn gets a Caesar salad with grilled chicken.

  Once the waitress leaves, I ask, “What did you mean?”

  She tilts her head to the side. “Mean by what?”

  “When you said Val hasn’t changed much since high school.”

  Biting her lip again, she says, “She just wasn’t very nice to me, that’s all.”

  I can tell she’s holding back and I want so badly for her to let me in. There’s always a guarded look in her eyes and I hate that it’s there with me. I want her to feel comfortable and carefree when we’re together.

  “Why won’t you talk to me? I can see a sadness in your eyes when you think I’m not paying attention. It might make you feel better to talk to someone about it. Talking to you has helped me a little.”

  “I just don’t want you to feel sorry for me, and I don’t need your pity either.”

  “I promise. No pity. Scout’s honor.” I hold up three fingers in a scout’s salute.

  With narrowed eyes, she asks, “Were you ever a boy scout?”

  “No, but that’s just details.” I wave her off and she giggles a little. That sound is sweet music to my ears and causes me to smile in response.

  “Okay,” she takes a deep breath, “I don’t know if you remember, but I was picked on in high school. A lot. The cheer squad and their team captain—Valerie-- were usually the ring leaders in all of it.”

  We’ve all been teased a little in school, but by the way she refuses to meet my eyes and how she’s fumbling with her napkin, I can tell it goes beyond the occasional teasing. I think back to those days and try to remember anything about her, but I keep coming up short. I must have been in my own little bubble where my whole world revolved around football and getting a scholarship.

  “I’m so sorry, but I don’t remember anything like that. Not sayin’ it didn’t happen or anything, I just can’t think of anything bad that stands out from those years.”

  She lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Nothing that stands out,” she says to herself with a little shake of her head. “Well, plenty of it stands out to me. I was bullied relentlessly all through high school for my weight. Called horrible names and had even nastier pranks pulled on me. I was so lonely and couldn’t wait until I graduated. I hated every single person at that school. I hated the people who did it to me and the people who stood by silently and let it happen. I hated the teachers for never intervening and always looking the other way, and I hated myself for letting it get to me. All of it pushed me to want to lose weight, but for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t doing it because of my health, I was doing it to please the assholes of our town. That led me to developing an eating disorder where I was so obsessed with my weight that I jumped on the scale at least five times a day. The panic would set in if the number fluctuated even half a pound. I’d work out longer, eat close to nothing, and think about it 24/7. So then I was on the exact opposite side of the spectrum. It was just a terrible time in my life.”

  I don’t know what to say. I’m so glad she’s opening up to me and exposing a vulnerable side that she clearly never talks about, but at the same time, it makes my heart ache. Knowing that she went through so much pain, hearing it in her words, makes me feel like a dick for never stepping in. If I hadn’t been so oblivious to everything around me, maybe I could have made a difference.

  “You said Valerie and the rest of her team were the ring leaders. How did you know she was involved?” Not that I don’t believe her, I just can’t believe she would know and I wouldn’t. I spent every free second I had with her. Granted, that wasn’t a lot of time between school, practice, and studying, but any time I could find was spent with Val. I just thought she gossiped about people here and there. How could I not know she was bullying people to this extent?

  She looks at me with cold eyes and pursed lips like I just pissed her off by asking. “Because most times she liked to brag about it afterwards,” she snaps back. “Telling me how she designed the ‘PORKY XING’ signs that hung in the cafeteria and how time consuming it was to find the perfect picture of me for them. Or how she was able to get into my locker to put the bucket of slop in there. Or how she got someone to dump honey in my hair so that it would attract bees and make me run. She said it might actually help me not be a fat ass anymore. She took great satisfaction and pride in my misery.” Her voice has trailed off to a whisper by the time she’s finished talking, and I’m seething. Who is that fucking mean? Autumn is such a kind person, how could anyone want to intentionally hurt her?

  “That fucking hypocrite. All those times she put on that damn smile at those events when she was capable of things like that?” My fists are clenched under the table and it’s taking everything in me not to drive my ass back to my old house, kick her out of it, and tell her that she’s not getting shit from me. Fuck her.

  “Calm down, Landon. It was a long time ago. And this is why I didn’t want to tell you because now you feel sorry for me. Stop it.” She’s speaking in a firm tone now. My eyes lock with hers and I see a change. There’s still the hint of sadness lurking in those big greens, but there’s also an inner strength. That must be what got her through those years. “What were you talking about just a second ago? You started mumbling something about smiles and events.”

  Taking a few deep breaths, I hold the last one and let it out slowly before answering. “I was really involved in anti-bullying campaigns across the country. I used to volunteer during the off season and mentor kids on how to deal with bullies and ways to channel their energy. I spoke at dozens of schools discouraging that kind of behavior and Valerie was by my side the whole time. She seemed just as passionate about it as me. She’d comfort kids who told stories of being picked on and would jump at the chance to come to all the functions I went to in support of it. And to think she was one of those heartless people I was advocating against.” I shake my head as the initial anger dies down and is replaced with disbelief.

  We’re both silent for a few moments, letting it all si
nk in. At least that’s what it is for me. She’s had years to let it soak in for her. The waitress stops by and gives us our food. It all looks really good, but I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.

  Finally, Autumn breaks the silence. “I guess I’m just surprised that no one ever asked me why I had gained the weight. It’s not like I wanted to look like that, you know?” As much as I hate that we’re talking about something that obviously still torments her, I’m happy as shit that she’s letting me in, confiding in me.

  I nod. “What happened?”

  “My mom died when I was 12-years-old.” She’s pushing her food around her plate with her fork, not eating any of it. Looks like I’m not the only one who lost my appetite.

  “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. If you don’t mind me asking, how’d she die?” Giving up on trying to eat, I gently push my plate to the side and lean my elbows on the table to give her my full attention.

  “A brain aneurism. We had no clue that she had it, so it was really sudden and unexpected. My mom was my dad’s whole life. His world revolved around her and there wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for her. They had such a strong, powerful love, like the ones in the movies. When she died, a big part of him did too. You could see the light in his eyes just vanish. He was moving and talking, but he was really just going through the motions of life since he was so lost without her. While he occupied space in a numb, zombie-like way, I was left to grieve for my mother alone. I had no one comforting me or telling me it would be okay. My dad completely checked out on me. For a while I was pretty angry with him. I wanted to scream at him and tell him that I was still alive and that I needed him. But looking back, I understand now that he didn’t know how to cope any more than I did. He coped by checking out on everyone, and I coped by turning to food. I started eating my emotions, and soon enough, I was overweight. By the time my dad finally came around and started acting like a normal human being again, the damage was done. I’d already developed a relationship with food and used it as a crutch for everything.”