I get up, walk to the kitchen, and throw it in the trash.
Fucking maggots.
Walking back into the living room, I kneel down in front of her, grabbing her hands. “Autumn, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for all of this, but it doesn’t mean anything. The things they write in here are bullshit. That’s why I never read them.”
“Doesn’t mean anything?!” she shouts. Ripping her hands from mine, she quickly stands up and starts pacing. “There’s a naked fucking picture of me in that magazine, Landon. My dad will probably see that! There are all these lies and that stupid picture from high school! I’ve worked so hard to mentally bury that girl and there she is for the whole world to see and ridicule. Tell me how it doesn’t mean anything!”
Getting up, I grab her shoulders to stop her from pacing. “Did you look at the girl in the naked picture, Autumn?” My words come out slowly, hoping they’ll calm her.
“Yes, Landon! Do you know how humiliating this is? They said I was arrested for having sex with you. Out in public, in the middle of the fucking day!” She’s becoming more hysterical the longer we talk about this. I walk to the kitchen and retrieve the magazine from the trashcan. Flipping to the naked picture, I point at it and hold it up to her.
“That’s not you.” My voice has a rough edge to it, but I need her to calm down and see reason here.
“What do you mean that’s not me? That’s my face!” she shouts.
“Really look at it. It’s photoshopped. That’s your face, but that’s not your body. Look at the underwear. You were wearing those sexy little boy shorts that day. This person is wearing a thong.”
She remains still for a moment as the information I told her starts to sink in. Snatching the magazine out of my hands, she holds it closely to her face with squinting eyes. Relief flashes across her face when she sees that I’m right, but it’s quickly replaced with an icy glare. “Even if that isn’t me, everyone else is going to think it is. Even if you made a public statement, people would think we’re just trying to cover it up. No one is going to take the ‘home wrecker’s’ word over the loving wife’s.”
“Fuck what everyone else thinks. All that matters is what the people who care about you think. These people,” I say, holding up the magazine, “they don’t mean shit.” I gently pull her back onto the couch with me. Holding her hand, I wait to speak until she looks at me. When she does, I say, “I think you’re an amazing woman.” My voice is soft, trying to get her to look past this.
“Can I ask you a question?” she asks hesitantly.
“Anything.” My response is immediate. I have nothing to hide from her.
“What Valerie said in that article, is it true? Have you guys been talking?” Her eyes never leave mine, but she starts biting a hole in her lip, obviously worried about my answer.
Shaking my head, I say, “No, it’s not true. Either the magazine completely fabricated her words, which has happened before, or she’s feeding them bullshit. I really don’t know what her angle is, but it’s completely false. My lawyer is still working toward getting the divorce finalized.”
Through a tight voice full of choked emotions, she says, “I don’t know if I can do this. My self-esteem just isn’t strong enough to handle the blows, Landon. It’s like high school all over again, watching them pick me apart. Only this is much worse. I can’t handle being judged and ridiculed by the world.” I feel my heart slam into the pit of my stomach hearing her doubt us.
“I know it’s hard, sweetheart. I’ve had a few years to adjust to it, so I’ve learned to ignore it. You can’t let it get to you. The people that feed into that shit have nothing better to do with their lives. Don’t let them tear us apart with their lies. I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until you came into my life. Please don’t make me go back to being that miserable bastard.”
She blinks a few times and the tears she’s holding in spill over. I wipe them away with my thumb while holding my breath, afraid that she’s going to walk away from me. Taking in an uneven breath, she holds it and then nods. “Okay. This whole thing surprised me and a lot has happened in the last few days. It’s new and overwhelming and I have no clue how to handle it.”
My body finally relaxes as instant relief washes over me and I crush her in my arms. “It’s okay, but if something like that happens again, don’t immediately bail on me. You say you don’t know how to handle it, well let me help you.” I kiss the top of her hand and hold onto her tighter. The last of the tension in my shoulders from the fear of losing her starts to release.
Pulling away from my hold, she looks up at me and the shift in her eyes melts my damn heart. Instead of looking afraid and hurt, she looks calmer and more relaxed. She places one small kiss to one corner of my mouth and then other. Meeting her eyes, I place my arm around her waist and pull her up against me. Leaning in, I stop when I’m just a breath away from her lips, wanting to make sure that it’s okay to kiss her right now.
“Uh, I think we should maybe just hang out tonight, if that’s okay.” She pushes lightly on my chest, putting some distance between us.
Clearing my mind of wanting to taste her lips, I lean back further. “Of course.” I really don’t know why I’d think making out would solve this fucking problem. Now I feel like an insensitive ass.
All of my thoughts are consumed by Landon. Things were a little awkward when I turned him down that night we talked about the magazine. I would’ve rather made out with him than deal with the embarrassment of that stupid article, but I was still upset over everything. Landon was respectful of my wishes, only making him more of the perfect gentleman in my eyes. He didn’t make me feel bad for putting a stop to things, but there was still a little bit of tension left over. Things quickly fell back to the way they were. I let the tabloid article go and did my best to hold my head high as I walked by the locals who would start whispering about me.
Two weeks later and we’ve been trying to keep things low key, opting to stay in and watch a movie instead of going out. Since he still lives with his parents while his divorce is pending, he’s been spending a lot of time at my place. Wrapped up in his arms is the best feeling in the world and I don’t remember ever sleeping as sound as I do when he’s in bed with me.
His divorce is not going well. Valerie is really digging in her heels and refusing to compromise on anything. She’s set on getting the maximum in alimony and won’t sign anything until a judge rules on it, or Landon gives in. The whole thing has been stressing him out causing him to be grumpy from time to time. He just wants to move on, but has a ball and chain attached to his ankle that he just can’t shake. I’ve tried to be supportive and optimistic, but it feels like this divorce is never going to happen. Until it does, his life is sort of at a standstill, and that makes me hate her even more. It’s hard for me to think of us moving forward when she’s trying to drag him down. She ruined my childhood, now she’s ruining my happiness as an adult too.
Bitch.
Because I’ve been spending so much time with Landon, I’ve neglected to visit my dad recently. I’m headed there now to have dinner with him. I’m sure he’s aware that I’m seeing Landon, but we haven’t really talked about it yet. Once my dad was able to cope with his grief over my mom, we built a strong relationship. We were all we had now that she was gone, so I became a Daddy’s girl. I talk to him about everything and regularly seek his advice, but I’ve never had to discuss boys with him. In high school they all stayed far away from me, and there were only a couple guys I casually dated since then that weren’t worth mentioning. My dad doesn’t know it yet, but things between Landon and I are definitely not casual, and I want my dad’s approval.
Walking around to the backyard, I see my dad grilling some kabobs. “Hey, Dad.”
He turns around, tongs still in hand and greets me. “Hey, honey.” I give him a kiss and set the pie I made for dessert down on the nearby table. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you around much lately.”
“I�
��ve been good. Just busy with work since I’ve been picking up some extra hours with the increase in business lately.” I sit down in one of the chairs wondering how I’m going to bring Landon up.
“That’s good, but take it easy. You can’t spend your whole life working. You need to get out more. Be young and enjoy your life.” He puts the cover back on the grill and takes a seat next to me. “Go ahead, tell me.”
“What do you mean?” I’m trying to stall, not wanting to get into this right now. If he doesn’t approve, then dinner will be ruined, so I’d rather wait until the end of the evening.
“You’re not telling me something, so go ahead and spit it out. You’ll feel better once you get it off of your chest.” So much for waiting until the end of the evening.
“It’s really not that big a deal, I’ve just started to see someone, that’s all.”
“I was starting to wonder when you were going to talk to me about him. I’d like to hear that information from you, not the local tabloid.” My dad sits back in his chair. His look isn’t intimidating, just one of concern for his little girl and I love him that much more for it. I know he felt helpless when my mother died and does everything within his power to protect me, even if it’s only from a broken heart.
“So, you know I’m seeing Landon Stone.” My dad nods in acknowledgment. “He’s really kind and sweet to me. He makes me feel like I’m on top of the world with the confidence he’s inspired in me. I don’t feel self-conscious or like ‘fat Autumn’ when we’re together. There’s no worrying if I look fat in a certain outfit, or if he’s looking at prettier girls. When I’m with him, I can tell that I’m the only girl he sees.” The silence stretches a little while my dad takes in all that I’ve said.
“I see. And why hasn’t he come by here so I can meet him?”
“We’ve been trying to lay low with the whole tabloid thing, so I thought it was best if I waited to bring him by.” Dad called me super pissed the day after I had talked to Landon about the magazine. He wanted to know why in the hell I was running around in public naked. The whole conversation didn’t go over well, especially when I had to tell him that I had been arrested. He started to calm down just a hair when I explained the picture was photoshopped and it wasn’t actually me, but I could tell he was still fuming since I had been running around topless. All of this was another reason I have been putting off their meeting. In my dad’s eyes, Landon already has two strikes against him and I know that’s going to be hard to overcome. “I guess I just wasn’t ready yet.”
My dad gives a puzzled expression. “Why wouldn’t you be ready? You know I’d play nice if you asked me to. I’ll be honest, I’m not thrilled with your recent activities involving him, but I wouldn’t do anything to upset you.”
With a sigh, I respond, “I know, but I really like him, and if you didn’t, then it would be hard for me. I want you to be proud of me and it would weigh heavily on me if you ended up hating him.” I start picking at the hem of my shirt.
My dad places his hand on my knee, drawing my attention back up to him. “Honey, if you really like him, then I’m sure I will too. You’ve turned into an amazing young woman who’s a great judge of character and I couldn’t be prouder of you. If your heart tells you that he’s a good guy, then he must be. Don’t be nervous to bring him around because of me.” Standing, I lean down and throw my arms around his neck, giving it a big squeeze. This has been weighing heavily on my shoulders and I’m relieved by his encouraging words. I finally feel like I can breathe again.
“Thanks, Daddy,” I whisper, choking back the tears. It’s times like these that I really miss my mom, but my dad has done an amazing job stepping in and trying to fill that void. I’m very lucky to have him in my life.
My dad leans back and pats my knee before getting up to check on our kabobs. “How’s Layla doing? I haven’t seen her around in a while.”
“You know how she is, always flying by the seat of her pants.” I roll my eyes in a teasing manner. I love my friend to death and envy her ability to be spontaneous and never give anything any thought. She’s a go-getter who explores and enjoys everything life has to offer.
My dad chuckles a little. “Yeah, I know how she is. She’s not getting into anymore trouble, right? Not putting Vaseline on police car door handles or anything?” I laugh, remembering how I met her. I was walking down the street one evening when she crashed right into me. She was barreling around the corner and didn’t see me. We both fell and skinned up our elbows on the concrete. After getting up and making sure we were okay, we introduced ourselves. She kept looking around, like someone was watching us. It was driving me crazy and worrying me at the same time, so I finally asked her what she was looking for. She told me she smeared Vaseline all over the door handles on the cop cars parked at the station. One of them caught her, so she ran away. She convinced me to walk back to the station with her, where we hid and watched cops try to get in their cars. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life, and the feeling was completely foreign to me. I couldn’t recall the last time I had someone to laugh and joke with and just see me for me, someone worthy of sharing their company with. We’ve been best friends ever since.
Rolling my eyes, I say, “No, Dad. I can’t believe you remember that. It was forever ago.”
“Of course I remember. It was the first time you smiled since your mother died.” The mood between us becomes somber as we think about my mother. No matter how long it’s been, it never gets easier and I miss her every single day.
“So, are you seeing anyone lately? I thought you and the librarian were going to go on a date.” Although my dad’s dating life isn’t my favorite topic, discussing my mother and the impact her death had on the two of us ranks even lower.
“Oh, well we never went out.” He takes the kabobs off the grill and places them on a plate. He sets them in the middle of the table and walks into the house. I’m sure he’s stalling to avoid talking about it. Once he comes back out carrying a bowl of salad and some baked beans, I continue.
“What do you mean you never went out? I thought you liked her.” My dad hasn’t seriously dated anyone since my mom. Come to think of it, I don’t think he’s ever been on more than one date with any woman.
“I don’t know, I just didn’t think we’d have anything in common. She’s nice and all, but I don’t see us going any further than friends, so why waste each other’s time?” He picks up my plate and spoons some of everything on to it, before doing the same to his own.
“Dad, you know you’re going to have to move on eventually.” My voice is quiet, hoping not to upset him.
My dad lets out a deep sigh. “I know, honey. There’s just no one that compares to your mother. Once you’ve married the most incredible woman in the world, it’s hard to find anyone else. It’s like going from a flawless diamond to cubic zirconia.”
I grab my dad’s hand. “You don’t have to replace Mom, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a companion in your life; someone to share your life and interests with.”
“But that’s the thing, I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want a companion. I want your mother. And I’ll have her again, I just have to wait a while to see her.” He gives me a sad smile and my heart breaks while tears run down my cheeks.
“I love you, Daddy.” My voice is tight and clogged with emotion as I try my best to hold back the tears.
“I love you, too. Now let’s dig in before this food gets cold.”
While I’m waiting for Autumn to get off work so I can meet her at her place, I decide to call Andrews and see how he’s been. I haven’t talked to him much since the new season started, so I thought I’d check in on him.
“Hey, Stone. How’ve you been, man?” he answers after a few rings.
“Just enjoying the retired life. How’s the team?” I’ve been avoiding any news relating to my old teammates. Even though I’ve found a new happiness with Autumn here, it still stings that I’m not out there leading the team to
victories every Sunday.
Andrews lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s not good. Everyone is off their game. Guys are missing their routes, the line keeps breaking down, Brandon is constantly getting sacked because he doesn’t know how to run with the fucking ball. And don’t even get me started on that punk ass bitch and all the whining he does every game. If we win, it’s his victory, if we lose, it’s our fault. That asshole wouldn’t know the meaning of team player if it smacked him right in the face.”
It takes me a minute to respond. I really wasn’t expecting things to be that bad. “Damn, I’m sorry, bro. I wish I was out there with you guys, I really do.”
“It’s not your fault, Stone. It doesn’t really matter anyway because I’m asking to be traded as soon as the season is over.” This shocks the shit out of me. The team is located near his family, which is really important to him with his mom being sick. If he wants to be traded, then there’s more shit going on that he’s not telling me.
“Why? I thought you wanted to stay close to your mom so you could take care of her.”
“I do, so I’m going to move her with me and change her doctors. It’s not ideal, but I just can’t play there anymore. I can’t trust my own teammates and I just can’t deal with it anymore. It’s affecting my performance, so I need to get the hell out of there.”
“What do you mean you can’t trust your teammates? What’s going on? The guys stealing your foot powder or something?” I’m trying to lighten the mood, but my conversation with him goes downhill real quick.
With a long sigh, he says, “I didn’t really want to tell you this until I knew for sure, but you need to know. Remember Wade, the guy that hit you during that scrimmage game?”
“How could I forget that asshole? He ended my career.” I start pacing back and forth, knowing that whatever he’s going to tell me could send me into a blind rage.
Tackled by Love Page 14
